It's interesting to read how a lot of the fears have actually been turned on their head and are now positives.

Both Sarah and Emma's relationships have benefitted from a more open discussion about crossdressing and what it actually means to them and their partners.

In Emma's case in particular and Sarah's too it has helped to benefit their marriages and re-invigorated their lives. Davina too with an open discussion (drunk or not) has also overcome some of the fears.

Looks like I'll need to get rid of the kids for the night, get out the wine and have a good old chat!

Katie

Hi yall well me and the wife are back together as I told you a few weeks back sorry I've not been on here contributing but been working on fixing our differences.

She’s got a job and is on a diet and things are picking up again in our relationship which are huge steps .

I’ve told her everything the crossdressing and she’s now met me as Sarah and was aprehensive but said I looked quite convincing and I also told her that I’m bisexual which was far harder than telling her I was a crossdresser so Sindy I Crossdress and I’m Bisexual does that freak you right out?

I also confessed that when we took a break I went out as Sarah and shared a hotel room with another tgirl and how she seduced me and how I went with it and enjoyed the experience.

She was a bit upset at first but then also conferred to me when we were apart she had a one night stand with another man which didnt go very well as he didn't treat her with much respect but they had sex so odds even we’ve both cheated in our time apart.

We’ve discussed both our cheating in some detail and actually got us both quite horny and I will spare you the details of what happened after it and we’ve discussed my new found bisexuality which is strangely only when I’m dressed as Sarah not when I’m in male mode albeit it was a one off but a very special experience and something I had to try and get out of my system but saying that I wouldn’t rule out it happening again in the future.

A package came yesterday in the post and she said it was a present for me and I was shocked on opening it to find that she’s ordered a strap on and said maybe she can wear that and I can show her what I like to do with it.

Well last night we did and it was quite the turn on dressing up for her and quite a turn on how empowered it made her wearing the strap on again I’ll spare the details.

Just wanted to let you know we are back on track and kinkier than we’ve ever been.

Davina sorry if I'm dragging your Blog down into Smut central.

Sarah T Girl

Oh you dirty girl Sarah

We've had some sexy fun too both dressed up but without the props lol

Em x

OMG Sarah lol lowering the tone.

Glad you're back together and sounds open and honest.

Thanks for sparing the details well most of them anyway.

Emma I'm jealous.

On the crossdressing part freaks me out, Sarah lol.

And thanks for update. Sounds like you're in a much better place.

Answers from me Sarah T Girl sorry I’ve been away for a while but been sorting out marriage and I will put a saucy update here in a few minutes.

I don’t want this to scare any wives or girlfriends off who have come in here for solace and advice but I think I keep it real as its not all a bed of roses and maybe the type of crossdresser I am isn’t the Davina Type but another type a Tarty type.

1) He's gay – I’m not gay but weirdly I am Bisexual (I've had one bi experience during a break up with my wife a temporary split) but only when I’m Sarah and only for T-girls not for men as men if that makes sense?

2) He's going to transition – I dont want to do this I’m happy just crossdressing but do have a bug for going out as Sarah.

3) He's insane – Quite possibly I am a bit mad and full on at times

4) He's more attracted to himself – Bad to say but I am attracted to myself as Sarah and up until recently due to lack of sex and a poor relationship with my wife I’ve got off more as Sarah than I have with my wife and have gone through a period fancying myself as Sarah more than I fancy my wife but things are changing.

5) He will crossdress in public – I have done several times so what and no ones ever said anything I look convincing so why not

6) He fantasies about a 'lesbian' relationship – more than that last night we made this fantasy a reality and it was the kinkiest thing me and my wife have ever done she felt quite empowered domming me

7) The dressing will escalate. - It has escalated to me going out in public and to a t-girl event

8) The kids will be traumatised if they find out – They dont need to find out

How would I approach them – I have approached them and come out the other side by telling my wife as it is following our amicable temporary split which was not to do with me crossdressing.

Sarah

I wrote these down on a piece of paper and gave it to him this is his response

1) He's gay – No I’m not not even Bisexual I dress as a woman it does not affect my sexuality I love you Emma and we’ve discovered sex is just as good with me as a man or with me crossdressed (thankyou for experimenting)

2) He's going to transition – Only temporarily when I get the urge or when I’m told to dress up by you but no inclination to remain crossdressed as that’s all it is crossdressing nothing more I don’t want to be a woman I just like occasionally acting like a woman, dressing like a woman but don’t want to be one.

3) He's insane – What do you think Emma am I insane? Maybe insanely in love with you x.

4) He's more attracted to himself – I am attracted to myself when I crossdress but in no way do I think I’m sexier than you that would make me insane see number 3.

5) He will crossdress in public – You made me do this dragging me out in the car!!

6) He fantasies about a 'lesbian' relationship – We’ve kinda got one hehe and it is fun.

7) The dressing will escalate – In what way? I have everything I could ever dream of from initial tears to a wife who tells me to crossdress if she can see I am down or stressed I cannot ask for more from you you are amazing so no there is no where to escalate to.

8) The kids will be traumatised if they find out – Noone needs to know about this part of our private life.

Good answers Sarah I guess there's two sides to it and you've opened up to your wife. Shows were all different.

Emma fab answers from your other half.

Awwww!! Emma, your other half is absolutely adorable. What perfect answers! And he's so clearly devoted and into you...what a great relationship you guys have. xx

Just a few lines to say how much I enjoy your site. Got a lot of catching up to do with so much material here!!!

Love your outlook and you look fantastic.

KATHY xx

Wow thanks Kathy

Glad you enjoy the Bolg hope you can help contribute in here might have to change this from Guestbook chat to lets discuss Crossdressing

Davina

Must be pleasing for you to get these messages Davina

It is a really good blog and a great place for people to come an discuss openly with some humour and no animosity

You're helped us reach a place I never dreamed we'd reach when I first messaged you here seeking advice about the other half Crossdressing.

Thankyou from me my other half is eternally greatful who would have thought I would have driven him in the car crossdressed to buy wine lol and it's helped me and given me a kick in the bum to look my best and I feel great for doing it daily with the odd lazy day thrown in and its cost me a lot more on makeup for us both I've probably spent more on make up in the last 8 months which have been a whirlwind than in the last 8 years lol and its improved our sex life as husband and wife and as wife and crossdressed husband lol which has been fun despite my initial fears that I would feel weird about it but its quite good lol.

Anyway thought I'd add a well done again for the blog and a kick to get your wife back on here commenting

Thankyou Davina for this blog

Time to catch up with the topics


Em x

Thanks Emma yes its nice to see nice comments.

You've been a great success story in acceptance and surpassed me and my wife's acceptance taking your other half out in the car a classic.

I need some makeup too will make do with cheap body care makeup sometime when I can get into town.

Keep contributing your input is great :)

Katie's post got me thinking about the barrier to further acceptance - fear. There are some common biggies related to crossdressing that many wives feel. I'll post them here and maybe you guys could respond with the reality of these fears, and how you would address them?


1) He's gay - the big obvious one that needs little explanation.

2) He's going to transition - no explanation needed here either!

3) He's insane - a wife might associate a need to 'dress up' as a sign of mental illness.

4) He's more attracted to himself - another biggie. It's hard not to see your husband adorning himself in all the things he likes on women and not assume he's created a replacement. Women need to feel wanted. Crossdressing can make wives feel replaceable and very much unwanted.

5) He will crossdress in public - another big fear. I liken this to a wife insisting she will attend a black tie dinner, naked. You can find the humour in this, but realistically you know you'd be very embarrassed. People would obviously stare and judge. They would probably think she's insane. They might think you're insane for being married to her. A woman might feel all these things about your public dressing.

6) He fantasies about a 'lesbian' relationship - wives often suspect their crossdressing partner prefers sex when he's dressed. The fear here is that she will become sexually unattracted to him if she participates, and that he will become sexually unresponsive if she doesn't. Incompatibility becomes a serious concern.

7) The dressing will escalate. If she stays married to a man who crossdresses in private at home, will this mean five years later she's married to a man who crossdresses in public, and five years after that she's married to a man who crossdresses at Xmas dinner? Few women enjoy uncertainty and this one causes great angst and doubts about the longetivity of the relationship.

8) The kids will be traumatised if they find out - again, no explanation needed. When it comes to their kids, women are more protective than a hungry lioness!

So, how would you approach these common fears?

I'll try and address these from my perspective.

1) I'm always a little perplexed about his one. In the majority of instances the crossdressers is a married man with children. He was obviously attracted to his wife and has a sexual relationship so not gay. A better question might be is he bi-sexual.

The fear is that he is crossdressing to attract other men. In some situations this maybe the case but I'm not sure that it would be the best ploy. From what I've read most gay men wouldn't find a man dressed as a woman attractive so you are fishing in a small pond.

There also seems to be a sub-culture of CD on CD action and of course the 'admirers'. For me in every instance I still see men so it's not something I would ever want to do.

I love women and I am attracted to women.

It should be remembered that the trans umbrella is broad but if you look at crossdressers as one small part of it then I understand that as a group we are pretty representative of society as a whole so there will be straight, gay and bi-sexual crossdressers. In fact I seem to remember reading that there is a higher percentage of straight men in the group than society in general. Now I'd always take anything like that with a pinch of salt as we are a secretive bunch.

If I put his one back to you SIndy. I can understand why a woman would fear her husband was gay as it would make everything about her marriage a sham. But if he was bi-sexual would that matter in the same way? So he finds men attractive but he also finds other women attractive, the fact he's stayed with you, married you has to count for something.

2) I think this is where the crossdresser really needs to be honest with himself and how he feels. Personally I have no gender identity crisis. I'm male and happy to stay male. I think that if you knew you were in the wrong body then you should be honest with yourself and your partner. I've thought deeply about this and it can get very confusing especially when people talk about being somewhere on the gender spectrum i.e. Am I 80% male and 20% female etc. I don't get that or even what it means. I like to dress as a woman not because I feel 20% woman but because I enjoy the consequences. I still feel like me whether I'm wearing a dress or not and I don't feel like I'm satisfying 20% of my personality. Maybe other people feel different but I wouldn't achieve anything from transitioning other than thinking I've mad e a huge mistake. I couldn't live my whole life as a woman.

3) Calling it a mental illness implies that there is something wrong with him and that it can be cured. A better term is always mental health and as with any mental health issues they can affect all of us. It's no good telling someone who's depressed to pull themselves together and get over it. Likewise it no good telling a crossdresser to stop as it could end up damaging their mental health. I think it should be looked at as a normal sexual deviation which is how it is no seen. It only becomes a mental health issue if it is uncontrollable and starts affecting the crossdresser and his families life.

4) Do I find myself attractive. No. If you put me dressed up to the nines and stood me next to my wife I know which one I'd pick. No contest. Yes we might 'admire' ourselves in the mirror but equally I'l admire what a good job I've done painting the wall. We all like a bit of self praise but even better when it comes form someone else!

5) I can understand that a wife might not want to be seen with a crossdressing husband. But there is no compulsion for her to be involved. Yes most crossdressers would probably like her to play along but it's not necessary. If the crossdressers wants to go to a big city where nobody know him then that shouldn't be an issue. I can understand that a wife would object if he wants to pop down to the local shops in a dress and high heels. It's the NIMBY syndrome.

6) I guess that we can all fantasise. Does every wife always only think about her husband when they're making love or does her mind wander. I know I always used to think of Margaret Thatcher if I wanted to slow things down! If both parties are happy to get jiggy whilst in sexy lingerie then fine, if not then fine. There are certain things I'd feel uncomfortable doing in the bedroom but it doesn't make us incompatible.

I think that the fear is that crossdressing becomes a fetish. But men are strange creatures and many of them have strange fetishes. If the sole means of getting off is via a fetish then that maybe a problem but crossdressing doesn't have to be a fetish.

7) There is always a lot of debate about setting boundaries. If you have good communication then this shouldn't be a problem. I can only see this being a problem if he's a selfish arsehole and maybe in that instant crossdressing may not be her only problem. Boundaries should be set early on and they can be renegotiated as time goes by by both parties. And we think the UK leaving the EU is going to be tough!

8) I'm always amazed how resilient kids are. I'm sure that they'd sooner be told that Daddy was a crossdresser than that Mummy and Daddy no longer love each other and are going to live apart. I think that having a solid family unit is far more important to the wellbeing of a child than 'problem' of having a crossdressing Dad. Personally I don't think my kids wold have any issues but I'm not about to tell them because they don't need to know.

I think that all of these issue can be explained and everyone is different so some will be more important than others. It's then down to working out a way forward that suits everyone.

I think that you said that the majority of marriages don't break up because of crossdressing. Normally there are other factors involved, as I said, if he's an arsehole then it doesn't make a difference if he crossdresses or not.

Katie

8%. That was the divorce statistic from a substantial survey on the wives. So, positive note - marriages survive crossdressing!

And Katie, I actually love your perplexed tone at some of the questions - like the gay issue. Shows how much women worry about things that have no weight. Ladies, your crossdressing husband is as likely to be gay as your neighbours husband! He might be bisexual though. Is there a higher probability of a crossdresser being bi? It would make sense. How would I feel about that?

Honestly, I'd be fine. One of my best friends is bisexual and when I met her she was in love with a woman. She's now happily married to her male soul mate and has two kids. Bisexual just means no gender preference. It doesn't mean 'I prefer men but I'll marry you anyway.' Gay men want men. Bisexuals want a person, and they can fall in love and COMMIT to either gender. So no, if my husband declared he was bi it wouldn't bother me. I'll admit, the dressing bothers me more!

The nine most common reason for divorce don't include crossdressing. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/the-nine-most-common-reasons-couples-get-divorce-a6875356.html although some may be as a result of the actions of a crossdresser - spending too much on clothes, sexual libido, conflict, communication and privacy.

I think that the fears are real because they come up again and again on any site you want to visit. I think once addressed the other issues come into play.

If you can navigate those minefields then you're well on your way to a happy marriage. Been married 25 years in November so broken through the 20 yer barrier!

Katie

I'll just add that one of the greatest fears that married crossdressers have is their wife divorcing them.

They're torn between this urge to crossdress and pleasing their wives.

When I talk about the tolerance v acceptance it's the thought that our wives may accept that we're not some freak or pervert that means so much to us.

Katie

I don't know what worried me when I told my wife I crossdressed.

I never considered she'd pack up and leave or divorce me more she'd laugh at me but I didn't expect her asking me if I was Gay that was a shock.. I did anticipate she'd ask if I wanted a sex change and knew the answer to that and the Gay one hell no!!

Katie, honestly, I think even the quiet, vaguely tolerant wives do move past the 'freak and pervert' thoughts. They still don't like the dressing, but they're not judging their husband that he does it.

The couple of women I knew who were really struggling to get past this disgust they felt, both separated from their husbands. A third made both their lives miserable by giving him hell about the dressing every minute of the day and if they hadn't tied up their assets together so heavily (business), I'm fairly sure they'd have split, too. So I think the mere act of a wife staying in the marriage and continuing to show love etc, is her letting him know that she doesn't necessarily approve of the behaviour, but she's on his side and she doesn't think he's a freak.

Only a nutter would stay married to someone they had so little respect for. Any crossdressing man would better off without her!

I wasn't so much thinking about my situation but crossdressers in general. I think ouwrpoint goes to prove that those wives who can't get over the negative thoughts are the ones who's marriage will end in divorce.

Katie

Sindy you've shocked me Crossdressing bothers you more than if he were to tell you he's Bisexual??

I'm sure if I offered my wife the choice of me being a Crossdresser or Bisexual she would choose Crossdresser.

Lol, I'm an enigma, aren't I.

But nope, no real issue with a bisexual partner and in fact, a past long term relationship I had before marriage was with a bisexual guy. Really, what's the difference between worrying that a bisexual male partner might ogle other men than worrying a straight male partner might ogle other women? None in my mind. A cheater is a cheater - I don't think preference would alter that.

But, my issue is masculinity. My bi guy was always Mr Masculine and I loved it. My straight husband is not. Hence the reason I find bisexuality easier to live with than crossdressing. That's just me though - your wife is obviously different. Aren't we women tricky to figure out haha.

I still find that mad Sindy so if your husband was bisexual but wasn't a crossdresser you'd be ok with that more than crossdressing but what if he was a practising bisexual man?

Yep, definitely prefer he was bisexual and not a crossdresser. But if he was cheating on me with men? I'd feel the same as if my husband was cheating on me with women - very angry lol. I also wouldn't still be married to him.

Bisexuality doesn't make someone more likely to cheat. People cheat or don't cheat whatever their sexuality so it wouldn't bother me. I love masculinity and that's the most important element for me about a sexual partner. Doesn't mean I haven't been able to compromise but crossdressing would never be on my preference list. Rugged cowboy or hot fireman - now those are at the top, lol.