Here I will add info to back up some of my advice and Claims which Cover other Crossdressers like myself and may also add updates as a full dated blog and some humour and even Football talk...

     1. He envies you because you can wear whatever you want and sometimes he would rather be wearing what you're wearing!

2. He doesn't mind waiting while you take your time shopping.....

3. He will not only shop with you but pay the bill as well! “ Just remember a few little items for

him/her when you're shopping!!!!

4. You have even more excuses to go shopping, and he will even carry the bags....

5. You can double your wardrobe if he's the same size as you!...

6. He has an eye for fashion like Gok Wan and knows how to advise you and help you

accessorize, so you can ask him how an outfit looks, and get an intelligent response..

7. If he says "You look nice." you know he really means it....

8. If he says that dress is a bit clingy you know he's being nice and stopping you making a

fashion fauxpar....

9. He loves to go shopping with you and watch you try on clothes “ wishing he could try them on....

10. While shopping, you can test a new shade of nail polish and he'll find you a matching lipstick.

11. When shopping for perfume he will give you an honest opinion.

12. He is easy to buy gifts for “ just don't advise your mother to buy him a dress when she asks

what she can get him for his birthday....

13. He understands that the best thing a girl can have when she feels down is new clothes and

shoes and a relaxing evening watching a chick flick with a glass or 3 of wine....

14. If he buy's you clothes, you know he sizes them right.....

15. If you need an accessory for that new dress you bought and he happens to have the perfect

one, you can borrow it.

16. He can spot makeup smudges better than any other guy.....

17. He can give you a professional makeover for free and he'll enjoy doing it

18. You can test a new shades of makeup on him and see if he comes out in a rash...J

19. He understands the need for quality cosmetics.....as cheap stuff give you a rash see 18 above

20. You can borrow his jewelry, clothes & makeup....as long as he can borrow yours

21. You never have to worry about cheating on you with another woman. He IS the other

woman!!..

22. He'll rarely have that scratchy five o'clock shadow or wiry hairy chest....

23. If he wears a skirt it's easy access ...

24. He'll never ask you to have a threesome with another woman as long as he can wear the

lingerie in bed.....

25. He won't tear your lingerie when removing it from you, .....or from himself.

26. A man in a dress makes a good cook ..apparently

27. The toilet seat will always be down....its just polite isnt it

28. He knows just the right way to make love, takes his time and knows just what makes you tick!

29. You have a girlfriend who'll never get PMS or talk about you behind your back...

30. Satin, silk, lace and velvet feel nicer on him than denim and wool when cuddling

31. He understands why you go through so many pairs of stockings and tights....

32. He no longer expects you to get ready for a night on the town in 15 minutes or less....

33. His online t-girl friends don't spend all day watching football. Talking about football or Rugby

or cricket and are interesting to chat to

34. He knows to walk slow when you're wearing heels.....

35. He knows how to treat a lady with care, sensitivity and respect...

36. He's a "girl friend" that will stick around and won't flake out on you or stab you in the back.

37. He loves to dress up and spend time with you having long chat sessions and a glass of wine

whilst watching chick flicks.....

38. Dress him up in a French Maid's Uniform and you have a house cleaner .....any time you like.

:)

You can write here...

Makeup?

A further step and a step which moves toward centre left of the spectrum.. we’re almost half way

This stage can be a kind of “Revelation”.. I’ll elaborate from experience…

I got to this step two years into marriage when my wife out of the blue asked me “Can I put makeup on you?”

I rejected it at first but a nagging thought ‘Does she know I crossdress? 

So I eventually said “Ok” and let her put full makup on me and then I said

“I might as well try on a dress look the part”

I left the room and came back in wearing Lingerie, stockings, high heels and a little black dress …

She said “Wow you look like a woman, your legs look amazing, you look good in that dress”….

I blurted out “Its not the first time I’ve tried this dress on….. I’ve Crossdressed since I was young”

Her face a picture...she hadn’t sussed I Crossdressed … she just wanted to see if her husband would let her put makeup on him

The Revelation moment I talked about at the start concerning Makeup – I looked quite passable as a woman fully dressed and made up (foundation, blusher, mascara, eye shadow, eye liner and lipstick”

For me just dressing up moved onto also wearing makeup and trying to look convincing.

In this case my wife inadvertently gave me a push onto the next step across the Trans Spectrum.You can write here...

A new Phrase I’ve just coined R&E …. A little Relaxation and Escapism :)

I told my wife two years into our Marriage that I Crossdress with my "habit" returning after about 4 years of non crossdressing when dating her.

She's known that I occasionally (Once or twice per month) “Dress up as a Woman” since 2003 and her outlook is its just something her husband (me) does to unwind when stressed.

She sometimes says to me you need to work from home and unwind.

She doesn’t understand it and “Neither do I” but were working on it.

I feel a tremendous urge to give her assurance that this doesn't change me as a person it's just fun and some escapism harmless to our relationship and our secret.

You can write here...

I’d began dressing up fully With makeup but wanted to see how I'd look with a wig.

I decided this was a bigger step so I told my wife I wanted to get a wig to see how convincing I'd look.

She surprised me a week later producing a gift bag containing a long straight blonde wig and some lingerie, makeup and wipes and some clothing of hers she was giving up to charity.

She still didn’t want to see me dressed or have any evidence left but It was a step of further acceptance. :)

Don’t ask me why but Crossdressers are vain and like to take photos of ourselves “en fem”

I’d taken some Photos and thought I looked pretty alright as a “Woman”

Again I mulled over it for some time and decided to ask my wife if she’d like to see some photos of me Crossdressed …to which she replied “Why?”

“Um because I’d value your opinion on how I look now I have a wig”

So she had the horrifying ordeal which she agreed to of seeing her husband fully made up, in a dress, tights and high heels with a long blonde wig….

“I don’t get it” she said

“What do you mean” I said

“Well you look like a Woman ….. but I just don’t get it”

“Ok so I look Ok”

“Yes… Your leg look amazing” she said… My smile must have been ear to ear.

I’ll diverge from the History of my dressing and my wifes next level of Acceptance for a few blogs  to try to get to the main Title of this Blog “Why Do Men Crossdress” trying to explain more why I personally Crossdress.

First read the blog – “Trans Spectrum Revelation “Makeup” then come back :)

Telling her was so hard, my heart was skipping a beat, I was sweating, my pulse racing, butterflies doing the rounds in my stomach but having been made up by her I felt I had to get it out in the open - Honesty is the best policy for a successful marriage I told myself.

If she’d sussed that I Crossdressed which was the driver of her asking to put makeup on me in the first place I had to tell her the truth… Unlucky for me she hadn’t sussed that I was a Crossdresser and she just wanted to have some fun with her Alpha Male Husband seeing if she could get him to have makeup put on him for a laugh…..and the sweat turned to a Cold Sweat…

A quiet evening wanting to talk about it now it was out there but my Wife was in shock.

First she sees me fully made up (by herself), the first time I’d ever worn makeup and not only does she see me made up but in a dress, stockings and heels etc looking a little convincing then I tell her I’ve Crossdressed before… entitled to be in shock..

I often think back to that moment when I admitted I’d dressed before and thought “What If”…..What if I’d lied and didn’t tell her I’d dressed previously and that being dressed here now in front of her with her saying “WOW you look like a Woman” What if I’d said “I’ve never done this before … I kinda like it”

A white lie? ….. Deception!!

Make Crossdressing something she invented and “Got me Into”… Her Idea… Not my fault I liked it as She made me do it…..

Instead believing Honesty is the best policy, I told her the truth…. I’ve Crossdressed to some extent ALL my life….

I decided to write my Wife a letter which I intended to sit with her and answer her questions as she read it.

It started “There is nothing to worry about, I love You more than anything, I realise me telling you I’d Crossdressed before has come as a shock to you and that it’s not something you’d ever expect to hear from me but it’s true… I like to Crossdress.”

And that’s all she read before bursting into tears…

She then blurted out “I don’t know what this all means … It’s just not you… It’s not something you’d do!.. does this mean you’re Gay or you want a Sex Change… Is it my fault? What have I done wrong?”

I reassured her and told her “It had never even crossed my mind that she’d ask if I was Gay.. That was an easy one to get out of the way.. No I don’t want to be a woman and non of this is your fault as I’ve done it to some degree or another for years”

She read on…. The parts about how I used to Crossdress… My Mothers Lingerie…. (Pervert must have crossed her mind but she didn’t say it) and how I used to dress up… how it stopped when we were dating and how it started again when we moved in together and I found myself in the privacy of my own home with wardrobes and draws full of Womens clothes… “You Wear my things!!!”

Understandably annoyed…

More tears and more reassurance that I’m just me and its just something I do…

We slept on it and talked a little then came to some sort of arrangement….

The night passed, we got up for work and didn’t discuss Crossdressing or what had happended that evening…. I mulled over it all day in work not being able to concentrate….

Do I mention it again tonight now its out in the open? …. How do I go about bringing it up again without upsetting her? Write it all down? Just blurt it out?

I researched how to tell your other half first via Google “How do I tell my wife I Crossdress” … the info returned was next to useless.

It was eating away at me… we’d been through some serious things to date in our marriage far more serious than me dressing up as a Woman but in her eyes and mind she must have also been mulling over it in work thinking “Who have I married?, What does it mean, Is he a pervert, what’s he been doing behind my back, does he dress up every time hes home alone, does this mean he’s Gay or wants to be a woman? What have I done to deserve this… Is it …My Fault??”

The first arrangement we came to was if I had the urge to crossdress I had to do it without my wife knowing when home alone leaving no evidence.

A compromise but felt like doing it behind her back still after plucking up the courage to tell her I crossdressed..

“If you have to do it … Please do it without me knowing… Please don’t leave any evidence that you’ve done it"You can write here...

Letting the trail go cold is a mistake.. “Strike whilst the irons hot” is a good saying in the case of Crossdressing as once you stop talking the trail can go cold … then its so hard to start talking about it again.

We usually talk when we’re in bed having mulled over it all day I bring up the Crossdressing subject.

I asked her to be open and honest as I’ve been about Crossdressing and about her level of acceptance and how she really deep down felt about seeing me fully dressed up as a woman whilst working from home.

She said she was fine about it saying, it’s just something that I feel I have to do so no worries.

This time I pushed her further as deep down I know that she deep down doesn’t like it and I wanted honesty as I felt bad thinking she’s just saying she’s ok with it just for me and the tears came again and she admitted she was still unhappy that I dressed but couldn’t explain why.

I don’t know why I dress but it is relaxing and I find it fun and a little bit of a turn on but most of all it helps me unwind from my job.

Further honesty came out in that its only a small part of her affected by my dressing her own self confidence is knocked more to do with her self image brought on by having two kids and that she didn’t feel sexy.

I’ve obviously told her she’s sexy but she said you’ve got to say that…Where’s Gok Wan when you need him to point out perfect bangers and Angelina Jolie lips etc.

So a few things I need to work on with her.. Fitness and diet, and assertiveness.

So the issue of me Crossdressing is but a small worry to her.

So, I asked her to get one thing out of the way and face one fear…. The night in with “Davina” me dressed as a woman. She said finally that she’d give it a go.

As I stated in the blog “When do I Crossdress” I sometimes work from home and dress up.

Well one day I was dressed at home using our bedroom as an office.

I’d told my wife via mobile that I was dressed and she confirmed she was coming home for lunch so I told her I’d stay out of her way upstairs.

Anyway to cut a long story short she asked if I wanted a sandwich which she made me and left on the landing… I retrieved it clip clopping in my high heels on the wooden floor and shouted what about a cup of tea.

So here she comes up the stairs where I was expecting her to put the tea on the landing…. But she came across the landing…. The bedroom door opened and in she came…

Face to face with my wife for the first time fully en fem wig the lot…

The first thing she said was “Your legs are stunning…. That wigs a bit tatty but you look nice….. That’s my dress you bitch!!”

The Ice was broken we’d both faced some fears… me meeting her fully dressed for the first time and her seeing her Alpha Male husband Crossdressed fully as a woman in the flesh..

She was fine about it and so was I better than we thought we’d have been.

Following my wife seeing me dressed for the first time I was eager to know what she felt about it.

She was OK about it saying it was just like seeing me in fancy dress.

I asked the question “Do you think you would be OK seeing me dressed again?”

Her answer was “Yes I suppose so”

“Do you think we could try a Girls night in … both get make up on a nice dress on, chick flick and wine?”

“She Agreed”……. … but when??

My wife came home from work and we chatted about how she felt and she was OK seeing me dressed.

We laughed about my tatty wig.

Following the realisation that that my wig was by now Tatty I asked if we could look together on Ebay for a new wig together.

My Wife picked out a wig for me blonde again but this time with a curl in it and a fringe.

This opened up communication a bit more leading to another level of acceptance.

We got baby sitters…. so …..the house to ourselves on a Saturday night…

However friends asked us round theirs in the afternoon which I agreed to but didn’t drink as I was driving.

The wife consumed a few glasses of wine and we eventually left at 20:00 and I thought well that’s that she’ll get in and fall asleep now…..

..but she said I’ll open another bottle of wine you go get changed.

WOW…This was actually going to happen.. I thought the drawn out time with our friends was her way of delaying and preventing our plan .. I was wrong..

I went up… chose a dress, lingerie, hosiery and heels, did my makeup and put on my long blonde wig …

I was shaking and so nervous as I made my way down stairs and into the living room.

“Wow you look nice” were her first words… which was a relief (seeing I was wearing her dress)

So I sat down and we put on a chick flick (bridesmaids which wasn’t very good) we cant remember much of the film as we did a bit of talking about me being dressed and other things and I think she realised in doing so that hey its still me, ….I'm still being sarcastic and cheeky and me… just dressed and looking different.

She told me she liked how I did my eyes so I explained how I did them and said id do hers if she liked one night which she agreed J. (See advantages of having a Crossdresser)

Anyway to end this blog we had a nice evening and I stopped shaking after the 2^nd glass of wine… and we went to bed later as husband and wife not as Wife and husband in drag.

We woke up .. I made us breakfast..

I asked how she felt about the night before with me en fem…

She said it was OK just me in fancy dress and it was OK

Could we do it again sometime?

Yes probably

She also said she’d probably not drink so much next time J

Since the girls night in when I’ve worked from home I’ve ensured the curtains downstairs have been adjusted so I can come downstairs unseen to get to the kitchen.

I’ve had a sandwich and a cup of tea ready for her or she’s brought a sandwich home from Tesco for me  and I’ve joined her as “Davina”

She said she’d fine with it now thinking of Crossdressing as just being me in fancy dress which is cool..

I don’t want to push it though and sometimes she seems surprised when she comes home for lunch and I’m not dressed … there’s that Urge again.. comes and go’s

A quick and easy blog to dispel some incorrect assumptions generalised by the Media about Crossdressing related to myself….

-         I’m neither Gay nor a Bisexual... 

-         I don’t ever.. ever want to live as a Woman full time 

-         I don’t ever want Gender Reassignment Surgery

-         I wasn’t mollycoddled as a child or given dolls to play with – I had action men, Star Wars Toys, Footballs and Rugby balls to play with

-         I’m not a Pervert in any way what so ever 

I might add to this from time to time as people ask me if I’m this or that….You can write here...

A hard decision...

You've Crossdressed to a certain degree for a long time, …maybe now you've moved in with a girlfriend or a wife and it's become complicated to Crossdress..

You have a new wardrobe which in fact is HERS

You don't have as much time alone to Crossdress but it's so tempting to check her wardrobe and try new things on...

Eventually the thought of wearing her lingerie, dress, stockings and heels grows too great and you go for it ….. Wow you feel great and look great with a greater selection of clothes to wear....

Then there's putting everything back in the place and order you found them and putting them back clean and in one piece not torn or ripped...

Then one day she asks how come some of her things are not in the right place or you forget and leave something you've worn out on the bedroom floor....

It’s stressful …. Crossdressing behind someones back …. but for her to know you risk rejection...

This will play on your mind a lot ....to tell her or not to tell her?... how will she react?? Will she reject me?....would she be ok with it???

Add your Comments … lets see from Crossdressers and Wives and Girlfriends what do you think better to risk it and tell… better knowing or not knowing?

My Wife’s Friends and some of the Women in work seem to have labelled me some kind of “Ideal Gentleman”

My wifes best friend cringely (if thats a word) says she judges other men by the standards I set… Loving, Caring, Considerate etc.. "Crossdressing?" Haha

I've actually told her I crossdress which I'll blog about some time .. she laughed "As if you'd do that!! HAHA! You're so Funny"

I prefer being a Man and having people respect and look upto me but I have a stressful job and the Escapism which Crossdressing gives me and also the Relaxation is something hard to explain but very real.

Some people i chat to have said I protest too much ... ie I keep going on about being a Bloke and an Alpha Male etc

I can't help it as the man side is alpha... i only have one side the man side... 1% fem side lol

Family who know will fear the repercussions from people who may find out

This is my Wifes main fear now. "What if someone finds out!!!!"

My need to Crossdress and communicate about it must be something very strong to make me risk the upsetting and possible ridicule of family, friends (even joking about it see a previous blog), and society in general.

It’s maybe a coping mechanism I don’t want to admit I need as I’m a strong confident person…. why do I need a coping mechanism?…

Admitting you need a coping mechanism is a good thing I obviously need some escapism...

My Wifes asked me “You have crossdressing what do I have?”… um try my boxer shorts on? ,,,,

At the end of the day if people did find out my attitude is "So What"

Maybe naive …but to me its harmless, no ones business what I do in my own time.

I’m happy I know who and what I am and think I’m a rounded person.

I have my own unique opinions and outlook... So, if someone found out initially there may be ridicule but I’m confident my "so what" attitude would quash any repercussions.. sticks and stones

Chatting to other Crossdressers who have told their wives and girlfriends, they’ve told them that they dress because "It just feels good" I relate to this one or "It feels like the real me while Crossdressing" which I don’t relate to.

 I’d think this would get more concern from women than the first reason…

These are the most common reasons in my experience given to family and friends of those out of the trans closet as to why a person would Crossdress.

It seems the reasons range from initially curiosity and trying on Womens clothes (willing to bet most men have tried on Womens clothing) and also sexual stimulation at some point along the Crossdressing journey.

Its always been a ‘turn on’ dressing in sexy lingerie and nice makeup stockings and heels ….

Maybe I have a fetish for this type of lingerie, but for a lot of Crossdressers I chat to they tell me this sexy / horney feeling is no longer part of their Crossdressing… ie they used to get turned on by it but now don’t….

I went out with my wife and two of our lovely female friends just for a drink and a catch up.

I was the only bloke there as the other girls blokes were either working or babysitting (Not invited).

A comment was made to me that I’m the ideal man, so nice, romantic and caring and that my Wifes best friend judges all men against me and most fall short of my level.

Very flattering.

A few more drinks and chatting and laughing our heads off a further comment was made "You're just one of the girls" and then "You’e like a girl you are ... but in a good way"

Modern man or secret Cossdresser...

We chatted about foundation and makeup and also chick flicks, and some other topics which most men would cringe about rather than talk about, or have knowledge about, in fact we covered most topics even sport.

I enjoyed myself.

A nice change compared to a night out with the boys.

I wondered for a few seconds, thinking…. this is great I’m getting flattered as a bloke but also a lot in what they see in me is my understanding of feminine things...

In no way does it make me soft, amongst other things my wife and the two girls also know me to be this sporty Alpha Male..

I even thought… I wonder what it would be like to be here chatting and laughing casually dressed as a Woman....

They'd have a shock if me and my wife confided in them that I crossdressed...

They paint me the “Ideal man” … they'd never believe I Crossdress.

They'd probably actually think it was pretty cool, want to dress me up and take me out... the Wife would cringe....

I can’t express much sensitivity or show feelings like I would want to as we’re trained as boys/men not to as it’s not Manly.

I can’t explain why I don’t show emotion and I can’t explain why I Crossdress..

I believe I am more in tune with Women than the average man. (again maybe I’m a Femmophile )

I appreciate Women.

Do we hide sensitive personality traits due to societal condemnation?

Some T-Girls keep the secret of their feminine side and Crossdressing to themselves because they do not want to be rejected whilst continuing to act the role society has assigned to them as men.

This sounds stressful to me having to hide Crossdressing from Wives etc but the rejection can be real and despite what I’m writing and what we know, women are threatened and relationships end due to being ill informed.

So to sum up I’m a real man and I Crossdress so another urban myth out of the window – try calling me a sissy for crossdressing and meet the Alpha male in me.

I don’t act Macho!! I am Macho!!

I’m a competitive Alpha Male Married Red blooded Man!!!!….

I’ve read that in an effort to disguise hidden feminine feelings from within, many Crossdressers inadvertently become overly “macho” trying hard to convince the world and themselves they are “normal.” – What is normal??… l.

I don’t act Macho to hide the fact I Crossdress because I am Macho..

I’m a man 100%.

Maybe some men feel they have feminine sides they need to hide and act macho but I’m not one of those.

This makes it hard for my wife to really come to terms with her Alpha Male husband getting this Urge to dress up trying to look and act convincing as a woman for a bit of R&E.

It is true that as Men we put up an unfeeling, insensitive front, low emotion persona as we probably saw our fathers doing the same.

What are these feminine feelings we hide? 

-         Emotion?

-         Sensitivity?

-         Fairness?

-         Ironing? (a joke)

Who says these are feminine feelings – “Society does!!!!” and puts pressure on men not to show these emotions.

It doesn’t make a man any less a man for showing these feelings and again has nothing to do with crossdressing… yet see a man show a more sensitive side and it gives a certain impression.

A text comes through from Wifes friend " Are you ok for a girls night out the 4 of us"

The 4 of us refers to me, my wife, her and another female friend...Its still called a "girls night out."

I think the fem side of me that can carry a conversation about not just manly things is why they enjoy my company..

"I'll have to go in a dress I joked to the wife...as its a girls night out"

"You can go without me then good luck to you I’m not going to our local with you as a Woman" .. "haha I was joking".. just pulling her leg..

I text our friend back

'24th should be ok ..hoping to get baby sitters … should be ok tho for girls night out as long as I don’t have to dress as a Woman to join you xxxx'

'Ok and no you don’t have to dress as a Girl..... Not unless you want to obviously xxx'

'Wife said if I plan on a Girls night out with you as "A Girl" She’s not coming so just 3 of us then haha!'

'But you would make such a lovely Woman even play on your name….. Davina??'

'How did you guess my Girl name ..I’d better come out as me the Wife will come out then too'

'HAHA now your secrets out!!!! 24th is a date with "The Girls" cool xxxx'

Everything i typed was the truth but she thinks I’m messing about....My Wife called me a smart arse J... would be so cool if I could openly go out with them as "Davina"...

Telling them is something we’ve discussed early on as something we don’t want to share with them.

As my kids get older, I’ll have to find another way of Crossdressing as my privacy and alone time will diminish as they grow up….

 My kids are still very young so have to be with one of us… must be awkward for crossdressers with older nosey kids who snoop in wardrobes and come and go when they like not needing baby sitting..

I’d prefer to see my Wife in Sexy lingerie, stockings and heels than myself in the mirror, but for some reason Women choose not to wear these sexy items of clothingwhich they can wear freely and unjudged.….

Surely they know how much it “turns us on” to see them dressed like this even for a bit of fun or just to tease us…at least in matching lingerie…..

I can’t get my head ‘round why a woman wouldn’t want to dress sexy and make the effort to look their best for themselves let alone us, especially when they know how easy it is to make us drool…

I can’t help having a “thing” for seeing my wife in sexy lingerie, stockings and heels yet despite knowing this it’s something which is very rare…

Maybe in crossdressing I make up for this by wearing these items of clothing myself?

It’s certainly one reason behind me dressing.

When I was a kid where else was I gong to see and feel stockings, heels and sexy lingerie and to an extent it’s a reason I dress now wearing things I wish my wife would wear for me….

It’s one reason I crossdress, so even if she would tease me in stockings and heels once in a while I’d still dress for the other reasons such as stress relief it gives me.

…The net is writing about it more and more….

I feel Agony Aunts, Drs and Psychiatrists have a difficult time with Crossdressing….

Maybe they should try it themselves and they might discover how it’s a stress buster and how it makes you feel to escape the macho male image society wants us to portray.

How does a Dr anwser the worried wife of a crossdresser faced with “Why does my husband crossdress and how can it be treated?”

I’ve written to an agony aunt in a tabloid and in a magazine.

In both cases, the agony aunt labelled me a “pervert” so I’d not put much faith in agony aunts, Drs or Psychiatrist…

If they’ve never experianced crossdressing or known someone who crossdresses then theyre only guessing or going with the flow.

Theres some Science around to suggest crossdressing starts around puberty, but, some male children experiment dressing up earlier…

I remember being around 6 or 7 trying on a silk nighty and tights, loving the feel and also walking through the lingerie section in M&S feeling the silky lingerie way before puberty.

I turned out to be full-fledged heterosexual male despite wearing silky lingerie..

Psychiatrists don't really seem to know when it starts or why but they guesstimate on why men choose to dress up as women: If we don’t know how can they…

I count myself very lucky that my wife's come to terms with me Crossdressing.

Her outlook, its just something quirky her husband does from time to time when home alone and it helps me de-stress...its taken years of talking to get here...advice to others "TALK!!"

She'd rather I didn't Crossdress which still makes me feel “Guilty” for doing it and there are times when I have a few hours where I could dress but guilt gets to me and I end up not dressing then regret it later - suppose it makes it feel all the better when I do occasionally dress up.

She's been great buying me lingerie, stockings, high heels, my wig and handed me down dresses she no longer wants etc....

We've had good chats about how stressful my job is and how Crossdressing is a form of Relaxation and Escapism (R&E) for me which she understands ....but doesn’t understand....and neither do I fully.

We still find it very hard to talk about Crossdressing but its good when we can talk.

We've chatted about it a lot, and my guilt for putting her through this and she's told me "You think too much" which is a relief that it's not freaking her out too much and she's come to terms with my "Stress relieving hobby"

I know though that she’d rather I didn’t dress at all so still feel compelled to talk to her and reassure her about Crossdressing… Still not ideal but I’m very lucky to have her J

I used to Crossdress whenever I had the Urge back when I was a kid … home alone upstairs dress up for a while and undress putting everything back in its place before someone came home.

Moved in with the wife and used to get an Urge when home alone especially the first time I was home alone wondering what lingerie my Girlfriend now Wife had… then I tried it on and I was a Crossdresser again.

Then when she knew I was dressing I’d dress when she was out if I felt the need… I suppose buying the house, doing it up, seeking promotion in work was the start of stress levels rising and the Urge to Crossdress returning.

Now a days if I can work from home when I have work to catch up with or a project to do and need peace and quiet I work from home and having the house 0900-1700 presents my only real opportunity to Crossdress.

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t dress up but I regret it later if I haven’t dressed up.

Sometimes there is no time to dress up as I’m busy in work but this makes the next opportunity to Crossdress feel even better.

I suppose I dress about 12-15 times per year … I’d probably dress more if I could but with work, wife and kids its awkward.

I dress up fully with makeup (I enjoy getting made up its like art), I wear a wig, high heels, lingerie, stockings or tights and dress etc or I don’t dress at all as where I sit on the Trans Spectum it’s All or Nothing…which really limits the time I have to Crossdress..

Sometimes I get dressed spend as little as 30 mins dressed up and take it all off and sometimes I’ll spend a few hours of R&E which completely and inexplicably unwinds me.

This leads a little onto When do you Crossdress which is a separate Blog but what I do when Crossdressed depends on what needs to get done. As a list:

-         House work

-         Watch TV

-         Chat on the Computer

-         Work from home

Nothing out of the ordinary just carry on as I would if I was dressed “normally” really

Some Women ive chatted to state that due to their life plans coming to fruition, married, house, kids and in their contentment they somehow loose their sex drives and will to make an effort for themselves…

ie cant be bothered with makeup or to wear matching lingerie …

I make a lot of effort as a man or when Crossdressed to look nice, very rarely will I look scruffy or not make an effort to look attractive as a bloke..

Please comment ..am I right or wrong?

A recent article I read points that Crossdressing is a way of offering a challenge to society's preconceptions about gender…. Doesn’t cover me but who knows?

Does anyone recognise this in themselves as a reason for Crossdressing? “challenging society viewpoints?”

More articles suggests some men crossdress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement.

Women have the monopoly on fasion and clothing and why should they??

Look at a department store or even Asda or Tescos…Womens clothes have the monopoly on floor space and men have a little bit in the corner, Womens clothes are far more comfortable and sexy and nicer touch against the skin

I have a Manly Job which I’ve worked my way up into, despite the Academic side to me which could have placed me directly where I am in my Career, but in working my way up I understand how the whole thing works and have also earned Respect and Knowledge in coming in at the bottom not using my Academic Qualifications to get where I am.

I work in a Male dominated industry leading over 100 front line men and managers. (It’s stressful).

A question I've asked myself many times...

Who knows? There are probably many reasons why I’m centre of my perceived Trans Spectrum.

A quick list

-         Stress relief, from work and my male life

-         Relaxation, its relaxing I don't know why

-         Escapism from my male life for a brief period of time

-         Its fun, getting transformed 

-         It’s a turn on, I feel sexy transformed where I don't feel sexy as a man

-         The feel of wearing lingerie and Womens things, its nicer than men's things

-         Trying to look convincing, its fun to try to look real

Doing something out of the norm for male me- that’s why??

Sometimes its easier to get away from the office and work from home.

House to myself and no distractions of people coming into my office for help and advice. I try to work from home once or twice per month if i really need to concentrate on some laptop work (spreadsheets etc)

Last week i went square eyed working from home as a bloke but today i decided as its been around 6 weeks since i last got dolled up to work from home as "Davina" 

Borrowed a nice flowery dress of the wifes and a new push up bra of hers which with my 'boob padding' gave me some nice cleavage.. topped off the outfit with black stockings and high heels plus some nice lingerie and makeup and my blonde wig and worked from home en fem from 08:30 until around 16:00.

I actually got a lot of work done but it was so hot n humid in the wig and makeup.

Saw my wife in her dinner break.. we dont even bat an eye lid now about me being dressed up and i dont get nervous any more her seeing me dressed or even guilty afterwards for putting her through seeing me dressed as a woman... Later in the day however i was sat as a bloke with my family thinking im nuts .. I've just spent 8 hours dressed as a woman and it was relaxing and I enjoyed how it felt but always happy to return to male me at the end of the day and getting better at makeup removal and not leaving a trace of "Davina"... Might do it again this week one day if i can swing a day working from home..

So I’ve not dressed for ages.

I’ve had the urge to dress up on and off but no opportunity with July, August and September full of short breaks away, working nights and a week away and on return to work its so busy with people off on leave and on courses there’s been no opportunity to work from home and dress up, no opportunity for me and the wife to have a girls night in on a Friday or Saturday and things are moving so fast in work and home life that the urge has been there but not really strong as I’ve been getting stress relief from being away from work. Even working nights away from the humdrum of the daytime environment of work my stress levels have diminished with plenty of opportunity in the day when im resting before the next night shift to dress up but not done it..

In this time I’ve logged into and chatted in TVChix and also been involved in some of the forum posts and with the lack of dressing opportunity and reading some really negative things in the forums about sexuality and cheating and the Tranny Police who believe they’re always right bullying people who ask for help or ask a silly but pertinent question in the forum.. its made me think a lot about crossdressing.. ie why do I bother… ok its relaxing etc but if the next step is going out as a T girl with my wife seeing the attitude of some TGirls in the forum I’m really put off the thought of meeting other people who crossdress.

It seems the Tranny Police as I’ll term em think you’re not a proper Tranny unless you a) go out and about as a “woman” b) must be border line or fully transsexual c) must be a tart meet others for sordid sex leading onto d) must of course be bisexual or in denial of your sexuality to dress up.

Well sod all that a) they’ve put me off going out, b) no where near c) no thanks I love my wife and she’s the only sordid sex I want and d) im straight so deal with it

I’ve been told I protest too much in my manliness, alpha maleness, competitiveness, straightness and the love of my wife and being faithful.. sorry for being all I can be for my wife and family amidst the drag (pardon the pun) of being a crossdresser…

So had a bit of a downer with the scene and the trans spectrum overall but also had some nice chats and forum posts and personal messages with other t girls like me (the alpha male t girl brigade) and with some fab Wives and Girlfriends which leads me to believe there are some nice women and t girls out there who I’d love my wife and I to meet and chat to .. still a huge step and one we may never do but on line chat and correspondence is fine plus this blog of course..

Back in work and loads to catch up with and some opportunity to catch up working from home with some peace and quiet and of course opportunity to dress up :)…

So back in work and so much gone on whilst I’ve been on leave for a week September passed like a blurr and no chance during the month of Crossdressing L

Deadlines to meet..

I went into the office yesterday and spent so much time helping other people and doing the work the managers who work for me should be doing.. oh to be able to clone myself 3 times to put myself in charge of the departments I manage like the BORG a hive mind.. people paid a lot of money yet so reliant on me to make decisions.. maybe my own making being a control freak and I’ve removed their will to make decisions without running it by me first… maybe I need management training lol.

Anyway not dressed since god knows when and here I am wife’s taking kids to breakfast club in school and I’m on the starting block quick bath and shave all over… moisturiser.. let that sink in doing a bit work on my laptop then ready for foundation crème then let that sink in and finish off removing shine with some foundation powder… then some blusher not too much.. then slightly darker eye shadow than the foundation.. then working towards my long eyelashes (which women are jellous of) a darker shade then finally black on a thin brush dabbing it across the top and roots of my eye lashes and dabbing it on my bottom eye lashes which gives instant smokey eye and eye liner.. topped off with mascara.. then the lippy and lip liner topped off with lip gloss job done

Wifes new push up bra (Which I think I should inherit) and my padding making some believable cleavage.. must get my own bra like this one.. love it on my wife then a Basque of hers with suspenders, black stockings and black and red lacy knickers.. a nice dress … nacklace and a spray of perfume then the long blonde wig a spray of water and brush it into shape et voilla.. oh then slip into my 5 inch stilletoes job complete all within 15-20 mins 09:00 and no one home until 19:00

So on with spreadsheets as a girl.. phone rings my boss, the managers who work for me some of the men who work for me my bosses boss, some head honcho from HQ good job none of them requested a video conference lol they’d not believe their eyes.

Wife home dinner time and fine seeing me dressed.. so nice shes no longer freaked out.

By around 15:00 this bra is digging into me how do women cope with bras sticking into them.. my wife complains about the same thing and also about her heels hurting her.. but I'll persist dressed as a woman as who knows when my next opportunity to chillax as a girl (Tgirl) will be.... funny enough ive had these stilletoes on since 09:00 and my feet are fine (do love high heels but im walking on carpets and sat at my desk so maybe that’s why)

 FInished Work at 18:00 an hour free as "Davina"…I'll end this blog here and add a quick one on the same date....xx

So after a nice relaxing day working from home and getting quite a bit of work done between 09:00 and 18:00 i have this hour left to myself "Free time as Davina" bearing in mind around 19:00ish the wife (who's ok about me being dressed) and the kids (who dont know daddy is a tranny and wife doesnt want them knowing) are due home so realistically 35-45 mins left as a Tgirl for today.

Quick tidy up, did the dishes, loaded the washing machine and the tumble drier, put the hoover round lol like a Queen Video "I want to break Free" then did something different..

Dark nights are with us... the bins need putting out... dare I do it as Davina...

Slipped on a long coat of my wifes and a scarf tucking my long blonde hair into the coat... turned off the house lights so it doesnt illuminate outside then a step out the back door into the back garden and it felt very exciting in plain sight as a tranny outdoors in the dark the cold breeze on my legs.. the cold reaching the skin above my stocking tops exhillerating..

Back in the house to retrieve the rubbish from my tidy up and through the side gate im walking down the side of the house to the bins then realise we have a street light right by our bins.. sod it no onw would clock me and say omg hes dressed as a woman as in this light and in what im wearing i'm sure I can pass.

Rubbish put in bins quietly and lids closed quietly as dont want to draw attention... whats the fuss i check the windows all the curtains are drawn.. moving the bins was a bit noisey but here i am outside my house dressed as a woman having put the bins out .. ok thats enough risk lets get back in.. along the side of the house into the back garden close the gate a shigh of relief not seen by anyone.

I spent 5 mins more just stood outside as "Davina" lapping up the fresh air and feeling quite happy with myself but alas time to get back into man mode as kids home soon its 18:45 time to remove makeup put clothes and wig etc away and jump in the bath... wonder if i'll do this more often? should i tell the wife? we'll she'll find out anyway reading this lol.

So today we have out of the blue babysitters and the kids staying out..

Got to admit I’m knackered and having dressed in the week don’t have the urge to dress up and ask wife for a girls night in… neither do I feel like going out so a Saturday night in with my wife the thought of some alone time is exciting for us both with lots of kissing during the day before we drop off the kids at the baby sitters…

Sod a girls night in lets just have a night in as husband and wife.. details spared on what happened when kids were dropped off lol then Saturday night TV OMG what a pile of crap Saturday night TV is

So after our fun and no urge to dress up wife’s watching X Factor and dancing z listers and the like and I’m plugged into my Ipad watching sky movies with headphones on and fall asleep by 20:30… lol the busy work weeks caught up with me so much for baby sitters…

Writing this now a few days later with the urge back and no opportunity to dress up thinking I should have gone for that girls night in but if the urge isn’t there its not as much fun..

I’ll hold my hands up I’m a looker.. no I don’t mean my looks I mean a woman walks by who’s clearly made an effort to look nice, or done her makeup well and I cant help looking .. not letching “looking” and admiring.

Even more so now Womens Winter Attire is in and more and more women seem to be wearing 100 denier black tights or 60,80,100 denier fashion tights and heeled boots I cant help but ogle a nice pair of legs…

My wife is fully aware that I’m a looker but as it’s been said “there’s no worries about looking at the Menu as long as you’re not eating” or something like that.

I don’t mean I perve or ogle women as I ogle my wife too if she wears something nice especially a nice dress and black tights and high heels.. which is sadly rare.

I’m also guilty of vanity as I ogle my own sexy legs in the mirror.

Tescos lol yes Tescos is a prime location for seeing a nice pair of legs .. gone are the bare legs of the summer and in are hosiery clad legs “the best time of the year”

I hope that doesn’t make me sound like some serial letching perve as I said its appreciation of someone looking nice and making an effort to look their best which grabs my attention, or how someone’s done their makeup or worn their hair.. and maybe a fetish for black tights on women and on myself lol.

In my experiance women opt for comfort and flat shoes but like us Crossdressers they know that high heels are a must on a night out.

So, wifes works Christmas do and she looked sexy as  in a black lace dress, black tights and high heels and nice makeup. I was jellously thinking id love to be going out dressed like that but glad to have her on my arm and cant wait to get back to the hotel tonight...

Nice to see her rmake the effort with her makeup which is usually minimal and tights and high heels (which is very rare) she should do it more often - she cant understand my crossdressing and i cant understand why she doesnt want to be made up and dressed up nice all the time- Black tights and heels I've told her are a turn on for me and she wasnt alone as the party met and i found myself checking out what the women in our party were wearing.. all looked fab in their tights / stockings party dresses and high heels... but it wasnt long before they all started moaning their feet were hurting .. we didnt walk far from the pub we met in to the restaurant... again i thought i wonder if my feet would be aching if i was out en fem..

A really good night out with good company, good food and good laughs... and good high heels...

So no crossdressing since October …. No opportunity due to work, half term baby sitting, work, Christmas through to New Year and I’ve had the urge on and off.

Christmas was Fab, 2 weeks off work with my wife and kids but went to quick... Back to work tomorrow :(

“Davina” must have been a bad “Girl” as she didn’t get ANYTHING for Christmas!!!

Its funny that even though my urge is mainly driven by stress but over the Christmas period the urge to dress up has been really strong… probably as I’ve not done it for so long.

Maybe I’ll get a day working from home as no doubt plenty to catch up with from 2 weeks away from the place…

Nothing for Christmas maybe I’ll find something in the Sales...

Well 2013 went faster then 2012 and 2011.

Thinking back in 12 months I managed to be Davina fully dressed 7 times which is probably the least I’ve ever dressed up as a woman.

I bet that fact would shock my wife as i still suspect she thinks i would have dressed more than 7 times in 12 months.

We managed just the one girls night in back in May… Hoping for a few more girls night in with my wife in 2014.

Managed to grab a few new dresses as my wife decided to have a sort out and black bagged quite a few dresses I’ve borrowed in the past so that’s a result lol I have quite the collection of nice dresses now under the bed. I bet the wife asks to borrow some back in 2014 or they find their way back into her wardrobe.

Think I’ve more or less perfected my “look” in 2013 maybe I need to try new eye shaddows and lippy in 2014.

Crossdressings not been in our conversations for a while so I hope my wifes not put it to the back of her mind again thinking it will go away.

As i said in an earlier blog due to the oppinions of some t girls in TVChix in the forum i thought sod it i'll stop crossdressing at one point during 2013... but then i got the urge and thought who wants to be a "proper t girl" one who goes out dressed dancing with other t girls and whatever else they get upto.. i'm lucky i have an accepting wife and although iu dont get much opportunity to dress i can do it knowing my wife knows and is ok with it.. maybe the T girls who almost put me off dressing are jellous of what ive got.

I wonder what opportunity 2014 will bring for “Davina”

A bit of shopping £50 christmas money to spend and nothing male me really wants.

Maybe FIFA 14 for the Xbox but I’m not paying £30+ for a game.. wait for it to be £15 in Tesco…by which time Fifa 15 will be out.

Saw some really nice high heels today in two shops one pair £7.50 from £25 and another pair £6 from £20, also saw a nice Lingerie set balcony padded bra and knickers and a nice fitted basque but was too embarrassed to say to my wife I want to buy them… also hard as the kids were with us.

Also Ebay recommended out of the blue the wig below….

Looks nice and only £17.99 I may show it to my wife see what she thinks.. wonder if a shorter wig would suit me, it would certainly be better in the summer far cooler.

I still feel guilty spending any money on “Davina” I guess the £50 I had for Christmas is mine so wouldn’t hurt my guilt by spending some money on girly things.

Why do I get so embarrassed or is it im afraid of what my wife will think as its been ages since weve talked about my dressing up….

Back in work and really really busy, lots of meetings and some training in my diary and some deadlines I’ve given myself to get some projects done.

So today I have a chance to work from home… up at 06:45 and the littlest one comes into our room saying shes dizzy..shes really pale and full up with the flu. We’ve had a nightmare few months with both the kids being ill with one virus or another.

So still 2 months since I last crossdressed and today working from home and baby sitting the littlest the drought continues and the urge is getting stronger to dress up.

Never mind I may have another opportunity to dress up next Tuesday which will hopefully mean I can finish this project if I get the bulk of the base data sourced today.

I’ve had a fair bit of correspondence recently from some nice wives and girlfriends about my blog saying its interesting and nice to see the perspective I’m giving and also had some nice emails and messages from T girls saying they’ve enjoyed reading my blog.

So this typing down being some form of therapy for myself and also hopefully useful to others is coming to fruition.

I get asked a lot to lend advice by t girls and wives and girlfriends and I always say if its to a wife or girlfriend I can only give my perspective as inevitably I don’t know their bf / husband and their reasons for crossdressing or why they’re taking advantage of and understanding partner the same as I cant tell a t girl why his wife hasn’t accepted crossdressing like my wife has.. bearing in mind it took my wife 8 years to come to terms with my crossdressing before she even saw me face to face.

I try to lend advice but always say its best to talk or write it all down and to the t girls be honest with your partner about why you dress, how far you want it to go and to partners be honest about your acceptance.. if you don’t like it say you don’t like it but at least try seeing it from another angle and to the t girls don’t take advantage and take a step back and look at what you have and don’t overstep that acceptance..

As I said Friday Tuesday maybe I can work from home well 08:30 kids in school wife on her way to work I have the house to myself.

Quick bath, lingerie and stockings (A nice bar of my wifes which helps me get a bit of cleavage with my padding) and a body shaping basque then a dress wife tried to black bag with the labels on!!!

Makeup not too heavy trying to look natural not tarty with minimal blush but smokey eyes …

The dress looks nice on don’t know why the wife binned it.

So boring as hell spreadsheet making 3 spreadsheets of data to merge and sort and check once completed.

Despite the boring work a very enjoyable day as a “Girl” it felt fab in my high heels and stockings working in the dining room with the curtains drawn. Nice to be able to work at home just a pity I have to close the curtains and hide “Davina” from prying eyes.

Wife came home for her lunch I was nervous her seeing me dressed but she didn’t bat an eyelid but was pretty quiet so I didn’t know if to take this as a bad sign as we’ve not really discussed me dressing up for ages. She said she just black bagged the dress not realising the tags were still on “Well its mine now you will have to borrow it if you want to wear it” I said lol

I had till 1930 to remain dressed until her evening plans with the kids were cancelled so by 14:30 I was back in man mode as I didn’t want to leave it too late to change back and wanted to finish my work.

Nice to be back in a dress the urge gone for now….

So we got to talking in bed about me Crossdressing as again I’m working from home tomorrow to complete the project I’ve been bleating about on here.

I think my wifes worried I’ll be dressed again twice in a week seeing shes brought crossdressing up and saying I should go into the office not work from home twice in a week… I get 10 times more work done at home of my own.. if I go into work I end up helping everyone else do their jobs .. they can do without me for a few days I’m sure as I need to get this work done.

Anyway she mentioned again that I’m “nicer when I’m dressed”

We didn’t talk a lot Tuesday when I was dressed so what am I doing different apart from dressing different? Do I act more fem when I’m dressed and she likes that in me or what?

She hasn’t explained what she means by me being nicer when I’m dressed .. I don’t think I act fem.. god it would really freak her out if I did act fem lol

Incidentally i didnt crossdress but got that project done!! :)

My wife mentioned that my eyes give me away so I’m always conscious not to overdo my eye makeup and always overdo trying to ensure all trace of eye makeup is removed.

I usually only dab with a thin brush darker eye shadow over my base eyeshaddow instead of eye liner then flick it through my long eyelashes top and bottom instead of mascara which gives a smokey eye look.

Removing it I use makeup wipes and put eye makeup remover on the wipes and dab it onto my eye lids top and bottom and wipe to the side.. never down as that results in “Panda Eyes”

I then ensure ital all removed including pulling my eyelashes with the wipe and more eyemakeup remover then take off all the foundation lippy and blusher.

Then I wash my eyes with a flannel and after all that put on nivea face moisturiser.

I think maybe I’m rubbing my eyes and around my eyes too much maybe.. I’ll have to google it.. not that my wife minds but if she can read I’ve been dressed via my eyes maybe others will… not that others would suspect I crossdress…

So we have baby sitters Saturday night to go out as a couple.

Something for you TGirls dont neglect your partners you need to go out as man and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend and keep the romance and friendship going.

Anyway enough of the lecture...The day is going on and she says “Can you be bothered to go out shall we stay in and have a girls night in?”

Her saying that had an immediate effect stirring my manhood with the exciting thought of a night in with her both dressed up nice.

Alas, We decided to go out and had a nice evening out, nice breakfast together before getting the kids from our baby sitters and then took them out for the day.

Bloody tease tho suggesting a girly night in...

I think we may have more girls nights in than 2013 in 2014… I hope we can anyway even though getting baby sitters is a rarity.

I wish I could get into my wife’s head. She’s soooo sexy but she doesn’t think she is. Not only is she sexy but shes such a nice person and thinks of others before her self..

Today I’m getting ready for work.. to be fair to her she does the lot in the morning, gets the kids ready, irons my work clothes, gets herself ready and gets them off to school.

I need to intervene and do something to help maybe the night before would be a good idea... starting from now.

Anyway I come into the room as she walks in from upstairs getting changed to find her in a nice new black dress, fashion tights and high heels..

OMG immediate effect of drooling and follow her to the kitchen where I have to kiss her and tell her how sexy she looks.

In work and I cant stop thinking of her legs and those sexy fashion tights and high heels and how hot she looked (i sent her several texts ref to her sexy legs through the day)… Come home pick up kids and decide we’ll eat out.

Walking behind her on purpose ogling her legs… sit down whilst she orders again ogling her legs… watch her walk to our table ogling her legs… I bet the men in work were also ogling her legs all day which I told her but she said I doubt it… listen im a man I know what men do they were ogling her walking round the office in sexy fashion tights heels and a nice dress and probably had the same effect on them as it did on me.

How can I get her to see how sexy she is??

I couldn’t take my hands off her all evening … even under the table where we were having food and made it known how turned on I was seeing her in tights and heels instead of leggings and flats.

Here’s hoping for more ogling of my wife and hope she got the message that she really turns me on and shes sooo sexy… :)

Work is so stressful again for one reason or another (re-org…again).

Why don’t you get out of there is its so stressful I hear you say… company car, 15 mins from the house to the office, able to take time off if needed or work flexible nights or days, Enjoy the camaraderie and the respect and the pays OK… id struggle to match the job for the benefits it gives me that’s why.. so I have to cope with the stress..

However I’ve not Crossdressed since the first week of January so that’s 6 weeks gone no dressing and dressing would probably relax me.. I don’t know why it just does.

When will I get a chance to work from home next? My main opportunity to be dressed up.

Should I ask my wife if we can get baby sitters to have a girls night in or should I leave deciding to have a girls night in to her as I don’t want to push it too much…

Last girls night in was in June so we may be due one and this time not drinking wine… well maybe one glass

Ah well I’ll get an opportunity soon I hope to be glammed up….

Kids have inflicted me with a stomach bug so working from home.

I suppose i could have been Crossdressed all day but bad stomach and lots to get on with and I didnt bother.

I'll regret it later.

Still in my mind the thought of dissapointing my wife by being dressed when she comes home for dinner.

I keep wanting to reassure her but cant even reassure myself.

She will probably say you should have got dressed up if you felt the urge to do it.

Bloody guilt....

Will have to plan another day working from home and just do it to satisfy my urge or see if we can have a girly night in soon :)

Got up this morning da da da dada singing some blues da d a da d a da..

Nah not really all is good and i'm in a fantastic mood..

Beautiful lovely wife, great kids, good job and things looking up for a change .... Oh and i thought sod it I've not dressed up for WEEEeeeeks so I'm working from home "En-Fem"

Felt nice getting dressed up and being Crossdressed from 09:00 till 15:00 and just ensured (I hope) that my eyes arent a give away that my wife always talks about when I've dressed up.

she popped in to change her shoes then rushed off to a meeting then popped back to change her shoes again and fill me in on her meeting then came home dinner time and we had a cuppa together.

So nice that me being there dressed as a Woman is now taken in her stride. She knows its still me and there is no alterior motive apart from a bit of escapism and something I for whatever reason like to do.

Might show her this blog tonight and see if she will put her 10pence into it and use the blog also.

I've had some nice messages again telling me that reading my blog has helped others in a similar position but this is all from me so would be nice to get my wifes perspective interwoven... will have to see what she thinks :)

Parents evening tonight then a nice evening with the wife and kids... soooo relaxed right now Crossdressing is my medication lol

come out in work

I wonder how this would look if the survey was for non Crossdressers?

Is it a reflection of society?

Well I assume some would say Gay in society also in general but it seems the “Gay because you Crossdress” out of 100 votes shows this is a myth.

However 1/3 admit they are Bisexual … so Wives and girlfriends have some cause for concern ie you could take this to mean 1 in 3 Crossdressers are Bisexual… or become bisexual?

I cant answer that fully as I’m in the 73% “Straight” - Maybe someone will add a comment and enlighten us from the 27%

An interesting one with > 50% dressing up at home as women “Presenting as Women” and probably “Acting like a woman when dressed” – Escapism?

14 % Out on the Crossdressing social scene…

13% Dressing fully in clothes makeup and wig …I suppose could also come under Presenting as a woman at home pushing this Percentage up?

A small Percentage spending all their time as a woman which is beyond my blog really but nice to see this group of people on the trans spectrum taking part in the survey and checking out the blog

10% lingerie only – for the turn on I’m supposing?

For a partner maybe you can ask your Crossdressing partner “where are you on these stats?”

People generally don’t like labels in the Trans world but Crossdresser is winning in this blog.

Given the other stats I’d say out of the 100 not all the stats came from the same 100 viewers of the blog as I would think Transvestite may be higher as in other pie charts there are clearly some full time dressed as women.

Tgirl the more modern term 14% behind the traditional crossdresser….

60% have told their wives which is good but 40% in the closet wondering how their partner will react?

It is such a hard predicament to be in with the majority from the other pie chart (97%) stating they want their partners to know so I guess a number of crossdressers in this 40% are in a quandary about telling their other half not knowing what reaction they will get.

The most varying pie chart with the highest chunk 23% who crossdress once per week

12 % dress full time and 10 % when they get the urge and may also be covered by a few times per year..

18% once per month opportunity limited? (This is where I fall although recent years I've not dressed to this extent due to opportunity mainly)

14% a few times per week must really have the urge… sometimes I wish I could but on the occasion I do the urge wears off…

44% in sort of accepting I suppose some agreement around dressing to a comfortable evolving level of acceptance – This can fluctuate in my experience in and out of acceptance – a Crossdresser should not take liberties in this chunk of the pie chart.

22% lucky crossdressers with totally accepting wives or girlfriends.

I’ve chatted to a few in the 22% and their wives and i have found that their wives enjoy their partners company more when crossdressed and actually ask them to dress up.. (My wifes told me she prefers me as "Davina" but hasnt asked me to dress up yet"

18% want nothing to do with it – a form of acceptance having been told but want nothing to do with it “If you must dress up I don’t want to know about it… don’t leave evidence and don’t involve me”... Been here worn the T-shirt

7% upset – A tricky slice of the pie chart usually just having found out their partner crossdresses.

You have passed on your secret and want to talk about it but its hard as you now feel guilty for upsetting her and don’t want to upset her further but compelled to talk about crossdressing a pretty hard place for both of you but talking about it is the cure.

Other I suppose haven’t told their other half about dressing and stuck hiding in the crossdressing closet?

Yesterday worked in the office got hardly anything done between my employees coming in my office asking for advice, other sections staff coming into my office asking for advice and 1/2 day spent with my boss who was asking for advice...

The mandening thing is all these people who work for me and with me earn more money than me for a number of reasons mainly to do with take it or leave it jobs due to reorganisations I've had to take.... so the result is a backlog of work..

So i worked from home today - told my wife yesterday and she said what are you asking me for? i wasnt asking i was giving common courtesy to say im going to work from home and will be dolled up.... and my employees rang me net 20 times for advice..!!!!

So today i did get dolled up and as usual felt immediately relaxed and sexy (my wife will laugh at that last bit -  but i do feel sexy when im dressed and a little turned on... sometimes a lot turned on)

She came home lunch time with a headache but wont let me hug her or anything as she doesnt like the feel of my "tits" against hers lol. i've not told her yet that I've made some boobs from rice a bit harder against her than the foam balls i had lol...

I'm afraid i teased her a bit which i shouldnt do as she had on tights and heels which is rare (getting better once a week maybe) and i was dying to run my hands up her legs) i do love seeing her in tights and heels although the topic of stockings came up and she said she'd never wear them as theyre uncomfortable which is a kick in the proverbial for me as one of my main turn ons in stockings suspenders and heels.

Ah well another day over and I got a lot of what i wanted to get done completed and back in man mode by 1430... Roll on the next time

Well 2014 is flying by we're already at the halfway point and how many times have I been Crossdressed?

4 - 5  times whilst working from home in 6 months which doesnt feel enough as my job has changed again for the better or worse I'm yet to realise as its a big change but no pay rise :(

Its still as stressful but I'm hoping not as stressful as my old job.

The new role takes me national also so I'll be in meetings al over the UK and having to stay a night or two away from home :( which I hate doing.

I've been considering what to blog about and have some ideas as I've found a nice positive post from a T-Girls partner on TV Chix I'd like to post here (Awaiting her blessing), how to make false boobs with rice and knee high stockings lol :) Yes I'vr made some and it's quite effective.. I'll post my how to with photos soon.. maybe tomorrow.

The Summer is here and its quite hot, just as hot at times as it was on my hols back in May on the Balerics... Fab family holiday and a nice tan which has long faded..

Working from home tomorrow and intend getting dolled up "Davina" is quite the productive Engineer..

Oh by the way worked from home Monday and didnt dress but wanted to ... Lunch time the wife says how come you're not dressed I expected to come home and find the other person you know the other you!! lol I wanted to but didnt get round to it which proved a good job with deliveries of items ordered on line coming.. Imagine opening the door to DHL as Davina... no no no...

Well al good plans laid to waste and all that.. having had a busy time of it back in work Today was a day planned to catch up with things and I thought I'd get to dress up working from home but like a dick I left my laptop power lead in the office so had to go into work.. arrghhh ... and they did my head in in work bothering me every 5 mins for advice or just a chat... I need to branch out to my new Area and keep away from the office for a bit and let them think for themselves..

Anyway on telling my wife I had to go into the office she said so you should you work from home too often... err actually since January in 6 months I've worked from home about 5 times and she said and you don't have to dress up every time you work from home either

1. I've been Crossdressed 4-5 times since January (6 months)

2. I dont always dress up when working from home

3. Its my one and only opportunity to unwind dressed up as we havent had a girls night in for over a year and no other opportunity to crossdress

4. Does this mean she is trying to constrict my dressing and isn't really ok with me dressing up as a woman

Ah well I'm really past caring ... I crossdres, I enjoy doing it and after doing it I'm relaxed so who cares..

And now for something completely different see thenext post how to make tits from rice lol

For the occasional Crossdresser spending money on girly things and false tits isnt really something I feel I can justify so with the help of google "How to make false tits" I found a way to replace my "foam bals and sponges" with something i can shape...

Take one packet of 500g rice and some Knee high stockings

Double them up on your hand one inside another then pour the rice into the stockings and tie the top (The tied top stops rice coming out - obvious and also makes a nipple)

Et Voilla a pair of Rice Tits which are easy to shape and put in your bra and feel quite substancial.

 Ok they dont look much like this but feel nice and look great in the right bra and with some jiggery pokery you can make some nice cleavage.

Nice Nipples :)                                                                         Nice cleavage which can be accentuated with makeup which ill do in a new pic some time.

So there you have it £1 Tilda Rice and 4 x knee high stockigs and you've got nice shapely tits.... My wife will think I'm barking mad....

I asked for permission to post this from the Fab GF of a T-Girl on TV Chix who posted the following in the Significant Others Forum on TV Chix..

"I want to post this because I can't talk about this with any of my friends and really want to show off a bit"  

"I absolutely adore being with a TV/CD and I feel like I have made an excellent decision in looking for love on tvchix".   "So, I want to compile a list of why every woman should seek a TV/CD"
1. Sensitivity and understanding!!

Not sure if this is because I am lucky to find someone with these personality traits, but it seems that the feminine qualities present in TVs/CDs make it much easier for me to talk about relationship/emotiomal issues without hearing sexist comments like 'bitches be crazy' etc.  Gotta love emotional intelligence. 
2. Having the most versatile companion ever: 

Not just a boyfriend you can watch movies, play games with etc but a girlfriend you can go for shopping trips with!  And they don't hang around looking pissed off that ur taking ages in the changing rooms cause they are probably taking just as long trying on clothes too.
3. If you have forgotten make-up, they are bound to have it on them.

And they will have crazy-awesome concealer that doesn't just cover up acne but give me a whole new face if I wanted it.
4. Someone who can paint my nails when I am too tipsy/lazy to do it right.
5. They always smell wonderful. Even in male mode.
6. I am soo lucky in that I have found a TV/CD who is my clothing and shoe size and who has similar tastes in clothing. 

I can borrow their clothes and learn new styles, especially useful if I have broken my clothes the night before in a fit of lust...
7. They 'know' your tastes, and so can give more thoughtful gifts.
8. They are more open-minded and less sexist when it comes to gender roles.

Me chugging beer, weight training and eating food like a savage is tolerated,  accepted, and sometimes makes them aroused.

Makes a welcome change from 'can you be a bit more ladylike please?' from annoying regular guys.
9. They express themselves.

There is no pressure to be manly and be 'tough' anymore so they can actually tell me what is on their minds and feel less afraid to be vulnerable.

This makes it way more easy for me to know what to expect, know what to say and exactly when to pass the wine bottle and hugs. Or just offer that 99% of the time.
10. Saved best til last eh? :p

The variety and excitement of bedroom activities. Seriously,  its never dull.

So many combinations, toys, roles, clothing, lingerie, positions, transitions and fantasies. I don't know where to begin, where/what to put in, what they want, what I want, how?!

What is that, a sex toy or torture device or both?

How are any of these toys legal and how do I use them and when? 

And wow! 

The adventure has only just begun and I realise they know how to use sex toys better than I do. It's madness, crazy awesome and amazingly erotic madness! 
Best decision of my life to date a tgirl. I only wish I could tell more women, but I have sworn a promise of secrecy and discretion. 

 If I talk, I know that the punishment will be finding out that the torture device/sex toy is not a device for pleasure at all...
P.s. I totally forgot:
10a)  MAID'S OUTFIT!!! OMG WOW!

A fab posting from a RG Girlfriend "Tho number 10 is a bit OMG but 10a is cool :)" - There are accepting Women out there and if you've just found out someone you love crossdresses does the above seem OK..Fun even??

Hopefully my new job will become less stressful as i get into it ... whenever i catch up

No one to cover my role when i'm on leave or away in meetings.. i worked out I've been in meetings or travelling or on leave 87% of the time since starting y new job just leaving 13% of my hours to do actual work.. oh thats in an average 50 hours per week that i'm working minus the annual leave and I'm only supposed to work 35 hours... hmmm something not adding up maybe they made a mistake in the last reorg and we need more people not less.

What would happen to the UK if we all worked our flat hours and not a minute more ... unless we got paid overtime.. chance would be a fine thing.

Last week i had a day working from home to catch up and two 1/2 days working from home and managed a day as Davina which was nice but too hectic and too much to do to dress for 1/2 a day and far to muggy and warm.

Would love a girls night in or out some time but theres no time for that as would be nice just to get some husband and wife time out alone.. ahhh the life of a 30something married man in a stressful job no time to do anything work work work and a penchant for crossdressing.. need to win the lottery :)

So i't  been a few weeks since I've Crossdressed.

I've worked from home a few times and had opportunity which as I've mentioned before is my only chance to Crossdress and unwind at the moment, but I haven't got "dolled up" as it's been unbearably hot as a bloke working from home and I've had to have the windows and back door open to get some cooler air in the house.

Being Crossdressed working from home still has it's caveats especially as it's summer holidays.

The kids are only a few miles down the road at my parents so could easily want something from the house so I have to pretend I'm going to work so they don't know I'm home... If they did visit the park and see the windows open they'd know I was home so a bit dodgy, but the urge to Crossdress has grown and I'm working from home tomorrow and sod it I think I'll get dolled up behind closed doors, windows and blinds and get my relaxing fix and finish off a project on the computer which I've been working on for the best part of 12 months (Some of it done as "Davina")

Autumn / Winter is far better for the private crossdresser... 

Worked from home twice this week.

Monday as a man and today as Davina. Decided on a red wig today which wife didn't like saying I looked better blonde and I agree Davina I'd definitely a blonde. - Had a shock in the afternoon as a Blonde see the next blog ... the one above...

We had a chat the other day about me dressing and wifey passed comment again on how I'm nicer to her when I'm crossdressed.. I enquired why and she said because she thinks I feel guilty being crossdressed in front of her so I'm nicer to her... I in turn don't see I'm any different but she's noticed something so must be.

I asked if she liked that I feel guilty and so am nicer and if it made her felt more dom towards me when I'm in a dress and she said maybe. So maybe she can boss Davina about and get her in a French maids outfit cleaning the house lol sounds ok to me.

So there I was working away at home seen wife when i was wearing my red head wig and she said i looked better as a blonde so after lunch she went back to work and I put on the blonde wig and yes i agree i look much better as a blonde... touched up my makeup and back to work on the laptop.

An email webex invite comes through to dial into a national meeting to help review a project I've been involved in back and forth London they finally take my advice and try webex instead of asking us all to travel length and bredth of the UK for a few hours meeting.

Dial in say hellos then open up Webex... look up at the screen and can see me ME!!! as in ME CROSSDRESSED!!! and two other people from work who I know from these meetings.. thumb over the laptop cam pronto then work out quickly how to turn it off whilst in the background "Hello Miss? can we help you? I think you've dialed into our confrence by mistake?" i ended the cam and removed my thumb.. "Helo Miss? hello?" ... "Shes gone must have dialed in by mistake"

"How do we turn these cams off I cant see the powerpoint fully" so i explained how to turn off the cams not one said a word or blinked an eye then one guy said "Has that blonde gone? Helloooo, Yes shes gone.. she was a bit of alright wasnt she ... coor... bet she works in HR or IT"

Lol i was wetting myself laughing and my heart doing the grand national close call and also chuffed someone thought i looked convincing enough to remark in a very male chauvanist way "she was a bit of alright"

I mean what if she (I) was still on the line lol

so let that be a lesson if you dial into a web call from home make sure youre web cam is off!!!! lol

Perhaps this is how I can explain crossdressing?

And wouldnt this be nice....

So I dressed up today and wife came home lunch time. Red dress, sexy lingerie, high heels, makeup, red lips, long blonde hair and stockings...

Again my wife mentioned me being nicer as "Davina"

Later we discussed it in the car in code as kids were there and i said you'll have me thinking I've got a split personality as I don't think I'm any different around her as a Man or as a T-Girl but i must be as she said it is like I do have a split personality..

One minute Macho man the next sassy blonde with long legs.

She may be right as 09:00 - 16:00 crossdressed and relaxed then in the evening as a MAN guilty of loosing my temper at least 3 times in an hour... Bloomin ek I have a split Personality lol

Some clippings from articles and posts on the internet by other t girls i think ring true and prove a trans spectrum exists:

Tgirl 1 writes > Let me first state I'm a straight T-girl.

I feel there are lots of theories covering reasonswhy men crossdress and why some have a sexual connection for cross-dressing.
After months experimenting dressing, sexual pleasuring while dressed and satisfaction for
being able to be, feel and act as a girl, I am tempted to come to the following conclusion regarding this:

 Deep inside us cross dressers want peace and freedom - thus the good feeling that we obtained while
being a girl in a calm and subtle way while dressed.
Other feelings such as erotic ones, lust and exaggeration  is inherited by our "higher level of testosterone",
which by default is part of our genes and alpha maleness. 
Now, I am talking from a straight cross dresser's point of view.

At these moments, if we feel sexual desire, it is not our female side, it is our male side that it is being blinded
by the lust and desire which takes over the girl in you.

T-Girl 2 > I too, am a stright male crossdresser.

I pretty much feel the same way you do on this.
When I first get dressed up, I am aroused at the thought and feeling of being in women's clothing,
along with looking like one. 

As such, like you after the initial dressing up, I start to feel, act, behave, as if I were a female, and any
sexual thoughts, or impulses are purely from the male part of me wanting to satisfy the woman in me.

T-Girl 3>There must be something to your thoughts on testosterone.

I don't relate to a "female side" at all - Its still male me just dressed up and when i've had my fill I undress wash and become male me again.
I agree being an Alpha Male Crossdresser on the "testosterone" part!

Invariably, when I see that hotie in the mirror, I get EXCITED! and touch myself and get off on how i look and feel as a t-girl.

Combine that with the sexy tactile feeling of stockings, corset, and/or girdle, heels, forms, etc.
 And, the erotic though that she is ME, and,------ well------!

T-Girl 4>I don't ever get aroused by my dressing.

Never did. CDing brings me an intense felling of peace, femininity,  self-expression, happiness.

It's much more about expressing part of me and my feelings, than seeking sexual pleasure.

Its pure escapism from my male persona and lifestyle and aloows me to show the softr feminie side which i hide in my male life. My wife has declared that this softer side needs to be shown more especially towards her as her husband not just her "pretend female friend"

T-Girl 5> I never really looked thought about my testosterone, but now that you've brought this to light, I do believe subconsciously I am somehow lusting for and ultimately ravishing that woman inside me.

 You've hit on something that until now was buried inside the dark recesses.
 I have much to ponder, and that's a good thing. I love trying to figure out what motivates me to crossdress.

 I also have a bondage fetish which is heightened dramatically when I'm en femme.

T-Girl 6>I'm not heterosexual, and I was in touch with my sexuality before I got in touch with & accepted my desire to crossdress. The sexuality has no tie to whether or not I'm in femme mode.

My boyfriend hates to see me dressed as a woman so i guess i'm the inverse of you straight married guys who dress up with your wives wondering what they've gotten themselves into. Its harmless and has nothing to do with sexuality.

T-Girl 7>I am older now - don't know how I might have responded to Testosterone and arousal twenty years ago, but I do think that as young CDs we may tend to associate dressing with sex (seems like everything is
associated with sex at 15-24). I suspect that at some point in life, many of us realize that the
two impulses are not connected. We can have sex (gay, bi or hetero) dressed or not, and we
can dress and enjoy that experience without having sex.

T-Girl 8> Being an older t girl who used to be turned on by dressing but now dress as part of a pastime in my retirement I think it would help those who think they dress for sexual gratificaion to just try to forego that for a while - and see if they still enjoy dressing. It might help them sort out their motivations.

T-Girl 9> I think it important for everyone to explore their motives for doing the things they do. Two people can do the exact same thing.
 But, due to differing motives, it can be a very damaging thing for one person, but a very positive thing for the other. Motives are of key importance in our lives. So many reasons why us straight married men crossdress but i feel a lot of us use it to escape the role society put on us.

Davina - Some good insights from 9 different Crossdressers of differing ages and sexuality some of it quite enlightening. I get the urge every now and then and i have high testosterone levels too and initially its a huge turn on for me getting dressed up then remains a turn on when dressed up. Eventually working from home as Davina it lessens and i start to relax in what i'm wearing how i look ... but every now and then i'll cat walk in front of the mirror and become aroused again lol... bloomin testosterone!!

Discussion I've had concerning the thought crossdressing or transvestism is a medical condition and a compulsion.

I disagree as that doesnt sit with me and why i crossdress but its a point of view and has made me think more about why i crossdress:

It is a complex feeling and everyone feels different and will provide a different answer but everyones views must be acknowledged and obliged:

- A feeling of relief / escapism and relaxation from male me - as if I had been tense or anxious and now I could relax.
-Its not a sense of naturalness - as if being cross-dressed was my proper state as i still feel some guilt and prefer to be a man
- A feeling of being attractive and sexy  - This is perhaps the strongest feeling - it begs the question; "attractive to whom?" as, I am strongly heterosexual but find my alter ego attractive and i feel sexy as "Davina" which I don't feel as male me.
- A feeling of sensuality - Tied to feeling attractive but it is enhanced by feeling satin or lace or other
flimsy and sensuous fabrics against my skin
-Sexual arousal - my stockinged legs, high heels, my red lips and eyes - all cues that would arouse me if I saw them on a woman.

- Its a fun pastime or hobby - Its fun putting on makeup like an art in fact to try to look as convincing as possible.

It seems some people dont like that the above are among my reasons for crossdressing thats upto them.

I was even called "hardly a crossdresser for only dressing a handfull of times per year" ah well everyone entitled to an opinion and freedom of speech in the UK.

Focusing on this feeling of attractiveness, since I think it may be the key to understanding part of why i crossdress.
As I said previously, when I cross-dress I feel sexy.

I know compared to real women that I find attractive, I do not look anywhere near as attractive as I feel.
Yet there is a warm and happy feeling of looking good and feeling attractive which i dont feel as a man,
 indeed, of being sexy and desirable.

I do not at all enjoy the idea that a man would find me attractive but it is nice for someone to
message you to tell you you look attractive its sort of attaining a goal to try to look real.

What will my wife think of me fancying my alter ego?

Maybe I'll add a new section in my blog for her to blog... watch this space

The situation of feeling attractive without actually probably being attractive when crossdressed
 (the mirror from Harry Potter that makes me see what i want to see is in my house) reminds me of something else.
I have worked with highly feminist women and I have listened to their views and some of them do not prevent them from dressing as attractively or sexily as any other woman.
They will wear short, tight skirts and high heels,push-up bras and low-cut tops while at the same time slagging off another woman similarly dressed as dressing like it to titillate men.

"Who does she think she is?"
 
When I and others have interjected and pointed out the "pot called kettle black" inconsistency, invariably the answer will be "I don't dress to please men. I dress to please myself."

Aha thnks I, something similar sounding here - we have the two separate cases of dressing women dressing for their own pleasure and me - a crossdresser - doing exactly the same.

Feeling attractive and happy with their dressing up and both sincerely denying that they are trying to titillate anybody!
The apparent inconsistency can be seen as part of the same phenomenon no matter if its a woman dressing to please herself in any attire and / or a man?

Does that make sense?

Chatting last night i was asked if i take on a female persona - my wife says i act different but i dont think she means to the extent that i behave like a woman or take on a female persona.

I don't feel like a woman when I'm cross-dressed nor do I want to take on a female identity or persona - maybe i do unintentially in the way i walk, sit and feel but i dont all of a sudden turn camp.

I feel there is a continuum of "affliction" across the whole spectrum from "normality" (whatever that is) through
many degrees of crossdressing throughout the trans spectrum to full-blown transsexualism.
I suspect that this would be normally distributed so the majority of crossdresserss are more or less the same in how they feel and that extremely mild transvestitism or extremely strong transvestitism are relatively rare.

My guess would be that most transvestites you see on the Web are a standard deviation or more above the mean while I am maybe a standard deviation below it as an occassional straight married crossdresser who has a wife who has come to terms with my crossdressing.
This maybe is the drive behind some tgirls who take crossdressing far more serious than myself to dislike my theory.
However my blog does state its my thoughts and experiances as a straight married occassional crossdresser and that its aimed at other crossdressers like me and their Significant others.
 - im being scientific arent i? far too serious

Thank god i have some correspondance saying thankyou for your blog, its helped and i agree and i could have written this myself its so familiar but sometimes i have negative correspondance as ive had this week..

I still strive to understand what drives me to want to dress like what society says is how a woman dresses.

I still feel guilty for putting my wife through this.. :(

The thoughts again aroused by my interaction via emails this week with others who believe I am wrong in my theory  They also stated i was an "amature" and Who am I to give advice?

I'd say i'm a current thinker ... and as i've said all along its nothing to do with sexuality so why put T on the end of LGB"T" and this blog is about me and T-Girls like me and accepting women like my wife... its not about full time transvestites or transexuals and sorry to use labels. (I cant stand being labelled a Transvestite)

Amaure who has Crossdressed through phases of the trans spectrum for 30 years+ if you count my early and teen years... and confessed I crossdress to an unsuspecting wife and worked through it to the point my wonderful woman has come to terms with me dressing for fun and relaxation and its not taken too seriously.

Ive researched extensively reading books, internet articles some of which ring true and some of which bark up the wrong tree - i was shown a US article yesterday which was partly ok and partly way off the mark for my liking and also in chatting to other t girls and Signiicant others honestly and openly. so i'm an amature....

I also work in an environment where people have worked there a long time with a lot of experiance but the biggest health and safety risk is complatiency and not moving with the times.

I've discussed my email correspondance on TVchix and had a variety of thought on crossdressing being called a "compulsion and called a medical condition" - some very negative to these two theories as i was negative myself - but people are entitled to their own views and beliefs - what ever works for you to be happy in yourself go for it.

.... But dont disrespect me for being different as we're all different!

Maybe their thoughts cover differerent types of transvestite not the occassional straight married crossdresser happy to dress at home etc etc ...

I am sure there are thousands of other crossdressers / t-girls / transvestites who ponder this question
"Why do we do it?" and perhaps just as many wives and girlfriends.

No matter what someone tells you "There is no true answer" as it varies so much fron one person to the next.

I dont like it being called a mental disorder or medical condition as im perfectly sane and  if dressing as a woman makes me mad - does dressing like a robot make me a "Transformer - Robots in disguise"

You are all welcome to join me on my quest for understanding and all entitled to your own opinion and theory.

There seem to be very few scientists, psyciatrists, DRs or experts who find crossdressing interesting enough to study or to find some conclusion as the reasons are too far reaching and different for everyone.

Does it even matter if you are happy and comfortable in why you crossdress?

I've found endless websites and blogs from other T-girls / Crossdressers / Transvestites a lable whatever floats your boat in a similar vane to my own which is a reassurance that i'm not mad..

I'll post here something from another website written by 3 separate T-Girls:

T-Girl 1 - “A man dressed up like a woman?? Why… he MUST be mad! He needs help! He should be institutionalized! Hurry – get him off the street before anyone else catches this terrible mental disease!”
Oh please. Get with the times please this attitude is so pre-1950’s.

   "Crossdressing is a mental illness, babies come from storks, and the world is flat, right?"

       "Crossdressers are mentally ill and that is why they have a compulsion to crossdress?"

it is possible for a mentally ill person to also be a crossdresser, but crossdressing is not the result of a mental illness, but rather one of many personal traits that some people have genetically woven into them. This particular trait just happens to be widely misunderstood and have a social stigma attached to it.

    Crossdressing falls outside of what is currently "SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE"

What is socially accepted and what is not, does not draw the line between sane and crazy.

It pains me to no avail that much of society thinks terrible things about Crossdressers, but we're most certainly not crazy or mentally ill.

Crossdressing is not a mental illness. It is not a sickness, perversion, disease, affliction, condition, the work of the devil, or any of that other garbage many people seem to associate it with. It is simply who we are, and the only real problem with that is in how we’re treated by much of society.

Some forum posts from some T-Girls from the US of A

T-Girl 2 - It comes and goes with me,... but it's always there, regardless of the fact that I have not been active in a few years now. Its not a compulsion as if it was I'd have done it and not been inactive.
I've just learned to accept it as part of me in the same way that I accept my height, my vision problems and my need to always have a joke at the ready (except right now of course, cos this is serious business here isnt it....)

T-Girl3 - How does it make you feel when I tell you that gender is purely a social construct? There is no "gender" in biology.

(There IS the male and female sex which has nothing to do with clothing).

 It is by pure chance and by societal expectations that women dress as they do and men dress as they do.

This must'nt be confused with an illness as if society decided men wore dresses then problem solved right?

It is absolutely fine to dress as you want to dress, but I personally don't think it is healthy to be "consumed" (or attached) to anything...especially things of such low importance and so impermanent as clothing.

I could give you some reasons I think some may feel a compulsion to do what they do.

There is nothing wrong in dressing in the attire that you want to wear, but there IS something wrong with something so physical and impermanent being the highlight of your life because usually these types of things aren't what will find you true happiness. (In my opinion, of course).

So, again, I'd say wear what you want, but if you feel some compelled/consumed, I do not think that is healthy and I think you should look around you and determine what it is of this social construct that has totally consumed you.

I can see that I would get on with all 3 tgirls as we seem to be on the same wavelength which as i said makes me feel better after recent discussion via correspondence.

Seems like ages since I last had urge and opportunity to Crossdress... Can't in fact remember the last time I was all dolled up..

Work and personal life getting in the way but also feeling a bit of stress and a bit of depression linked to work life and personal life at the moment..

Looking at next week demands on my time and expertise for the latest work crisis means a another week where a) I can't catch up with workload and b) needed in the office or on site plus two days away in meetings so no chance of a day working from home crossdressed..

Meetings about meetings and meetings for meetings sake.. My job is becoming impossible.

I need to find an escape route be that playing football and finding time to get fit and back in shape or the miracle relaxation provided by my crossdressing transformation... The wife has enough on her mind at the moment without me going on about my trivial crossdressing needs...

Ah well at least another week going cold turkey and hope I can find a way to dress up the week after maybe.. :(

Isnt it funny when in macho male mode that crossdressing will crop up in conversation..

Yesterday in amongst a group of men crossdressing came up in conversation at first as a bit of a joke but out of the blue in the chat but then persisted and turned into a conversation about why people crossdress and what they thought of it then one guy mentions "theres this place called pink punters where they all go..." my ears pricked up ah maybe a fellow crossdresser acting the macho male like myself but then at that moment slipped up with too much knowlegde some insider information leaked up about a t-girl haunt in MK.

So heres me looking at said bloke thinking I wonder if you're on tvchix lol..... Still going cold turkey no crossdressing coming up to 2 months...

Work has been ultra stressful due to events that have happened which I cant comment on here and 2 months of not being able to crossdress to unwind i think i was making myself ill to be honest with bad stomach and bad heads. I thrive on a little bit of stress but it was getting a bit silly and my head was banging.

Last night I thought sod it I'll work from home tomorrow... house free from 08:00 i started working on my laptop and got into emails and some reports and thought sod it I wont dress I've got too much to do... but 09:00 I thought sod this when will I get opportunity to crossdress next so a quick bath and shave and got dolled up ... talked to my bosses bosses boss and a phone confrence whilst dolled up good job it wasn't webex with web cams his time - They'd never believe in work that I crossdress... so relaxing instant relief which is weird isnt it..

Wife came home she'd booked 1/2 day i worked another hour then got changed and we went out  for some food before picking kids up from school... phone didnt stop - in my job im an expert and no one knows what I know so hard to escape and switch off.. finally stopped working 17:30ish and stress levels raised again.. but in a better mood having crossdressed 09:00-13:30........

What can my wife do to ease her stress? answers in the guestbook please :) 

Work sucks at the moment ... Especially being called an expert as being called an expert is the sort of person you promote forward if something goes wrong to represent you in explaining why something went wrong..

Promote is the wrong word present maybe or throw to the wolves maybe better as I've had lots of promotions but for no pay rise.. So the last two weeks I've been working the proverbial off advising on UK national matters of things I won't go on about here and I did manage to Crossdress once last week for a few hours but even though stress levels were reduced for a bit they're back up again..

Most of it is self pressure as I hate leaving things undone and at the moment I'm juggling several high importance projects which only I alone can complete or know what to do which is not good for the company if I win the lottery and leave lol.. I wish..

So next week I have a meeting away one day maybe two so have shown my calendar as being away in meetings all week to avoid having to go to the office so I can work from home and complete some of the projects without being bothered.. I will probably take the opportunity also to unwind crossdressed whilst working from home having a chill out week whilst completing a shed load of work..

Don't know why but I'm struggling to broach the crossdressing subject with my wife again and still haven't shown her this blog.. Chicken mode or protection mode or guilt mode for putting her through coming home dinner time to find me as a leggy blonde tapping away on my laptop... 

I need to grow some balls and talk to her about my crossdressing again as every now and then I need to talk about it reassuring her or maybe reassuring me? Or both... No chance to dress this week looking forward to next week and hopefully less stressful in work..

Au Eden perfume love it or hate it or never heard of it?

My Sister in law uses it and here's the "It smells different on different people"... i'm not being nasty but on her it smells like vinegar and gives me a headache if we're out with them and she's splashed it on... surely her husband should say or her kids "That smells bad on you"

Anyway she left a bottle in our house years ago and being a "Crossdresser" i thought spray in the lid and sniff it and mmm it actually smells nice and I'd say full of feromones ... but I hate it on the sis in law.

So when I dress ... when i get opportunity and urge I give myself a lil spray of au Eden and it smells nice on me.. maybe I'll ask my wife if she likes the smell of it on me compared to on her sister? She's not having it back it's mine now lol.

The other effect it has is although i hate it on my sis in law it does something to me when i smell it in the lid of the spray or on me which makes me feel very sexy and a little aroused hence the thought it has some sort of feromones in it... weird or what?

So i've moaned about going cold turkey and no time to dress... then dress twice in one week..

Worked from home monday and spent 09:00 till around 14:00 dressed up nice n relaxing but my bra dug into me but i got through a lod of work on the laptop... tuesday was a long day away in a meeting with work with 2 hours travel each way.. a relative wasted day

So today (wednesday) as i have some time off next week and no meetings for the rest of this week decided wed and thurs im working from home to catch up with some projects and decided around 10:00 lets get dolled up as i wont get opportunity for a few weeks... no urge just opportunity.. by 12:00 i was back in male mode not really in the mood to be dressed as a girl.. strange isnt it... got a load of work done again and tomorrow should cap off two projects tho just realised im supposed to be in a meeting 2.5 hours travel each way ill have to blag out of it in the morning or i'll have to be on the road at 05:30 to be there.. the geography of my new role for no extra pay is rediculous.. heres where webex comes to the fore as long as you dont have the webcam on and youre crossdressed... wont make that mistake again..

So just remembered also having done my makeup pretty immaculate and thinking i looked rather nice in a dress stockings and heels at 12:00 i turned back into boring male me and coming back from removing makeup to my laptop passed the mirror...

God i look crap... over weight and bland as a bloke how boring.

From feeling quite sexy and feeling nice in a dress to me in tracky bottoms and a t shirt do i self loath how i look as a bloke.. maybe.. do i have time to diet and get fit... no so on top of work stress theres no time for anything and i feel prety crap about myself as a bloke and pretty stupid for crossdressing..

Wife had a go about me working from home tonight too but she desnt realise the work i get done undisturbed at home compared to going into the office and getting people come in disturbing me asking for help and advice that their pay grade should see them doing themselves. I have no staff under me so i dont need to go into the office just need to be available on the phone or available to go to a meeting or to site etc..

Then she said if youre home you cant dress up as my mothers coming round as im off tomorrow.. ok well as it happened i wasnt going to dress anyway so up yours... getting to that stage again where i feel sod it i'll dress if i want and if you want to go back to ignoring it so what is my outlet... what else have i got as an outlet?

No time for anything life is pretty boring at the moment and is passing me by November next week where was Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, May, Jun, Jul, Aug, Sep, Oct??? something has to change.. fed up of everything and a bit depressed.. poor blog i know but its where i am right now.. night

So the last blog was pretty desperate and nagative.. work is the problem too many reliant on me and too many dont know their jobs as i've covered for them for so long (including people senior to me) then you give people a heads up that something could go wrong... then it goes wrong and guess what? they ask you to help put it right and that is frustrating... then you get the feeling that something went wrong and some people think its your fault even though its far from your problem as youve highlighted soething may go wrong if something else isnt done and if they keep making cut backs and having pointless reorganisations instead of having a period of calm to let people learn and undertake their roles basically even Davina has been like this this week....

Usually I dress up and during my time as "Davina" i'm pretty stress free and for a few hours after dressing the same stress dissipates... but ths week monday was ok but a lot going on in work and i didnt switch off work emails etc till late then wednesday i dressed but only till mid day as the stress relief wasnt working.. i say stress most of it is anger that people rely on me so much in work and there just isnt enough time in the week to do the job and cover everything particularly after multiple senseless reorgs so frustrating we're now hanging from a string which one lottery win would evacuate the office and they'd be u a creek without a paddle... £100 millionplus on the lottery tonight fingers crossed.

Long weekend away from work phone and laptop off and in isolation with the wife and kids and a friend visiting this weekend plus Rugby to go to tonight just a pity about the weather no work till tuesday and hopefully the brain refuled and raring to go again... hate admitting stress but its there and needs a kick in the balls..

- So good news for me people think my ramblings and the blog is pretty useful and i've had some nice emails and messages on here too which is pretty cool.

- The majority of people checking out the site are other "Trans" people (sorry for using Trans but it does cover all) but nice to see 44% are women looking for answers - like i said i've had some nice emails off wives and some want to hear off my wife.

- 97% want their partners to know they crossdress and honesty is the best policy. Hopefully some of the info in my Help and Advice can arm people with some tools to "come out" as a crossdresser sucessfully and I hope the help and advice helps those affected by the surprise news also.

- Almost 50-50 on the term for what we do or what we'd like to be known or labelled as with Crossdresser closely followed by the more modern T-Girl. I'm happy with either.

- Why do you crossdress is picking up speed as the latest question set with the majority the same as myself Enjoyment and Escapism for male lives. Nice to see similarities out there connecting with others with similar reasons for dressing to myself

- Sexuality 76% straight and 23% Bisexual so more or less 76 out of 100 Crossdressers straight and 24 out of 100 may be Bisexual as a ratio. I guess this is a guide for women who have just found out their partner crossdresses and I expect they hope their partner is in the majority...

- Looks like its quite varied how often peope on here crossdress with the slight majority having a once per month bit of escapism which is similar to me although this year it's been more like once every 2 months..

- 45% of you have accepting wives who are ok you dressing but not entirely - i'd say my wifes here sometimes too and sometimes total acceptance.

- Also seems a lot of you are like me dressing up fully as a woman and just being at home but how many want to make the next step and go out dressed? maybe another questionaire.

So is getting cold and that means women are wearing tights again "Yipee for the leg lovers out there!"

So today with a collegue we get off a train on our way to a meeting and an attractive woman gets off the train in high heels and black tights short dress and we both gave the blokey look to eachother "wow shes hot"

I said she had amazing legs and he replied i didnt get past the high heels they were nice.... Hmmmm maybe he has a high heel fetish?

A thing for high heels he didnt get to see that her legs were really sexy and she was also really attractive flawless makeup... may well have been a T-Girl making so much effort lol... but she wasn't and no i didnt check I just know.

So as I noted in 2013 as winter arrives so does black or fasion tights and heels which is refreshing for the leg and high heels lovers out there from bare legs and flat shoes... euugh.

Books I've downloaded and read ... well read some of them to a point and stopped ....why?

They all sound and the write up read like a wife getting involved in crossdressing her other half which interested me and some of them started off ok but why oh why do the authors have to near the end of the book "Teach the Crossdresser a lesson" by involving a scenario of "oh youre such a sissy youre gonna get is this is chuck and youre gonna have to give him oral pleasures and let him bang you!" why?

Why does the crossdresser always have to be humiliated involving a man and sex with a man at that.. does this happen in real life?

Why cant the wife get involved in a nice way, dominant way or sexy way in these books... I can't see me downloading any more ... what would my wife think reading what I've downloaded?

All 4 books ended with the crossdresser getting involved with a man as his wifes orders and thats where i stopped reading... good job they were free.. Maybe i should write my own with better endings?

Had a day working from home to finish a project and got 95% of it done one or two more checks in the morning and its ready to upload.

Wifes away on a course today so she came home and asked me to run her back to work. So i had to take off my wig and makeup down to my lingerie.... and thought chuck on some jeans and a hoody and stay in the Lingerie ... Not sure if my wife knew or not lol so ran her back to work with lingerie and stockings under my clothes (felt quite exciting).

Came home and after about 10 mins of working thought lets get dressed again so put my slap back on and spent a few more hours crossdressed.

I don't like my wife being away the only advantage is i've got sport on the TV not some crap cooking program or dieting lark and the like oh or one of those building and decorating shows especially the one where they take a water tower and turn it into a house... "Just buy a house!!!"

So she's miles away from my protection and I dont like it. Cant wait for her to get back home Wednesday.

https://livingwiththeotherwoman.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/things-i-have-learned-from-my-husband.html?zx=a68db5b811541149

Follow the link to an online friends Blog.

She's the wife of a Crossdresser and this Article is very good and also on the ball

D

So yesterday in Primark some 5 inch black heels and tan heels with at least an inch platform really sexy angle to the shoes were £7 yes £7 and my wife tried one shoe on and commented "how on Earth do women walk in these they must be so uncomfortable" ... Going through my mind was two things .. Mmm try the other shoe on... Ok three things... You don't have to walk in them lying down would be ok with black stockings and those heels mm mm mm and lastly... Kept inside my head but screaming out... "Do they have a size 8?" And yes they did. 

Then today in Asda or George' party dresses

Again I was like mmm nice dresses like the above. I'd love to be able to try on.

But as I've said before I don't like spending money on my Crossdressing with he majority of my things being hand me downs from the wife as she's attempted to throw garments out.

Maybe this Christmas I will treat myself to some new Bright red lippy and some new foundation and powder and some new blusher and a new blonde wig or maybe a long one like the one I've got plus a shorter one for the summer and maybe a dress like the above in the Sales.. That is if I pluck up enough courage to say to the wife "I want that"

Bit awkward with the kids there and depends on what mood the wifes in lol.

She bought a nice dress yesterday can't wait to see her in it next weekend hopefully with some nice hosiery and heels.

Day working from home tomorrow to complete or rather sample a project and prep some briefings ... Will I endulge and crossdress.. No webex meetings planned so maybe lol 

So a family weekend away celebrating a family menbers birthday which I wasnt really looking forward to to be honest but turned out ok..ish.

Now to the point .. I went to the venue early as there was football on so bath in the hotel, change and down to the venue to watch the match ..just after half time the wife and kids turn up with my wife in a nice flowery dress, black tights and high heels... I wish i wish i wish she would weare black tights or stockings and heels more often as it has an "ahem" effect on me and i couldnt take my eyes off her legs..

Into the evening and others arrive, her sister black tights and heels and her mum black tights and heels omg stop looking at their legs whats wrong with you thats you sister and mother i laws legs youre looking at get back on the wifes legs.. then her cousin comes in black tights and heels.. i have a problem.

So what is it i wear when I crossdress? Black tights / Stockings and heels... do i have a fetish?? lol

So the lovely Karen messaged me on TVChix to let me know shes had a 2nd book published Yay.

Her first book documenting how her husband Mark (Annie) came out to her as a Crossdresser, shock, tears, fear, realisation and love and acceptance.. All the things me an my wife went though over 8-10 years since I confessed "I've Crossdressed for years" but Karen went into some form of time machine and in a matter of weeks they were out together on the Trans Scene having fun as Wife and Husband(Wife) lol. A very good interesting read I reccomend it.

Now Karens 2nd book "Something about Her" is available on Amazon and so far 3/4 through it's a great read encapsulating the different aspects, habbits, history and outcomes of many trans people from Crossdressers to TS's even to Admirers of T-Girls in what showcases the trans spectrum to the full.. the " I started wearing my mums things, to the dare i go outside.. to the I'm out yipee lets do it again and the side which doesnt float my boat but needs to be noted the sexual side or rather the bi sexual side or whatever it is when a T-Girl "does stuff" with another T-Girl - It happens so has to be part of the book and the spectrum.. Another worthy read..

I'm hoping my wife will read the book but i will be wary of pointing out to her - What made me laugh, what is near my mark and whats whooooo waaaay over there nothing to do with why i Crossdress.

Well done Karen... If you need more stories I'm sure there are many more out there.. I may even revisit some of my tales in later blogs...

A cool picture depicting the many ways within it of communicating.

Communication is key if youre a crossdresser or the other half of a crossdreser and my communication with my wife is sometimes via text messages - which i tell her to delete as i wouldnt want the kids or anyone else reading my typical messages to her "hows your day going"..... " well was going ok working from home till i got this email then 10 phonecalls which did my head in so now im 'destressing'" .. now destressing is our unwritten code for me destressing in a dress and that means makeup stockings knickers high heels basque bra, full makeup and wig total en fem.

What I still find hard even though in reading my blog you'd think I've sussed it but i still find it very hard to talk to my wife in broaching the subject and then both of us clamming up not wanting to say something which may upset or offend the other.. so in bed this week my Karen Adler book Something about Her downloads to my samsung pad and ping sets off our shared email on her ipad .. "whats this book" so onto explaining who Karen was and the first book and this is the 2nd book so subject broached we spent about an hour in bed discussing my crossdressing laughing about some of it and talking seriously about other parts of it.. "I'm ok with it" she said "But i still dont get it you're a mans man and sometimes you're an arsehole (that was nice but probably true at times) and youre so competitive and confident and you dress up as a woman its weird well i dont mean weird (backtracking lol) but i dont know it just is I dunno but i'm ok with it"

Reassurance I suppose lol

Shes ok me dressing shes ok seeing me dressed then onwards " I dont get these wives who go out with their husbands crossdressed thats not something we'll ever do" - Ok no problem its something tentitavely I may think it may be fun to be out Crossdressed but I am quite happy being able to dress at home with her acceptance... Just a pity i'm usually working when i dress at home and the day goes by so fast and then i'm back in boring male mode... Maybe somehow we can have some more girly nights in where we can both get dressed up and tarted up ... might even try wine again (not a chance wine is the devil).

It also gave us a chance to discuss my wifes insecurities again and this is where men and women differ . i look in the mirror and think i look okish as a bloke.. i take the eye of some women and gain a smile so i cant be fugly, i look in the mirror at me as a T-Girl and think I look sexier than i do as a man but i am a man and i am attracted to women so ... Whereas women look in the mirror and all they see is faults in themselves.

I have some work to do with my wife still to get her self confidence back - health and diet and fitness beckons after Christmas to whip her arse in shape and get he mojo back.

Another good photo found on tinternet about communication.

Tgirls note this is not how to communicate with your other half... and remember not to take advantage of her acceptance..

We have a date night tonight staying in a hotel and seeing a concert so childless until saturday morning and looking to let our hair down.... I do hope she wears black tights and high heels.... wish i could lol

I guess I must have been 5 or 6 when I first recall the feel of silk nighties and the like.. back then it felt nice to walk through M&S touching the silky things and recall my mother teling me off for doing it, I also recall laying on her bed wrapped in silk nighties loving the cool feel on my skin and think I fell asleep like it many times when I was younger.

This sort of thing

No sexual connotations at this age just liked the feel and always remember liking a black silk one with lace on it the most.. I do wonder what my parents must have thought finding me wrapped up in silky things asleep back then.

I dont recall how often I'd do this but its my first memories and something which maybe was the start of my Crossdressing life / journey / hobby.. whatever it is..

Why am I recalling this? I've already stated some things here about my dressing somewhere in this blog but Karen adlers book now complete I thought I'd pen something myself on the subject.. from early days to now.

I suppose as a little kid in junior school you first become aware of girls being different and I'm not going to say I envied them wearing dresses and skirts at the age of 9 or 10 but they were different, they were pretty and acted different to boys.

Back then all I wanted to do was play football in school and also at 9 started playing mini rugby but also you get aunties asking "Have you got a girlfriend?" and your reaction at 9 or 10 is "ewww no way i hate girls"... but secretly youre thinking "I have crushes on about 5 of them in school plus my teacher plus a supply teacher who's legs I cant stop looking at" you hide it and I'm sure I'm not the first kid girls included to think of someone whilst snogging a pillow lol.. 

I was probably about 10 in the last year of junior school (mid 80s) when I discovered marshal Ward and Janet Frazer catalogues flicking through and .. wow beautiful women in knickers and bras and stockings and high heels...

I do vividly remember my first full errection looking at those pages thinking what the hell is going on then touching it and thinking mmm this feels nice.. I'll spare the dirty detail but it seems as kids we learn thing pretty fast... and it got touched quite a lot after that and a wonder the catalogues didnt get worn out sneaking them upto my room ... I'll end the blog here a sec as I want to have short punch blogs in this little tale...

So I'm about 10 heavily into Sport and also heavy crushes on a few girls in school but I'm also shy, I dont recall much about crossdressing other than the feel of silky things still being nice nor wearing them but the catalogues and the effect they had on me did i even put one and one together and realise what my errection was about or that I wanted girls to touch it lol I dont think so but I thought Id love to see my teacher in some of these or the teaching assistant who I recall was a real cruch (Miss Brown... I wonder where she is now lol) then I thought "I wonder how it would feel to touch a woman wearing this sexy lingerie"... so for first time I checked out my mothers knicker draws..

The house to myself for a bit as my parents have just popped out so I'm in their room, I've located her draws and there are stockings, suspenders, french knickers matching bras, a basque and wow some high heels..Marshal Ward catalogue in 3D!!

I think i tried on some tights first and bingo electricity flowing through me the start of a possible nylon fetish then took them off and put on stockings suspecnders high heels the french knickers and a bra then tried on te basque and the effects were amazing i felt very turned on although that wasnt a term I knew then .. I guess I didnt know what I felt but it was nice and I suddenly thought wow this feels amazng it must feel out of this world to feel this on a girl it didnt dawn on me that what I was doing was sexual, perverted, weird or wrong, nor did I think "I wonder if anyone else does this" but one thing I did do was hide it .. why? I don't know I guess it was ingrained in me this is how men dress and behave and this is how women dress and behave but all I was doing was dressing up to feel how it would feel to touch a woman wearing these things.. I took opportunity by the hand and dressed whenever I could whenever I was home alone being careful to place things back where I'd found them.. did my parents suspect anything? they've never said anything so who knows?

You finish Junior school and join a secondary or comprehensive school and suddenly the 10 girls in your class are now 40 girls and some are even prettier.. but I was still shy..

You also meet new people with different backgrounds and different upbringing and knowledge .. I found out swear words and what masterbations was.. ah thats what it is i do lol so naieve as a kid.

Crossdressing in lingerie and getting off continued, I'm not sure how often just opportunistic and I recall also going round friends houses and seeing their mothers lingerie, tights and stockings drying on radiators or on the washing lines OMG given the opportunity I'd probably try theirs on too that would be exciting was there no shame to my newly arrived fetish..

I must have been 14 or 15 when I finally got a girlfriend and it just sort of happened down the park playing football girls would watch us and we'd hang out by the swings and talk although I was still pretty shy I remember stealing a kiss and that was that we were boyfriend and girlfriend holding hands and kissing nothing more.. meeting down the park and at dinner time in school if i wasnt doing any sport and in the end it was sport which split us up running, training, playing sport we just stopped and drifted no we're through or anything.. I still see her about and for whatever reason she ignores me but did introduce herself to my wife once as "I'm his Ex-girlfriend" so my wife obviously hates her even though it was just a kid thing.. Thinking back with sport and my first GF I cant recall much about crossdressing... Did I stop? I think I might have..

Sport took over my life, mainly running, sprinting, rugby, football and cricket from the age of 14 to about 17 / 18 I was so fit back then could run miles and fast and was in every sport team and captain of most I was becoming this Alpha Male and a bit of a big head, although I got on with anyone I think girls thought I was a big head and although some asked me out they weren't the ones I wanted to go out with.. Maybe I did still wear the occassional stockings and knickers back then..probably but cant remember much of it and still hd it but still didnt think i was being perverted, doing anything wrong other than feeling what I'd like to feel on a woman with new crushes in the Comp school more female teachers .. a thing for older women developed I felt intimidated by sexy older women when i was younger..

Finising comp and now in college I had more opportunity to be home alone and wow even more stunning girls in college but I was still shy although through girls coming to watch us play rugby and being good at it I got a bit of attention and some snogs at discos and we started going out on the town to nightclubs and pubs so there were a few snogs but nothing serious.

Apt time to mention sexuality and so far all i've mentined is girls and women and thats all i'm interested in so sexuality never entered my head and still at the age of 17/18 I had no idea I was a crossdresser .. Maybe I had negative connotations in my head myself about drag queens and the like but my dressing was just that dressing to feel what it would be like to have someone in stockings and it was some years before I had opportunity to feel stockings on someone else...

I still dont recall how often I did dress up but I definately did it.. in my late teenage years and still got myself off doing it.. OMG my wifes reading this thinking OMG.. I'm thinking OMG myself lol

Onto Uni to become an Engineer and this was quite stressful as I was in a massive auditorium studying with 250 others and struggling to learn .. a few of us would get together in the librabry and self teach eachother then a field trip and one of the girls fell for my singing voice and we dated for a bit.. I was living at home she was from Birmingham and staying in halls but I had a hectic sporting life still training, playing sport most nights of the week so I'd only see her at Uni or if we went on a field trip. I never invited her back home to meet my friends and she was a smoker and in the end smoking did it for me (yuck)  we split up.. Again I'm now 18 and cant recall dressing up.. I actually two timed her with a girl back home for a week and ened up ditching one and the other didnt want to know so single again lol.. There wasnt much time for crossdressing and stil naieve I didnt think i was a crossdresser I just wore certain items to get myself off in stockings heels and knickers and a basque no makeup or anything..I think it definately dimished for a few years maybe it was thekeeping fit and sport occupying my time

I was 19 and by chance I got invited to take someones place on a week away as one person pulled out (who happened to be a girlfriend for a week lol) so I paid her what she'd paid and was away for a week with friends some of who i knew well and some who i knew of..

So the next week off on holiday for a week with about £50 in my pocket.. we had a fab time and my friends got me singing in the caravan which got me one admirer looking at me stary eyed (as I do have a good singing voice) so off to a nightclub the next night and slow songs come on and there she is looking at me and another friend saying go dance with her so i did the slow hang on to someone dance (i hate dancing) then our friend is mouthing to me snog her so i did (I wanted to and she wanted to but I had to make the move and the prompt from our friend did it in the end lol) and that is history... we walked back to the caravan talking all the way and I wont go into the full tale but that was 22 years ago and shes now my wife. (The reason we walked was i had no money for a taxi lol)

Little did she know she was dating a crossdresser.. if thats what I was ... we were inseperable to the extent her mum told her she was seeing too much of me and my mother said the same perhaps they were worried we were having sex... Of course we were lol ... did i crossdress when dating my wife then girlfriend..I dont think i did why did i need to i had a sexy girlfriend in short skirts and tights and heels .... ok maybe i did but cant recall it but might have put something on once or twice..

I'm in love for the first time in my life and shes the one..

Living at home with our parents squeeky beds were no good.. I will remember to install squeeky beds in my house.. I asked her to marry me and we told the world and had a brilliant party and she looked amazing in a maroon figure hugging dress and heels... but her sister beat us to getting wed...

My gf was a bridesmaid and wow she looked amazing i was turned on (i now knew what turned on meant and she definately turned me on) seeing her in a bridesmaid dress and heels.. i was staying at her parents place that night and couldnt wait to be alone with her.. now i mentioned stockings earlier and here was my first taste of stockings as under her bridesmaid dress she had on stockings mmm wow i loved running my hands up her legs and we got upto all sorts on the setee after everyone had gone to bed .. risky but fun..

We got engaged and moved in together and had a hell of a job on our hands with the house needing a top to bottom makeover.. friends and family helped and I took time off to do some painting and decorating so found myself home alone....

Decorating the house is boring... but had to be done.

Curiosity got the better of me I wonder what sexy lingerie she has and what dresses and heels, I was tempted.. I got the urge out of the blue for the first time in ages and I tried things on home alone tights knickers and a bra .. socks for tits.. and for the first time i tried on a dress and heels and looked in the mirror wow i look ok nice legs on me lol I was a little hooked..

The start of me as a crossdresser moved up a notch to dresses..

The big day came and it was brilliant but went way to fast my wife looked stunning in a beautiful dress but i was more interested in what she had on under the dress.. a lovely basque, knickers and cream stockings and cream heels... we got home and i was absolutely gutted that in shutting off the lights and locking doors etc on entering the bedroom she was naked... now theres nothing wrong with her naked but i've always been gutted that I wasn't allowed or able to see her strip out of her wedding dress which was discarded on the floor revealint her wedding lingerie which was also discarded on the floor .. we were so tired we didnt even consumate the marriage and fell asleep off on honey moon the next day..

She doesnt know this but I was soo soo gutted not having her in her wedding lingerie that whilst she was in the bath the next morning I quickly slipped on the stockings and basque knickers and heels and tried her wedding dress on.. imagine I'd got stuck in the dress and she'd caught me the mornig after the wedding.. Having tried it on and getting aroused i quickly took it off and we were soon on our way on our honeymoon

We were happily married but one event caused stress in our life which I wont go into here and we had our first marital test and first problem in our relationship.. we got through it but this also started me chasing promotion in work which for the first time in my working life started getting me stressed with man management (and no training) and deadlines to meet which in my first role after Uni I didnt have to deal with..

I started dressing more.. just in lingerie stockings or tights knickers and high heels and sometimes a dress.

2 years into our marriage she asked if she could put makeup on me out of the blue.

No chance I said...

She persisted and after 2 weeks of her asking a few times I said ok.. So she put on foundation, lipstick and eye shaddow and mascara probably some eye liner and did my hair more girly and we had a laugh me secretly thinking omg shes sussed me dressing i must have put something back wrong but this is going the right way.. she suggested I try on a dress and I said why not knickers bra and stockings and heels so i left the room changed hands trembling and reentered the room wow she said look how sexy your legs are.. i checked myself in the mirror wow I look nice in makeup then the mistake i tried to initiate sex dressed and she went cold and told me to take it all off...

I came back to bed and she was a little quiet damn i shouldnt have tried it on when I was dressed was I over eager or drooling at the mouth ... I hugged her in bed and said "It's not the first time I've dressed up in your things"

That went down like a lead baloon and i dont think she registered it.. gutted she hadnt sussed me as a crossdresser and asked me to wear makeup out of curiosity we went to sleep ... I didnt / couldnt sleep agonising over it in my head..

We talked the next day and she said I only wanted to see if you'd let me do it for a laugh..

In work I couldnt get it off my mind I needed to talk about it..

Weeks passed... how do i bring it up again...

I wrote down what I wanted her to know "I'm a Crossdresser I've worn womens clothes all my life"... and more weeks passed before I plucked up the courrage to give it to her leaving it where she could find it then removing it before she did .. finally in bed one night i gave it to her wanting to be there as she read it to explain things...

5 seconds into the letter tears flooded.. what does this mean? does it mean you're gay, it is me? do you want to be a woman?... wooooow noo slow down damn why didnt i research this better where did these questins come from ????.. NO IM NOT GAY! OK thats the first and then no I dont want to be a woman and no it's not your fault as I've dressed to some extent for a good few years... lots more tears she read on.. OMG you used to dress in your mothers things...

 it sounds bad doesnt it...

She wanted nothing to do with it so all that pent up guilt and fear and i'm back in the closet she is horrified

"No one would ever think you do something this weird youre so macho this isnt you!!"

Time went on and it was eating away at me it was dismissed to the back of her mind but at the very front of mine.

I took a gulp of air and asked if we could talk about it .. more tears but she said "If you have to dress up or whatever it is you do I dont want to be part of it, dont want to see it dont want to see the evidence"

This worked albeit back in the secret world of hiding it from her ... I'll time warp a bit forward... We talked more and the conditions stayed the same however one day she bought me a present as I'd confided in her i wanted to see if i could look convincing and a wig was required

she also bought me some stockings and some lingerie I was so greatful but also so eager to try it on and she allowed me to go up and do it I felt fab... onto the next step I now wanted to try to look like a woman and after makeup she'd given me a hand up to the next stage unwittingly not knowing...

I now had everything i needed my own lingerie, makeup and a wig so my crossdressing opportunity was spent perfecting makeup and trying to look convincing. I took photos of myself and saved them on a cdrw and one day asked if she would look at photos.

She did

"I dont get it ok you look like a woman but what do you get out of it"

I dont know.... Its exciting, fun , a turn on and its a stress buster but lonely...

Panda Eyes became a term i had to google as she said "Youve been dressed you've got panda eyes"

I didnt dress up like no panda i can tell you I was dressed like a right tart.. google oh right I'm crap at makeup removal....

Whats pretty gutting is the CDRW I had save my early fully crossdressed photos onto became corrupted and I lost loads of photos.. I have one or two now taken in the last few years but it was gutting loosing them to a scratch or a miss burnt file...

Moving it on a few years i did silly things like wearing lingerie in bed and shed come into bed and say take it off!!

I'd also before we had the kids be dresed and stay dressed with seconds to spare till she came home or be in our bedroom getting lingerie orr and scrubbing my panda eyes as shes coming through the front door lol madness

We eventually  had kids which complicated time for dressing but we talked on and off about it which was soo hard to do both clamming up but talking is good reassurance is good and she was reassured that i was straight, i loved her, its just a bit of fun and does no harm but she still wanted nothing to do with it albeit i'd ask if i found the courage for her to buy me some high heels or some new foundation etc..

I'd also take advantage of christmas and stock up on hosiery and makeup and lingerie and heels finding it exciting to buy womens things some for her and some for me and being asked if they were for me to which I always replaied YES.. no one believed me

Her main fear now is people might find out...

Working from home I text her that I was dressed upstairs so she didnt have to see me..

she came home for lunch from work and she placed a sandwich on the landing which i retrieved when she was downstairs and i shouted what about a cuppa so up she came and came and kept on coming and there we were face to face .. ive recounted this many times in the blog as our eureka moment as not only wasnt she or i freaked out but she said i looked ok, complimented my legs and make up and called me a bitch for wearing her dress and told me my wife was tatty.. we talked after she came home from work and together ordered a new blonde wig which she picked off ebay... "Were you ok seeing me dressed up?"

"Yes you looked like a woman not like a freak it was ok"

"do you think you'd be ok seeing me again"

"Yes i suppose so"

"Could we have a girly night in"

"Maybe"

We've had a few girly nights in the first was after being at friends drinking in the evening and having baby sittrers we returned home and she said even thoough it was 21:00 go on then get dressed I'll open more wine i'll need it.

I nervously dressed and came down into the room and she was so nice about how i looked .. we put a film on but didnt watch it as we talked about makeup and how i did my eyes etc .. it was fab.

The next time we were home together she asked if she could watch me transform .. so i put on makeup and the lot in front of her even more nervous again we tlaked about crossdressing and makeup all night

The last time was a while ago and i even got her in a french maids outfit which was superb i was really horney and all dolled up myself but she is not into "Davina" so no touching but a good night in champagne and wine consumed which wrecked me the next day "WINE IS THE DEVISL JUICE" never again

The last few blogs my whirlwind path as a Crossdresser from 6 to... how old I am now

I still find it hard to talk about it but I'm comfortable in my head with it and to the most extent so is my wife.. though after reading some of this and my early years as a serial crossdresser trying on my mothers things lol she may clip me round the ear and call me a perve

I hope we can have many more chats and many more girly nights in ...

Our next mission is get fit and diet so we both feel good about ourselves in our natural form.. being "Davina" helps me escape my own insecurities and allows me to escape into makeup, lingerie, heels and stockings and dresses to for a few hours seem like im someone else .. i prefer being a man but the escapism is an essential part of me and helps keep me sane... or mad one or the other.

I love my wife and kids more than anything and I'm so fortunate that I didnt get stuck in that wedding dress 13 years ago lol...

Thanks Karen Adler for making me reminice about my crossdressing  in the last few blogs..

If youre reading this go down to the start of my tales and work back up as theyre in order..Got to "Recalling how it all started and the nice picture of the lacy slip"

One thing my wife only said to me ther other night as shes said througout the last 10-11 years is

"No one would ever think you'd crossdress, you're so macho, and a mans man and sometimes an arsehole but you're so much nicer when you're dressed"

I'm not gonna say I'm a woman trapped in a mans body or any of that I just think I'm sadly shaped by society to act a certain way when I'm a man and maybe society shapes arseholes more than nice people lol not that I'm an arsehole all the time.. I just want things done right and maybe thats a bit of OCD.. I hate to leave something undone hence why i work so hard.. things need to change here as I'm stressing out and in the last few months have dressed at least once maybe twice per month probably since September.. it doesnt do any harm dressing up as in the questionaire a bit of fun and escapism ticks my boxes and wanting to try to look real...

HOw real I am in my looks as "Davina" only others can judge .. my wife just sees me dressed up as me as a man in a wig and makeup..

Shes been about today first real frost of the winter.

                I have a day off and walked the kids to school and bloomin ek its cold.

I also have a touch of the Man Flu

The real difference between men and women no matter how much you think you can look like a woman in  dress and a wig if you get man flu you're struck down and incapacitated like any other man there's no escaping it.

A day off why don't you dress up I hear you ask? Well see above I don't think pretending to be a woman will beat up the man flu I'm feeling and I've dressed a few times recently and dont have the urge ... lots to do in the house.. kids rooms need to be sorted and I need to think about some DIY.. I can't actually do the DIY today on account of the Man flu that may potentially hospitalise me... plus I feel winter coming and feeling manly so growing a bit of stubble as I feel I look better as a bloke with a bit of James Bond stubble.. rugged and all.

Man flu has struck!!!!!

So I worked from home today... Wife had black tights on earlier as she left for work pfwooor!!

By 10:00 I had the urge to dress up and with a very busy schedule packed into the next few weeks and little opportunity to Crossdress on the cards I thought sod it lets get dolled up.

Wife came home lunchtime told me I needed to adjust my dress as wasn't wearing it correctly lol. 

At 14:30 I decided it was time to return to man mode and now reflecting on it for the last year and a half we haven't had a girls night in so my only dressing has been working from home.. Dolled up sat there typing away.

It would be nice to have some free time Crossdressed, a girly night in just relaxing all dolled up.. Not much chance.

Dressing reduced my cold slightly for that 4.5 hours or was it the beechams.. No must have been being a Tgirl reducing the man flu to a mere cold as it is now back full force amend I feel rubbish... Bleuughhh

Ok I've definitely got a black tights thing...

My wife's in black tights and rocket dog black flat ugh type boots and I'm turned on.

I was dressed earlier and she wouldn't let me run my hands up her legs boo... So I ran them up my black stockings instead lol.

So back in man mode I've had my hands on her legs .. Such a turn on :)

Now she's sat on the setee still wearing black tights and a short black dress drinking wine and I'm ogling her legs... She won't put on high heels to titilate me tho!!... Cow lol

Is it a British thing where we have reorganisations, make people redundant then force the remaining staff to do extra work for no extra pay then blame them when it all goes wrong.. Say I told you so and you get a black mark, blame a reorg and you get a black mark, ask for a resources review as you can't cope and you get a black mark, go off on stress you're weak and get a black mark and probably don't survive the next reorg that your company who tells you they're transparent keeps from you until around Christmas time then bang you're redundant.. The same company who claims to be diverse and family caring yet the 35 hours we are contracted to work isn't enough so we work on voluntarily without overtime falsely thinking it will help us keep our jobs should another reorg come.. Pay rise time and there isn't a pay rise.. Unions say work to rule a few weeks the company says you're not allowed to as you've worked 40-60 hours that that's the norm and working less than the norm is industrial action even though they only pay you for 35 hours... 

Where is the working persons work life balance?

Where are unions powers gone?

This current Con Dem Government has done this to us not a recession? The pay rise of politicians is scandalous.

It's time we all took action and worked our paid hours and watch the UK fail... Even more than its failing now...

Can you tell I'm peed off... Maybe in need of some time Crossdressed to escape it all as I'm wound right up but so called senior management and directors and this government.

Day working from home to escape the nonsense of being in the office and to catch up with a few things.
I really do get shed loads of work done at home and realy do get distracted in work by people wanting
my help and advice even if they no longer work for me or even if its to do with something other than my
chosen field of Engineering as a I have a wider understanding of other Engineering requirements.

So wife pops home and does a double take as I'm still in the T Shirt and shorts I was in when she left for work.

She text me later and asked why I wasnt dressed up? my reasons:

- I was far too busy with phone confrences andprepping for phone confrences
- I've grown a bit of facial hair as I like to let it grow every now and then
   - I think I look better as a bloke with a bit of facial hair.
- I text I'd look stupid in a dress and high heels with red lipstick and a beard

She phoned me after this text back and said fair enough laughing her head off at the image of me crossdressed
Bright red lippy and a beard which she says she likes on me.... well it's not staying but will be on my face
a few days more...

She was still laughing later on about me dressed with a beard lol

I said as if... when i dress I try to look convincing as a woman

We shared a few more texts as I told her if I hadnt been bearded I would have tried one of her new dresses on
which i think looks really sexy on her in black tights and heels... mmmmmm

As i said I think I look better as a man with facial hair so I've put a picture of myself below

Following on from the facial hair episode and my wife picturing me dressed with a beard and red lippy
she phoned me on her way somewhere still picturing me dressed up with a beard laughing her head off...

I said I'd never dress up if i couldnt look the part clean shaven and made up when I dress and she said I know that

Then a compliment

Not that compliment

"You look good as a woman, you do your makeup really well and you could probably pass as a woman you have great legs youre just a little too muscular in your shoulders they're too broad but with your makeup you do it so well you could pass.. maybe hold your shoulders different pull them back or something and you'd pass as a woman"

I pointed out I have no sign of an Adams apple and I think my legs are sexy in stockings / tights and heels

"She remarked if you've not got an Adams apple maybe you're a woman..." then laughed and said I hope no one can hear this conversation.

So the very compliment a Crossdresser is over the moon with .. Ones wife proclaiming that you look passable as a woman...

The best albeit brief chat we've had about my crossdressing for a long time its good to talk.. hope we can talk about it more..

Me and the kids went shopping today as the wifes gone off for the day so we bought some items for her Christmas stocking.. So frustrating buying her things I'd like for my alter ego..

In fact as a bloke I have everything I need and dont want much for Christmas.. maybe the new ACDC and Foo Fighters albums.. I'd be more than happy with one of those sexy basques above from Peacocks, some sexy fashion tights or stockings I saw today at Primark or some high heels from Primark, some cheap makeup, foundation, red lippy, red lip gloss, blusher, brown shades of eye shaddow, make up set maybe and makeup remover and maybe a new wig a shorter one and one like I've got as I've had mine a good few years...

I wonder if "Davina" will get anything for Christmas... I will if I buy it for myself but as conversation about my fetish has been very positive lately will my wife surprise me with a hidden pile of girly presents for her very macho husband?? .. Maybe I should dress up and put my letter to Santa in the fireplace...

Seriously as I've mentioned a few times in the blog over the years Christmas is the perfect time for a crossdresser to go shopping for supplies lol .. easy excuse.. its for my wife... although I've answered more than once "Yes its for me"... wipes the smile off the faces of some people... leaves them thinking is he winding me up???

Work = Uber stressful 

I've made time to work from home not to dress up but to catch up but things in work are hectic and beyond my control I've had to sort a lot of things out which otherwise would affect thousands of people.

So this week has been full of phone conferences and planning and contingency meetings and I've caught up with nothing with deadlines to hit in January and only 5 packed working days left and I intend turning my phone off.. Although I'm on call over some of the Christmas and new year period.. Can't even escape when on leave!! 

I've managed to dress twice this week but I can't say I've enjoyed it as although ive been dressed and made up working from home it's been so hectic even working from home juggling so much that days have come and gone..

My job has become ridiculous due to reorganisations designed to save money everyone is on edge snapping at one another it will end in tears. Yet people who instigated the reorganisation won't be to blame it will be the juggling managers and engineers.

So "Davina" has been packed away until 2015... Hoping for a better 2015 as 2014 has flown by like no other year..and been a horrible year to boot so good riddance to 2014

Merry Christmas everyone......

Christmas came and went.. it was a hectic 2 weeks off work..

My dream Christmas would have been just mu lil family opening christmas stockings and main presents before anyone else turned up but we didnt get that this year which put me in a mood all day ... just wanted time me the wife and the kids before family Christmas invasion... is that not asking a lot?

The kids had everything they wanted and more but as we had family visiting and a hectic schedule over christmas it was at least a full 5 days until they got to see their presents .. Christmas to new year and time off work was a blur.. and i dint find it very relaxing still contemplating work problems and wishing for time just the 4 of us. we did manage a few family days just us 4..

My wonderful wife bought me some of my Davina Christmas wish list some makeup and eye makeup remover a pair of stockings some blusher and Red lipstick which was nice..

Hope everyone had a good Christmas

Back to work one Day and so much to catch up with so many deadlines and in the office got nothing done so worked from home and just had to Crossdress to help with the stress of the first day back.

I think of myself as a strong person and I am so why do i need to dress as a woman to help me unwind .. beats the hell outa me but it works..... Just a pity I have to work when I'm dressed and cant just relax and enjoy the feel of what I'm wearing and chillax as a Girl.. "Girls night in needed!!"

Would it suit me?

Can i justify spending Xmas money on a wig?

Would be cooler in the summer and a different look for me...

I'll ask the wife... See what she thinks

So my dream.. The wife says to me "We've got baby sitters tonight so lets both get dressed up wear what you want".. I'm stunned but very excited as we've not had a girls night in for ages...

So I say "Could I wear that dress you wore to the wedding we went to" and she said "of course"

The dream was a little hazy but I remember her saying "I'll take the kids to my sisters you Sissify yourself"

(A term shes never used to describe my crossdressing)

So she leaves I have a quick bath and shave all over and get on my lingerie, stockings and heels and the Blue dress she wore to a recent wedding and take my time over my makeup then place my blonde wig on and the wife returns and tells me i look very nice and quite convincing.

She goes for a bath and I take her a glass of wine and then I remember being in the living room flicking tv channels and in she comes in heels, nice makeup, hair up, black tights / stockings and a black lacy dress and sits next to me and kisses my cheek...

Here's the bit which eventually woke me up.. someone knocks the front door and she says "Stay here I'll get it"

No sound of her saying hello or talking to anyone I ignore it and continue watching TV then in she walks followed by her best friend....who remarks  "OMG I cant believe it... You look amazing stand up so I can see you"

I stand and she comments "Wow you look great and says to my wife you're right he's quite passable come and give me a hug" so I hug The best friend  with a look at my wife of "WTF" then we all sit down me in between them both as we begin to discuss my makeup and how well I did my eyes, my long girly eyelashes as we all drank wine the thing that woke me.... both of them put their hands on my knees and i woke thinking wow that was sureal... (I woke up quite lets say hot under the collar)

Maybe its an omen and My wifes going to tell her friend OMG!!!!!!!!

Taking a coffee break a sec working from home en fem so an apt time to update my blog as I had another dream last night.

So following on from the surprise that my wife in the dream asked me if i wanted a girls night in then introduced her best friend to the girls night which was a bit of a shock last night the dream continued as i was back on the setee en fem in between my wife and her best friend sipping wine laughing and chatting and another knock at the door so my wife gets up and answers it again quiet and in she comes folowed by her Sister.. i could vividly see her sister in a pair of black high heels, black tights and a black lacy dress she wore to her works christmas do the year before last..(So she must have looked nice in it when she asked us if she looked nice in it ohh err)

"Well i knew there was something odd about you 'Davina' if i may call you Davina, but I'd never have believed it unless I saw you like this, you do look good as a woman though what a surprise I would never have guessed unless my sister told me and then i thought she was joking until she invited me to see for myself" she sits on the setee also so 4 of us all in black tights or stockings and heels in little black dresses im in the blue one wife wore to a recent wedding drinking wine having a girl chat.. so surreal.. then another knock on the door.. its like the hobbit this but instead of Thoren oakenshield and his merry band arriving its women who are either friends or relatives and im crossdressed feeling as puzzled as Bilbo Baggins.

"You answer the door" my wife exclaims to which I say" who is it? your mother?" .."no" just answer the door so up i get them all looking at me walk perfectly in 5 inch high heels and sexy legs  to the front door and i open it and get an "Oh my God I never would have believed it without seeing it" my wifes female boss also in high heels, black tights little black dress.. it was then i woke up as she entered the house clutching a bottle of Champagne.

Is there something in these dreams lol am i about to get found out?

Any dream analysts out there let me know in my guestbook.

Right back to work

I've been asked to post a photo

There you go not a clear pic as im not doing that here gives you an idea of how "Davina" looks

Last week and this week I managed two days working from home Crossdressed.

I have my transformation down to 10 mins getting dressed shaved made up and the same getting undressed.. I'd give superman a run for his money changing from Clark Kent to Superman is a phone box.

Yesterday and today working from home en fem I got loads done but still no where nears where I want to be in control of my job and all it effects.

Reorgs have put us back years in where we could be and invisibly this delay is costing more money that what they saved in cutting the jobs and doubling the area I cover.. My New Years resolution to work my flat hours has fallen flat on its face as that's the completed finisher in me as an Engineer.. Got to get it done and to a high standard with facts and figures concise and professional which adds upto stress  and Crossdressing.. Good job I enjoy crossdressing.

If my boss tells me I can no longer work from home I'll possibly rip his head off.

It's strange to be an expert in a job where no one realises or knows the effort you put in that means things work better than clockwork but only so much of this you can give before you burn out.. My plan catch up with what I need to catch up with then New Years resolution kicks in and work flat hours...

Being dressed last two days has been nice it's strange to admit I feel sexy and relaxed tho the chair I'm sat in does my back no good so a nice soak in the bath now as I type this hoping not to drop the iPad in the water.. But it's over in the blink of an eye the day has gone so fast from starting work at 08:00 ish and switching the laptop off gone 21:00 they get their money's worth out of me..

So I got to be Davina 10:00 till 15:00 5 hours en fem but over so quick sat at the laptop working with a few mins break to do the wife a spit of lunch ... Then she was off back to work after reclaiming my red dress for herself which I washed and hung on her wardrobe door... We can share it she said. Lol mad is t it..

Alpha male macho nutcase me spent 10 hours this week fully dressed as a woman.. A request in the guestbook for a photo answered below pixelated and black and whites very arty isn't it..

Till next time...

Next week I'm out on site all week so dressed twice this week to make up for it lol

The week after full of meetings and the one after that pretty packed with work so I could go three weeks no Davina time unless we get opportunity for a girls night in with the kids staying as grand parents (I can hope).

So two weeks over Christmas I let the facial hair grow and I think I look better as a bloke with stubble and a sorta beard

It got itchy lol

So letting it grow again for a bit until next dressing urge and opportunity arises...

I've said before I prefer being a man its nice to have this other side for escapism and I like how it makes me look and feel as a girl for a few hours.. My god bras get on your nerves... Firm believer tho that high heels are good for calf muscles.

https://uk.pinterest.com/cdtra007/why-do-men-crossdress/

I've set up a pintrest page.

Had no idea what pintrest was but it's quite fun pictures and cartoons and captions and lots of advice on makeup tips etc and othing things which I may blog about .. go check it out

So I had a chat in TVChix the other night and I usually stick to the chat lobby or girls only but strayed into another chat room and a guy propositions me on looking at my photos ignoring the sticker on my profile no male admirers and insists that he fancies me which is nice and also argues that i cannot be straight if i dress as a woman i obviously want men to admire me and want them sexually...

So I pointed out

I will admit even though I dont like the trans words I'm obviould Transgendered - i crossdress but I'm a man.. whatever but it has no effect on my sexuality.. LGB.....................T (T is way over here)

This next bit stumped him.. "What about Lesbians?".... what? he exclaimed.. "Lesbians...just because theyre women doesnt mean they fancy men".. this started a whole new conversation of all Lesbians are in denial about fancying men.. there was no winning formula so I chose to ignore him... he persisted so i said "Look I'm not dressed as a woman this evening I just popped on for a chat about football and I have a beard right now.."

Silence...... That puts them off every time

The Very Sexy Katy Perry sums this up.

My wifes been a little bitchy of late about my Crossdressing and although she says she was just teasing it hit a few nerves to the point of a bit of resentment from me... ie I've been through all this guilt about my Crossdressing to a point where I think she's ok with it and I feel better for that even though she doesnt want me crossdressing its good to know she kinda gets it... but it feels like a backward step and makes you feel guilty again when you get some catty comments about how many times you've been dressed.

I sometimes think sod it shes accepted it why do i bother worrying as Katy says "I dress for myself and it makes me happy"

Carrying on from my last blog do we need to really understand why we crossdress and do we really need to explain it to others?

I know I'm a married Alpha male with a wife and 2 kids who has a stressful job.. not enough time spare and to unwind what used to be competitive sport is now more and more the transformation into a T-Girl / Crossdresser call it what you like.

I know who I am no one else needs to understand but would have opinions and wrong ones if they ever found out.. sad that isnt it.. guilty before proven innocent if anyone found out labelled a nut job more than likely.

Hey ho one day people may get it...

If you do stress yourself out due to work heres a helpful way of unwinding

It really does work............. try it

Women - I dont know what to advise you you could try on mens clothes but you'd find it boring hence why we crossdress also

I've never discussed this with my wife but I wonder what it would be like to go shopping together for dresses?

Not as a T-Girl as no way would she do that (but I'm not saying i'd never attempt it lol might be fun... might get arrested lol) ... as Husband and wife shopping for a shared wardrobe..

This may be a good idea.. you've got money for birthday or Christmas you have everything you want as a bloke why not help fill the wardrobe with lingerie, and dresses sounds like a plan... and wouldnt this next photo be nice..

Still cant believe I've lost a day to catch up and crossdress..

Just seen what the meeting is about and It hardly if at all concerns me arrghhh!

Dont you just hate it when your plans are changed..

So I've not dressed for a few weeks and work is hyper again .. a week away from the office on a project and everything piled up so you look at your diary thinking two fold.. some white space no meetings to catch up and oh I could work from home and do it crossdressed..

My hands up i have the urge to crossdress slip into something sexy and put on makeup stockings and heels etc so tomorrow was that white space then 15:30 today a meeting invite not for tomorrow morning but for tomorrow afternoon 13:30-16:00 miles away from home so loss of time travelling to and from and no work done .. i hate pointless meetings especially when my hands up "I need to Crossdress"

Its true as I've mentioned before I think I look a bit of alright when I'm dressed up... " I would" lol

I like how i look, how i do my make up, the shape of my legs ... "You're so Vane .. You probably think this song is about you.. you're so vane"

I recently told her that I sometimes Masterbate when I'm crossdressed.. hard to explain the sexy feel of nylon, silk and lace and the smell of perfume.. that noise when you walk and nylon rubs together .. well for me that has a sexy effect and yes I sometimes masterbate.... and have had some nice orgasms dressed up alone..

She equates that to "you wait for me to take the kids to school you get dressed up by 09:00 and start masterbating and then around 16:00 you finish masterbating and get back to man mode"...

Nooo .... but sometimes almost lol

Its the guilty thing...

Ok I mentioned Masterbation .. now I get to climax and this hits me "BOOM!!"

"I need to take this all off what am i doing" and I'll de-fem and dress back as a man thinking right thats it never again ... then regret wiping off makeup etc which is why if i do Masterbate I dont climax until its time to undress..

But also I do feel Fem and Sexy dressed up but do sometimes later get the thoughs in the caption which is weird and i think related to the guilt for putting my wife through me dressing.. thats what it is.. Guilt so snide remarks dont help.. they bring back the guilty pangs and self doubt

True at least 12 times per year ... more would be nice

There are a lot of articles in pintrest related to Crossdressing like "Sissy" links and "Submissive" links

Made me think what would I do if my wife wanted to be more Dom? What if the snide remarks are some dom side to her ... I do feel more submissive as "Davina" which she said is something she liked as she knows i feel guilty... "What is Alpha Male me is some sort of Sissy?"

Now this is something maybe I'd like as Davina..... lol ..Wait till my wife reads this haha

How cool would that be "the kids are staying at my mothers go and de-stress in whatever you like .. here's a nice dress for you I'll be along to feminize you shortly a bath is run"

nice thought that.... There is a chance of the kids being at their Nans this weekend Saturday night dare I ask for a girls night in?

Than there's that naughty fantasy of mine below

But she wont touch me when I'm crossdressed.... pah!

I dont know what it's related to but I've had two more dreams the pic below sums one up a knock at the door I'm crossdressed and the wife tells me to answer the door knowing her friend is coming round...

....

the other i had involved again her best friend, her boss and her sister with my wife force crossdressing me.. and me pretending to make out i didnt want them to dress me up but loving every second of it...

.. Now this one really made me wake up like the blanket was a tent.. if you get my drift..

Do I want to be forced feminized? ... would it be forced as I kinda like it....

Why the same 4 women in the dream I dont know.. again my wifes gonna pee her pants laughing at these dreams.

I half inched this from a RGs blog she gave the ok for me to post here..

THE WORST:

1. At least once, you will find clothes that are not yours and you will be sure he's cheating on you.

2. You are never going to know if you just caught him looking at a dress or legs and ass. Or both.

3. Sometimes he's going to look better than you.  He has to do a lot more maintenance to show his feminine side, so while you're rocking your comfy leggings and baggy tshirt he's rocking stockings, high heels and ravishingly red lipstick. This can feel demoralising.

4. It can get expensive. Now, money is already the number one problem in most relationships, so trying to fund a second wardrobe can cause some friction, to say the least. I recommend taking advantage of the sales or share the wardrobe.

5. You're stuck with a secret. This really is the toughest problem. Cross-dressers live with the secret of who they are until/if they ever become ready to share it with others. That means when you're "in" on the secret, you can't call up your bestie or your mom to talk about it..well you could but what would their reaction be? Your crossdressers secret becomes yours. It can make you feel like you're lying to your loved ones when you answer their worried "Is everything ok?" with "Oh. You know. Same old." 

THE BEST:

1. Clothes, clothes, clothes- I can share anything a wardrobe with him and he knows not to wear my best dresses. I've managed to reclaim some dresses back from him as my dress size has gone up and down with having kids. We not only like to look at pretty things together, we get to take advantage of a lot of the aforementioned sales and he has good fashion sense.

2. Fancy Clothes- I know, I just covered clothes, but these deserve their own category. Most cross-dressers don't start out with an extensive women's wardrobe, so they pick pieces that are super-feminine to start. This means that every so often when the kids sleep over Nana's (they've never seen him "dressed up"), He will be sitting in the living room watching television with me in his prettiest outfit waiting for me to notice his fabulous legs. After a few months of this, it sort of forces you to re-evaluate your wardrobe. I mean, he's dressed to the nines. Why can't you wear your Calvin Klein cocktail dress to watch television on a Saturday night. I found it motivated me to compete to look nicer than hims to put on my prettiest outfit, to feell sexy and to be utterly feminine..

3. Makeup skills- I have found that, in trying to help Him with makeup, I have become better at using it myself again a competitive thing to do my makeup better than his. Men tend to have much bigger features to accentuate, so it's a lot easier to practice on them!

4. Better Sex- That's right, I said it. It really should be number one, but I didn't want to scare you off. Men who cross-dress want to feel pretty and they feel sexy dressed, just like you do, so they know which buttons are the right buttons to push. Ahem. So to speak. If maybe once or twice they dress up before-hand, the turn-on for them when you don't turn away, when you embrace them for who they are, is huge. HUGE, I say pun intended. He's turned on as him but even more so as her believe me it's worth a try ladies. Even more attentive to my needs and more than eager to please.

5. Closeness/Commitment- Most cross dressers don't start out a relationship by telling you "Hey by the way..." It's something they keep close, and they only share it when they think, "Maybe this one is the one." If a cross-dresser has shared his secret with you, chances are he wants to share so much more. The seven years after Mine let me in on his secret were infinitely closer than the first eight--something I never would have thought possible.

So there you have it. Take it from me...the good far outweighs the bad. If you're not dating a cross-dresser, well, you can either use this list as a bargaining chip with your current boyfriend, or you can look around the office for the guy with the bright-colored shoes and start up a conversation.

As my wirk laptop has frozen doing a simple task on excel I'm updating my blog.

Saturday night the kids went to the outlaws.. sorry inlaws for the evening leaving me and the wife the option of going out on the town or out for a meal but we opted to stay in.

It took me a good 30 mins of agonising to myself but finally I said "We're not going out are we? So i Might as well be Crossdressed and have a girls night in...If it's ok with you"

"Its not upto me do what you like"

"So I said ok I'll have a bath and gett dolled up as long as you're ok with it ... will you get dolled up too and let me do your makeup?"

"No i cant be bothered I'm tired"

So bath and shave, makeup, lingerie, stockings, heels and a black and white dress"

"Why did i throw that dress out hmmm i think i got a stain on it"

"Its ok for me I cant see a stain"

There wasnt much conversation but I made sure her wine was topped up and I was drinking Cider.. 4 cans later .. much later I felt quite tipsey as we watched TV together.

Eventually she fell asleep on the setee and I was still dressed at midnight a nice evening dressed relaxing watching tv and having a take away and a few drinks which is more like it .. usually I'm working dressed up which isnt so good.

SO out to the kitchen as Davina and did the dishes and thought shall i go the full hog and put the bin out also ? it would be a cheap thrill to be out side as Davina putting the bin out its dark not many if any about the long walk 20m or so down the side of the house the breeze up my dress.. i thought better of it incase someone saw me.

So a nice night in dressed and my wifes said I can do it again next time we have baby sitters with the kids staying out which is cool...

So I was a lil tipsey and she was snoring away but i wanted to say thankyou for putting up with me crossdressing on sat night and being ok with it so i text her so she could read it in the morning as I'm still rubbish at tlaking about crossdressing despite this blog..

"Thanks for being ok with me sat here dressed up. It was nice t be able to feel relaxed and sexy just chilling watchnig tv with you instead of working (i kept control didnt get too horney but was a little) i still get nervous as hell dressing in front of you and still feel guilty and I find it hard to talk about as its like a weakness my need to escape my macho self or whatever.. it took me 30 mins to ask if it would be ok to dress up .. i'm not gonna beat myself up about it as i enjoy it and given up wondering why. Now completely chilled out as you snore away and 4 cans of cider a lil drunk. I almost put on your ugg boots to go an put rubbish in the bin to keep the kitchen tidy for the cheap thrill of being outside dressed but thought youd freak. Back in boring mode now omg you snore. .. but i love you so much xxxx you sexy bitch.."

There wasnt a reply thenext morning when we were both up but we did chat about it later in the evening the next blog i expect....

So much later I got a text back off her

"Glad you enjoyed it. Sorry I make you feel guilty for doing it. I am trying not to do it. We will do it again next time we have baby sitters. Love Yoe More xxxx"

So that broe the ice so much easy to test or write about it than talk.

So I asked her if she'd read my blog and she said no so i sent her the link and she read the latest of my blog..

Pretty disconcerting thats there are lots of talking points in the blogs but she reads them in silence not asing quesitons or pointing anything out.

Then when finished she said "If you want that wig just buy it and you make me out to be such a bitch"

I dont!! I praise her throughout the blog but ok guilty in a few recent ones to have slagged her off which is unfounded given that i have her trust and acceptance in this off the wall hobby of mine..

We chatted a little bit about it .. I dont know why we cant both open up and discuss it fully strange isnt it.. perhaps chatting via text is the best way lol any communication is better than none... Incidentally I ordered the wig and it should arrive tomorrow.. cool hope it suits me

Day working from home number crunching ... I do love the transformation the feel of putting womens clothes o and how they feel tight on me like a basque and stockings and the last thing i do in stepping into high heels completes the look.. So cool being able to transform ones look with foundation blusher lipstick and eyeshaddows etc..

Lots of work accomplished and a nice relaxing day but not as good as saturday night.. back in male mode now in boring jeans and tshirt... getting pretty good at the makeup removal too

I would love my wife to pen her perspective in here ... It would be good for her (you if youre reading this) to do something creative and help others and get things off your chest at the same time.

Youve seen themessages i get thanking me for the blog stating it helped .. well thats from Real women to me the crossdresser .. it would be even better coming from my wife..

blogging about the time she asked to make me up.. how she felt when i told her id crossdressed before.. how it felt reading the letter all about my dressing .. they years of anguish and worry until that fateful day she faced her fears in her lunchtime bringing up a cuppa for me with me dressed and so on and so forth to today... come on wifey add to the blog please ... Love You!! xxxx

That picture is of you by the Way xxxx

So i blogged I worked from home and could have dressed but didn't feel like it having dressed a few times in Jan and Feb including a girls night in with the wife... Last week no crossdressing and this week again opportunuty tomorrow and after a bit of build up in work and deadlines to meet i though at least i've got tuesday to work from home and if i feel like it put on a little black dress... nope its half term and my wife had taken off wed, thurs and fri but someone else in work with her is off wednesday to shes changed to tuesday and wham bang goes crossdressing and R&R.

Next week maybe I'll get a chance or maybe not.. could go a run of cold turkey again without opportunity to unwind as "Davina"

The urge returned but cant do it...

 So I tried reading all 3 books but found them poorly written and boring so ended up skim reading them thinking aren't these books broadcasted as some sweet romance with BDSM put into the mix some tycoon billionaire and some plane Jane whom he turns into his submissive contract et all.

So yesterday I watched the film with my wife and 3/4 through she said this is pretty rubbish but we went on with her telling me the plot and what wasn't in the film which was relevant in the book.

My conclusion its not worth paying the cinema entry fee for so i facebooked / tweeted "I've seen it... verdict.... don't bother"

She read this and said "Oh you're just jumping on the band wagon"

"No it's my opinion its a rubbish story, they are rubbish books and the film is all talk talk talk boring with some what i thought were horrible scenes of a woman being treated like a piece of meat by some weirdo tycoon with some weirdo fetish and a screw loose"

Ok if shes consenting to being spanked by hand or with a riding crop fair enough if people get a kick out of it but she didnt know what to expect as he tied her up and hit hell out of her.. How is this romantic? how is this consenting .. she used her safe word and he was gutted.. is this what women want? you gotta be jokin and what message does it send to some men "women want this sort of thing?"

ok Dominant and submissive but you gotta take a break you cant live like a slave 24/7 to someones beck n call to be smacked and shagged and to be tied up and to do everything someone says.. basically treated like shit for someones kicks!!

I found that I agree with the womens lib brigade which i hardly ever agree with as feel women today have the upper hand in equality but looking at IMDB and other film review websites im glad to see people have rated the film 1 out of 10 and ripped into it for the rubbish it is. 

I hope it flops and film 2 and 3 are forgotten about but what i dont get and what worries me is women are flocking to see it,  flocking to see this Christian Grey character who if he's attractive to women and a romantic figure then I give up.. rational women going mad over it and wanting to watch the film together..my wife her mum and sister are going together to watch it (now can you imagine if my my brother in law and father were going to the cinema to see soft porn?).

Can you imagine the opposite and men flocking to see some porno staring a glamerous woman ? women would be appauled ... perhaps thats why men are appauled.. talk about women behaving like men... or rather neandethail men.

A scene i cannot stand is women flocking to some social club to see strippers and how they turn into animals that for me is like cheating.. id never go to a strip joint to see some woman stripping off and women think men who do that are slimeballs .... but nowadays it seems its ok for women to do it?

If my wife ever said me and the girls are going to see a stripper id say might as well pack your things as the locks would be changed and that may seem harsh but thats my beliefs id feel it a betrayal... i think it quite disgusting and the same goes for the way women are behaving about fifty shades of grey.

Society really dissapoints me people are like sheep doing what other people do, copying what other people do ... im starting to think being an individual and thinking for yourself is a scarce comodity as society is shaped not to think for themselves... worrying times..

Maybe I need a can of this to get my Crossdressing Urge back.. It seems to have deserted me. So last week I blogged I could do with Crossdressing and yesterday I was working from home and couldn't crossdress with so much work to complete and a dentist appointment for my littlest in the middle of the day so couldnt crossdress if i wanted to.

So I text the wife as we do during the day and told her how much work i've got and others in work not pulling their weight.. she text back "you need some destressing time" our kinda code for you need to crossdress and chillout.

So today Ive had an important report to write and some diagrams to create so worked from home and thought we'll I'm home alone might as well get Crossdressed. Tooke the kids to school with their school projects with my wife and found I didnt have much of an urge to crossdress just wanted to get on with work so did.. then thought when will i get the next chance to dress? so went up got my stuff, quick wash and shave and transformed.

I looked ok but had this feeling of what am i doing I'm wasting time with so much work to get done.

I was dressed working for about 2 hours and thought sod this i'm getting back in man mode so undressed and took off my makeup and carried on.

I think its the workload and deadlines to meet the sheer load of work I've got to complete in the next few weeks which seems relentless.. in this new role I feel I'm not even denting what I should be doing as there's just no time to cover everything and some things which have gone on in work where I'm labelled "the expert" leve me thinking if I'm "the expert" .. who advises me and if i'm "the expert" does that mean if something goes wrong I'm in the firing line as thats above my pay grade certainly.

So to sum it up i think my urge was lost due to stress of work and workload... I think if i had the day to myself just to be crossdressed or a night in with the wife to be crossdressed I'd have been ok relaxing dressed up but work is so hectic that i just wasnt enjoying my transformation... I know the urge will return ....

So yesterday stressed out got dressed and not long after undressed not happy with my time as a "t-Girl o Gurl" as i've seen recently used on Pinterest (Gurl - Girl or a bloke dressed as a Girl / Woman)

The work i did yesterday paid off 3 times today in allowing me to do what I do best in solving problems and conveying protocols to people to make them understand what needs to be done and who is responsible.. Kinda why I'm an Engineer ...problem solving and fixing things ... pity i cant fix the hours i work but i am working on it..

So some major problems solved today but still not where i need to be but driving home knowing i'm working from home tomorrow on some technical schemiatics i thought i really am looking forward to working from home, putting on some makeup and some designer hosiery and nice dress some nice tight lingerie.. sorting out my cleavage some perfume and a wig and being relaxed and Gurly all day..

I may even have a mince in my walk in my stilletoes so some form of weight lifted for now which has had me gloomy but still a lot to do and looking forward to a day as Davina tomorrow...

I do love designer Hosiery and women who make an effort not OTT but just the right level of makup to look nice.

Tesco on Friday I saw a woman wearing the tights above with some nice high heels a nice dress she was in her late 40s but looked fab.. her makeup was well done..  now this all sounds sexist or whatever or so i'm told in the TVChix forums if i say things like it's nice to see a woman making an effort to look her best or things like she looked good for her age... I don't get why women don't always make the effort to look their best.. maybe my wife will tell me after reading this with a clip round the ear..

Now this woman must have known i liked sexy hosiery as it seems every isle i walked up she was there so i had a good eye full of nice legs and designer tights and heels... Need to get my wife into designer hosiery .. she did have some nice ones last year ... will have to go digging hem out for her :)

She's quite right why do we sometimes resist.. even if working from home It's nice to get transformed and work in a dress, makeup etc etc and myonly real chance to crossdress so shake the guilt etc and just do it !!

Hope the above shows as an animated Gif

Whe I'm dressed I cant help but run my hands up my "Sexy Legs" feel the stockings to the stocking tops.

Love it if my wifes in tights (as she never wears stockings :( ) i cant help running my hands up her hosiery covered legs and the sound of nylon on nylon as tights / stockings rub together is a sound that turns me on a little... ok a lot.

Do I have a nylon fetish?

Wifes got some brown boots and brown tights but no brown dress..

No problem borrow one of my brown dresses I have two of them.

:~)

Wife discovering the advantages of having a Crossdresser for a husband.

I commented today that I've tried on the dress she's wearing and she said " You can have it I think it's too short on me" .... Crazy fool why would I not want her in a short dress tights and heels? But I'm sure we can share the dress anyway..

Plenty more dresses in my stash under the bed which she's discarded that I'm sure she'll be borrowing back at some point.

Used to working when I'm crossdressed lol... Wife n Kids off out for a few hours tomorrow..

Housework to be done ... I wonder will I get the urge to do the housework like the picture above?

I do have a red wig lol.. but i dont have green high heels :(

So My wife is a tit lol she's added my blog to her favorites on her iphone and has just been reading my blog and comments across the room to me "So you're doing the housework tomorrow in your Green heels are you?"

"No I'm not I retort" ... seeing as the kids are here

"They're sleeping aren't they?"

"No"

"Opps" then burst out laffing nice one..

So wife two things... 1) I May dress like this tomorrow when you're all out.. If the urge takes me..

and do some housework and chill in a dress instead of working on some darn spreadsheet or report for work ... so make sure you ring to give me plenty of time to change before you come home and 2) when are you going to contribute to the blog as in the guestbook / chat a few wives and Gurls have asked when you're adding your bit.. I've added a page just for you and wives and girlfriends want to hear your side of the story ... So??

No French maid tidying up behind closed doors today as the kids didn't want to go out with my wife so stayed in with me..

Done a little bit, think if left alone I may have got the urge and the bedrooms and everything would have been tidied and sparkling.. but it was Dad come and do this Dad come and help with that and can you sort our laptops out they're soo slow.. the last few hours flashed by with a blurr after pancakes and croissants and dishes and clothes washed and sorted ... so boring in a pair of tracksuit bottoms and an American football Jersey lol.

Had a brief chat with my wife about her adding to the blog in the page I created for her.. I have some ideas of titles to run by her and hoping she may contibute to make this an all round blog with he said / she said.. I'm sure it would become a better blog with her input for wives and girlfriends to see both sides of thought on my Crossdressing and she may even find it theraputic as I have in writing my bits and bobs.

Football on soon :) so off now.. hope you've had a good weekend all :)

I don't know what's happened to me and Crossdressing.. I've had plenty of urges to want to get made up and dressed up including seeing my wife in a sexy brown flowery dress and brown tights which prompted me to find my brown designer tights and my brown dress and put it ready in a bag when working from home the other day with my makeup to bring it downstairs to get dressed up but that's as far as it got. Then Thursday I brought the bag downstairs working from home even had a shave and a quick bath then went back to my laptop and that was that didn't crossdress..

Just so much to do in work and so brain power intensive.

I had a one to one with my boss and he's more than happy with what I'm doing .. People have Said to me ive set the benchmark too high and people expect me to keep delivering over and above and there's that word again "expert" so readily used when talking about me .. He's our expert... Then pay me the rate to be an expert and employ someone to deputise and learn from me.

So another week gone without crossdressing.

I keep a simple spreadsheet of my free time to do my job and time I'm in meetings or briefings and the next 3 weeks I'm consulting on a project, attending national meetings, briefing on technical and safety matters and on site trailing new equipment so a possible 3 weeks without crossdress opportunity ahead... I think I need to start working my flat hours as I'm giving work too much including this part of me.

The weather is improving I want to get fit, spend more time with the wife and kids, sort the garden and house out.. So where does my stress busting crossdressing fit in to this grand scheme of no time for anything... And I haven't slept properly for the last two weeks which is also work related.. Love my job but I need to slacken off..

I've been reading a lot recently on conspiracy theory and how as a society we're watched... lots of cctv everywhere but the only free place is the internet... or is it... no doubt the powers that be have clocked me reading conspiracy theory and also know I Crossdress.. I don't care ... so what .. I Crossdress and Big Brother knows it...

Worked from home this week and again didnt crossdress seem to have temporarily lost the urge again immersed in my work.. i need a holiday as work is relentless :(

 My latest dream involving Crossdressing which occurred last night. My wife will laugh at this..

This Saturday coming we have baby sitters for the kids and they'll be staying there so house to ourselves.

The decision a husband and wife night out in Cardiff... then last night we remembered arggghh International Day in Cardiff Wales playing Ireland .. Cardiff will be rammed and manic so should we stay local, go somewhere else or stay in?  My wife did ask if I wanted a night in just the two of us but its nice to hit the big city every now and then together.. still undecided so anyway onto the dream..

It was weird we get up Saturday morning and take the kids to my wifes mums which is strange as it was early arund 09:00 and i remember driving them there and saying to my wife "So we have the day to ourselves not just the evening?" and she replied "Yes I'm taking you shopping"

So dropped kids off and drive to a local shopping centre so we're in the first shop a makeup shop and she says "What do you need? blusher? Lipstick? Foundation?" ... "Um ok yes I'll have some stuff that would be cool" and she proceeds to purchase me a full set of makeup... Then off to Primark just round the corner and we walk round the mens wear and round to the lingerie section and she says "Anything excite you here? what about a basque or some matching lingerie?" and picks me up some black lingerie then we're back downstairs and shes putting stockings and fasion tights into the basket along with some nude coloured high heels and then we're round by the dresses and she holds a black dress up against me and says "Thats the type you like you'll look good in this and pops that into the basket" ... she pays for the clothes and lingerie and I remember being quite thrilled and excited with this shopping trip then we go round to Deichmans shoe shop where she picks up some black almost knee high boots with 4 inch heels in the sale and says "Do you want some boots they will go well with that dress and the fashion tights" and proceeds to buy them.

We then head for Dorethy Perkins and theres a Sale on there also and she says lets get you something nice in here  and again is holding dresses up against me in the sale and says to me "This ones nice I dare you to try it on".. I protest but she insists and ushers me to the changing room where blushing in ftont of the girl I enter the changing room followed by my wife with the bags...

"Here you are" she says handing me the basque and knickers, fashion tights and the boots "Put them on with the dress so we can see how it looks on you"... I cant believe this thinking we're gonna get arested here lol so I'm in front of the mirror in a dress tights and heeled boots and she says "You might as well stay like that they can scan the dress on you" as shes putting my jeans and shirt into a bag "And you'd better get made up"  handing me makeup which I put on lol surreal it was...

Then out of her handbag she hands me my short blonde wig and says "I can't believe you let me do this to you but I packed your wig just incase you went through with it" we leave the changing rooms and the young girl that showed us in smiles and says "The dress looks nice on you" so we pay and then leave and walk back to the car with no one in the shopping centre batting an eye lid at me crossdressed... We got in the lift down to the car park into my car and I closed the car door and thats when I woke up at 04:30 in the morning .. what is it with 04:30 on the dot ever night for the last few weeks.... but not usually with a dream like this not since the last one where the wife dressed me and outed me to her sister, best friend and boss... that was a recurring dream..

So I wonder what's in store for me Saturday.. there's no way in hell my wife would do the above.. Well she might do the shopping spree but no way would she tell me to dress up and walk back to the car ect.. an enjoyable dream but just a dream lol

#weirddreams

So my vivid dream didn't come true but we did go to the shopping centre in my dream and I did spy a number of things I would have bought had the dream happened for real some nice high heels in Primark (You can get a real bargain in Primark their high heels are fashionable and last.. bearing in mind I only crossdress at home so very little wear and tear).

The evening we had the kids staying out with their Nan so house to ourselves and a want to go out on a date... I wanted to go to Cardiff but the Rugby International meant Cardiff would have been rammed with Irish and Welsh and the Pubs overflowing ... My wife wanted to go out locally but I didn't so we had a night in watching films and rubbish saturday night TV.

I suppose I could have dressed up but again didnt feel the urge and didnt want to shave my ObeWan Kenobe stubble and didnt think the wife would think much of me not wanting to go out locally yet want to stay in and dress up as a woman.. so I was in the dog house! not my fault Wales played Ireland at home.. (What a game too)

A few weeks of meetings now so little chance to crossdress so no doubt by the end of it my urge to dress up will return...

Thanks for the email and guestbook message Lorna, I'll try to put something useful here and hope it makes some sort of sense based on my chats with others and my own situation with my wife.

So setting or negotiating a comfort zone.

I had this email and message from Lorna and also had "Comfort Zone" come up in a chat with a t-girl the other night in tvchix asking me how my relationship got into  a comfort zone and acceptance.

There is a wide variety of acceptance levels as the survey on my home page points out and also as the survey points out this can change.

Some wives and girlfriends are totally non-accepting.

I have come across both crossdresser and wife/GF being hostile, angry, upset, and just about ready to walk out the door.

One struggling to come to terms with her husband crossdressing and in some cases the Crossdressing husband having enough of the cold shoulder over what to the corssdresser seems a more trivial matter.

Some Women are disgusted with their husbands crossdressing and think of them as being perverted
(My wife had this fear I'm sure and also asked if I was Gay! :( ) forgetting their husbands history and what made them attracted to him (In fact the softer side "the crossdresser" unbeknownst to the gf at the time may have been part of the attraction? who knows)

One minute everything is fine the next you find out or he admits he's a crossdresser and all of a sudden he's someone else this secret this perverted secret?

Some wives never accept crossdressing or even listen to any reasoning and people have actually got divorced due to crossdressing... This is very sad and I'd like to think more to the divorce than crossdressing.

I'd say take a step back and take some perspective about crossdressing in that what harm is it doing..Its still him... it's only clothes, fashion... different to the norm.. harmless? Women wear trousers so do men ....women wear a dress but a man cannot?

At the other end are wives and girlfriends who are totally accepting and even drive their husbands crossdressing.
 
I've chatted with some wives and read a bit on the internet about women who forced feminized their husband.. My wife got me to crossdress for a laugh not knowing i was a secret crossdresser at the time but went from it being a laugh not believing i was letting her put makeup on me and dressing me up as a woman to it being scary as hell "What do you mean you've crossdressed before?!?!"

Some wives actually drive crossdressing in their husbands (which i think is exciting) but they find it hard to understand those who dont support their husbands. They can be quite hostile towards non supporting spouses in Forums. I used to chat to one woman like this who i thought was pretty rational and once asked my wife to chat to her and she turned a little crazy chatting to my wife teling her she should let me crossdress and if she didn't like it go sleep in another bedroom "wooohhhh I dont condone that"... totally unexpected but shows not all advice is good advice... even from me as my advice is based on my experiance.
 
In between the extremes, the vast majority who are not hostile, dont drive crossdressing but are not totally supportive either who work on it to certain levels of acceptance. (Lorna from your email I assume you're here).

Willing to listen, and try to understand and to make it work... Divorce at the back of their mind i surmise but also scared about what crossdressing means for their relationship..  "Is he gay, does he want to be a woman ..."
 
Setting acceptance levels to a comfort zone is more important in this scenario and Crossdressers in this situation should let their wives drive the pace of acceptance (no matter how slow) and not dive two stilletoes first into appearing en fem in front of their other halves at the first sign of acceptance (Although with a bit of acceptance you'll want to do this... take one step at a time).

Personal examples; I used to only crossdresses in the bedroom daring not to go into other parts of the house incase my parents or later my wife came home and caught me, for an hour at the most once or twice per month... even after telling her I was a crossdresser.

I suppose this is easy for a wife to accept having nothing at all to do with it.

A wife may then come home to find a happy relaxed husband possibly not even realising the crossdressing has given him a release of stress.

Some Crossdressers I chat to have something similar where their wives know but have nothing to do with their crossdressing and they crossdress only in the privacy of their home and generally when their wives are away with work or away for the weeknd. Some will spend all weekend en fem at home hiding all signs of crossdressing when wives return.

The most I've been dressed is probably 8 hours in a day, never overnight or for a whole weekend... I wonder what that would be like?
 
If not for the fact that their husbands told them about their desire to crossdress, they would not know at all a certain comfort zone.

It appears that for a wife or girlfriend to accept crossdressing she needs to be in her comfort zone.

We reached a stage further, my wife now content with some involvement with me crossdressing, girls nights in and even seeing me crossdressing around the house which has made things far easier for us both.

I'm sure my wife would lose her comfort zone if I were to escalate my crossdressing further for example by going out dressed whch is definately outside her comfort zone. She was a little freaked by me admitting i'd put the bins out one dark evening crossdressed and also when my web cam was on in a work web ex meeting lol.
 

The fear of me being discovered.

To help a wife or girlfriend reach her comfort zone depends on good communication and the ability of her crossdressing husband to introduce her to his crossdressing in a positive manner and let her reach that level at her pace.
 
We will all have our comfort zones and it is important that we respect each others with open honest communicatin should the comfort zone change at any point or negotiate.

I hope that helps? and makes sense?

For some reason I've had a spate of emails from t girls and wives/girlfriends this week so will try to blog more later and answer some questions ... one on Self Esteem, one on being in the closet.. a t girl out of her/his closet with a wife now stating shes in a virtual closet, one on awkward situations and one on lesbianism (a fair question). If i get time i'll blog my thoughts tonight .

My wifes away on a course so just me and the kids in and they're watching a film "Galaxy Quest" remember it?  and I've done the washing, cooking and cleaning so some time available to blog tonight and answer more queries I've had emailled to me or have chatted about.

noun: self-esteem - confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect

Self esteem i feel is something us men take for granted and dont fully understand but I see it at all ages in girls and women with kids self esteem low due to something in school.. friends one minute not the next all too quick to grow up and compare and in grown women also with self esteem issues which I'll try to cover below.

You dont see this so much in the male of the species.

Chatting to a girlfriend of a crossdresser in TVChix she told me her self esteem has been knocked further by her partners admittance that he is a crossdresser. I think when significant others first find out about their partners' crossdressing, some believe at first they have somehow failed their partners in some way. I'll try to explain this.

I asked her if i could blog some parts of our conversation and she said it may help others find a common pattern if i did so here goes.

She said she feels she's let her husband down in not accepting his crossdressing and also thinks she may have led him into crossdressing in the first place by not dressing sexy for him... She asked me my opinion if she was not enough for him or if it may have been her fault as he started crossdressing later in life then myself and she feels she drove him to get himself off crossdressed.

I've tried to give some assurance but not knowing her boyfriend I cant fully satisfy her questions.

They need to talk about this openly and honestly and come to a compromise but I'm 100% certain he wont relate or realise he's causing her self esteem issues.

My wife asked me as part of 3 or 4 key questions when i told her i crossdressed 'if it was her fault that I crossdressed' and i lept to 'no it's not as I crossdressed way before i met my wife' which is why this lady asked me the question as her husbands crossdressing started after they met (or so he's told her - I once thought about telling my wife she introduced me to crossdressing when she dressed me up but thought the truth was the better option.. I've crossdressed for years. I'm willing to bet the BF has Crossdressed before).

She quoted other websites on the subject in some sort of belief that she can "cure" the crossdressing if she made more effort to be a better girlfriend... her perspective not mine. What she meant by this she explained was to dress sexier for him and maybe he'd stop crossdressing. I said its upto you what you feel comfortable in doing but I doubt it would stop his crossdressing unless he really does crossdress soley because he feels she doesnt dress sexy for him. i doubt this is his sole reason but may well be part of the reason you'd have to ask him..

I told her she needs to ask him as I have no communication with him so can't give her a full answer but it's probably most definatley not her.

She said her self-esteem is at an all time low, shes gone up two dress sizes since they met and also she's jealous of how her husband looks crossdressed.

She felt he was more attractive than her as a woman and it was affecting her confidence in herself... He has told her that he isnt competing with her and I believe that as for me I just want to look as convincing as possible which is part of the fun and i'm sure he's the same. We're not competing with anyone but ourselves.

She said she feels bitter seeing him crossdressed and neither of them can understand why he crossdresses..

This is something i've gone through also (feeling bitter at one stage for getting the crossdressing off my chest which was hard to do to then have my wife set rules initially which made me feel like i might as well have not told her i did it in crossdressing but leaving no evidence that I'd been doing it)

We decided there isnt one answer to why I or anyone else crossdress there are usually many reasons.

She said He's now gone back to being withdrawn about crossdressing and communication has ceased and he's back to hiding it from her so she feels gulity and so does he.. something else i can relate to in our search for the comfort zone., I still sometimes feel guilty for crossdressing and sometimes ashamed that I've inflicted my wife with my crossdressing as she didnt ask for a husband who likes to dress fully as a woman..

Like me I told her his intention was probably never to belittle or cause her to be self consious due to his dressing as he was probably just trying to look convincing and this effect on her probably hasnt crossed his mind.

Its good to try to talk and understand where the need to crossdress comes from before the issue of either persons self-esteem can be addressed.

In my marriage we both have certain self esteem issues and I hope crossdressing isnt part of any issues as my need, want, urge to crossdress is borne of work stress, escapism from macho male life and the love of feminine image, lingerie, hosiery and high heels and how that all feels when worn.

The last thing on most crossdressers' minds is to make their partners feel worthless or to give them low self esteem.

It is important for a crossdresser to realize how his partner may be affected by his crossdressing which is why i keep preaching communication, open and honest even though it's always a hard subject to talk about.

Some wives have no problems with their husbands' other persona; My wifes said I'm nicer to her when crossdressed which I'm chuffed with on one hand and "WTF?" on the other hand as I don't think i'm any different towards her as a Man or when crossdressed but obviously I am.

Not all wives understand the motivations behind their husbands' desire to look attractive as a woman / crossdresser and take it as a personal affront to their womanliness (if thats a word).

It becomes a wantant necessary for us crossdressers then to reassure our wives or partners that our need to crossdress is not related to her ability to be a good wife or girlfriend due to something she has or is doing wrong... It certanly was for me to want to reassure my wife time and again about my masculinity and heterosexuality and my crossdressing in no way reflecting on her.

When wives for want of a better phrase "get over" crossdressing and realize they are not responsible, they can then start to make crossdressing a more positive part in their relationship giving their husband some form of anti macho release however weird it may seem.

I've chatted to a lot of couples who have gone through this and have now reached a stage where wives help and have fun with crossdressing, shopping makeup etc

I've also chatted to couples and we're one where the crossdresser  myself can help wives with makeup and also advise on fashion and accessories. There are some advantages.

Its important as a couple crossdressing or not to help the eachother conquor self-esteem issues as lifes too short to worry about it. Love eachother and Love yourself.

:)

Chatting to the same lady on TVChix with the self esteem questions we aso covered the fact like my wife shes now in the closet so to speak about her boyfriends crossdressing having to keep it secret like my wife also has to do as she doesnt want anyone to find out I crossdress.. so a Metaphorical secret in the closet...

or

Once a crossdresser has come out of the closet, (as a crossdresser) to his wife or GF, many partners feel that they now are walking into a closet of secrecy.

The burden of secrecy, significant others say, has shifted off the chest of the crossdresser and onto the wife of GF. The secret kept so many years by the crossdresser is OUT and now the wife has to keep it secret feeling the burden (fearing she might lose family, friends, etc.)

Can She tell her friends? Does she tell her co-workers? What about the children? What about parents or neighbours who may discover his crossdressing?

Having somone check on the house when away on holiday suddenly becomes a problem "what if they snoop and check his draws and find his lingerie, stockings and size 8 high heels and wig?"

The crossdresser with the secret off his chest  may now desire to tell others or to escallate his crossdressing now his secrets out to the most important person in his life (his wife) with the worry about telling her his main stumbling block... But his wife may not be ready for YEARS if ever to tell others.

She doesnt want the repercussions involved when telling others... Pervert? Gay? does he want to be a woman? whats wrong with him or whats wrong with her living with a man who would dress as a woman?

Some wives feel they need to share this part of their lives with friends and make decisions based on how they believe the friends would react.

I know a couple from TVChix, where the wife told her friend and the friend said "I want to see him dressed" so the wife put her husband through facing her friend (Similar to my dream lol) her friend was very supportive and it turned out when the Crossdresser stated a desire to go out crossdressed and the wife couldnt face that her best friend actually took him out and enjoyed it.

I have heard however of some horror stories of crossdressers who were OUTED by "friends" or worse outed following divorce with one wife telling her children that their father was a pervert who dressed up as a woman.

What is important is that the crossdresser realize the trust and the burden put upon his wife or girlfriend out of his closet into hers so to speak and also appreciate the position hes putting her in with theis deepest of secrets shared.

We need to realize the importance of communicating on the issue of whom to tell if anyone
- If my wife wanted to tell someone i'd respect it but we'd definately talk about it (As i've stated before people didnt believe I crossdressed when I told them but they did guess my name would be Davina lol).

We've decided to keep it from the children for example as what would they make of it? They see me as their Dad and as a Super Hero so what would thay make of me crossdressing... I have a further blog in my head about awkward situations and what the kids may hear about crossdressing which may make them form their own opinion on crossdressing based on what others say about it in a negative way... worse still if the kids knew  who would then inadvertently tell,, friends, teachers parents of friends, grandparents , aunts and uncles and cousins?? and what reaction would they have?

We're not yet living in a world where alternate lifestyles are fully accepted, although its getting better I still feel crossdressing to be the least understood of the trans spectrum.

We can only hope that there will come a day when NO ONE has to keep a secret.

Until then crossdressers and wives and girlfriends need to share the closet space so to speak and have to communicate clearly on the issue of secrecy;

I am sure almost everyone can relate to the following... It's funny as in a work meeting today someone randomly started talking anout crossdressing and what one member of our team may do on weekends.. not me incidentally but it made me chuckle.

You are seated at a dinner table, in a pub or in a meeting or randomly amongst relatives, or friends, or aquaintences at a meal, just out for a pint, or in a technical confrence, the office or on site and someone makes a derogatory remark about crossdressing in general.

It starts innocently enough and usually derogatory or in humour and in line with the norm "they're weirdos, theyre perverts or they're all gay.. he calls himself Shirley but only on weekends"

From there it progresses to someone knowing of a crossdresser who's wife left him and "No wonder she left him".. I've actually been involved in very similar awkward conversations.

It quickly turns to Gay bashing, crossdressing bashing - one remark after another. And you, and sometimes your wife / girlfriend are sitting there taking it all in thinking, "If you only knew"

You and Your wife may be thinking 'Sitting here is someone you have known for years! Someone you LIKE! Someone you RESPECT! and trust who crossdresses and you're all so way off the mark about crossdressing'

But what can you do about this conversation?

Do you try to educate, such as "Well, you know that one out of ten men crossdresses. And most lead successful, happy lives! and the majority are actually straight heterosexual men using Crossdressing as a release".... leading to stunned silence at this outburst defence of crossdressing.... Which inevitably leads to suspision.. "Do you crossdress?"

Or do you try to change the subject.... "why are you changing the subject have we hit a nerve ... are you a crossdresser?"

In the back of wives and girlfriends minds, they're hearing their friends views on crossdressing real or bravado it isnt good listening and may bring negative thoughts on crossdressing back in her mind... "This is what our friends think about crossdressing OMG he's is a freak after all"

I was once horrified when a good friend of my wifes (her bestie) and as much a good friend of mine also remarked telling my wife that her boyfriend at the time wore her stockings and lingerie and wanted to "get it on" with him crossdressed" and she continued to ridicule him... me thinking a very trusted friend is giving her view on what she thinks of crossdressing oh no!!! how will this shape my wifes opinion of me as a crossdresser..

My wifes also remarked on crossdressing that its different if youre in a relationship with a crossdresser as opposed to listening to someone else talk about a relationship with a crossdresser.

The preceding scenarios haves occurred in my life MANY times!  and at frequent intervals... I've even joked about Crossdressing myself in my Alpha male bravado with collegues in work thinking "If only they knew their fearless leader had great legs in stockings and high heels and is good at makeup"

We need to be careful in deciding just how much and if we are going to reveal our own connection to the crossdressing world.  Telling friends I crossdressed when out for a drink in humour to wind my wife up was maybe a silly thing to do her holding her head in her hands in disbelief as I told friends I crossdressed and they said we could call you Davina etc etc knowing full well they'd never believe me... planted a seed maybe so better be careful in the future.

And what about children as mentioned in my last blog and how their opinion on the subject matter may be shaped, who may be present at the same awkward situation do you let this help them form an opinion on
crossdressing or try to explain it to them subtelly.

I have tried to explain crossdressing subtelly when they've seen men dressed as women on TV as so what its only clothes and makeup he's just dressed up different and once when they saw a T Girl in Torquay ... "OMG Dad I'm sure that woman was a man"

How are children supposed to respond? A lot of food for thought here... how to react in this tricky situation... Subtelly i would say.

Keep a count how many times crossdressing is mentioned.. Id say you'll hear it discussed to some degree at least once per month if not more so begs the question how many more like me jest in bravado but actually unwind in a dress, stockings, high heels, makeup and a wig at home... See my other blog about my business meeting where one guy at the meeting let on a bit too much "a tell" which another crossdresser being more discrete had radar go off... "You protest too much go back to your hotel room and put your dress on you know you want to" lol...

So it's been what three or four weeks since I last Crossdressed and ive let the designer stubble creep back in taming it with my man grooming kit but decided to let it grow to beard and moustache state this week..

What I've noticed is with facial hair I think I'm better looking... (Sing... You're so vane....)

My theory is based on more smiles from women at work and out and about when I've got facial hair than when I'm clean shaven and even a bold woman in work telling me I look better with facial hair and a woman on the till at the super market giggling as she served me and then told her mate opposite that she's so single and that she fancied me.. How do I know this .. Well unbeknownst to her my mother was in the queue behind me lol ...

So I let the beard grow a bit more

A nice Alpha male beard but this weekend it was getting on my nerves plus I need a hair cut so felt more like this Above

So I gave myself a Metallica..like this

But only for a laugh and now clean shaven.

Today my wife remarked she prefers me with facial hair so I guess I'll grow the stubble back but being a superhero and a Crossdresser I guess I'll have to be like this...

No chance I like to try to look convincing so my wife will definitely know if I've been dressed now as I'll be shaven lol

SO I worked most of the weekend in frustration about my job and today

 is back with a bang..

Ive had it upto my eyeballs with work but determined not to let the reorg and the pressure heaped on me fail so worked saturday and sunday to get some messages out and to try to shape things for the coming weeks so i can try to gain my

and have a nice summer although my diary is already full for June 15 :(

The last few weeks have been very stressful in work to the point working from home I've not crossdressed as been too angry wanting to complete projects and probably stressed out to levels which most would flip their lid and have time off work... but today sticking to my own advice...

 and I'm dolled up in a dress me and the wife "Share" as its too short for her she says but i love it on her so she has to wear it some times... with tights and heels mmm lol if i bend over you can see my stocking tops .. love it

So dolled up now and thought i'd give the blog a quick update... its funny dressing after so long not dressing the old excitement returns im shaking with excitement a little and feel very sexy ... which again i dont feel like this as a man. as a man i have to be strong and arrogant .. for some reason.. must be upbringing which is why no one would every guess i look this hot as a girl lol better get on with some work.

Bad news.. if you're an avid reader you will know of the perfume left here by the sis in law which i comandeered which on her smells aweful but on mee must be loaded with feromones and gives me a sexy buzz lol..

 Well its run out so I will have to get some more.. lol .. Maybe my wife will buy me some? or pinch some from her sister lol

I've continued working from home making good progress on projects

Tuesday I dressed but by 12:00 so many phone calls with problems I just didn't feel like dressing any more so back to make me.. Today worked from home again but didn't dress no real urge to do so and had to go out at 1330 so a drab day again... Maybe dress working from home tomorrow... Funny how opportunity and urge comes and goes...

23rd March I was last briefly crossdressed unwinding working from home.. Since, the kids Have been home from school Ill and half term so 3 weeks not Crossdressing but seems much longer... Seems ages ago.

Funny how you go so long without dressing up then the urge returns hard.

Really crappy stressful day in work mainly due to other people making wrong decisions and me having to spend time bailing them out and people being so reliant on me for technical knowledge and support.

So I need a good shave tonight and spend 09:00-14:00 tomorrow all dolled up., before becoming a man again, picking the kids up from school and taking the to the park for an hour... It's a weird feeling looking forward to prepping for crossdressing, putting on makeup, looking forward to the feel of lingerie, hosiery and high heels... Am I nuts as can't wait lol.

Hopefully people leave me alone to finish a project on the laptop tomorrow as "Davina" #blondebombshell lol.

So I worked form home  Tues and Weds..

Work Stress GRRrrrrr gave me a migraine today for various reasons of frustration.

Yesterday i was in a black short flowery dress the wife deemed too short for her (bu i love iton her seeing her legs out) black stockings, lingerie and high heels. did my eye shaddow light with smokey eyes and mascara, blusher and bright red lipstick looked a bit tarty i think with the long blonde hair.

Today hadnt intended dressing but by 11:30 people in work had sufficiently done my head in so i thought sod it i need the release so put on a light brown patterned short dress, brown tights and heels and was more minimalistic (well due to rushing makeup) with brown shades of eye shaddow, black near the lashes and on the lashes and a more natural coloured lipstick and blusher and the long blonde wig and thought I looked better.. more natural.

Funny how a different dress and shade of lippy makes you feel (jammy women)

  the more natural shade looks nicer on blondes.

Red more tarty.

So i was on a national phone confrence and the wife was out with her boss and for some reason i thought she may return home with her female boss.. so avoiding my dream where she visits to find me dressed up I put the key in the lock so the wife had to knock the door to get in lol. Luckily alone .. she saw the funny side to it as I rushed back in away from view of the nosey neighbours and me being on a national phone confrence as a girl.

This time i made sure my webcam wasnt on :)

Enjoyed my two days en fem... it's worthwhile to help me escape the stress of work which is relentless but didnt work so well today as I ended up with a migraine ... still got it as i type this... work 35 hours not 60 per week is the new plan and sod the work.....

I know who I'm voting for and it's not the current ConDems who are a bit too right wing for me ... We need a more balanced Government and one hopefully in touch with the people.

Nice to see Eddy Izzard out representing one of the political partys

Out and about in Cardiff all glammed up in a dress and heeled boots. I wish i had the guts to go out dressed up but my wife would freak out if i did lol.

Less than 2 weeks before we get to vote and I hope everyone is voting as its our right and our duty to vote.

I havent seen much in the way of policy around Crossdressing but have seen us lumped in with LGB"T" again like we dress as it's purely sexually or sexuality driven or sexual preference driven .. how maddening that is for me a straight Crossdresser who doesnt want to be bracketed on the end of LGB as it has nothing to do with my sexual preference which is straight ie I love women and have no feelings for men in that way at all so I'm not a Lesbian although ... no I'm not a Lesbian .. I'm not Gay and not Bisexual so why is the T on the end of LGBT.. never mind who cares each to their own.

I manager 1/2 day crossdrssed this week did my makeup pretty perfect inside 10 mins I was really impressed with how i looked .. why didnt i take a photo..no time and i only spenf 1/2 day crossdressed as I had so much work to do and so much work on my mind i thought the day is dissapering and i had to pick the kids up from school so got dressed 10:00 and was back in drab by 12:30... Could do with a sustained period not working just relaxed dressed up.. right time to do a bit of house work as was off on my way to work at 05:30 this morning so end the working day as I've just got in from a site visit and tome to tidy up the house... but i'm sooo tired lol

Sat here watching cricket and faling asleep when I should be doing some housework i was just thinking I could dress up and do it as would have between now and at last 18:00 maybe 19:00 to be Davina and probably more motivated in a dress etc to do some housework .. maybe even as a french maid lol.

I could let the wife know so she gives me 30 mins notice to change back before she got home with the kids.. shall i shant i .. probably not .. silly isnt it.

I also checked Facebook to see a pic of the sis in law who's "away with the girls" abroad for a week leaving her hubby and kids at home .. I'd go APE if my wife did that doing us over on a family holiday abroad to go abroad with a bunch of women.. I'd never do that myself and don't think my wife would then I for some reason remembered that my wife had let he sister borrow some of her clothes .. can you imagine my brother in law saying can i borrow some of your clothes im going away and my reply would be get your own but women lend eachother clotes...

So a new thought crossed my mind making me laugh.. The sis in law has this nice black lacy dress she wore to some christmas do a few years ago similar to the below:

I wonder what she'd say and the look on my wifes face if i asked the sister in law if i could borrow her black lacy dress to crossdress in lol. well fairs fair she borrowing the wifes things and i wear dresses too she can borrow some of mine if she wants to .....

It's mad how time flys its May on Friday and I've booked a day off to make a long 4 day weekend .. Work is too hectic and neigh on impossible to keep up with with the reorg they've orchestrated with no thought into it.

I worked from home Monday and dressed between 09:00 and 12:00 phone calls and pressure of work again found me not enjoying being crossdressed even though my makeup was pretty immaculate ...

Had to pick the kids up so three hours fully dressed then back in male mode.. Worked home again Tuesday but so busy didn't crossdressed.. Will I get a chance next week as the following week I'm out on site for five days so definitely won't be dressing lol

I've started a diet ... Again... But this time mean to stick to it and shed two stone..

I've bought a fitness band to help monitor my fitness efforts and linked to my phone track calories and weight exercise etc and rewards with badges.. Starting off walking and a bit of jogging and on the cross trainer.

Went out for a big family meal today and said to my wife out loud after that meal I'd better go home tonight and get on the Crossdresser um Crosstrainer.. No one really batted an eyelid so maybe didn't hear me but it tickled me.. Think my wife clocked it as she corrected me to Crosstrainer..

Determined to get my weight down and fitness up before we got on hols in July to look nicer is swim shorts and also partly to look nicer as a Crossdresser with the help of the Crosstrainer.

Also helping to motivate my wife to get out walking couch to 5k and get back in shape diet and fitness.. Hoping it becomes addictive and we stick to it this time.

I got my first NO.. Eeeeeeek

I do sometimes there were those series of dreams I had where I had a girls night in with the wife and she brought her best friend, her sister and her female boss round to see me dressed.

I suppose it is a bit of a fantasy the secret shared between my wife and I being discovered .. What would people think..

Lol when I get home I'm getting on the Crossdresser ... Crosstrainer bad slip up in front of family today .lol 

No one suspects... I do wonder sometimes .. Has my wife ever confided in anyone? 

I wouldn't mind if she did if she needed to.. Maybe knowing someone else knows fulfils part of the being caught fantasy?

Does anyone else have this fantasy?

Think I found a good cartoon pic of my alter ego Davina

Sorry my blogs been quiet but work work work again and been getting fit..

Got a fitness watch which tells time, counts steps, counts flights of stairs, calories burnt etc and talks to my phone into an app which monitors my fitness and calorie intake v outtake and since the start of May I've lost 10lb and zooming towards my goal just 1 stone 3lb to go then I may decide on a further 7lb before setting he app to maintain weight level as opposed to losing weight.. I've walked and jogged miles .. 26 miles in the first week and I'm now up to 90 miles walked and feeling much better for it .. So a slimmer man me and a slimmer Davina.. Got the fitness bug 

I

I hate having to go away to meetings, briefings and training courses but thinking about it, it may be the way to carry on my crossdressing relaxation technique as the kids get older and it becomes difficult to crossdress at home I could pack "Davina" with my luggage and dress at the hotel when away on work business... Not as in the pic checking in as a tgirl but confined to my hotel room.. 

So I was away for two days this week up early to travel to the meeting and stayed one night in a hotel.. I decided last minute maybe I'll bung a pair of stockings in my bag then thought nah it's all or nothing so bunged in my short blonde wig, some makeup, lingerie, stockings and high heels and a dress .. Might as well seeing as I'm away with nothing to do dieting so didn't want to drink or go for a curry with blokes from work ,.. So came back and checked in after 17:00 and had a bath and a shave got change and did a bit of work on my laptop then went to the restaurant for dinner and a diet coke.. Then back to my room around 18:30 and got dolled up spending the evening in my hotel room watching TV and chatting on tvchix discovering whilst chatting that almost every t-girl that was dressed was also in a hotel room dressed up away with work..

First time I've taken "Davina" away and it was quite nice knowing no chance of anyone barging in or catching me dressed up quite relaxing dressed as a woman in the hotel room... So maybe as the kids grow up get more nosey and liberated to come and go as they please and as my job may evolve to be away in briefings and meetings a few times per month maybe that's how I'll get to dress up to unwind... In some hotel room and hope no one sets off the fire alarm lol...

My wife will think I'm barking mad taking "Davina" in my bag lol I did think chatting on tvchix all these married blokes away with work dressed as women locked in their hotel rooms. Was nice to chat about our wives and dressing and to a few who want wives to know they dress but too scared to tell them as they don't know how they'd react.. Nice to also chat to others who had read and appreciated this blog..

I said I'd blog about dressing in hotels well here it is..

My blog is my way now of saying things about crossdressing to my wife without "saying" them face to face..

She reads my blog from time to time and i was nervous firstly going away with work staying in a hotel and last minute packing "Davina" then spending the night in my hotel dressed up full makeup wig n all... knowing she can see my blog i put it in writing and have been waiting in anticipation if she'd say something or not and tonight she said i read your blog today you havent blogged much recently.

so i said what do you think about me dressing in the hotel and she said i suppose it's ok ... did you go down to the foyer? no !!!! but i did think i wonder if it would be a rush in the middle of the night to leave my room and walk down the corridor and back but knowing my luck id either bump into someone coming in late or as happened after breakfast the next day my room key fails and id have to go to reception as "Davina" and tell them i cant get into my room... so good job i didnt and dont think i would anyway ....

WE discussed Bruce Jenner and she knows more about it than me as i didnt realise he was a crossdresser crossdressing in hotels and hiding it from his family... ive assured her me dressing in hotels doesnt mean in 10 years time i'll have a sex change.

Its always nice to chat about my crossdressing and i still dont know why i do it but it remains relaxing and a turn on at times wearing lingerie and stockings which are a big turn on for me ...

We both realise as the kids get older it will get more difficult for me to crossdress and my wife said well there you go go away once per month with work and take "Davina" with you... i hate staying away but its not a bad idea as i travel around the uk with work a few times per month sod the early starts and 3 hour drives form 5 in the morning and stay the night in a hotel as Davina in my room ... It was quite relaxing and nice to be out of the house crossdressed even if i was confined to my hotel room.. making a changce from confined to the house.

I'm also finding it a little boring dressing whilst working from home i enjoy getting transformed putting on makeup and getting dressed then i get down to work and phone calls and think sod this i cant be bothered .. so i will continue to dress up when working from home probably but im finding it less fufilling... could do with another "Girls night in" (hint hint)... just relax with my wife crossdressed at home the house to ourselves, no work .. but dont want to freak her out as shes just said she doesnt get it but accepts it....

At least i have her blessing to pack my alter ego in my bag when i go away on business trips :)

Have you seen and heard that term used recently especially around the elections.

David Cameron and Ed Millibands political "Crossdressing" continues..

No no no David isn't wearing Samantha Camerons clothes (although I wouldn't mind trying her things on as shes quite a classy looking lady) .. what they're getting at is Tories and Labor politicialns are politically crossdressing in eachothers policy and thoughts making it hard to distinguish one party from another.. so its strange that "Crossdressing" as a word is used here but I feel good for us Crossdressers that the word in itself
is used in mainstream media without the stigma of "Oh these politicians are politically
crossdressing they must all be Gay" 

I'm hoping it will provide a positive connotation in the subliminal thought patterns of society (haha big word usage by moi)

"This week of political Cross dressing goes on. David Cameron tried to re-brand the Conservatives as the party of working people"... He must know us working people Crossdress to unwind from the stress and pressure
of having to make ends meet?

Of course there's the other political Crossdressing (Eddy Izzard J).. Loved the boots Eddy.

Its funny as this other blogger describes here something very similar to myself:

I know I started cross-dressing as early as age 3 4 maybe 5 loving the feel of silky things, the other blogger notes there are photos of him in a tutu as a child, though memory of that is fuzzy at best.

Like myself for him it really started right around puberty.

Sometimes I would be home alone, and I would try things of my mothers on and look in the mirror.

I didn't have any body hair at that point, and I would imagine that I was looking at a girl and Id get off on it (always) in stockings suspenders high heels basques sounds aweful me in my mums lingerie getting off
I know but it seems its how a lot of us started.

Now, when people see a man dressed as a woman, they make one of two assumptions:

-        That you're a trans woman or that it's some kind of kinky sex thing.

There are plenty of crossdressers in both of those categories, but there are plenty more who are like us -- I'm perfectly comfortable in my male skin, but also have a distinctly feminine side of myself (if I admit it or not) that I feel the need to express.

And that doesn't compute for most people.

I don't spend my time at work uncomfortable at the fact that I'm dressed as a man.

But unlike the other blogger the thought of putting on stockings and transforming does give me an errection (so there are some dissimilar traits even between me and another blogging crossdresser whom I agree with in most of his/her blogs).

Even talking to my wife about dressing i get a little turned on maybe its the naughtyness about crossdressing and this shared secret between me and my wife..

Part of where it gets weird, even for crossdressers ourselves, is learning to differentiate between something feeling sexy and it being sexual.

I can put on all this stuff and feel incredibly sexy, but it doesn't always get me off like some would expect if they thought it was a sexual fetish.

It may seem like a fine line, but really, it's the same way that any woman can put on a slinky dress and heels and feel powerfully sexy, but that doesn't mean it gives her a sexual thrill in and of itself. It's alook, not a fetish.

There's a period of confusion for most crossdressers, and part of the reason for that is there aren't really any cultural reference points for this.

There's Eddie Izzard, but he really only does his stand-up specials in dress these days and turns out to support the Labout Party.

Most of his work he's wearing male attire and interviews where he's sporting a goatee, lots of people don't link eddy with Crossdressing even although in recent culture hes one of the most role model Tgirls in the
mainstream.

Really, the main place where you see crossdressing is in comedies: Big Mama's House, Sorority Boys, White Chicks and the like. That's why I think it throws people off.

The pop culture point of reference for a man in a dress who isn't transitioning is a comedy in which a guy is forced to wear a dress by circumstance so it can be played it for laughs (My wife loves the film White
chicks but isn't entirely happy me being a crossdresser).

The blogger whos blog most matches mine comments "It took quite a while to come to an understanding that dressing to feel sexy didn't make dressing sexual, since my only frame of reference was bad jokes or sexual
fetishes or gay men, I thought "Well I must be at least bisexual," so I spent a lot of time trying to fit a square peg in a round hole before finally being able to separate sexual orientation from gender identity"

I expect I must have gone through similar thought patterns especially with my wife initially asking if I was gay .. though a millionth of a second later I knew the answer was no.. my thought pattern took that millionth of a second as id never contemplarted I was gay as not attracted to men nor expecting her to ask if I was Gay..

I also dress to feel sexy as mentioned previously I don't feel sexy as a man but do feel sexy as "Davina" but this doesn't mean dressing is purely sexual ie I don't dress to get off on it ... sometimes I do (blush)

Then there's the Bisexual question and that's a question in chat with other T-girls which is most frequently asked "Are you Bi?" ... Now there are some stunning looking T-girls and many a T-girl has ventured down this route for a variety of reasons but its women who do it for me and I'm too loyal to my wife to venture off with other women let alone another T-Girl.

Ultimately, we occupy a weird little spot in between so many of the more clearly defined designations for gender, sexuality, etc.

In an odd way, being hard to categorize has made us feel a little bit more special.

It forces people to have to examine us a little closer if they want to ever understand us.

Plus it makes close-minded people's heads explode, when they ask "So why do you crossdress?"

and we reply "no idea!".

Look at the clothing aisles in any store and it's pretty clear-cut: There's blue rough and tumble clothes for the boys and pink frilly dresses for the girls.

When a man starts wearing the pink and frilly stuff -- despite not being gay or transitioning to female -- it confuses the hell out of most people.

Hi there. I'm Davina, and I'm a straight crossdresser
"Hi, Davina".

I'm married to a woman, I have kids, a Stressful job which weirdly I enjoy doing, I love Sport and played Rugby, Football and Cricket when younger and occasionally wearing dresses is an important part of my life providing stress relief and I enjoy it.

Why is this such a stigmatised "Thing!?"

Hi There I'm Holly I like to wear mens clothing I'm married to a man, I have kids, a Stressful job which weirdly I enjoy doing, I love Sport and played Rugby, Football and Cricket as a younger woman and  occasionally wearing dresses is an important part of my life but I prefer to dress like a man.

She must be a strong willed liberated woman? Bit of a tomboy...But I bet her husband loves it when she wears that dress.

The thing about being a straight crossdresser is that, on top of not really fitting into mainstream society and being thought of as Weird and stereotyped as a pervert or as being gay, we don't really fit into the LGBT
community either.

I've found this in chat and on the TVChix forum being told you're not a proper tranny which I found funny but also annoying as Us Part time straight Tgirls don't fit anywhere the most frowned on for whatever
reason.

Gay men tend to get annoyed and believe we don't know what their struggle is like (I'll be honest I don't care about their struggle seeing Gay marriage legalised and the progress they have made despite their plight in
the past), bisexual men and T-Girls seem to find it confusing because many assume mixing genders would mean liking sex with both and all genders.

The trans part of the LGBT equation is where some think crossdressers would fit in, but there's a lot of infighting in that group which is kind of hard to sum up... and I wont rant too much here about Trans having
nothing to do with LGBT otherwise it should be called LGBT&S (Lesbian. Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Straights)

Let me put it this way in agreement with another blogger:

I'm a crossdresser who has no issues putting myself out there on the internet, but to date, the most hostility I've encountered has not been from the homophobic idiots as you'd expect, but from other trans people...

Obviously not all of them are hostile, but I think that many of them have a violent gag reflex at the thought of being associated with someone who is "just" a man in a dress who is happily married, has kids, a job, a house and a company car and escapes by crossdressing occasionally but isn't into men or other t girls sexually just enjoys being Crossdressed but then easily returns to the normality of being a man knowing he can flit between both time and opportunity permitting..

Why ostracise Straight Crossdressers as pariahs of the Trans community Arrrggghh I did rant!

The Trans folk who do get aggressive with have obviously been through plenty of crap to get to live as they wish, (We've gone through similar having to sweat on explaining to our wives that we crossdress win their assurance risking everything as for all we kow they might pack their bags or ours)

I get not wanting to be belittled as some bloke who they see as doing it for fun or attention.

They even they tend to make the assumptions that we are closet bisexual and must want sex with other tgirls or men and if you're not gay or transitioning, then it must be a sexual kink or you aren't a proper Tranny.

Go figure - Who cares some of us have accepting wives and can crossdress safe in the knowledge that our relationships are safe and we can live as the best of both gender.. time and opportunity permitting that is..

Maybe the "others" who don't have what we have are jellous but from what I've seen i can look considerabkly more convincing than some of the haters (smug grin).

This can go without saying. We have friends who are constantly in turmoil about relationships with silly arguments and issues looking at me and my wife as a couple and saying how do you remain best friends
and we've never seen you argue etc but we do fall out and argue like any couple (bet never for very long)  and sometimes crossdressing is brought up but rare you have to work on a relationship the same as you have to work on anything within a relationship which may be out of the societal norm aka Crossdressing.

If you're going to have a long-term relationship, the inevitable questions come up: "Do I tell her?" "When do I tell
her?" "What if she rejects me?" "Could I stop if she asked me to?"

Remember, this isn't just something done as a fashion statement, (there is a little bit more to Crossdressing than merely dressing up especially where it gives you that bit of escapism and stress relief)

Think of it like if your significant other asked you to throw out your Football Jerseys (Supporting
your football team is part of you the same as Crossdressing is part of you).

With crossdressers, it's a key part of our identity if we realise it or not and maybe part of the attraction... no I don't mean attraction in my wife fancies me as "Davina" (wish she would) I mean attraction in my personality which I suppose I don't know or didn't know was there this softer side beneath the façade of manliness lol.

You get double complication points if you start to get a handle on this side of yourself after you're already in a committed relationship.

Rejection, or even the fear of it, leads to a depressing cycle of wardrobe purging for many dressers, which I've never been through (maybe a lil bit of depression at some point but thats as much to do with work as anything) and advise you don't get rid if youre thinking about it.

If you truly have the need to express your feminine side, (which I suppose it is) that doesn't go away. And then it leads to not only being in the closet, but dressing behind somebody's back, which is a breach of trust on top of everything else adding to guilt for being a crossdresser instead of embracing it as part of who you are and relaxing with it.

Like the other blogger I'm quoting in part, I am lucky because my wife has been wonderfully supportive even at first when she disapproved .. She has asked me not do dress but hasn't enforced it or mandated it and has come to accept its something I do over time to the point where she's said I'm nicer when I'm dressed.

I know I'm lucky, because there are a million horror stories about crossdressers coming out to their wives or girlfriends with disastrous results. In many cases, it's not the dressing itself that throws everything out of whack; it's the secrets and the sense that the crossdresser was keeping something from them.

The other blogger dated his wife in college and had a dorm room to himself, a typical dump a disaster area, so one day when she was there alone, she made the heroic attempt to try to pick up a bit and came across a
pair of women's pantyhose or tights as we call them in th UK, and when he got back she confronted him with them. "Whose are these??"  Figuring nothing to lose, he said, "Those are mine."

She only said, "Oh. Well that's okay then."

Very Lucky...They actually didn't talk about it directly for a long time -- she just kind of got it.

It was a while before they sat down and had conversations about it. By then most of it had to do with sort of figuring out how much of his life he wanted this to be. Which I'm sure we all go through "Is this something I want for my life?"

I suspect most part-time crossdressers go through this questioning phase.

Finding the balance that I like the other blogger now enjoy came out of much soul searching and many open and honest conversations.

I found someone else blogging this time about why Straight men might crossdress so have extracted some of it here in the next 3-4 blogs (below added in order to read from here downwards.

I've added my thoughts on some of his/her points and quoted him/her also which is a good follow up or fiollow down from my rants on the Agony aunt Above

DD - In conclusion - Her advice really wound me up especially the references enough to scare someone whos just found out their other half is a crossdresser silly. Don't believe Agony aunts unless they have personal experience... Better still read my wifes views in the blog but remember we're all different not all T-Girls / Crossdressers are like me.. see the spectrum in my advice blog we all have different reasons to dress and are all different as people let alone as Crossdressers... Honesty is the best policy..

So I have some virus or something I'll spare the gory details but it's left me now hopefully coming out of some 24 hour bug feeling sea sick like I'm on a boat my balance all over the place which is not nice so I'm sat in bed and thought lets see if there's anything new on Crossdressing on the Internet.

First stop I found an "Ask Alice" query about crossdressing .. whoever Alice is she hasn't a clue about crossdressing yet offers advice which I commented was "way off the mark" and if she doesn't know enough about a subject she shouldn't offer her advice as she was merely backing up the popular myth about crossdressing and classing crossdressing as an all encompassing thing men do, not noting there is a vast spectrum of why men crossdress and inside that spectrum many reasons why men crossdress and to what extent and for most of what I will term crossdressers merely the act of wearing and image society says belongs to a woman and as my polls show mainly for fun and escapism with crossdressers happy to return back to their manly form and personality.. (out of breath after that now breathe)

She was off with the faries trying to make it all DNA, gender and Scientific when its far simpler than that (although still hard to explain) in her advice which makes my blood boil.. however some don't like what I have to
say on the matter...(But these are not my target audience) As I always say I'm only speaking from my own experience of some 30+ years as a part time heterosexual crossdresser (Heterosexual whats that's got to do with image, clothing, makeup, gender.. sexuality?? - see the next few blogs)

Lifted from another blog i read today

We chatted last week quite a bit about crossdressing and I think my wifes ready to contribute to the blog.

Hopefully we'll start adding something this week which I hope will make the blog well rounded from a help and support point of view as you've heard enough from me and wives and girlfriends I'm sure will benefit from hearing my wifes side of this story.

So I'm ill "ahhhhhh get well soon i hear readers say"

Whats up with me?

I feel like I'm on a boat...  ... of a jet ski i suppose.

Room spinning and ringing in my ears what the quack called Laberynthitis ... but i've not been in a maze so beats me and dont have a phobia about labertnths ..

Bloomin hoirrible it is the room spinning, light headed and this ringing n my ears... so have worked from home all week and today had a few hours Crossdressed which was nice until i realised when getting undressed that the wife had used all her and my facial makeup wipes!!

Oh wifey you owe me some makeup wipes!!

Stopped woring now as have to get better and relax away from the work laptop not that this laptop is any better for my ilness but felt a blog coming on and here it is. Need to be fit as need to be able to drive next week to meetings ... its not pleasant driving light headded or when it looks and feels like youre on a boat and the meds ive been given make me drowsy... i've had to have a siesta after work all week since taking the tablets..

almost time to pick kids up hope the thunder storms hold off... time to watch the cricket for 30 mins anyway ..bye for now

I've blogged about this before but when I dress up I make as much
effort as my artistic skills provide me with my makeup and how I
dress to look as presentable and as real or convincing as possible
and my wife tells me I do a good job of it.

From getting out of the bath and shaving starting the stop watch at
best it takes me 10 mins at worst 15 mins to slip into lingerie,
stockings or tights and a dress "put my face on" then the wig and
brush it into shape and I'm fully transformed..

So what I don't get is the effort I make takes 15 mins and women are
more skilled and adept at makeup than me and have vastly bigger
wardrobes than me (although I think my dress collection now
outnumbers the wifes lol) so why don't women bother to look their
best every day, going to work or whatever.

Some do and it can then be a bit of a shock to see them without their
makeup or seeing them dress scruffy and sometimes its nice to see
women looking all natural with minimal makeup sometimes the best
look.

Is it that much effort to put on foundation or powder, a bit of
blusher lippy, eye shaddow and mascara? And a nice dress and heels..
even flats bleugh!

Last night my wife wore the dress I picked out for her, black
stockings and her highest heels and put on foundation and red
lipstick but didn't bother with blusher or eye shaddow and she looked
amazing.. although she said she felt uncomfortable and didn't feel
sexy.. I told her although she shunned the idea that out like that
looking very smart and sexy she'd turn heads and have men gawping at
her which she dismissed so I asked wouldn't you want men fancying you
and she said not really.. which is nice as she has me and all that
but still we all need a bit of vanity don't we? Or is that just men?
Or crossdressers??

Anyways women make the effort for yourselves to look your best it
doesn't take long (I'm not trying to sound patronising or anything) -
I know you all get up and get the household ready for work and school
but make sometime for yourselves and always look your best as surely
you feel all the better for it?

More from our "Girls night in" we discussed other people and I
asked had she discussed my crossdressing with anyone else and she
said "No" and then asked did she ever feel like discussing it
with anyone else or want to discuss my crossdressing with anyone else
like her mother, her sister or a friend or colleague at work and
again she said "No"

Like I said I don't care if she has discussed it with anyone else but
would want to know who and when if she had just to know.

I told her I wouldn't have minded and don't mind today if she had or
wanted to or wants to talk to other people about me crossdressing but
she doesn't want anyone to know asking me "how would you feel if
people did know?" and my reply "I wouldn't really care if people
knew as it's just something I do nothing I'm ashamed of nor should be
ashamed of"

Then she said "What even your Mam and Dad? How would you feel if
they knew you crossdressed?".... Maybe they do know or did know
when I lived at home just never ever said anything and probably glad
when I finally brought a girl (my wife) home.. Never took another
girlfriend home... never really had a serious girlfriend before my
wife, certainly no L word with any other girlfriends.

Again I don't really care who knows, they may think I'm a pervert or
some sort of weirdo and may think my wife is weird for knowing and
staying with me but then I guess my job would be to educate whoever
found out to the positives I get from it if they then understand or
not, it's my business.

My wife is concerned about people finding out then us having to
explain it then whoever found out telling their other half and so on
it spreads and people sneer at us although statistically if news
spread someone may approach me and say "I crossdress too" lol

I know one friend who used to be with another friend wore her things
and I suppose 1+1=2 so he probably crossdresses although he doesn't
know she told us he wore her things and the conversation wasn't a
positive one by our friend about it which had me thinking I don't
want my wife hearing this as its her friends thoughts on her BF
wearing her things. They had other issues and eventually broke up but
that's another story and not my story..

I said she could have confided in her best friend if she wanted as I
think we could trust her to keep it to herself .. what an "in joke"
that would have become the 3 of us knowing about "Davina"
incidentally if you read further in the blog I've told her best
friend and she didn't believe me :)

So we continue to share this secret between us with no one else who
knows us any the wiser what we did Saturday night on our "Girls
night in" or what I do behind closed doors when I work from home :)

One thing in recent weeks which has happened is I no longer feel any
guilt for crossdressing.

It's out there, my wife knows about it and is ok with it, ok enough
to have a Girls night in and be with me dressed (but doesn't want me
to go out as a woman as that means I want to be a woman lol... not)

I no longer feel any guilt about my hobby crossdressing as I've said
before no harm done and it's just dressing up pure and simple.

Important dressing up to me as it helps me unwind etc but its not
something I worry or stress about affecting my wife or how she
perceives me or how she may worry about our relationship any more and
not something I feel guilty about putting my wife through any more.

It's nice that she tells me I shouldn't feel guilty as its just part
of me something I do .. so there is no longer any guilt in my head
about being a Crossdresser tadaaaaa maybe another notch on the trans
spectrum... The Crossdresser who's wife is ok with him dressing up
and no longer feels guilty about it.

My wifes fine with me being crossdressed but Sex if off the agenda,
unlucky for me (she doesn't know what she's missing lol).

She again said I'm nicer when dressed (I still don't know how) but
admit I tried it on a bit last night asking for a kiss and wanting to
touch her even considering taking off the makeup etc as I wanted her
so bad in that dress heels and Stockings (wow)

My wife wearing stockings is a rare event and one that really winds
me up her not doing it for me that is.. :(  So last night was a
bonus.

Her comment later when I was back in man mode was "Hmmm so you need
to be dressed up to help you get off with me do you"

"No but it would be different dressed in something which I find a
turn on with her dressed in something I find a turn on which I think
may enhance ahem my performance even more if she'd let me"

Alas Davina remains a virgin and I have to continue to abide by my
wife's "no Lesbian rule" (Even tho under the flawless makeup,
flowing locks and long sexy legs I'm still me a bloke!) and take it
as a compliment that she feels I look too much like a woman for her
to do 'things' with me.

She even said at one point last night when I rolled my eyes after
disapproving of some comment that I looked like my sister lol I took
that as a compliment too asking "Do I take that as a compliment?"
to which she said "I suppose so yes"

I was incredibly horney last night a Girls night in, her dressed as
I'd love her to dress occasionally (leads me onto another blog as
blogs always lead to others as the thought pops into my head) and me
dressed myself.

Looking forward to our next Girls night in and maybe give up on
trying it on with her as Davina.. as I think I did her head in in the
end :(

The next thing my wife said about me being on a business trip
crossdressed in my hotel room was "OMG did you go out of the room
crossdressed I wouldn't put it passed you!"

She's still doubting me with the flaring nostrils apparently my tell
if I'm teasing or lying about something... No I didn't lol but she
went on to say something I find bizar.

"If you did go out dressed that's a whole other level of
Crossdressing as if you went out and wanted to be seen out then you'd
obviously want to be a woman otherwise why would you go out dressed
as a woman and let people see you out dressed as a woman?"

Hmmm she's been putting some thought into this has she?

I found it a little funny as I can dress in the house or hotel and
that's fine but step outside the door

and 'Oh no you didn't...now you've been out of the house now you have
to become a woman'

If I decided to go out dressed as a woman (and I have thought about
it) it would be with my wifes consent and somewhere where no one
would know us and probably to a place where other crossdressers were
frequenting such as going to the "Rocky Horror show" (Which I
looked into it's on in Brighton some time this year nice weekend
away) which has its link with Crossdressing with audience members
dressing up as part of the whole "thing" or to a TG venue where
people go specifically to crossdress and have a good time. (Like
Sparkle where we could go with other couples)

If I did decide to be in public crossdressed as lots of t-girls do
across the UK in one way she's correct it would be moving to the next
level as our agreed level is me at home or in a hotel room alone or
with her dressed so moving this hobby of mine outdoors interacting
with others is a further step across the perceived trans spectrum but
her belief this would mean me wanting to be a woman is far from the
truth.

If I went out dressed or if I wanted to go out dressed it would be
for the experience of being in the real world as Davina to feel howit
feels to walk down the street in high heels for the same reasons I
dress at home (fun) and for a change as dressing behind closed doors
in isolation can be a little boring after years of doing it.

I sometimes chat to others when I'm dressed on TVChix, I guess the
next step would mean chatting face to face with others chatting to
other crossdressing couples comparing notes but after our
conversation I can't see it happening.

Clearly she's not ready to progress anywhere further right of where
we are as a Crossdressing couple and I'm happy with that and with the
Girls nights in ... long may they continue ...

If you're reading this (wifey) no matter in or out dressed it's still
a bit of fun, its still escapism, being out may be more exciting a
bit of a thrill but I'm still me, Still a man, still want to be a
man.. don't have any interest in becoming a woman or living as a
woman happy with the occasional crossdressing.

So our Girly night in as mentioned we talked about Crossdressing and
I joked about when I went on a business trip recently and packed
"Davina" and was dressed in the room which she said was fine.

So then I quipped I'd gone for a walk around the hotel as "Davina"
and she said (looking concerned) "You didn't did you?" to which I
said in a way to make her doubt me "No.. as if I'd do that" which
made her say "You did didn't you I know when you're lying your
nostrils flare" .. to which I reply "Don't you think I can make
my nostrils flare at will .. no I didn't walk round the hotel
crossdressed" and that's the truth lol...

Which got us onto a new topic "Going out dressed as a Woman" and
her view on it which is in the next blog.

Last night we had our 3^rd Girls night in in the last 4 years and I'm hoping
it wont be another long period before the next one.

My wife offered me a girls night in after another chat we had about Crossdressing so with
the kids staying with the inlaws secured by 16:30 Saturday we had the
house to ourselves.

A bit of a tidy up and sort out around the house and a bath and shave by 17:30 I was
ready.

I'd picked out two dresses for my wife to chose from to wear herself some sexy lingerie
of mine which used to be hers before she threw it out (sacrilege) and
of course Stockings and high heels as stockings and high heels really
do it for me (something I may blog about separately).

So I'd had a bath and shave blah de blah de blah and selected my lingerie, stockings,
dress and heels and decided on the long blonde wig and did my makeup
(15 mins later transformed)

Then the wife went and had a bath and got changed whilst "Davina" cooked dinner..
Out came the wife with nice red lips ... she skimped on full makeup
but still looked PFWooor in the dress I'd picked and the stockings
and heels .. glass of wine ready for her as I finished cooking and
served dinner.

Then a night in drinking wine (yes I tried the devil juice again but took my time
some Mango and Peach wine which I thought was nice but she turned her
nose up at it) I didn't drink too much of the stuff (most of the
bottle) as was feeling the effects and didn't want the devils
hangover it gave me last time I drunk that pish.

So we watched a good film and had a nice night in both dressed up with a few discussions
and some teasing which I'll blog about later.... Oh forgot to say no
makeup wipes here so I tried Mens face moisturiser all over my made
up face then wiped it with toilet roll and it came off sweet as a nut
and unlike makeup wipes the evidence flushed away down the toilet (a
tip - "Makeup wipes block your pipes" I've put it in a poem so
its easy for you to remember)

Looking forward to the next Girly night in....

Extracted and edited from an article writing by Christine Webber (psycotherapist) and Dr David Delvin (GP).

Should a Crossdresser reveal to his friends, family or even his partner that he is a cross-dresser?

From experience you can have this burning desre to get it all out in the open and stop hiding your crossdressing after all it's not doing any harm right? This has to be done very carefully.

Telling your wife or partner is difficult - though some women are extremely understanding about cross-dressing like my wife eventually.

Many men do tell their partners, and some partners enter into the spirit of the whole thing and actually help their men to dress as women.
These guys are very lucky as their partners frequently stop them from making horrendous style mistakes!

They interviewed a couple on a television programme called 'The Good Sex Guide Late'. The husband and wife in their 30s used to go out clubbing together as 'sisters' - heavily made-up and dressed in party clothes.

As I've blogged this is a no no for my wife who thinks if we went out both dressed that I would have set foot on the next rung in the Trans ladder towards becoming a woman full time (Balony)

The wife really liked her husband's alter ego and said that his female side was so sensitive and loving that sharing it had enriched their marriage.

Maybe this is what my wife sees in me as Davina a softer and more sensitive side to me.

This is a good news story but there are a lot of wives and girlfriends who just can't get their heads around Crossdressing which makes having told them very difficult.

As I've said before my wife knows and has been great about my hobby crossdressing but she still doesn't want anyone else to find out.. such a stigma over something so simple as fashion and image.

I think I'm at a stage where I wouldn't care who knew and my attitude is "So What" maybe this has come with the shedding of guilt for crossdressing..

Written by Christine Webber, psychotherapist and Dr David Delvin, GP

 I wish!!

A number of male Crossdressers want to go a bit further than dressing up and going out.

They want to make love to women when they're 'acting female'.

In our experience, the majority of wives and girlfriends are definitely not happy with this scenario.

On the other hand, some women do find that having sex with a man who is made-up and dressed as a woman can feel quite a turn-on.

But far more females find the whole idea quite alarming and off-putting, and no man should attempt to force his partner into sex if she falls into this category.

Unfortunately for me my wife falls into the latter category Sex off the table with Davina .... Pity

Written by Christine Webber, psychotherapist and Dr David Delvin,GP

Crossdressers can be very calm and happy about their cross-dressing, especially if they belong to a good support group, have an interesting social lifeas their female persona, and have friends or family who accept theirneed to cross-dress.

for me my support group I suppose is chatting in TVChix and I have my wife to confide in and talk to about Crossdressing.

We have recently found that the vast majority of guys like this never even think about having therapy, because they find their lives fine as they are.

I've never ever contemplated therapy although having told my wife if she'd decided we needed some sort of counselling I'd have tried although I'm strong willed and probably wouldn't put any stock on the person counselling us that they knew what they were talking about in relative terms to us as a couple and to me as a Crossdresser as unless you've been there and done it I can't see how someone can counsel someone on the subject of crossdressing.. The same as everything else I have a degree in Civil Engineering all books and
exams  etc but you don't learn until you do it for real.. I've found this especially with Agony Aunts as I've blogged previously... but then again having crossdressed some crossdressers couldn't  provide council as some have a funny idea about crossdressing over complicating it.

The Drs who wrote this article state they believe men who feel overloaded with guilt should always seek counselling. But as above i'd hope if someone did go for counselling that the person providing the
counselling had experience with crossdressing.

They will invariably feel much better for talking over the situation with someone who is non-judgmental... I agree with this.

Dressed working from home once in the week, then a saturday night "Girls Night In" with my wife and Monday dressed up again with my red head wig matching my makeup to the wig or rather doing it slightly different to match the red head look and I thought I looked quite nice, a change from Blonde Davina but was so busy and so many phone calls that I rapidly got fed up of being dressed for some reason (possibly because I've been dressed quite a bit recently) so my wife didn't get to meet me as a red head for lunch.

We're off on hols for 2 weeks from next Saturday so no blog for two weeks or more and no dressing whilst away with the family so girly things up in the attic away for a few weeks.

I worked from home again in the week but didn't dress having had my fill with little urge to dress.

We went to a function Saturday night I was suited and booted and wife had on a nice blue dress with lace top to it and heels :)

She was commenting to other women there about the nice display of dresses other women were wearing and I was also admiring as there were some stunning women at the event plus also appreciating some of the dresses and high heels plus how women had done their hair and makeup.

I lost the urge the tail end of the week and packed Davina away for two weeks and now have the urge back but have also grown nice designer stubble which I think makes me look more "handsome" as a man so no dressing this week despite planning to work from home a few days.. resist the urge then off on the plane to Spain Saturday .... Hopeing for a stress free relaxing 2 weeks and come back with a nice sun tan :)

We had a nice family 2 weeks in Spain and have been back for a week..
and I see a message in my wifes guestbook asking for my blog to be
updated so here we go..

I have a few things to quickly blog about..

Two weeks as a bloke gaining a nice tan All Inclusive in Spain with the
family.. hardly saw a cloud and quite relaxing to the extent usually
after 10 days you start thinking of coming home but I was thinking I
could do with another week of this... really good holiday.

No Crossdressing took part on the holiday but I did see a few T-Girls
when we were out in Spain.. Not sure any of the family noticed but I
did..

Next break is the August Bank holiday with another Family break in the UK
hoping for nice weather from Friday to Monday.

Going back to work sucked but at least the week flew by... Rubbish when no
one covers your job when you're away on holiday .. two weeks of
emails (300+) and a lot of pass the buck emails waiting for my return
to sort out.. Stress levels from day 1 in work rose to pre holiday
levels.. #Needtowinthelotteryasap

So Monday back in work wound me up no end.. things I left for people to
do in the two weeks I was away didn't get done.. now there are bosses
above me who knew I left instructions for certain essential things to
be completed .. conclusion no one gives a damn.

In the afternoon I had a review with my boss and had joked with my wife
about attending my review as Davina ... Fishnets heels short dress
red lips long blonde hair and cleavage on show lol - What would
they think if I turned up in work like that.. nothing they could do
about it with the new LGBT rules work have set up ... Tho LGB has
nothing to do with T as I've said before.. I can imagine it now
walking across the car park as Davina and into our HQ .. I'd be the
best looking "woman" in the building which doesn't say much for
the women in work.. definitely would have the sexiest legs.. but no I
didn't go into work as "Davina"

So one day back in work and tuesday decided to work from home to catch
up and you guessed it got dolled up and had a nice relaxing time as
"Davina" and worked my way through my 300+ emails .....

Wednesday a meeting cancelled and couldn't face the office so again worked
form home..

11:30 and still not crossdressed tho had the urge but was busy.. wife texts
... and I reply and say I have the urge but still in shorts and tshirt.. she texts back..

that's stupid... why don't you put the french maid outfit on and lunch time we can have

a tidy up as family was coming in the evening for dinner..

She laughed lunch time when she came in and I was all dolled up and in
the French maids uniform which I put on for the first time fully made
up and it felt quite sexy... to be honest I felt quite submissive and
would have done anything my wife asked me to do.. so we had a tidy up
and I put the hoover round as a french maid then got on with work
again..

Also Wednesday a T girl I'll call K asked if I wanted some boobs and heels
which I'll explain in the next blog..... :)

A T girl I chat to "K" whos wife knows she dresses contacted me asking if I'd like some Silicone boobs

and some heels as she was getting rid of some things ..

Now as I've blogged I have rice in ankle stockings for boobs so the offer
of silicone "D-Cup" boobies was too good to turn down.

So WE chatted and the offer was on the table to meet and make the
exchange..

£10 a bargain for a pair of D cup boobies

I mulled over shall I tell my wife or just go and meet K.. but then if
I did that how would I explain the boobs so I told my wife I had been
offered some boobies and that all I had to do was meet K and give her
a tenner for them and she surprised me with a replay of "Cool go
for it"

That shows the leaps and bounds we've made in our Crossdressing journey
had I said a few weeks back I was going to meet another T-Girl to
have some boobs off her I think she would have been of a different
mind set .. maybe her blogging and the nice messages from women in
her guestbook has helped her acceptance seeing others out there or
maybe she was thinking OMG!!!!!! what now!!!!! ... maybe she'll blog
about it..

"Myhusband now has false tits".... "My husband met another
Crossdresser"

It was nice to gain this positive reaction from my wife...

So from the last blog Id told my wife I was meeting another T-Girl to
buy some boobies off her. This one covers the rendezvous.

We didnt dress up or wear a flower in the lapel of a jacket like in the cartoon up top there

but it did seem a little cloak an dagger meeting someone to make an exchange like a top secret

exchange of merchandise.. I did think what if we drive off and the Police pull us over and demand

the bag and we have to admit we're both Crossdressers and K was giving me some False silicone

Boobs and high heels... the coppers would have a good laugh at us no doubt..

I'd agreed to meet K at a public car park at mid day somewhere between
where we both lived but hadn't heard back from her on Tvchix to
confirm everything was still ok on the day so I was working from home
(again) and a text comes through 'I'm in the car park'

I left and drove to meet K and luckily there was a parking space next
to a car meeting Ks description.. I saw a guy in the car and we both
looked at one another as I parked.

I got out thinking should I say "Hi are you K?"  but luckily K had
the description of my car and had put 1+1 together to come up with 2
and Ks first words were "Well this is a bit weird"

We shook hands like men and said hello and then K opened the boot of the
car and sorted out a bag of things for me to take away.. the D cup
boobies, some dresses and 3 pairs of killer high heels..

We were in a public car park lots of people about and had a nice talk
about crossdressing in general, our experiences dressing since young
.. the urge to dress up and how people would never guess why we do it
and never understand why.. both stating we didn't know why we
dressed.. we chatted about our wives how they found out or in my case
was told and how they reacted and how luckily both our wives are
supportive..

It was nice to be able to talk to another bloke who
crossdresses and see so many similarities .. at one point a vicar
walked past which made me chuckle.. I'm sure no one heard our
conversation but must have looked a bit dodgy K in the back of the
car putting things into a Next bag then me putting the bag into my
car..

We shook hands again and said we'd keep in touch on TVChix and left for
home and on entering the house remembered I'd forgotten in our
talking and the weird excitement of meeting someone else who shares
this hobby / fetish / whatever it is to five K £10 for the boobs.

I've messaged her on Tvchix saying we'll have to catch up again some time
so I can give her the tenner..

So I've now met another crossdresser (as blokes) and it was nice to be
able to openly chat about crossdressing with another crossdresser ...
surreal but nice to get things off my chest to someone other than my
wife and see another Alpha male crossdresser puzzling over why we do
it but at the same time enjoying it...

I got in from meeting K and took the heels and Boobs out from the bag
and couldnt wait to get dressed and see the Boobs in action so to
speak.

So I was quite hasty with dressing and makeup transformed in record time
and slipped in the D Cups to my bra and gave them a grope..

a) Can still form Cleavage with them

b) Better shape than my rice bags lol

c) Felt more like boobies (Result)

The I tried on the high heels all of which were brand new and very high
and sexy settling on a black pair with a nice black flowery dress
black stockings long blonde hair.

My wife came home lunch time and the first thing she said was "OMG how
can you Crossdressers walk in such high heels"

Thankyou K the boobs are fab and 3 pairs of Killer heels to mull over which to
wear when I dress... My wife also had a grope and said "Those feel
a lot better" lol

iou £10

I've had messages from t-girls and from wives and girlfriends describing
how their husbands and boyfriends feels incredible shame and guilt
for crossdressing..

My honest opinion is been there done that "GET OVER IT!!"

That may sound harsh but put it into perspective as the hardest part was
telling your wife and if you're lucky gaining some level of
acceptance.

OK so you crossdress and the majority see that as not the norm or weird
but so what.. its your business and it makes you happy to transform
right? And you're not doing any harm right? And it helps you relax
right? And it can be a turn on? And its only weird as society brands
it weird and separates men from women by fashion and image etc.. Stop
worrying about it you do it so do it no shame or guilt are required
..

Maybe easy for me to say as I have my wifes acceptance although she would
prefer I wasn't a crossdresser but and this may sound harsh too so
what if she didn't accept it I'm not ashamed of myself and don't
feel guilty for having this outlet and escapism and liking
crossdressing, it is part of me and it's here to stay.

Perspective a husband crossdressing or a husband cheating on his wife what would
you choose? Even more perspective wars and poverty or someone dressed
up as the opposite sex pales into insignificance.

Fab to see some coms in my wifes guestbook from some Fab wives and
girlfriends.

Its what I intended from this blog a chance for people to anonymously ask
questions and share experiences and feelings about crossdressing.

Keep it coming :)

Working from home as Davina is ok .. once i get the house to myself decide what i want to wear then  quick bath and shave,dry and cool down andput on moisturiser .. do a bit of work then get changed and apply makeup and wig ta daaa doesnt take long you'd be surprised..

Oh and i forgot put into my bra the new false D boobs

Oh and the new heels  which are featured on the latest just fab advert

Working from home answering the mobile sending emails and working on mind numbing spreadsheets is ok but the day whizzes by and then im back to male me before i know it..

Its my chance to dress but not really unwind what with working but better than not dressing at all.. looks like my meeting tomorrow is cancelled so a chance to work from home again and catch up on things but dressed today wont have the urge tomorrow.. i doubt

Dressing working from home is ok but sometimes meh - perhaps ive had my fill of dressing for a few weeks

If you've got a much loved much worn tatty looking wig where you've used some form of product, straightening or tangle free spray or even hair spray before you log onto ebay and order a replacement try what I tried following a youtube vid last week.

Put on your wig and give it as good a brush as you can to get knots out

run a bucket ¾ cold water and top up with fabric softner (I am assuming you have a synthetic wig) and syntetic = fabric(ish) hence fabric softner.

Give the fabric softner a good stir into the bowl of clod water.

Dip your wig in bit by bit until submerged then pull it out slowly and between fingers and thumb massage the fabric softner into the wig from top to bottom a bit at a time.. do this for about 5 mins then soak for around 5 mins.

Remove the wig and repeat between fingers and thumb gently wringing the wig but by bit getting as much water / fabric softner out as possible.

Empty the bucket and wash it with cold water then fill ¾ with cold water and dip the wig in it bit by bit until submerged … repeat with finger and thumb to massage remaining fabric softner out of the wig until satisfied its washed out..

Empty the bucket once more and ¾ fill with cold water then submerge the wig again and remove it.

Put the wig on a wig stand or something else suitable and place in the bath for a few hours et voilla a washed synthetic wig..

Put it back on your head and brush it and it should feel and look more or less like new..

If you want it with curls etc I will have to write again as I'd like a bit of curl back in my long blonde wig so watch this space..

Let me know how you get on!!

Nose edited out wife will still say people will recognise me.. mentalist looks nowt like male me

My least favorite look but a nice wig

Edited the nose again for anonemnimity is that how you spell it no well ner mind

Bit of cleavage too lol

Another nice wig for a different look which is my second fav to Blonde Davina

All wigs on Ebay range from £9.99 to £19.99 for the Blonde one bargains.

When I cleaned my Blonde wig i wore a red one in the edited pic below and my wife said i looked freaky so showed her the black one and she said she didnt like me with different colour hair.. she needs to explain this more ie she didnt like it as i looked less me or i didnt look as nice?

I've edited the photos below (wont let me put more than one pic so will have to do 3 blogs...

Blonde me - I fancy I mean prefer lol myself as a Blonde the wig came out well in the wash..

~

It's been 18 days since I last had opportunity to be Davina when wife saw me as a red head and brunette lol and the blonde wig wet in the wash…

Two weeks on holiday returning to loads of emails and problems and people running my old section making changes for the worst asking me to put things back how they should be how frustrating… everything left for me to come back from hols and national people asking me for my help .. I really don't get paid enough to carry this “Expert Tag” compared to what others are working and bet I'm working far more hours than most to do the day job plus extras.. mainly as a) People dont listen.. b) People don't know what they're doing c) I'm stupid enjoy my job and cant leave work unfinished..

I am seeing cracks in work following re-org after re-org less quality more quantity and things starting to break down inclusive of people which is not good.. A good review is needed at work and a release valve on everyones stress.

Really have the Crossdressing urge and have had it for a good number of days unfortunately no chance of being home alone for a sufficient time nor time for a girly night in with the wife to unwind all tarted up..

However a work briefing a distance from home looming Wednesday next week so I made a decision as it was either a) get up at 5 in the morning on the road to get to the meeting location for an 08:30 start or b) travel up Tuesday afternoon and visit the local depot to catch up with other managers / engineers and stay in a hotel over night..

I chose B so travelling up Tuesday afternoon and a night away from home which I hate by the way .. cant stand being away from home due to work as have a spate of meetings around the UK coming up at which I'll have to stay away in hotels :( however I will be packing “Davna” I think and after booking into the hotel from the Depot and having a bite to eat I will retire to my work and get tarted up and get some work done on the laptop and maybe have a chat in TVChix..

It was nice the last time I was away in a hotel room and could be Davina just nice to be in a different place apart from home even though still trapped within 4 walls with curtains closed.

Then Work meeting wednesday make sure I eliminate all mascara lol and home Wednesday evening for about 17:00 I hope which beats getting on the road just after 5 and getting home 12-13 hours later still stressed out … but hate being away from home and family..

Need to work my work schedule back to at least 2 days per month working from home...

"Hey Wifey If You're reading my blog pop in your guestbook and read your comments and reply to them your readers are wiating for your responses LOL"

And why not add your thoughts on me putting those photos on with my nose blanked out as you feel someone will recognise me.. blog about it and anything else which crosses your mind like me being in a hotel away as Davina.. you said before it was a good idea and opportunity to dress and i think in the future as kids get older its my easiest opportunity to crossdress as long as others from work not staying in the hotel and expect me to go for a pint with them lol.. and our Girls nights in of course

I've not blogged for ages mainly due to work work work and work (again) so here goes.

The advice I've had on here and off here is get a new job.. the stupid thing is despite it being stressful so stressful its only possible to keep upto pace (just) is by working 50+ hours per week to cover a paid 35 hour per week contract, I actually enjoy my job which I'm considered a specialist in in the UK (Pity I’m not paid to be a specialist) and it's close to home, my own office, company car and free to come and go unsupervised having the trust and respect of peers and bosses.. however its getting a little silly at the moment with them expecting more and more from me for no additional gain to myself but they know I get things done so are taking advantage of my “OCD” - I have to complete a task..

Usually with stress and work Crossdressing helps but lately even Crossdressing hasn’t calmed my stress down with so much to do when I work from home I cant be bothered to take time to dress and then rush to undress later in the day with so much to do..

Add to this things outside of work stressing me out at the moment and the other night I scared myself having worked flat out until late to get something completed, I finally turned my laptop off at 20:30 and sat down and then my head felt a little light and my chest felt a little tight .. I think I was having some sort of anxiety attack as I still wasn’t switched off work.. I felt really weird but didn't say anything to my wife as think she'd have nagged me about working so hard and that would have added to my weird horrid sensation.. didn’t feel good... Stupid I know letting work affect my health which probably happened back in June when I had a dizzy spell which lasted 2 weeks.

I've asked my boss for a 1-2-1 as my life work balance is ridiculous at the moment.. so far he's not given me a date to meet which is annoying.. I'm also thinking of talking to my union as in work they doubled my area but not my pay and I have no help or assistant to help.. There is no one ese where I work who can do what I do or who knows what I know .. but I think everyone in the front line in work is up against it.. Reorg after reorg and redundancies after redundancies … That’s the results of Austerity in the UK less people covering work and everyone doubling up their workload to keep things safe.. madness and will leads to problems.

Maybe the next time I crossdress some of the stress will temporarily disappear with my "Davina" escapism.

I know it feels great when you've not dressed for some time (Last time I dressed was away in a hotel with work in my hotel room at the end of August so about 5 weeks not being “Davina”) so I'll have to see if I can find time to dress when I'm not working from home and I'm free just to chill out Crossdressed..

Just booked next years holiday too so have about 40 weeks to get in shape lose weight and get fit, back on a diet and fitness and try to work less hours before I make myself ill with work and other issues.

I'll try to think of a more merry blog sorry for this depressing one folks..

We've got a rare event must be due to the Blood Moon but me and the wife curtesy of my Birthday are off to London for a long weekend away just the two of us a first since weve had kids.

We leave saturday morning but will have friday night home alone and i really could do with unwinding so I'm hoping my wife may be ok for us to have a girls nght in.. if i have the urge that is... which i'm sure i will after so long not dressing so maybe i'll have a chillaxing friday night ,, chick flicks and Davina with the mrs but i wont drink wine.. i cant handle it.

The weekend away was fab.

Just nice to be away with the wife in a hotel at two sporting occassions in London which we hope to repeat next year.

My wife popped the kids to the inlaws who were having them for us for the weekend and before she left she said what shall we do tonight  to which I replied “Well if its ok with you with work being so stressful I might dress up” and that what I did in a nice black lace dress stockings n heels and heels all made up.

A nice night in and a nice few hours dressed up and relaxed on the setee watching a film drinking beer not wine as had to drive to London the next day and as I've said before wine is the Devil.

My wife didn't say much or comment about me being dressed I think shes like “Whatever” about it now which is better than her being upset about it.

Its nice to be able to just dress up without having to work from home, just relax and unwind in total escapism tho shes told me I need to hold myself different when I walk pulling my shoulders back and sticking my tits out more .. I think she wants me to mince lol.. Limp wrist and all haha.

Will have to explore how I walk by a mirror to try to perfect it.

Next day I look on facebook and a relative of mine is pictured at someones wedding wearing the same dress I had on last night lol.. she must have good taste.

Its that time of year again, and the third year I've blogged about the following ... I love the summer but hate seeing bloomin flip flops and flat shoes and bare legs so I'm welcoming in the Autumn seeing women back in Black tights and heels..

I popped to Tesco the other day and the place was riddled with women popping in on their way home from work smartly dressed in Autumn attire nice dresses, high heels and black tights that's more like it a more professional office look than flat shoes and flip flops / sandals.

Doh I sound like a pervert oggling all these smartly dressed women but it's not that (honest) its an appreciation of that kind of female look / image which I like to see.. Even my wifes in on it yesterday for the first time in ages putting on a dress and tights so it must be catching.. Hoping to see her in her autumn dresses and designer hosiery from now on... and  Tescos lol

Happy days.

Work Work work stress stress stress...I've not been “Davina” since our girls night in at the start of October although I've worked from home I've just had so much work to do I couldn't be bothered to dress up…

Monday I worked from home and thought sod it the urge was massive to unwind and put on makeup, wig, dress stockings and heels etc so I had a few hours in the morning working from home on a humungus spreadsheet as a girl.. What amazing stress relief it is .. I somehow just relax its hard to explain.

My wife came home on her lunch break enquiring why I wasn't still dressed and the answer was “I'm on a Lync Phone confrence in 30 mins and I didnt want to take the chance that someone would request to see me face to face on web cam lol”… as has happened before … I got away with it …. and got called a bit of alright on that brief occasion lol…

What a shock they'd have seeing Davina talking to them with red lips flowing blonde hair and false Tits ranting about the subject matter.. actually might have got my own way had they seen me crossdressed thinking i'd flipped or something.

Really nailed my makeup .. can do it in no time and quite well.. I enjoy that element of the transformation the most I think… or is it slipping on stockings and heels hmmmm?

I need a break and next week is school half term so escaping work and spending some time with the kids and cant wait.. so no dressing next week .. so maybe Thursday I should work from home and get another shift in on that mahoosive spreadsheet whilst crossdressed… maybe a plan.. Lets hope theres no meeting requests in work and i can fit it in.

I dont watch Eastenders but a news article appeared on my phone which caught my eye about a “Transgendered” role in Eastenders.. Hmm Transgendered like the story line on Corenation Street? ...No Transgendered like a Crossdresser … At last I really hope a main stream soap covering this taboo subject which no one understands.

If the character Les the Undertaker admitted to his wife he was Trans as in a Transvestite or a Transexual it would have resonated well with the world yes we get that but I think and hope the story line is one i've been anticipating a man who crossdresses? I just hope they dont make it weird or turn him into a crossdressing axe murderer and blur the lines as usually happens on anything to do with Crossdressing on TV or film..

Plans laid to waste so no opportunity to dress now for at least the next 2 weeks as I had to go into the office for yet more meetings.

If the job wasnt so close to home with the respect i have etc I think i would consider a change after having worked 180 hours over the past 3 weeks for a paid 105 hours so i've done an extra two weeks work in 3 weeks stressed myself out for no monitary gain and no crossdressing to relax and escape.

I suppose the occassional opportunity to work from home dressing puts me in a lucky place compared to some tgirls still dressing behind their wives backs when theyre out for a fleeting few risky hours not knowing when shes coming home.. oh how i remember those exciting evenings when shed visit a relative and id have the house to myself and dress up then rush to undress and hope she didnt notice id had makeup on.. quite exciting at times.

Even those opportunities have gone now with having to dress all or nothing  so two weeks of not unwinding i need to get back into exercising to unwind..

I dont know if Eastenders is on fridays so might have one to catch up with but the story line around Lez being Christine has been a rapid one of bad acting the wifes gone through the shock and upset plus disgust in two episodes banishing Les to the setee and he's confessed hes been out with her best friend dressed so i guess the story line in one way the secrets out and now hes being open and honest but its shocking her and shes also mocked him but the last episode i watched she went to bed closed the door hes on the setee and thinking this is stupid so goes to go to bed as she opens the door and it ended with i suppose id better meet Christine.. so so far its not that bad (acting is dire tho)  but bordering on it making crossdressing look dishonest when in fact its not its just society cant cope with it so its hard to tell someone about it especially if its something youve done for so long it eats away at you wanting to tell someone but fearing their reaction.. i am glad tho that bbc has tackled crossdressing without it being about sexuality just a guy using crossdressing for escapism from his job

Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as 1970s Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner, has announced she is transgender, appearing on the cover of Vanity Fair magazine. It's fair to say many people don't know how to speak to or about transgender people. So what do the terms involved mean and what's considered polite?

Davina ->According to the BBC… Bear in mind this is a British Broadcasting Corporation view so those around the globe reading this don't kick off and rant about terminology as this clearly shows the Trans spectrum and the different labels can mean different things all over the world..

Transgender

This is an umbrella term for people whose gender is different from their "assigned" sex at birth - that written on their birth certificate. Gender can refer to one's own, internal sense of being a man or woman, or another type that doesn't fit either category. Gender can also be expressed externally - through clothing, behaviour, body characteristics and so on. Transgender can be shortened to "trans".

Davina → so Obviously as a Crossdresser I don't fit in the above as I have no interest in or thoughts to being different from my assigned sex birth as I'm happy to be a man so will be interesting to see how this topic is covered further and if it mentions escapism,love of feminine looks and fashon etc..

In 2010, the Gender Identity Research and Education Society estimated the number of trans people in the UK to be between 300,000 and 500,000.

Gender is different from sexual orientation. Transgender people can be straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual.

Davina → Yay have they read my blog? Crossdressing and the Trans specturm has nothing to do with sexuality although there are branches to the Trans spectrum impinging on sexuality but it doesnt mean a man is gay just because he likes to crossdress.

Transsexual

This is a term used by some people who permanently change their bodies, usually, but not always, using hormones or surgery. But some people who go through this process - known as the "transition" - prefer to be known simply as transgender, rather than transsexual. It's best to ask which people prefer.

Davina→ not how I'd describe someone who is Transexual which I thought the easiest to explain but a poor job on this from the BBC.

Non-binary

Non-binary people are those who don't feel male or female. They may feel like both or like something in between. They may have a gender that changes over time or they may not relate to gender at all.

Davina _> a new one on me sounds very robotic

Cisgender

This describes someone who is not transgender. For instance, someone who is named a boy at birth and continues to live as a man would be cisgender. This covers the majority of the population.

Davina → another word or label I have never used Cisgendered whats the point of this word?

"He" or "she"?

Using the appropriate pronouns when talking to someone who is transgender works on the basis of respect for the individual. Generally the name the person chooses to use indicates their gender preference. So, a transgender person called Steve would be referred to as "he", while another called Rachel would be "she". But if you are unsure, it's best to ask the person politely how they wish to be known.

Davina_> hysterical insight when I'm crossdressed me and my wife refer to Davina as Davina or the inner bitch or the other woman or her but its all tongue in cheek. Although I suppose those more serious about all this would take offence to being called sir, him, it etc.

This is especially so if you suspect someone identifies as non-binary, in which case a neutral term like "they" may be more appropriate.

Davina → They omg “they” even worse isnt it?

Transgender man/transgender woman

People assigned female at birth but living as a man may describe themselves as a "transgender man", while those assigned male at birth but living as a woman may call themselves a "transgender woman". These terms can be shortened to "trans man" or "trans woman".

Some may also use the acronyms FtM (female-to-male) and MtF (male-to-female). Many prefer simply to be identified simply as a "man" or a "woman".

Cross-dresser

This describes a person who wears the clothes usually associated with the "opposite "sex. This is seen as a form of gender expression. The word "transvestite" is not used much these days. And the expression "drag queen" is different, meaning a man who dresses "as a woman" for purposes of entertainment.

Davina _> ahh my expectation was set too high they haven't a clue have they and this article from the BBC is as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike or a chocolate tea pot.

'Ask. Listen. Respect'

Journalist and campaigner Jane Fae suggests it doesn't have to be complicated dealing with transgender terms. "People are individuals," she says. "Ask politely, listen to what individuals have to say and respect what they tell you.

"It's a principle and an approach to life that will take you a long way - and not just with the transgender community."

More complexity

The terms discussed here apply widely in the UK. They may not cover all situations. As transgender activists acknowledge, it is a complex area, which can be difficult for those less than fully versed in a vast range of terms to negotiate. For extra information BBC Radio One has compiled more detail on pronouns, while the US pressure group GLAAD has created a fuller glossary. Trans Media Watch has also compiled a guide to non-binary.

It seems ages since I last crossdressed but over the last few weeks I’ve had some good chats and debates on Tvchix in the evenings as my wifes been watching trash TV like master chef and all that rubbish..

I worked from home today just to get away from the office and people who need my help (some of them need my help as they havent a clue which is frustrating especially when the help theyre requesting isnt remotely to do with me but I know the answers).

So I'm sat the night before chatting on Tvchix and a number of tgirls in the girls lonely room state they're home alone all dolled up and im thinking how nice that must be just to be able to come home and dress how you like especially after a stressful day in work.. so I thought sod it lets shave off the designer stubble ready for working from home tomorrow then a further quick shave in the morning and spend a few hours dressed up.

It's been nice chatting to see a common theme in crossdressing as the people i've chatted to have gone through the same process as myself.. curiously trying on stockings or tights or lingerie when young then progressing to dressing in matching lingerie stockings and heels .. trying a dress on and progressively moving towards dressing fully and its been nice to chat to tgirls and some wives on Tvchix who have gone through confession for want of a better word about dressing wives freaked out like my wife but acceptance found but also a few t girls who in coming out as crossdressers ended up divorced as their wives saw it as a perversion and couldn’t understand why (who can understand why?) and couldn’t get past the link to sexuality and perversion which is quite sad.

Its been nice tho just chatting a bunch of men who dress up as women debating rugby, football and the NFL and the differences between rugby league and rugby union.

So I got dressed today; blonde wig did my makeup well nice red lips tan tights for a change from black stockings and a blue flowery dress and blue high heels … I thought I looked nice :) … My wife text to say she was having a crappy day in work so I thought id change back as I didn’t want to add to her being down in the dumps coming home to see me all glamorous and sexy lol and she said “what did you change for?” I told her as I didn’t think she wanted to see me dressed seeing as work was getting her down and she said it doesn’t bother her.. so tomorrow if I dress maybe i'll stay dressed.

What I’m finding tho is I get dressed and then get into work on my laptop and on the phone next thing I know its lunch time then time warp to time to pick the kids up so I cant really enjoy being dressed .. tomorrow I have a phone conference at 14:15 so will have to change back prior to that ready to pick kids up from school.. Its getting harder to find time just to dress and relax although I'm away with work two days next week and tho I hate it I’ll have to stay in a hotel for two consecutive nights so I guess I can pack Davina and relax in the hotel room and be one f those lucky tgirls who can say “I'm dressed” whilst chatting on Tvchix... 

Caught up with Eastenders

So I left the last review where Les wife said I suppose I'd better meet “Christine”.. well I just skimmed through Eastenders and caught up and it’s gone a bit tits up..

So Les wife’s friend brings Les crossdressing gear to the house and they have a chat about Les transforming to Christine and agree that the friend will help with Les / Christines makeup as she usually does which the wife is a little funny about especially as she keeps referring to Les who is changing in the bedroom as she and her with the wife not being able to differentiate.. the friend notes Les wants to look good for her wife which causes her some concern..

I wonder what goes through wives and gfs minds when they are meeting their other half dressed for the first time and when they first see them.. my wife was pretty positive saying immediately that I looked nice and that I didn’t look how she'd imagined which I can only think is like a drag queen..

Back to the story line and the friend referring to Les as her and she where the friend says she’s just used to Les being Christine and it now comes natural to call her her and she but the wife’s at this stage is having none of it saying she married a man not a woman so the friend says it's still Les it is the man you married but you'll also find you like Christine as both Les and Christine are her friends and she’s sure the wife will be friends with Christine too.

My wife said the same tho we refer to Davina as her and she sometimes.

Now here’s the dilemma although its easy sometimes to differentiate and use a t girl name like Christine or “Davina” its a bit hard for someone to accept that Christine or rather Les thinks of Christine as someone else.. sometimes it is easier to think of Davina as someone else as when I dress I'm far from the bloke much more relaxed etc.

But the discussion on the wife maybe liking Christine draws parallels to me and my wife as she says I'm nicer when I'm “Davina” ….maybe true.

So eventually they cut back to the scene where Les / Christine faces his wife dressed and she’s visibly shocked as Les is in a Christine character acting like its the first time he’s met his wife which takes her aback a little then they sit and talk and she asked why and he doesn’t know she asks does it mean he’s into men and a sharp NO was retorted as he opens up that he finds it easier to talk as Christine and that as Les he bottles things up.. like most men I suppose bottling things up which I do myself.

I have never acted like Davina is someone else (I don’t think) and think it easier for my wife to accept it being me dressed up nothing more which is where I am..She’s said in the past she sometimes thinks of me dressed as just being like fancy dress which I suppose as an occassional crossdresser it is for me tho more serious for others/

Although it's a little awkward and Les is in this Christine character things seem to be going well talk of taking it slow etc then in walks the grand son and sees Christine and calls his grandad a tranny .. here is the classic second opinion and the wifes mind is made up she packs her bags and leaves but then the grandson sits down with Les and starts asking why he dresses and also points out he’s doing nothing wrong dressing so his shock turned quickly to acceptance of its just something weird his grandad does and wants to get them back together.. maybe something younger people can accept more seeing past the old wives tales about crossdressing being gay, perverted etc..

He gets them back together with Les saying he'll stop which we all know is easier said than done especially when it becomes an escapism route from stress of work and an outlet from bottling things up.

Les opens up to his grandson telling him how it started with a dress he tried on and how he looked up to a strong beautiful woman, a friend of his mothers when he was a young lad and how he'd pretend he was her and how his father caught him and looked at him in disgust and their relationship never mended itself which made Les afraid to tell his wife fearing rejection which came to happen in the story line anyway… I feel they could have played it different but seems they rushed it after stringing it out to her meeting Christine for the first time spoiling it by introducing the grand son particularly as its been out of Eastenders for the last week.. it would have been nice to  just have had them talking through it, her fears his fears etc as this way she may have understood it a bit better.

I hope it explains the thought process of the tgirl worrying how their wife will react and the wife’s reaction as she’s clearly freaked out and says its the end of them. The story has ended as she said she was still moving out and Les said no you stay I’ll move out and that’s how Eastenders have left it with Les moving in with Billy.

There is some poor acting.. the actor Les actually looked better as a woman than a man (I wonder how the actor feels as its another parallel as I feel sexier as Davina than as male me which I don’t feel sexy at all which is a strange thing to say I know) and also explained the escapism how he can leave Les in the bedroom and be Christine forgetting fears, stress and problems for the time spent crossdressed.. I had that for a few hours today its really weird how being transformed takes some of the weight off the shoulders hard to explain.

We will see if Eastenders leave it there with an example how a relationship is torn by crossdressing or if they reconcile and get back together… it seems mad that after 40+ years of marriage something like dressing up can cause a split.. I suppose its the deceit of not telling her yet telling her friend but she has to understand the predicament and fear .. I've chatted to and read about lots of tgirls who have told friends or friends of their wives .. my wife said the same as in the storyline I married a man well I am a man just like the escapism and like is the right word its something I weirdly enjoy but cant explain.. Almost Eastenders almost maybe one day we'll get a happy ending.

So I guess summing up a year as a Crossdresser with an accepting wife I've been crossdressed around 12-14 times in 2015 with 4 occasions being crossdressed whilst away with work in a hotel room ..

There has been a change as sometimes with stress of work when working from home I've gone past the urge to dress just having to get on the laptop perform analysis and get it done then later if I still haven’t finished the task but its into the evening from an 07:00 start working from home I've regretted it thinking why didn’t I dress up.

Also trying to take some burden off my parents picking my kids up from school have limited my time working from home when dressed.

The ritual the wife and kids leave on average 08:30, I'm usually catching up with emails and the like then run a bath, shave, get changed and made up / transformed and spend the day working away as “Davina”.. If only work colleagues on the end of the phone could see me lol they'd never believe it was me.

The wife usually comes home for lunch at 13:00 and is gone by 13:30-45 and then the next hour flys by having to pick the kids up at 15:15 the next hour flys by and I have to undress and get the makeup off then pick the kids up and back to the house and back on the laptop.

I think we managed two girly nights in in 2015 with the wife which is nice tho the last time there wasn’t much conversation but some dirty thoughts in my mind wishing my wife would let me touch her and vice versa lol .. #notgonnahappenisit.

The for the first time 2015 saw me being away from home a lot more with work and I managed to pack Davina on four occasions and dressed in my hotel room and chatted on Tvchix nice to be able to say I'm chatting and I'm all dolled up lol.

Last week I was away for two nights with a lot of travelling and it was a last minute decision in pitch black at 05;00 in the morning feeling in the dark for false boobs, wig, makeup, stockings, tights, lingerie, makeup remover, dresses and high heels etc into a holdal and just in case I had the urge whilst away put “Davina” in the boot of the car all without waking the wife (should be a cat burglar).

The meeting in work did my head in and with an hour and a half drive further away from home to the hotel the urge grabbed me what a rubbish day lets get to the hotel find something to eat, have a soak in the bath then spend the night crossdressed so that's what I did listening to the govrnment and opposition debate on Syria :(

Urge setteled it was nice to be able to take time with makeup and just be there knowing that I wasnt getting interupted and that I could be dressed as long as I wanted but had to get some sleep in also.

The next day another meeting in work just as stressful with keeping up with what was going on and also keeping up with emails and phone calls it really is never ending.. it was 17:30 and I was still in work and I thought sod this I'm having another night as Davina.. So left the depot and grabbed food on the way which I ate at the hotel in my room whilst running a bath .. It was nice to be able to leave work knowing I could relax which of course I can do at home with the wife and kids but not relax in the sense of escaping macho male me completely and have a nice bath (tho travel lodge baths are ridiculous) and a shave then slip into something more comfortable a nice basque, stockings (oh how I love the feel of pulling on stockings and the noise it makes as I rub my legs together) putting on a dress and makeup and finally wig and stepping into high heels .. it would I think be nice to be able to come home and think how do I want to appear tonight … hmmm stressful day lets slip into some womens things and get all dolled up and relax as “Davina” for the evening.

Nice chatting to Tgirls and wives in the main lobby and girls only chat in TVChix and also managed to watch football and have a chat about it after the match as after all us T-Girls like sport (well most of us) and believe it or not a lot of chat goes on about sport and regular things maybe not what some wives and girlfriends would expect?

I took a few selfies for my TV Chix profile to add new photos .. we're a vane bunch crossdressers.

Also surprising how many other people are in hotels away with business crossdressed as you can also see in some profile pictures taken in hotel rooms.. maybe being away dressed is the way forward as the kids get older and taller and gain more freedom and ability to look in high cupboards along with the girly nights in of course although it seems a shame to give up rare baby sitting opportunity to stay in dressed as a woman when we could be having a night out as a coupke… tho I suppose we could have a night out with me as Davina #Againnevergonnahappen.

It is frighteningly appealing to just get up and walk out of the hotel room and go for a walk dressed when away from home where no one would know who you are and if you can pull it off go unnoticed  lol but never happened tho I do tease the wife about it. The one hotel had a card to scan back in and the next morning I went to breakfast and back to the room and it wouldnt open the door so a good job I didn't leave the room crossdressed or I'd have had to go to reception as Davina to get the card reset. Haha what a scene that would have been.

So two nights in a row returning from home to a hotel and able to relax crossdressed and probably the last opportunity of 2015… Looking at my job I will have plenty more opportunities in 2016 to pack Davina on my travels and spend a night in my hotel room dressed up tho I hate being away from home… Need the bag in the photo for future travels away lol.
 

In these liberal politically correct times we find ourselves in, any reference in a conversation amongst friends to crossdressing provokes laughter and mockery.

Crossdressers written off as part of an unsavoury group of weird sexual deviants.

Probably the simplest distinction that can be found in an society is male and female clothing and image noted as belonging to one sex or the other, but like most politically correct things or like racism or sexism it seems to be a one way street.

Let me examine first racism then sexism then homophobia..

Racism – If I say something about someone with dark skin or a certain religion I would be called a racist, but is it racist for someone to call me a white this or that? I couldn't care less if someone called me a white this or that but you call someone a black this or that and its racism? Has this all gone too far and do we all need to grow up “Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me?”

Sexism – I can't say that a woman can't perform a certain type of job as I could get called a sexist as we see this myth that women are paid less than men (not in my experience) and also see criticism of certain organisations if there are seen to be insufficient numbers of women working there – Should it be best “person” for the job or do we need equal number of men and women.. what's the point in that? Inversely someone can say “Oh you cant do that job its a womans job”… hmmm?

Homophobia - If I say something derogatory about a gay guy or woman I'm homophobic and shunned by the politically correct brigade but if a gay person says something derogatory about me being a straight married man it's ok? (I couldn't care less again names will never hurt me).. I've been in a meeting where a woman has made it clear from the off that she was a lesbian and I wonder what would happen if I decided to introduce myself after her in a meeting round the table introductions “Hello I'm soinso and I'm a straight married man” or what If a load of straight people decided to design a straight person flag and walked in 100's down the city centre with banners and flags stating that we're all heterosexual… what would happen? Why doesn't it happen? It would be seen as homophobic but why?

So where am I going with this ah yes crossdressing.. Even in the crossdressing world Crossdressers are frowned upon by straight people, gay people, transexuals all seem to laugh and mock crossdressers.. The PC brigade don't seem to want to know Crossdressers and to defend us or to try to explain the different degrees of distaste and opprobrium which are attracted by those who choose to wear clothes and portray the image “belonging” to the opposite sex. (As deemed by society to belong to one sex or the other).

It is perfectly possible and acceptable for women in the UK to wear just about every item of traditional male dress without raising a single eyebrow. The situation is completely different for men who choose to wear female garments, makeup etc.

In an open multiculture in the UK which aspires tolerance towards race, colour, religion and sexuality, in which there is an openness about sexual debate, and much talk among feminists and others about the importance of breaking down notions of gender, why is it that male crossdressers attract so much hostility and ridicule?.. onto my next blog above Last night...

Baby sitters booked and out with friends for a drink and somehow in the chat men wearing their wives lingerie was mentioned and people laugh including my wife and less so me as they go on to talk about it being a weird thing to do men wearing their wives lingerie.

It was only a brief mention in a wider discussion on sexuality as somehow vanilla people (a new term I've learnt recently as in run of the mill people who don't have any sort of kink as I'm going to go all out there and call Crossdressing a kink) are mainstream media led placing crossdressing with LGBT assuming it is sexuality driven which it isn't... not for all of us anyway.

I was sat there possibly not laughing about it as much as the rest as I was thinking:

a) Has my wife told her friend I crossdress and she's told her husband and he's bringing it up tongue in cheek.

b) I was also thinking what if I say what's wrong with crossdressing?

c) What if I said its fun to crossdress it can be a great stress reliever and a turn on too.

d) Also thinking my wife's getting another example of people ridiculing crossdressing I wonder if this will dent her acceptance of me dressing up seeing her friend and her husbands perspective.

If I had chosen to do C and said I crossdressed I know the result would have been heavier laughter with them saying as if you'd crossdress…

I don't know, what can we do to educate people it's harmless? It's just clothes and image and for some a form of escapism from the stressful lives we lead.

I've blogged about this before and will have to go back and find what I wrote last time but I do come across crossdressing in conversation more and more…

I'm sat here wondering what my wife made of it all last night.. will have to ask her later and maybe get her to blog about how it affects her hearing friends laugh about crossdressing...

So yesterday I went through the nooks and crannies where the others who live with me aka wife and kids “shove” things and call it tidying up the amount of rubbish was astonishing and crisp packets and sweet wrappers under the setee and under the setee cushions.. I'm living with women!!

Then a tidy up of the kitchen and clothes washing and drying and popped out to get some paint for the kitchen to try to brighten it up and make it a little bit more modern for Christmas as cheap as possible…

All Christmas presents transferred from hiding places up the attic was hard work with a bad back then I thought as we have people staying with us and no chance to get dolled up I've packed Davina up and shoved her up the attic too so an end to Crossdressing until no doubt I go back to work after 3 weeks off and see what mess theyve made then get stressed out putting it right again..

I guess a lot of T-Girls are hiding their alter egos up the attic?

The house will be spick and span for Christmas with new rules laid down to keep it that way!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR readers and friends

Hope you've all made resolutions to stick to

Mine

- Lose 2 stone and get active and fit again

I know i can shed the pounds with a controlled diet and walking and running so by the summer will look and feel much better in myself and will fit into some clothes i've not worn for a while... and probably look better crossdressed as a byproduct

- Work less hours or rather as close to the hours I'm paid as possible.

Back in work a week and clocked up 45 hours 10 hours unpaid overtime but was away with work a few days in long meetings..

What resolutions do you have ? leave a message in the forum or in the guestbook.

Again HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I saw a review on TV about the movie “The Danish Girl” which is a 2015 British made drama / film, based on the 2000 fictional novel by David Ebershoff, inspired by the lives of Danish painters Lili Elbe and Gerda Wegener.

The film stars Eddie Redmayne as Lili Elbe, who was one of the first known recipients of sex reassignment surgery and the beautiful Alicia Vikander as Gerda Wegener and even has James Bonds new Q Ben Whishaw as a key Character in the plot.

If you've not seen it stop here as this blog is full of spoilers.

Working from home I thought I'd put the film on my laptop and watch it in case my wife showed some interest in the movie as I wanted to check it out first to see how it would reflect on me as a Crossdresser and how it may get my wife thinking off on a tangent having watched the film.

Parts of the film show similarities to myself upto about half way but then it deviates out of my place on the perceived “Trans Spectrum” and onwards on the full trans journey..

The movie starts in the mid-1920s Copenhagen (Denmark), showing a successful married couple who are both artists showcasing art at a party with the male role taking note of the way women are dressed with one scene showing him walking through a location with lots of womens clothes on hangers running his hands through them as he walks along, which is something I bet we've all done thinking back to the feel of silky lingerie as I walked through M&S lingerie department with my mother and her telling me off for touching lack silky slips and nighties thinking waht you telling me off for I like the feel….

As the film progresses knowing the back story we can guess that Einar Wegener (Redmayne) is contemplating how it would feel to be dressed up but not daring to try.

Einar is a popular portrait artist who eventually becomes Lily, married to Gerda.

As the film progresses Gerda asks her husband, to stand in for a female model who was late to come to their flat to pose for a painting she's working on.

So we see Redmayne being told to put on stockings and heels and drape a dress over himself in a pose for Gerda to complete her painting and see how Einar is clearly getting a thrill from the situation and possibly turned on? The person in the painting is a friend of the Wegeners and turns up much to Einars embarrassment finding him posing with the dress and stockings etc and gives him a kiss saying he looks pretty and gives Einar the name “Lily”.

I think back to the time my wife first asked if she could dress me up as a woman which I initially declined.. I'll return to this in a bit.

The act of Einar posing as a female figure begins what turns out to be a lifelong identification on the part of Einar as a female, named Lili Elbe. Gerda thinks of it as a bit of fun at the start until it eventually grows more serious as Einar starts to crossdress behind his wifes back and forms the character of Lily in his own mind as a separate person maybe to Einar which sets off a progression, first tentative and then irreversible, of leaving behind the identity as Einar, which Lili has possibly struggled to maintain all her life battling with the pressure of society to be and act as a man when all along having the feeling of being female and probably back in the 1910-20's very confusing..

At one point Gerda is undressing with Einar watching her led in bed (Vikander has a very nice bum lol). Gerda has a new under garment on which Einar notices is new and comments on it asking her to keep it on as they made love.. probably loving the feel of the material against himself.. know that feeling as its so nice to see my wife in lingerie and feel it against me (although rare sadly).

The next day Gerda is on the bed and Einar sits on the edge of the bed with Gerda unbuttoning his shirt then discovering that under the male clothes Einar was wearing her undergarment with a look of shock turning to ok I can handle this probably thinking hmmm this may be fun standing him up puling off his trousers seeing him “crossdressed” for the first time they again make love this time him in the undergarments and her naked (I wish)… She is clearly troubled and cant sleep in the night and starts to draw her husband but alters the hair making the portrait of Einar female instead of male which the next morning Einar is thrilled to see.

She comments that she thought Einar would make a pretty woman.

My wifes made comment about how I look and has said I could possibly pass in public with some practise which is very complimentary and ego boosting to hear.

The next big step is another arts party which Einar finds boring but Gerda needs to get her art noticed and needs the networking afforded at the party having got nowhere with her paintings with the local gallery.

Einar doesn't want to go saying its boring so Gerda suggests he goes as someone else.. Lily..

So they set about creating Lily dresses, lingerie, heels, stockings, makeup and a wig with Gerda transforming Einar into Lily which Lily is thrilled with and it seemed at this point both were having great fun with crossdressing FUN being the operative word as Gerda had no idea of how deep Einars feelings were about being dressed / being a woman.

Going back to the note I made about my wife asking me to dress I eventually relented and said OK and she did my make up and dressed me up and I was thrilled with the result, thrilled to be dressed in front of her but my wife was less thrilled to see the transformation into what / who we now call “Davina”… (Just for the point of a name to describe me crossdressed and fancying Davina Mcall) especially when I told her I'd crossdressed before.. So I saw some parallels at this point in the story and in my wife dressing me..

However my wife doesn't want me out in public crossdressed but the story continues with lots of walking practice and posture practice Gerda transforms Einar into Lily and they attend the art party at which Einars peers and their friends attend … the first person they meet is the woman who Gerda was painting and she begins to introduce Einar as “Einars cousin...” to which the woman says ..”OMG its Lily .. how wonderful”.. This got me thinking 'I wonder how my wifes friends would react 'OMG its Davina'

Lilly and Gerda are amused by men 'eyeing up' Lily and Gerda is called by friends to come over which Einar doesn't want to do as he doesn't want them to discover hes there as Lily crossdressed so he's left alone and this is the awkward moment where men chat up Lily and then Q who is a friend of theirs who susses Lily is Einar takes Lily into another room and kisses him/her just as Gerda comes looking for her seeing them kiss.

This is the reason I watched the movie before my wife as this is where me and Lily part company as I have no interest in kissing men at all.

Gerda is disturbed obviously by this turn of events and Lily continues to see Q behind Gerdas back.

In this period of time Gerda paints portraits of Lily and wins a contract with the art dealer making her first sale of portraits of Lily who she says is Einars cousin.

Einars transformation into Lily is more often as Gerda returns home seeing less and less of her husband finding him as Lily and with a new identity as if Einar is no more.

The next time Lily meets Q they kiss and Q calls Einar by his male name which upsets Lily and she leaves and that night tells Gerda of the affair.. this sparks some guilt and visits to doctors who commit Einar to hospital performing radiation therapy to rid him of this “infliction” they eventually flee to Paris as a letter Gerda picks up from doctors label him mentally ill stating he needed to be kept in a hospital and institutionalized.
 

In Paris Gerda's portraits of Lili in her feminine state attract the kind of attention from art dealers that her previous portraits had not. It is there that Gerda tracks down art dealer Hans, a childhood friend of Einar (Hans had been a boy that Einar admitted that he had once kissed which was a one off happening).

Hans and Gerda's mutual attraction causes problems as she is struggling to cope with her changing relationship with Enar being more and more Lili.

Gerda asks Hans back to their apartment to meet Einar only to find Einar as Lily when they got home and also for the first time seeing Einar “as Lily” in character fully even disputing that Einar existed that she was Lily not Einar.. This upsets Gerda and Hans offers Gerda help in getting them through this unusual occurrence which lead him to play a supportive role for each.

This is another part I was nervous about my wife seeing as I too probably after her knowing I dressed, wanted to push dressing more and do it more often and wanted her involved but I'm happy being a man and returning from crossdressing back to being 'me' no thoughts ever and whatsoever of having a sex change.. I also don't see I have an infliction or mental imbalance, schizophrenic nature or anything else medically wrong with me.. I crossdress and that's that nothing scientific or medical just what it is.. like to transform, the feel of the clothes and ingerie, stockings, tights and high heels etc, escapism from male me temporarily, try to look convincing, find it relaxing, stress busting and a turn on nothing more.

More doctors visits culminating again in a Dr in Paris looking to commit Einar as a schizophrenic with Einar escaping the hospital .. we see him later walking through the park looking androgynous being approached by two men querying if he is a lesbian or a man or woman which leads to Lily punching one man and sees her getting beat up and left in the park.

Ultimately, via Hans Lili is introduced to a revolutionary Doctor who offers for her to undergoe one of the very first instances of male to female sex reassignment surgery in Germany.

A two-part procedure that first removes Lili's external genitalia and then, after a period of recovery, fashions a vagina.
 

They return to Copenhagen where Lily reunites with Q and Gerda knows the marriage is at an end as Lily tells her Einar is dead.

Lili's eagerness to shed the vestiges of her male anatomy leads her to rush the sequence of procedures, and she eventually dies of complications from the surgery in Gerdas arms in Germany.

The movie ends with Gerda and Hans back in Denmark; a scarf that Lili had given her, is taken by the wind. The end

I guess Einar / Lily was a pioneer and very brave in what seems primitive times less than 100 years ago having gender reassignment surgery looking for happiness as a woman even stating maybe she could have babies of her own which was a naive statement.

Far to the right of my place on the trans spectrum and having seen the film quite happy for my wife to watch it with me or on her own with the knowledge of the initial excitement and discovery of crossdressing is as far as I am and as far as I'll ever be “Fun” that's all it is for me nothing more serous although provides great stress relief so from the point onwards when Lily is first kissed is beyond where I'll ever be as a Crossdresser..

Critical response In general

The Danish Girl has received generally positive reviews from critics which is a good thing in terms of something positive relating to the trans world. The consensus reads "The Danish Girl serves as another showcase for Eddie Redmayne's talent – and poignantly explores thought-provoking themes with a beautifully filmed biopic drama"

Sunday night and around 6 weeks since I last crossdressed with not a thought in my head about dressing up wondering if the urge will return any time soon.

The 3-4 weeks growth of beard needed controlling and my wife told me it was time to shave it off so razor out shave it off and a tinge of sadness as I felt I looked cooler with a beard.

I had worked from home the previous week and my wife had asked if I was dressing up to which I told her I'd look pretty silly all dressed up with this beard lol.

Anyway I'd planned working from home on Monday but thoughts more to the amount of work I have to catch up with than a chance to crossdress even with the beard now shaven off I fell asleep watching Sports till the early hours and thinking of the work task at hand the following day a restless night with work on my mind but I fell asleep at some point and then had another crossdressing related dream.

Oh another point my sister in law had messaged me the day before asking if I'd emailled her Saturday night which I hadn’t so assuming it was spam and changed my email password just in case..

Onto the dream its Sunday again and again a beep beep message on the phone the sister in law.. 'have you emailled me something?'…. 'no dont open it it may be spam'….. 'too late I have opened it and its a photo of a blonde woman only the photo looks rather like you dressed as a woman'… 'oh I replied weird that'….'yes' and it was left there… I think I woke up thinking that was frigging weird it was 03:30  then fell back asleep and it was monday quite vivid the wife took the kids to work, I jump in the shower shave all over and then in the bathroom is my makeup, dress, wig, lingerie, stockings and heels and I transform to “Davina” and enter the living room turn on the work laptop and start working on a spreadsheet.

Next thing “beep beep” message on my phone the sister in law 'I've been looking at that photo and I'm quite shocked as I'm certain its you dressed as a woman in fact positive'…' You will have to show me some time but its not me I can assure you' I returned.. “beep beep” new meassage from the sister in law 'well I'm stood outside your house looking through your front window and I can see you dressed as a woman'

I look left and ooops the blinds are not closed and are wide open and there she is a smile on her face looking straight at me… she comes to the front door and busted I go and open it and in she comes, stood there looking at me and says “Does my sister know about this”… “Yes” then I woke up 06:30 alarm going off.

How frigging weird as I've had similar dreams before with an arranged girls night in with the wife and she's brought in her friend, sister and boss.. Iterpretate that if you will

So moving on from the dream it's monday, I have a shed full of work to do, the initial text about the email was real.. The wife took the kids to school I still had no intention of dressing but the blinds were shut and after an hour of disruptive phone calls from work I thought sod it lets call this dreams bluff, plus looking on the horizon a busy schedule in work so not much chance to dress.. Up the attic retrieve my transformation kit, quick shower and shave, makeup blah blah blah into the living room and on the work computer working dressed as a woman.

It was nice to get made up again concentrating on my eye makeup and lipstick and getting into sexy lingerie, stockings and high heels and a dress nice and relaxing and sexy but then I was working and quickly bored with being dressed whilst working from home so after about an hour was back in drab wiping off trace of makeup and sticking “Davina” back up the attic and resuming work on the laptop.

About an hour later and more phone calls from work and I wished I'd stayed dressed hey ho.. at least my sister in law didn't turn up..

Also must try to get some curl back into my wig maybe my wifes curling device may work or would it mess the wig up as its synthetic? Anyone know?

So hard being a Crossdresser walking around Next, Peacocks, Primark, even Tesco and Asda George seeing things in sales like nice dresses, lingerie, hosiery, high heels and boots.

It would be nice to be able to buy what I want but I cant bring myself to purchase womens things for Davina as I have enough hand me downs which I need to sort out and reduce from the wifes cast offs.

Seen some really nice dresses from £5-£10 and in Peacocks some nice brown or black boots which were £15 and also some nice lingerie but I guess it all adds up and its unecessary spending.

Maybe next time we have a girls night in I will bring everything down and try it all on see if my wife will give a thumbs up or down and thin out my collection and she may claim one or two items back lol..

Maybe when I win the lottery I wont feel so bad about spending money on Davina.

Shut my mind off from work this weekend, well sort of as I've been thinking of workload in the week ahead and how I'm going to cram in everything I need to get done..

Tomorrow I'm working from home and part of me:

- Wants to shave and get dolled up for a few hours.

- Wants to get a project completed tomorrow without interruption.

- Wants to grow the beard back.

- Doesn’t enjoy working from home dressed so much due to the intensity of the work I'm doing at the moment as it's nice getting dressed in record time and being dressed but I've always got one eye on the clock when I know I'll need to start thinking of getting undressed and remove makeup ready to get the kids from school and end up undressing way too early.

Think the dressing from home working isn't as fulfilling as it used to be but it is nice to pick the kids up from school as opposed to asking my parents to pick them up buying me another hour or two dressed up..

Will I or won't I dress tomorrow… The Urge is here to transform but the practicality issues and time issues and work issues arrghhhhh..

A surprise that we had a volunteer to baby sit and the kids wanted to stay out so night to ourselves so what to do?

First there was the matter of dropping off the kids and one of them changed their mind and wanted to come home then changed their mind wanted to stay and the matter of an FA Cup football match to watch on TV taking us to 19:15….

- We could have jumped on a bus into the next village and had a drink and probably a meal, but the weather was rubbish and we didn't feel like it. Both tired.

- We could have jumped on the train into the big city, had a drink and a spot of people watching and a meal. But, £15 before we start on train tickets and poor train times to and back from the big city put us off.

Typical we get baby sitters when we don't have anything on then when we need a baby sitter we struggle to get one…

- So we could stay in and watch Saturday night TV? Not likely as it's pretty rubbish..

- We could have had a nice meal and a drink at home.. Neither bothered to cook.. We do sound lazy don't we. Maybe its parenthood and being overworked.

- I could have suggested that I get dressed up and we have a “Girly night in” but I didn't sense in my Wifes mood that that would have been something she wanted to do. I have been thinking of a Girly night in as we haven't had one for so long and it would have been nice to just dress without the need to work on the lap top or worry about what time I had to get changed back etc.

I could have brought all my Crossdressing wardrobe down from the attic and had a sort out and a try on with the wife giving dresses and outfits the thumbs up or down and she may have claimed some back for herself.. Maybe next time if she likes the idea of this.

I certainly need a good clear out of “Davinas wardrobe”.. but no dressing… Planning on working from home in the week dressed which will be the 2^nd time in Jan.. Ops first time in February.

Another reason I didn't mention anything was when I was away with work last week she mentioned she was having a “Girly night” at home and I said “Without me?” and all she replied was 'HaHa' not making any more of my comment about us having a girly night.. Usually she would have text something positive or funny about our Girls nights in but not this time ...oh well.

- We had a simple meal and she drank wine I drank beer and we watched a few films.

Oh I did do something Crossdressing related as I asked my wife to help me re-curl my long blonde wig and thought also maybe she'd say “do you want to dress up?” but as she didn’t I took this as another sign she didn’t want me dressing last night… a few films then some much needed sleep…

Maybe next time.. The wig came out well I'll blog how we did it in the week.

I asked my wife about updating her part of the blog and replying to the messages on her guestbook.

This isn't a rant about her or an attack on her character, (Tho she may read it like that) just thoughts at the moment and questions in my mind about how my crossdressing and other issues are affecting her.

To be honest I cajoled her into adding her thoughts thinking it would help her to get her feelings about me crossdressing and whatever other problems are going through her mind even non crossdresing related thoughts down in print as it's all relative.

I thought in turn this would help other wives and girlfriends understand some perspective, familiarities and see some advice in what she had to write about.

Alas she's said she doesn't want to help anyone else and doesn't really care for the blog or about me crossdressing.

Hard to gauge her hot and cold approach to me dressing.

I know she would rather that I didn't dress up but its hard to accept one minute she seems OK with it indeed might text or say something positive encouraging my crossdressing or talking over the phone give me a confidence boost telling me I look good as a woman and that I could pass as a woman, then the flip side she can be very cold and dismissive about crossdressing if she realises it or not and seems eager to change the subject.

She will call it “the thing” or something other than what it is “Crossdressing” and I know this is her cold shoulder approach when I shouldn't carry on about dressing up as she doesn't seem in the mood.

I take it she's still scared people will discover I crossdress which is understandable but the risk is so low whilst I dress at home behind closed doors and curtains or dress up when away with work in my hotel room. The hand full of times per year..

I've opened up and told her about my crossdressing and she has this blog to read and see my mindset about dressing but isn't as forthcoming in letting me know her feelings and fears about me dressing up or other matters.. Maybe she doesn’t care and I'm thinking too much… Or maybe she's afraid to upset me but she knows as I've told her I don't feel the guilt for crossdressing any more.

I don't see it any more as I'm putting her through anything by being a crossdresser as she has nothing to do with it and doesn't seem to want anything to do with me crossdressing again or in talking about it or helping others come to terms with how its affected her / us.

This isn't just crossdressing it's other things also which may be troubling her which she won't let me in on which is worrying me.

I'm surprised about the not wanting to help part and disinterest in correspondence with other wives and girlfriends. Her way of coping with what she must see as a problem in me dressing up seems to have gone back to ignoring it or acting with disapproval again if she realises it or not.

She's said I don't know what you want me to say and I don't want to make her say anything or do anything she doesn't want to do with dressing and if she doesn't want to be involved and distanced from it so be it but I'm not hiding away from her again dressing is limited and very infrequent as it is and my job is not getting any easier.

What ever other problems and feelings she has about life in general no matter if she feels it may hurt my feelings or not or if it will have an effect on out “normal” relationship aside of crossdressing needs to come out in the wash as bottling things up is no good.

Communication!!

In line with the theme on my wife distancing herself from my dressing, or that's how it feels.

I mentioned to her that friends of mine had gone to the Rocky horror show dressed up and had placed photos on social media and she said she could never do that.

It looks like they had fun.

I asked why she wouldn't dress up or go to the show? Was it she didn't want me dressed up in public? A non committal answer on this.

Her reason floors me more than me crossdressing and frustrates me.

She said she could never go out in stockings and suspenders and high heels.

All to do with self esteem and self image.

The frustrating element for me Rocky Horror aside is even with just me at home or for me at home once in a while she wont wear stockings and heels or nice tights and heels.

This is something I've added to the Forum in here to see if there are similarities to crossdressing and wives who wont dress up themselves.

I'm not a big fan of the Rocky Horror show and to be honest only loosely know what its all about, but it would be a feasible way of crossdressing in public more so than anything else.

I've blogged about it before here.. would I or wouldn't I go through with it.. well it seems a question not worth debating as my wife said she wouldn't want to go or dress up crossdressing or not.

Simple breakdown

Most companies now have diversity and inclusion training and I believe we need a bit of this training within the trans community and respect across the trans spectrum as we all have different feelings about Crossdressing and different reasons for Crossdressing.

Some of us have a choice whether to dress or not and some I've found state that they don't have a choice.

In the TV Chix forums Diversity and Inclusion needs to be discussed.

Each to their own and it's up to individuals how polite they want to be to others.. manners don't cost a penny and a harsh word can go a long way to affect people.

Diversity and Inclusion has no hierarchy where certain groups within the trans community shun other groups. Sad to say there are some people who won't comment in the TVChix forum as they're afraid airing their views or siding with someone will result in an attack from a group of trans people who seem to think they have all the answers and the worthness to look down on others.

A simple thing like using someones name instead of refering to someone as “The OP” goes a long way.

Those of you who have emailled me about this know what I mean.. and as i've told you sticks and stones dont't be afraid to add comments in the forums.

Those who do the down treading must have sad lives whether they realise it or not.. don't be jealous of us Crossdressers because we have more of a choice and please don't treat us like 3^rd class citizens of the trans community.. We respect those further to the right of the trans spectrum and there are many nice people but a limited few I like to call the “Tranny Police or the Tranny New World order” don't realise how much damage they do.

“Nothing to see here move along Crossdressers we don't want you getting any ideas beyond your station” that's how it is coming across to many.

Twist words and interpret something completely differently from the intended message or accuse people of having an agenda. So far off the mark.

Anyway that's my little rant out the way

Diversity

Diversity is any dimension that can be used to differentiate groups and people from one another.

It means “respect for” and “appreciation of differences” in ethnicity, “gender”, age, national origin, disability, sexual orientation, education, and religion.

But it’s more than this.

We all bring with us diverse perspectives, work experiences, life styles and cultures.

We know the power of diversity is unleashed when we respect and value differences.

There is diversity across the Trans spectrum from the occasional Crossdresser with many degrees of Crossdressing, through true Transvestism to Transexuals.. We should all respect one another in this regard within the Trans Spectrum.

Inclusion

Inclusion is a state of being valued, respected and supported.

It’s about focusing on the needs of every individual and ensuring the right conditions are in place for each person to achieve his or her full potential.

Inclusion should be reflected in all cultures, practices and relationships that are in place to support a diverse society.

In simple terms, diversity is the mix; inclusion is getting the mix to work well together which makes us as a group much stronger together.

Had a day working from home so as usual kids to school bath and get changed .. oh this time had to get my stuff from the attic as its all up there out the way to make room in my wardrobe.

I definitely need a try on session and get rid of some clothes.

Quick bath and shave and then dressed and did my makeup.. why do I enjoy putting on makeup and transforming myself.. The wig I washed and curled on the weekend came out well.

So got some work done on the laptop en fem and the wife text “ hows the wig looking” to which I replied “ good its curled nice no longer straight like me”

This is my perceived hot and cold in her acceptance with this text being positive.

She came home lunch time and I tried on a new wig which she said was nice but made me look different. I think the long blonde wig makes me look younger but the new strawberry blonde bob wigi think makes me look more my age.

Anyway she went back to work and wasn't long before I got changed back.. I get a lil bored working from hoe dressed after a while.. back to male me, stuff back up the attic and picked kids up from school from Dad to Davina and back to Dad. Its funny how relaxed I feel this evening after a day working from home Crossdressed.

I dressed Monday working from home which was nice, the first time in weeks and as mentioned so nice to get dressed up and made up etc .. Its not as enjoyable as it used to be working from home dressed maybe its because my job has got even more manic.

Yesterday an early start and a car journey of what should be 35-40 mins turned out to be an hour and a half :(

The meeting went on after 16:30 then took and hour and 20 mins to get home… It didn’t end there as I discovered today’s meeting location had changed from an hours drive away to two and a half hours away.. 5 hours of car journey plus 6 hour meeting and backlogs of things to do… Last week I was away Wed-Fri getting home late on the Friday evening .. so I worked at home from about 18:30 -22:30 to prep work to send to the meeting I was no way in hell travelling to.. I was knackered last night a 14 hour day all brain taxing which is underrated.. brain work can be just as knackering as manual work sometimes.. I snapped at the wife and kids which I regret .. bloody work winding me up I shouldn’t let it get to me but professionalism and pride … needs to make way for reality in that I have an impossible job which I cant possibly keep everyone happy and can only do so much and be in one place at one time… in a 35 hour paid week…. I'm covering 3 jobs.. this is how reorgs work make one willing man with pride cover 3 roles and it works as an engineer will find a way.

So offered my services over webex / phone conference and worked from home..

The phone rang and rang and rang .. working from home to avoid the disruption of being asked to help with things on and off my area of expertise in the office leads me to distraction and adds hours onto my week .. One heated phone call letting someone know I've worked my 35 hour week by Wednesday already with a long Friday, Monday and Tuesday and I thought sod this .. didn’t sleep last night due to work load and not letting it out of my head and work frustration I decided about 11:00 that I was dressing.. up the attic grabbed Davina, quick bath and shave and started putting makeup on phone rings.. not so easy doing ones make up whilst talking on the phone for 30 mins… so off the phone unhappy with the quality of my makeup sat down at my laptop and… the phone rang would I demonstrate something over webex “ok no problem” that was another hour gone.. wife came home for lunch and went back around 13:35 another hour and I'd have to change back to get the kids ..

Nice to be dressed the feeling is inexplicable and probably did calm me down considerably as if I hadn’t dressed I'd have been stressed more.. strange that.. but couldn’t enjoy being dressed up as was so hectic and I was back in male mode makeup removed by 14:10 a bit more work more phone calls and picked the kids up from school.. home more phone calls OMG this job is dragging me down.. but sadly I enjoy it but like anyone they could cut the job out of the organisation tomorrow not realising the commitment and specialism..

Need to find some unwinding time and need to get back out walking and jogging to help me unwind and feel more healthy…

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

My my does that sound weird and what would people think if I came out in conversation and said it.. but what harm does it do.. what does it matter to anyone that to help me unwind I dress up like a woman put on makeup and a wig and try to look as much as possible like a woman .. the ultimate escapism for a man.. and load of men do it some in secret some out in the open ..

Some say those in the closet should come out.. some in the closet think those out of the closet are brave and maybe right but some in the closet are also brave keeping this secret to themselves knowing those who they love would not like the crossdressing so live with it like a torment wanting to scream “I'm a crossdresser!!”.. nut cannot as it will mean hurt for some and breakup but for some lucky enough acceptance and fun.. Its a big decision to make to keep it secret or to tell someone..

Some who are out (a minority of TGirls I may add) look down on Crossdressers who are in the closet but they have different circumstances.. some have very accepting signifigant others or are single or divorced free to live a more open life and get out and about crossdressed.. they should think a bit more about it as not everyone can come out freely without a drastic affect on life and relationships.

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

I used to play contact sports (Rugby and Football at a good level and Cricket if you haven't been hit by that ball the contact is ouchy especially when you get hit by a bouncer bowled by someone who went on to play one day cricket for the West Indies) and that got rid of aggression and energy..

My ankles, shins and knees creak if I play football and my hamstrings tighten if I try to sprint which is something being a sprinter I've always suffered with .. no longer the athlete I once was but thankfully all the sport I played in younger years has given me fantastically sexy legs in Stocking and high heels.

When I exercise and I need to get back on it having started after Xmas then stopped due to excess work requirement I feel great and this takes away some of my Urge to crossdress getting obsessed with losing weight and getting back in shape which starts again next week up early exercise.. home from work exercise weekend long walks and exercise getting back into jogging slowly but surely to get a beach body for the summer .. oh and Davina looks better slimmer lol.

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

Work work work – the amount of work I have on at the moment is OTT.. A collegue in work has told me to stop working so many hours as i'll burn out and also told me what I have to get done is a marathon not a sprint but this is the other side of me competitive to want to be the best Engineer in my field in the UK… a control freak… and OCD cant leave something undone and need to finish projects.. plus people in work dont understand my field of work which is something I need to share and train others to understand to take some of the burden and to let them know how I do the things they dont know I do and dont know they even need to be done.. breathe..

So at the moment the URGE to Crossdress is massive to unwind and escape my male persona.. Maybe not easy for my wife to understand but she knows it helps..

Dressed up twice last week for a few hours Monday 9-1430 working from home then Wednesday after phone call after phonecall and a rant on the phone to one colleague who has criticised me having to put him back in his place with the facts he hasn’t considered I thought sod it and again working from home dressed 11-1400..

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

The Urge has been maintained beyond dressing twice with work again but also the feeling that dressing when working from home is getting a little unfulfilling.. do I need more ie do I need time dressed up not working just being dressed up doing normal things like watching TV or whatever anything other than sat there dressed as a woman working..

The wife and kids are out for the next 3 hours and I suppose I could quell the urge and get dressed for an hour but 15-20 mins getting dressed an hour dressed would fly by then another 15-20 mins destroying all signs of makeup and crossdressing as my oldest daughter has quesried “whats up with your eyes dad why do they look so dark” oops panda eyes and mascara…

The wife doesnt want the kids to know Daddy (a superhero to the kids) dresses as a woman.

I was chatting to a t-girl friend the other evening as the wife was watching Crud TV and she told me she'd had a dressing session and took some photos and saved them to the PC only for her 22 year old daughter to find the pics and recognise her dad which led to a wife and daughter please explain..

I wont elaborate but it ended quite well for her.. younger people are more accepting and open minded after all..

Really have the Urge to dress up now as I catch up on watching sport on Sky+ and type this blog wondering if anyone will read all this crap… Wife are you still reading this crap even?

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

What do us men think of sec is it every 3-6 seconds? Well I seem to be constantly on heat and horney and the Urge to Crossdress actually exacerbates this as the process of getting changed from boring male me to Crossdressed me makes me quite the bit more horney and turned on seeing myself dressed and feeling myself dressed which after a while subsides and I relax.. then eventually get bored being dressed as dressing is usually as above working from home..

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

It's still the period of women wearing dresses and black tights and the sight of Emma wasserface with her legs out on Z Celeb Big Brother is enough to make me think pfwoor and the women with their legs out on BBC breakfast time plus out and about in general seeing women dress nice in our HQ centres in work in heels and black tights and dresses and even in supermarkets and occasionally even the wife (tho wish shed wear tights and heels and a dress more often) and I get the Urge to want to dress.

I guess I love women who make the effort and love legs encassed in black tights and high heels.. and love my own legs in stockings / tights and high heels…

“It comes and goes.. The Urge to want to Crossdress no the need to Crossdress (sometimes) to just unwind for a bit and dress up as a Woman..”

I get many emails through this Blog and through TVChix mainly T-girls in the closet or T-Girls wanting advice or thanking me for the blog and its very gratifying to see all my eamblings here providing some use.

The following is from one of those emails from a T-Girl called Katie who has agreed to let me publish her email :)

Hi Davina

Katie

Another fab email from KAtie this time explaining the urge and how it canbe quelled and how it can be frustrating when you cannot use Crossdressing to unwind due to circumstances.

It's nice to see I'm not alone and i think good for others to read more perspective on this subject than just me rabbiting on about it and also points out why we have to remain so much in the closet about our crossdressing. Again Thankyou Katie for allowing me to publish your email here.

Hi Davina

Katie

Over the last 2 weeks I've dressed twice, well sort of..

Working from home and the wife probably noting I'm stressed in work.. more peed off by the amount of work I have as a lone wolf with other sections of useless people tripping over eachother doing sod all whilst I struggle.. funny how reorgs work lessen staff in a critical area then take on more in a B.S. area.. anyway I digress she text something along the lines of 'are you dressed' and I said 'no' and she said 'why not ?' so I thought sod it and quick wash and shave and my usual 10 minute transformation then back to work all dolled up makeup looking good in a red dress and heels starting my relaxation therapy then the wifes on the phone our youngest has just thrown up in school and shes going to pick up and bring home.. mad dash to get back to Dad mode within 30 mins in the red dress…

Next chance to dress working from home most of this week so I thought well I have some time to unwind as lots to catch up with working from home in isolation.. so Monday wife takes kids to school quick bath and shave blah blah blah by 10:00 I'm all crossdressed up again quite happy with my makeup etc and how I feel...10:45 pops up on my screen video conference in 15 mins argghhh.. mad dash makeup off back to Alpha male Engineer mode and made the video conference.

So dressed twice in the last two weeks but only for very short periods of time what a waste of makeup.. I could have dressed tues, wed or friday as I worked from home again (so much to do and cant do it in the office as too many distractions mainly from people asking me to help them with things which are either no longer to do with me or have never been to do with me but they value my opinion … nice I suppose to be thought of as an expert and a font of knowledge but another reorg and I could easily be struck off by people above who don't know their bum from their elbow… how does one become a director when you've never done the jobs below you're directing?)..

I didn't dress again in the week as just too much work to do ...so frustrating when my chance to dress working from home is outweighed by there's just too much work to do to spare the 30 mins or so it takes to transform both ways..

The answer may be to have a night in dressed and unwind if we could get baby sitters and also have a sort out of “Davinas” wardrobe maybe.

Program description

The program follows four couples in which the man cross-dresses.

Two of the female partners discovered their partner cross-dresses after the relationship began.

In one case fifteen months in; in the other after ten years.

In the other two cases, the female partners knew in advance and were happy to embrace it.

The program charts the ups and downs of the world of cross-dressing, includes family members and friends, and deals with questions like why? when? how?

All in all, it is a positive, upbeat and hopefully informative program which may help to lift the veil on this still largely hidden world.

My thoughts

I put it on whilst working from home.. Its a good one as it showed the four couples and showed four straight married crossdressers.

I didn’t pay 100% concentration as I was also busy working but there were similarities in there to myself and other bits and pieces I didn’t think applied to me.

One Crossdreser didn’t shave just dressed, one Crossdressers wife enjoyed her husbands crossdressing and the children also knew and they went out and about to Crossdressing accepting clubs.

Another Crossdresser was shown having a dinner party with his wife and their friends who were meeting him crossdressed for the first time.

IT was nice that their friends came over fir dinner and were open and honest asking questions and also discussing how poor Chelsea Football Club has been this season.

The friend also let her know she needed a better wig which is something my wife said to me when she first met me.

All in all it was a good start a program showing straight married crossdressers, nothing weird about it just matter of fact we dress up as women don’t want to be women, no sexual fetish about it and 4 wives who either accepted it from the start or were told about dressing and accepted it later on.

Worth a watch

March and as the Blog reads attempted to dress when working from home twice and twice my opportunity was interrupted by my youngest coming home from school ill and a video conference.

Last week I'm working from home and the wife texts as she does during the day.

“Are you destressing” which is her code word for Crossressing and I text “no I’m too busy” to which she replied “why not go on it will do you good” but I really was too busy with work phone calls and the work I was doing writing a report.

So on one hand my wife was encouraging me to crossdress which is great but that's over text.

I suppose its easy and quick over text which is why I’ve blogged about using texts or letters or msn messenger or skype to communicate as its easy to type something read it back think about it then press send and its gone for the other person to read digest think about and type something open and honest back… for some reason its not as easy to talk about.

Moving on from this I text back “I'm away with work next week in a hotel I'll pack “Davina” and dress then” to which she text something like “LoL OK”

I'm out of the house and able to dress in my hotel room from around 1600 – 1700 whatever time I get there and booked in until late without anyone interrupting me unless someone knocks the door to which I would have to dart into the bathroom and call out “I'm in the bath can you come back later” lol .. or something like that as it's never happened.

We're walking down the park Easter Monday with the kids in the park playing as we have a stroll and I mention to my wife about being away tomorrow(today) and say I'll be packing “My Bitch” and dressing up to which she replies “Oh right” and that was that… Then a few more steps and I'm thinking she still cant talk about it or doesn’t know what to say so I mention the SKY program “I Married a Crossdresser” and that I'd watched it to which she replied “Oh Right OK” and I went on to talk a little about it as we walked with no reply.

Its weird not being able to have a conversation about Crossdressing with my wife with her either not wanting to talk about it or not knowing what to say.. I feel its the latter.

The good thing is she knows I crossdress and has a good idea why and is ok with it and no longer freaked out but I wish we could talk about it more… I still I suppose seek to reassure her about my crossdressing.

We had a weekend away over Easter and it's funny how conversations with friends or reletives go and how easy Crossdressing comes into conversation which I've blogged about before.

This time 4 of us are chatting and my wifes friend for some reason starts talking about when she was in Amsterdam and how there was a pride march on there and how there were men Crossdressed and how fabulous they looked, how they dressed and did their makeup and how sexy their legs were and how they had fab figures.

We had a brief chat about Crossdressing me thinking “If only you knew”.. My wife probably thinking although we haven’t discussed this “If only they knew” but all in all in that conversation it was a positive slant on men crossdressing.

Good for my wife to hear someone elses perspective although I expect if her husband crossdressed she'd have a different opinion.. I wonder what people would say if they knew I crossdressed.. Something my wife doesn’t want to contemplate.

The day started working from home and packing “Davina” from the attic into a bag for my trip away with work..

I had intended popping into one of the offices on the way to my destination but with easter bank holiday I had work to catch up with so I left home around 1230 for the 2.5 hour trip up north and arrived at the hotel around 1530.

Having booked into the hotel and sorted my room unpacking my male clothes I got out my female clothes and makeup then went to get something to eat.

On return to my room I answered some emails having set up the hotel wifi on my personal and work laptop and did a bit of work whilst a bath was running then got transformed around 1700.

Bath, shave, lingerie, makeup, stockings, dress heels and wig transformed in the usual 10-15 minutes and pleased with makeup and how I looked in the mirror.

I logged onto “Davinas” email as I have an email as my alter ego which helps me run this blog, Tvchix login and a place for people to email me as my alter ego from the blog.

What I didn't realise was Outlook and Skype are now linked and a Real Girl / Woman / Cis gendered woman whatever the agreeable label is said Hi and told me she'd left TV Chix via skype.

So we got chatting as she's a very nice lady (I'll refer to her as S) and we've chatted loads over the years about crossdressing or other halves and how they deal with dressing etc which was very nice.

It is nice to get things off your chest and discuss crossdressing with someone.. as I said I know my wife doesn't like to talk about it or doesn't know what to say about it so its nice to chat to another wife about it.

Being on Skype chatting there is the option of video and I know my wife will freak but the option was taken to continue chatting whilst on video.. I was really nervous as now i'm typing to this lovely lady who looked lovely too and she can see me crossdressed.

She was very nice and complimented me on my makeup and how I looked and we continued having a nice chat which was cool as my nervousness of her being able to see me subsided and we laughed and joked and discussed the pros and cons of crossressing and talked about our partners.

It was really nice to be able to see who i'm chatting to and nice to chat to a very accepting and understanding woman.

My wife will read this and probably tell me off for chatting to someone on video skype.

It was nice and we'll probably chat again some time.. I'd invite my wife to chat on video with S but know she'll probably say “no chance”.. Never mind at least she accepts my crossdressing escapism.

So to the Couple who messaged me about chatting on Skype (Maybe)..

22:30 watched the football as Davina “England lost to Holland” in a friendly 2-1 another bath after removing makeup and packed Davina up now watching Transformers on Film 4 and updating my blog.. Wondering now what the wife will say cos I went on Skype video.. Probably call me an idiot but there was no way S would know who I am as a man so knew there was no chance of being outed or anything and it was really nice to just discuss crossdressing.. theraputic even.

I found myself today making a homophobic comment as we drove through a local village on our way home from shopping and saw this guy with skinny jeans not quite down to his ankles with his jeans half way down his backside and a white t shirt with harry styles type curly hair and I exclaimed “How gay did that guy look”..

I'll take the wrap on the knuckles for the homophobic comment but..

Had I seen a man dressed as a woman I may have said.. “Is that a man dressed as a woman?”

I wouldn't have said “That guys dressed as a woman he looks so gay”

So what can I glean from that as a blog conclusion…

Seeing a man dressed as a woman I don't judge that person may be Gay but I did gauge that the way the guy in the village was dressed he looked Gay..

I'll go back to my initial and teenage days of dressing through to my current crossdressing and make this statement “I don't link my crossdressing or crossdressing in general to sexuality .. Its just crossdressing why does sexuality have to come into it…”

I'm back to LGBT the T has no place with groups who are defined with sexuality as Transvestism isn't a sexuality.. it may be a minority but its definitely not a sexuality..

But on telling someone you crossdress the first thing that springs to mind is sexuality.. how frustrating it then is to have to explain and reassure to someone that crossdressing has nothing to do with sexuality and in a lot of cases nothing to to with fetish..

Think outside the box if I dressed as a Robot would they put me in a group LGBTR? No

So wearing clothes deemed female and having a fem appearance makeup wig n all is thought of as wrong or perverted but anyone can dress as a robot or express their sexuality.. It seems an overblown OTT reaction for someone to be rejected by society, shunned and laughed at because they decide to dress up like a woman.. end of that thought for the day.

 She looks fab

Watching I am Cait with Caitlyn Jenner and appalled that the Trans women she's with are:

a) Trying to get her to date a man (She’s not interested and can you imagine how the media would react and how it would affect her family!)

b) Using her for their political ideals (which she doesn’t agree with)

c) Just using her in general (I don’t think they're helping her at all they're trying to tell her how she should be and how she should act and what she needs to do next)

d) Trying to change her political views and views on life now that she has transitioned….

Only episode 1 of the new show and its getting on my nerves especially with mention of LGBT!!

Trans isn't a sexuality!!!!!!!!! Leave her alone to find her own way.. Glad she's just said its not a Republican or Democrat issue its a Humanity issue… Exactly!!

One Trans woman just said unless she gets on board shes going to find herself isolated and obsolete... A real sign theyre just using her.. GGRRrrrrr!!!!

I posed in a Trans forum parts of a message I had in the Guestbook / Chat from a Wife.

I welcome all aspects and comments as long as they are clean and not insulting but constructive, informative and helpful to others reading it to see all sides in the discussion of why me may crossdress and how people react to it differently.

There are may reasons why we crossdress and it seems no two crossdressers have the exact same reasons which leads to great debate in the trans community and there are many other levels of transvestism which I cannot explore or elaborate on as I think I fall within the bracket of crossdressing (occasional, for escapism and relaxation) nothing more than that .. I don't want to live as or be a woman but I do get something from dressing and trying to look as good as I can “in drag” for want of a better expression and drop my alpha maleness for a while.

My wife notices I'm different dressed maybe its dropping my guard, but at the end of the day always more than happy to return to male mode albeit a more relaxed male mode.. and as my wife says “Its so nice to take off a bra after wearing it all day”

I have cut some comments from replies from a range of trans people on the forum which shows some dissatisfaction of some of the comments and some comments which point to my point that crossdressers are the least understood in the trans world where women and trans people question crossdressing? Don't get me started on LGBT but it doesn't seem Crossdressing fits in there either.

Thoughts of other T-Girls:

• Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery…

• There's a lot of crossdressing that's an insult to trans people.

• Its lumping us all in one boat.

• I guess there are some who 'play' at dress up as a form of stress relief, but there are an awful lot of other reasons why 'we' dress.

• There are many reasons why people choose to dress and the only one i can think of that would be insulting to women are those who do it as a way to degrade themselves, as this suggests that they see females as the lesser sex

• I'm sure the majority of us crossdress as we either want to be a female, don't believe in gender lines, enjoy becoming someone different once in a while or are just jealous that women have so many more options when deciding how they want to look

• It isn't just women who feel threatened by transvestism. Gay men can be just as bad.

• Equality is made up for by letting women off a sinking ship first and holding doors open for them

• We have a women questioning crossdressing, outwardly there is no problem with CD' s wearing women's clothes as a way to relax,

• Personally I ''dress'' because its what I want to do.

• Perhaps she fears that it may go further than just crossdressing.

• It's a thin line for some women to except that being a CD is not the same as a fetish transvestite who dresses solely for the purpose of sex.

• Many of the general public also can see no difference, between transgender, CD, transvestite, fetish transvestite it's a major problem for many who face that hurdle if transitioning and god only knows women have problems understanding why their husbands wear women's clothes

• Some CDs are insulting to women, the ones who think all women are just a bunch of sluts to be used by men. And that is what they emulate themselves as a CD.

• I know plenty of regular women, that have no problems with CDs.

• I also know women who are ok with CDs but who wouldn’t want their husbands to crossdress

• As a Trans woman I know I should be more enlightened, but just as most CDs cannot identify why they CD, I cannot figure out why they do either, but have been fascinated with them.

• I think I'm right in saying that a good many of us on here have experienced therapy and, personally, I could shout from the rooftops about the positive value I gained from it (although I know that isn't always the case). I'm certain that many wives would 'push that button' if they could…

• Personally I'd say what's referred to as 'crossdressing' in all its forms, is a celebration of femininity.

• Crossdressing may be people accepting, enjoying and hopefully coming to terms with their own femininity at whatever level that exists

• There are two sides to every argument in a lot of respects women have insulted men by dressing in jeans trousers & further to that have made a point that jeans & trousers now form part there wardrobe so when we dress in there clothes e g skirts & dresses women can't say to much can they?

So there's some feedback from other trans people to the comments all in their own way constructive and mainly positive which shows we can have rational discussions about crossdressing and other trans issues even when challenged.

I still feel there is no harm done by crossdressing in the grand context of life and that crossdressers are the least understood and for whatever reason maybe bad press the most feared, shunned and made fun of in the trans world.

I've had other messages in the guestbook / chat from “wife” which again are constructive and I will blog a reply as feel it needs more than a guestbook / chat and further debate and discussion.

What I will say is we cannot all be bracketed the same, we don’t all need therapy, there is nothing wrong with crossdressing if it is thought about more open minded as my wife thinks of it as fancy dress or me dressing up but still me (tho she would rather I didn’t crossdress obviously) and if the escapism of crossdressing does no harm, doesn’t demean women or insult women or paint women as sex objects what’s the problem in someone crossdressing behind closed doors or chatting..

I suppose the harm is done by those crossdressers who flaunt the unwritten rules if I can call them rules and blot the copy book for those who crossdress for escapism, relaxation, because we want to, because it feels nice, other issues over and above the reasons of crossdressing, because we love women, love the fem image “imitation = flattery”

I hope said wife will continue to comment and hope more people will comment as its a good debate to discuss.

I think all we ask of our Wives and girlfriends is some form of acceptance we seek to provide reassurance to them and we worry about this and seek some form of understanding.

I'm open to all comments and thoughts from Crossdressers and especially wives and girlfriends and you wrote so well so I could find it an insult.

Some T-Girls have stronger reasons and feelings than others as I've found out with some wrath towards me from trans people who don’t like my “Crossdressing Blog”

Crossdressers are very misunderstood even in the Trans world.

I 100% agree wives shouldn’t have to tiptoe around their anger and concerns.

I value your opinion as I'm sure other wives will feel the same and I want this blog to be real so it cannot all be positive “hey its ok to crossdress”.

I'm sure my wife will agree we still find it hard to talk about crossdressing and sometimes its easier to talk to someone else about it and share fears and advice etc .. there's no insult to my wife she knows I chat on a trans website and have this blog and reads the blog and the guestbook messages.

I think you also misinterpret swapping compliments as the wife gave me a compliment as to how I looked crossdressed and I complimented her also that's just being polite isn't it?

Its not seeking acceptance elsewhere but its something anyone seeks isn't it? Helps with self esteem etc? After all us crossdressers try to look convincing and its nice to be told you look ok. What can I say we're vane.

I'd never think of having therapy as my crossdressing is controlled and my mind in sound and rational about it. Some it seems do need therapy but I'd not count myself one and doubt my wife would count me as needing therapy either. Maybe she would disagree and if she asked me to seek therapy i would but i dont think it would stop my crossdressing.

I agree harmless can become harmful if communication is lacking but even tho its hard we do discuss my crossdressing.

I'm glad the way I describe Crossdressing makes some sense to you and doesn't upset or insult you.

Its not all been plain sailing and I'm sure my wife has felt little insults and jabs along the way as we live and learn how to talk about and deal and compromise crossdressing in our life as the little big issue it is..

She definitely didn't jump for joy about it and I wasn't expecting her to (tho hoped she would lol).

I didn't expect her to yell yipee and we've addressed this.

Is a hard topic to bring up in the first place let alone discuss with many crossdressers in the closet.

We met (I've crossdressed since very young but my dressing for years died off) and then we married and I'm a heterosexual man as many crossdressers are.

It was years later I told her of my crossdressing which returned during our marriage
 

Out of the blue my wife asked to dress me as a woman which sparked my crosdressing further and at that point I made my crossdressing confession much to her surprise and also very upsetting for her and incredibly hard for me to confess as a red blooded alpha male acting man to admit my escapism “crossdressing”

The problem is mine but get this I fretted and worried over what to do and decided I needed to tell my wife as our love and marriage is strong enough to withstand me dressing up, I'm intelligent I can explain it (it took years to explain and compromise) shes intelligent she will get her head around it eventually  to whatever extent...it was also in my mind the right thing to do in telling her I crossdress as the alternative was bottling up the stress and it becoming unhealthy and also the possibility I would be caught crossdressed and then how to explain it?

That may sound selfish but my rational was I could be doing something far worse than dressing up as a woman.

I believe I'm a strong willed human being and have never considered therapy as I accept this part of myself as part of myself and as not doing anything wrong.

I mean its society as a whole who decided and imprinted how men and women ”should” look and dress, so why do I need therapy for something as unexplainable as going against the society norm in crossdressing… there are lots of other things which go against society imprinted norms a lot far worse than dressing up.

I enjoy reading you viewpoint and I do understand your views as it may be your husband and myself are different or the same in terms of crossdressing or if communication is lacking (hard subject to talk about) or what experiences you've had with crossdressing compared to my wife and myself.
 

I agree it is very hard to make clear points on a guest post page as it is in a blog as my blogs have been misread and forum posts twisted by some trans people to cause argument or to just be awkward so hope were both reading into what we mean with no twisting of words and meanings and all good intentions.

My wife reads my blog and the Skype chat wasn't planned as I wrote I was in my Davina email (which I need for this blog) and the wife messaged me in skype which I didn't realise was linked to outlook and my hotmail account.

We chatted in general and it was with great nervousness that I showed myself as Davina briefly as we chatted.

Had I not been dressed I would not have gone on video (I saw it as I was in disguise and having chatted a lot to this particular wife decided she was nice, intelligent and safe to chat with and safe for my wife to chat with if she wanted to).

Ok maybe it sounds a bit dodgy with the 'away on business/chatting with an accepting woman' part but my wife knows I pack “Davina” in a bag sometimes when I work away and may dress in my hotel room as I've blogged about the same as I sometimes crossdress when I work from home if the urge takes me.

Nothing is behind her back its all in print here and I would be upset if she assumed I was upto no good as we trust one another and are both open and honest.

I still don't get your being insulted… Have you seen photos of men dressed tarty? Maybe thats the insulting part? .. Have you also seen pics of men and think no way is that a man and noticed how some crossdressers can look convincing and dress day to day to try to look convincing and nice as a woman and not at all tarty.. Imitation is a form of flattery not insult most of the time

I don't get how you think we crossdressers think women are all fluff and frills and lacking substance, to me were all equal …. apart from you can wear what you like and look however you like and we have to be “men” and that's really boring.. have you tried dressing as a man how boring it is.

It seems being masculine is more accepted and lauded even in strong women but acting feminine is frowned upon?

I get how womens lives are as stressful as ours I really do but that's a grand assumption and generalisation not knowing personal reasons for stress particularly on my part but my wife also has stress and my dressing up no doubt doesn't help..

Crossdressing is an enigma you are correct which is why I want my blog to try to show in a way that dispels some of the myths about crossdressing but unfortunately some myths are true to some extent which you've no doubt experianced or seen to some extent

You're definitely not being annoying as the comments show people are showing interest in our correspondence and I understand you being perplexed so really happy if this discussion is helping.

There is a lot of treading on egg shells on the topic of Crossdressing and hard sometimes to not sound sexist and it's nice when it can be discussed still delicately treading on the eggshells but occasionally smashing a few but understanding its not intentional ie no insults meant.

Your husband and I do sound familiar as I'm sure my wife will confirm I'm very stubborn and strong willed and have a mind of my own (I don't follow trends or what the media wants us to think) I can make my own mind up about the little things and things going on around the world far more meaningful than crossdressing worries which puts a lot of this into perspective.. what is crossdressing in the grand scheme of everything (pretty insignificant).

My wife called me an “idiot” as predicted for being on Skype chatting to someone but more so as someone could see me crossdressed as she is a little paranoid someone will recognise me, she wasn't worried I was chatting to someone just that they saw me as “Davina”.

She knows I chat to other crossdressers and wives and girlfrends of crossdressers on TV Chix as I've placed on the blog. Shes chatted to a few herself but that's a rare thing usually if I chat to a wife and they ask if she will chat with them sometimes she will but doesn't really like to.

I get the weird 3some element (Wife / Husband / Alter Ego) me my wife and Davina and the same for you your husband and his alter ego.

I'm sure your husband like me has fantasies about the alter ego and our wives getting it on so to speak which I know my wife will never do and guessing you're the same.

What would be the point of crossdressing if it were in comfy jeans, tee shirt that sounds like “man wear” we can do this anytime. I have tried that though makeup minimal jeans and a top to see how casual Davina looks but had to round it off with 5 inch heels as flats are just bleughhhhh.

It is all long hair, nails, foundation, eye liner. Eye shadow, mascara, blusher, lipstick, nice matching lingerie, stockings and high heels oh and a nice dress...which may not be a true representation of women today and we don't expect “Stepford wives” but and this is hard to put without sounding insulting … women seem to make less effort to “always” look their best which us “thick men” don't understand.

I know some women who wouldn't leave the house without makeup on and have heard other women natter bitchily oh look here she comes all made up and I'm thinking what's wrong with that? She's making an effort to always look her best and have seen women who are usually all made up say OMG don't look at me I'm not wearing my makeup – I guess for some its a mask to hide behind or some women genuinely want to look their best (and have time to do it ...I know)  the uber opposite of our Alpha Male mask unshaven brash and arrogant yet behind it we have feelings and emotions which we hide from everyone.

I think as a man if I was a woman I'd always want to look my best as… I always try to look my best as a man.. even if I pop to Tescos to pick up groceries. You'll tell me its not that easy?

The thing us crossdressers know is it doesn't take much time or effort to put on a face and transform so we don't get why women wouldn't want to do this. But I will bear in mind we've had to become very proficient of getting made up and dressed quickly when chances permit.. why does it take a woman an hour to get dolled up when we have it down to 10 mins lol.

Crossdressers side more with the image of the women who make the day to day makeup and heels effort (why would we just dress in jeans and a tshirt) and you may notice us glancing over at a woman when out and about if she has made this effort.. this is where women get it wrong we're not thinking pfwwooorr we're thinking 'wow she looks nice I love how she did her makeup and wow love those heels' but we're not Gok Wann so we cant just out and say it no matter how much that low dress is showing off her “bangers” (how does Gok get away with that I mean bangers come on who calls them that!)

If we're honest we'd probably like our wives and girlfriends to sometimes to always look Stepford wives for us to an extent we dress how we do as wives and girlfriends don't so much anymore for us.
 
This can without you realising as we don't show it lead us to feel unwanted and unimportant affecting our self esteem and making us sometimes feel our wives make little effort for us but will make more effort for others.. eg the girls night our … long hair, lippy n heels etc  leaving us indoors looking after the kids.

When we dress we dress to try to look as convincing as possible and as Feminine as possible to escape as far away from alpha male man as we can.

I try to dress casual, don't overdo makeup (Wife says I do it well) but like to look casually sexy too if that makes sense. Or what I see as sexy and we do seem to have a thing for hosiery and heels.

So you're right when your husband and I say we're dressing as women and you say, “You're dressing as men THINK women are, or, as men WISH women were” (With “were” being an apt word instead of “Are”) you are correct...

There may be something in there also where we wish you would make that effort more often (that doesn't sound right maybe effort is the wrong word but I hope you get the jist).. our logic being when we dress we feel different (nice even) so we don't get why you don't dress up more often to feel the same way about yourselves.. we are thinking about you as much as our visual minds honest. 

ie Don't tell me you didn't make more effort and dress more fem, makeup and heels and long hair  when you were dating but now you only rarely dress up to impress?

Or you probably would dress to impress others if you went out without your husband but a date with your husband and you turn up in jeans and tshirt..? and how does that make us men feel…

We don't get this as much as you don't get our crossdressing and it feels like a kick in the teeth for us as if we're less important but we never know how to tell you this as you would take it as an insult if we said “is that what you're wearing?” or “couldn't you wear a nice dress and heels and some lipstick”… ouch that's a guaranteed cold shoulder all night so we keep schtum about it and just feel like were unimportant and we give a slight cold shoulder and you sit there wondering why you married this moody git.

The Were and are – Things have changed and women seem to want to be more masculine especially in the work place I find, but born also is the ladette which we see out and about behaving like men which scares me.. OMG women are turning into men!! f'ing and blinding and downing pints..

So we like to dress as women “were” not “are” is a good statement to make and possibly sums up a portion of why some men crossdress.. they miss their other half dressing nice, putting on makeup and its a bit of a kick in the teeth as we don't see it as asking much for our other halves to try to look their best for us..as we try to look our best for them.

I don't feel when I'm in Davina mode that I am dressing as me as me is a bloke in jeans and a tshirt, shirt, rugby jersey etc .. I'm dressing as a woman as good as I can look as a woman yes nails lippy and heels so ergo as how I like a woman to dress but I don't dress to insult women as my wife will tell you I dress to look nice as a woman (I hope as all my dresses used to be her dresses lol).

We didn't pen ourselves not modern we anyway, uptight society put us here and separated men from women in class let alone in dress.

Things have changed in sexism and lots of other isms but crossdressing is still shunned and ridiculed so harsh to say we penned ourselves in as “WE” didn't our ancestors did.

Crossdressing isn't just a UK thing it happens all over the world across all cultures and in some its accepted so its hard to pin down exactly why us men feel the urge to do it.

I agree if more men would stand up and break free we would gain female support eg if Beckham came out as a Crossdresser I'm sure it would become cool.. He was rumoured to wear Posh's knickers. But then again I've heard loads of times women saying crossdressing is fine as long as their husbands don't do it.

If we had the option to dress how we liked and it wasn't seen as weird (Crossdressers Eutopia) Crossdressing wouldn't exist.. I suppose we would then dress how we felt when we got out of bed that morning (oh how nice that would be) or appropriately as to what task faced us on the day.. much the same as women have the option to do.

Out to the Rugby Jeans and a rugby jersey (women can do this), on site with work PPE (women can do this too), going for a job interview short skirt and high heels lippy etc (women can do this men would be escorted from the building). Women already have all options open “stamping feet” and its not fair.

What drove me to initially start dressing?

I was about 4, 5 maybe 6 I always loved the feel of silky slips and nylon and lace and how it looked and I would touch it as we walked through the lingerie section of Marks and Spencers or I'd wrap myself up in some lacy silk dressing gown of my mothers on my parents bed and go to sleep which led to trying on tights and loving the feel.. after all batman wore tights and so did Superman this went on for a few years and I don't think I even hid it running round the house in tights a t-shirt and a cape 4,5 6 years old I didn't hide that I was wearing tights as I said I was batman and he wore black tights and superman wore blue ones but I do remember liking the feel of wearing tights.

As I got a little older probably 10 / 11 and in school we talked more about girls we fancied (also female teachers and other grown up women we fancied) and then the Marshal ward catalogue lingerie section came into play more attraction to women (hormones / puberty / Masturbation) the lingerie section of catalogues was a prime source of reference, women (models) in bra, knickers, suspenders, stockings high heels which led to (and this sound bad) curiosity “did my mother have this sort of stuff” then finding she did have Marshall wards matching lingerie, stockings suspenders and high heels was hooked on dressing up when home alone as an 11 year old through part of my teens albeit now more aware of this is something I needed to hide I'm not dressing up as Batman or Superman any more I'm in stockings, high heels, bra and knickers or basques etc and its a massive turn on) I'm now dressing as a woman or in womens cloting.

I was shy as a kid had one or two childish relationships with girls nothing serious just she's my girlfriend type of stuff and some kissing lol but I was still shy.. Girls would ask me out I was too shy to ask them out.

As a teenager I had crushes on a few girls (and teachers) and my crossdressing continued throughout my teens mainly in lingerie sometimes I'd try on a dress to see how it would feel but thoughts were always on the girls I fancied and teachers or other women in my life I fancied, dressing up was some form of compromise.

Back then I didn't wear makeup or try to look convincing it was just nice to feel myself in the lingerie that attracted me (you have to admit it does feel nice wearing nice lingerie).

Boys / Men are more sensitive physically and visually but we also tend not to show emotion and bottle up our thoughts in a way we're brought up this way.

“This might seem a generalization but I don't think so. Too many mothers notice the same. There's almost a mismatch between how we raise boys and how boys are. When did we decide to keep all the interesting, pretty, sexy things for ourselves? Or did men decide they liked seeing these things on women and consequently lost them for themselves?”

This is a key statement as Boys are brought up to be men to be masculine and strong.. we don't bring daughters up this way.. we buy boys footballs (lol I bought my girls footballs) soldiers, tanks, robots and space ships we tend to by girls my little pony, barbie dolls etc (I hate it when people buy my daughters ironing boards and kitchens etc… stereotypical things they ingrain as an Iron belongs to women etc as my daughter exclaimed when I left the iron on “well its your Iron Mum!” as if she should check its switched off)  …

I think it's later men see the interesting, pretty, sexy things and maybe don't want them for themselves but then see women not take advantage of the pretty sexy items of clothing, makeup etc and curiosity leads us to try them for ourselves and then a revelation of wow this feels nice, we have to hide it as society deems it weird and wrong but a) Why don't women dress in this stuff all the time or even some of the time and b) it felt nice the first time lets do it again c) I wonder if I could look passable as a woman? d) hooked you're a crossdresser.

Going back to my early years and look what I wrote .. Id dress up and when dressed up I was thinking of the women I fancied whilst dressed in womens lingrie as a teenager etc … Now where in this do I think of men? The simple answer is I don't and didn't yet what do women think when they find out a man crossdresses “He's Gay!”

No time during my pre teens, teens, 20's or 30s did I think or relate anything to do with my crossdressing to men yet somehow the stigma maybe via drag queens lends people to link crossdressing with a) sexuality and b) homosexuality and for crossdressers who are married, straight this is the “AAARRGGgghhhh“ moment as here we are dressed as “women” (as we would like to see them) thinking of women and we confess we crossdress and are asked “does that mean you are gay?” “ahh um what where did that come from? ARRghhhh NOOO!”

I've gone off on a tangent too… don't get me started on LGBT! (If I had my way to rewrite history I'd remove the T as it isn't a sexuality and further to this those who are firmly in the T bracket shun us mere crossdressers even more so married straight crossdressers we're the bottom of the food chain almost in the T world)

Glad you state that writing here is almost therapeutic as I have found it therapeutic and that's why I added my wifes blog as an option for her to write her thoughts which she's done although I don't think she finds it therapeutic (maybe reading this she may give writing another go but I think her mind is settled on my dressing so she doesn't need the therapy of typing all this) and I'm glad you are writing here as I'd like this to be seen as an open forum for discussion for anyone.

Hope I'm making sense thus far..

You may be right “The wand chooses the Wizard Harry” and maybe Crossdressing chose us some deep seated conscious decision years ago liking the feel of silky things and that first curiosity to try something on “belonging to women”… which led to a life of crossdressing for a kick and latter-day for relaxation and escapism… more manly put as escape and evade from stress.

It doesn't have to be so hard on a marriage as communication is the key and keeping calm, calculated and honest and open .. Its not a bad “fetish” for want of a better description.. there are worse things your husband could be into like … watching motor racing.. what a waste of time cars going round a track.

I'm glad you mention “so testing of your sexuality” as I've told my wife I'd love to “Fool around with her” when I'm Crossdressed and would love her dressed similar, as to me that would feel great but to her I look like a woman and even though I'm quite clearly a man it would seem visually wrong for her to be with me looking like a woman and make her feel wrong .. She's told me she's “not a lesbian and I look too convincing for her to do anything” (which is the first compliment) and I did offer to look less convincing and she called me a “smart arse”.. another compliment a double one lol.

Exactly right Crossdressing is a biological screw up for wives and girlfriends (most) because it does literally turn off the women you're attracted to. I've given up on trying to seduce my wife as “Davina” though I do sometimes tease her.

Keep this going its good to discuss, maybe my wife will chip in and others too.

What I'm typing in reply however may not fit the bill for your husband he may have different thoughts as we all dress for different reasons and have different start points and different degrees of dressing .. Its akin to freemasonry where the 33rd degree is the TS and the ones at the bottom are mere crossdressers who will remain crossdressers and nothing more not even if we had the choice to go further.. I never want to live full time as a woman or go any further, happy to know I can occasionally dress up look ok doing it relax then return to Alpha Man.

Hope you had a good weekend and look forward to further correspondence..

Has your husband read our correspondence ?

I've just scrolled back up this is the logest yet I think.. I hope people are reading this rubbish lol.

You say he's shocking at expressing himself but we do go through bouts of denial and guilt and shame for crossdressing from time to time and he's probably afraid of upsetting you by opening up and talking about it he may also feel embarrassed (more likely).

So glad you're finding this correspondence therapeutic.. it works for me too gets it off your chest and if someone is listening and writes back its always nice as who else can we talk to about crossdressing.

Sometimes its hard to talk to your other half but easy to talk to someone else knowing your other half can read this and can say yes I agree with that and that’s how I feel or no that doesn’t apply to me.

You can ask any questions bugging you to gauge an opinion which you may then want to as your other half already having one perspective.

I'm so glad you took my ramblings about women stoping making an effort the right way and opened up the big secret lol “Women don't dress as men wish”

This maybe part of the reason some men crossdress as mentioned previously why I dressed when younger and still do to a small extent. There are many reasons why we crossdress broken into a pie chart as I've blogged about before.

Also glad to see you've typed that women do dress better when they're single, I can see why as you snag a man then you feel content? Mission accomplished? Kick off the heels….

Dressing I supposed is in some type of conflict in my life as I don't want to be a woman and wouldn't want to dress full time but it feels nice to dress.

I worked from home 3 days this week but didn't dress and didn't get the urge to dress even despite quite a stressful working week as my wife will contest telling me to calm down ranting about work.

Today especially I've had a good rant in work and had people not listen to something a few weeks / months down the line I will say “I told you so” and will also have to work out how to solve the problem… My stress level is high at the moment but I'm feeling anger with it which is unhealthy so crossdressing if I could would be an outlet but its not available to me so I have to find other ways to try to calm down which I find hard to do.

So dressing does cause some form of conflict in my life but its lessened with my wifes acceptance and when she says “Don't worry about it you crossdress so why worry about it.. it's fine”.

There's also conflict due to my conditioning ie conditioned to be a strong willed Alpha male man leader, provider, husband and Dad.. my kids think I'm Batman let alone a crossdresser

So I guess my mind is in a constant struggle sometimes wanting to be Batman but also enjoying the escape Crossdressing gives me from stress.

I suppose in my younger years I substituted dressing for not having a girlfriend “becoming the woman” myself and again maybe this is still a fraction of why I still crossdress in my overall pie chart of why I dress.

I'm not as shy as I used to be. My wife always comments on how confident I am and sometimes calls me a big head lol but I'm good at what I do in work sport and in life yeah I'm a big head but with that success and image comes the stress.

Early dressing was definitely a coping mechanism for all the early attraction to women and became an outlet…

The initial crossdressing starting small blossoms with curiosity as at first lingerie, then stockings and heels then how would a dress feel, then what about makeup could I look convincing oh and a wig and wow I look like a woman.. that turns into the norm and now if I cant dress fully with makeup and a wig and look convincing, if I don’t have time then I don’t dress up at all.

This doesn’t really then lead to an identity but an identity is a requirement for reference.. I don’t think of myself as Davina but for email and joining a website and anonymity and a name to refer to with my wife I chose Davina but you’re right my wardrobe has grown.. My wife keeps having a sort out and throwing dresses out and I pick them up and say “Mine”.

What I'd like to do the next chance for a girls night in is bring all my dresses down and get made up and try them all on gain my wifes opinion of what looks nice and what doesn't and sort out what’s a keeper and what can go off to charity to thin down the number of dresses as I think I have more dresses than my wife currently.

Why does it progress, do I think? Well its curiosity and there are steps and stages and some crossdressers stay at the trying on lingerie stage but its a curiosity thing where you eventually think I wonder if I could look like a woman.. or that’s how it felt for me and when you hit this stage and think wow I can look like a woman then you've hit a crossroad stage where as I mentioned it feels nice and is enjoyable trying to look convincing and you hit this wall of this is what I enjoy and won't just part dress again.. obviously some will go further and want to dress full time, want to go out dressed and some go the full hog.. I'm happy being a crossdresser enjoying the ability to be the Alpha male and to have the feminine escapism..

It may be a man thing going to the extreme and wanting to see if you can look convincing and passable and pushing the boundaries maybe.. there is also a competitive side to it amongst crossdressers hence having photos on our profiles on tv websites and enjoying people saying “hey you look great”.. back to the vanity of it all.

Where do I see myself going with this? I think I'm where I want to be with my wife ok with me dressing, being told I can look convincing as a woman, feeling relaxed, nice and sexy when dressed, having crossdressing as harmless escapism, being able to work from home and dress up or pack “Davina” in my case when away with work and dress in my hotel room..

I guess as my kids get older and have more freedom crossdressing will have to be hidden more again.. my oldest has asked why my eyes are dark a few times and I’ve passed it off as I’m tired but it's really a rubbish job of removing eyeliner, eye shadow or mascara. Lol.

Is this my end point? Yes

There is a small part of me that thinks I wonder how it would feel to be outside as Davina and I have been in the garden in the dark of winter dressed where no one can see me and I once put the bins out dressed lol (wife called me an idiot for doing that) but I chat to some crossdressers who have said its something else to go out dressed..

I've mentioned this to my wife and she thinks that idea is mad and as she doesn’t like the idea and its only a small thought and it probably will never happen and I'll remain a behind closed doors and curtains crossdresser.

The question of “why don't women take more advantage of the outfits available etc?” baffles us crossdressers as much as wives and girlfriends are baffled as to why we crossdress.

I also think when women get married they change their view of themselves to married women and this has some mild form of psychological change then when they have children they become mothers and that has an even bigger effect which is hard to explain.

It may be how were brought up, women from a young age are brought up with the ideals of getting married having kids … then what?  Some women have a mid life crisis because of this and all of a sudden wonder what happened to their life? And some grin and bear it but it is the same crossroad crossdressers get to but its not lingerie – dressed – make up – wigs its married – got kids and now I'm content and it affects image and what women wear.. I'm sure of that.

Are you avoiding male attention? Here's the thing.. Some men if they catch another man looking at their wife will want to rip his head off.. If I clock a guy checking out my wife I fell like yeah man keep looking she’s all mine.

I don’t worry if she’s all made up and dressed sexy and goes out without me as I expect men do look at her and she’s a nice person so if someone talks to her they will also think mmm she looks nice and is nice but we trust eachother.

I go out occasionally without her (but prefer going out as couples) and I'll try to look my best as a bloke as I would if I were out with my wife or on my own and I get women talk to me and it's flattering but I'm also more confident talking to women as I'm not looking to pull a woman as I'm married. You could call me cocky as I know I can chat and make funny quips and remarks but I'm not looking to pull someone but good to know I could it I wanted lol.

It's funny you're shy and dot know what to say to women then find a girlfriend and 3 women come along at once and you suddenly have the gift of the gab and some confidence.. well that’s what happened to me anyway in a short period of time then I met my girlfriend who became my wife.

Anyway I've drifted where were we...

Shock horror Women don't get any of the pleasure wearing sexy things like crossdressers do but that may be because you can choose to wear what you like and if you weren’t allowed to dress sexy then maybe you would be in the same boat as us crossdressers?

“Lingerie, even pretty lingerie, is very uncomfortable after a while”… what are you mad? Lol It feels great wearing nice matching lingerie.  Ok here’s a question knowing how much us crossdressers love sexy lingerie, “why wont women wear something for their husband knowing how much it turns him on?” Is it asking much to have your wife once in a blue moon dress up?

Now you've hit a nerve “stockings and heels” OMG I don't know why but tights, stockings and heels OMG OMG OMG really does something for me and again is it asking much knowing how OMG OMG OMG it makes your husband feel if / when you do wear them that you could wear them for us again every now and then .. do you even realise the power you have over us simply by wearing stockings and high heels and how much of a tease it is if you then deny us coming anywhere near you.. oo err that’s all a bit BDSM but nice.

Women must be more sensitive to discomfort but by the same token we'd do anything for you no matter how uncomfortable we feel.. put it this way I'd wear stockings and heels if my wife asked me to lol…

It's refreshing to read to read you type that it's a valid male feeling that women don't put in the effort much any more. Women dress for comfort… yep I get this so do we in tracksuit bottoms or shorts and tshirts but it would be nice every now and again to dress for us? Pleeeasseee lol.

I'm sure you're right that perhaps women never wanted the pretty things in the first place (or grew out of them with marriage and becoming a mother etc) but you did wear sexy clothes to attract us because you know men like it… but then you stop and for us it's like huh? What happened then? You stop wearing stockings and heels and we check to see if you've lost them lol and then we think she's still got them OMG I've been duped she’s got them but just stopped wearing them.. deliberately!!.. I'll ask her to wear them again and our wives will say I don’t want to its uncomfortable you should love me without me wearing those things and we say um of course I love you and you say well there you go then.. then we become crossdressers lol as we try on the things we wish you'd wear for us so it's all your fault,, tut tut make us crossdressers then call us weirdos when its you who are weird all along not wanting to dress sexy and please your husband well well well we've solved it lol.

“Once we've got the man, we don't need it any more. Hmmm...makes sense” OMG you've admitted the great deception lol lure a poor fella with your sexy legs and heels then eat him like a preying mantis well well well lol… We knew it all along and knew we should have had stockings and heels put into the pre nups when we married you lol

It does kinda explain why women think we're gay. You used to dress to attract men and we dress like you used to  lol (like women) when they're trying to attract men, ergo crossdressers are trying to attract men.

That's the thought process. And its flawed very flawed… The other slant is women are becoming more masculine and we're exploring our feminine side or we dress to emulate women as its women we fancy (Not men ewwww) and we're back to the substitution dressing because our other halves have stopped dressing sexy … part of the pie chart.

Crossdressers and women are different we don’t get why you don’t make the effort and you don’t get why we dress up making that effort.

Something next I have considered.. Do I see myself still dressing when I'm old and grey?

This for me is easy to answer and the answer is NO… shock horror.

I think if I look at myself in the mirror one day and think you look awful that may be the end and if I can no longer look the part or look convincing I truly think I will stop crossdressing.

Yay says my wife..

So this means part of the reason I dress is because I like how I feel when dressed up but more important I like how I look and once I don’t like how I look I'll probably stop.

The repetitiveness can get boring but for me being dressed at home working from home or if we manage a girls night in this has been broken up for me by being away from work in a hotel and dressing as it did get a bit mundane dressing working from home a bit boring like ground hog day.

I'd see the kids off to school get dressed then start work then the wife would pop home for dinner at 13:00 and see me dressed then she'd go back to work 13:30 and not long after I'd get changed back to boring male me to go and pick the kids up.

My crossdressing isn't an every week thing it's probably once maybe twice per month and for a few hours.. mainly when working from home ... I do sometimes wonder how it would feel to spend a whole day crossdressed or a weekend crossdressed just to see how it would make me feel but to be honest I'd probably get bored but maybe it would be a good experiment… I doubt id get the opportunity and can't even think how I'd get time to dress a whole weekend or a whole day.

I do think about how others would feel as all crossdressers do fretting over upsetting our wives and girlfriends wanting to talk about it and to offer some form of reassurance that it's still me / us nothings changed I just crossdress please don’t worry about it its doing no harm whilst the wife is thinking omg he’s a freak hat have I married a bloomin pervert… which is why we feel guilt and shame and want to reassure you etc..

Not sure what I'd feel if others knew I crossdressed which is something my wife worries about but I really wouldn’t give a stuff and would probably find it easier to explain to someone who found out I dressed than it would my wife as if they decide they think I'm a weirdo or a pervert so what they can leave and have nothing to do with us if they cant accept it but we love our wives and girlfriends and don’t want to lose them.

Not sure if my wife will be bored with my crossdressing as I think she's just accepted its something I do but as above I think it will stop when I cant look convincing.

Enjoying our correspondence please keep it going you'll soon be an expert into the insight of a crossdressers thinking .. well my thinking anyway.