Hourses for courses - I like that. It fits for so many conversations we have here.

I wish Mrs Katie and Mrs Davina would come chat here sometimes. Their input would be priceless. My husband, less so. I swear, everything Davina and you say fits his thinking. That's why chatting here is so beneficial to me, and likely many other wives. But we need some more wife input because Emma and I can't be the only voices!

And the nature/nurture combination works for every aspect of human life, I'm sure. But crossdressing is oddly sex specific (male) so I think you're right that it must be a hormone issue combined with whatever is going on in the boys life/head at that time. Let's face it, balloon popping, urination, spanking, diaper wearing, plushy suits, giant women (yep, it's a thing) voyeurism, humiliation etc etc - all experiences from childhood. I have a young son at the moment who thinks spying on young girls at school with his friends is fascinating - maybe in some boys this leads to being an adult voyeur. Maybe my son will form such a fetish. Either way, you can't read the paraphila list without noticing that whatever a young boy encounters, has the potential to become a lifelong fixation. I don't think crossdressing is any different - it just becomes complicated when the adult male decides he needs a better reason.

But sometimes, things just happen. No deep reason needed.

Went off on a tangent but I know Katie won't mind my ramblings. I think (hope) we both still enjoy bantering here even with our often different perspectives. x

And thought I'd better add that giant women are obviously not some universal experience from childhood lol. But fantasy is, as are superheroes and such, and seriously, look at a fetish list and you'll suddenly see the moments of chldhold flash before your eyes. Fascinating stuff.

I think we all look for some justification about how we act.

It's human nature to create a narrative. If we don't have something to cling to then we can feel adrift and out of control.

It's easier to blame it on something or someone else than ourselves.

Katie

I'm still reading here too just don't get much opportunity to reply I will try to log in more and add some comments but yes would be nice to hear from Katie and Davinas wives

I'd like to hear from her first ;-)

Hi Sindy
I wrote a detailed reply to your post which went astray. In short, I didn't say I don't care if she finds out, simply that I am more at home in my skin these days.

Sylv

I’ve found Davina’s blog interesting and thought provoking, making me think about my own drives/urges/reasonings around transvestism.

I can trace my love affair with women’s things to around age 7/8. I was drawn to specific things, not like later, when I was drawn to everything! Heels are a passion I cannot explain: High heeled shoes were my first forays into transvestism (tv: it’s a long word to repeat!) Thankfully my mother and older sister weren’t tidy enough to spot that their shoes had moved from where they kicked them off, and the huge wardrobe in my room served everyone to some extent leaving goodies nearby. I would sneak a pair into the bathroom, and indulge (non-sexually) whilst filling the bath and draining it.

I instinctively felt it was wrong (probably a conditioned thing, but also good old Catholic guilt), so never told a soul about it. Earrings and lipstick came next, as well as hosiery of course. And so it developed. Into puberty and my dressing became fetshised and sexual; it was a sexy thrill.

I like girls and women, but am almost certainly, by any mark, bisexual. I have never really wanted to be a woman, but have fantasised about it. It was not until the internet that I branched out into the whole femme persona.

Now my reason for the walk down memory lane is because of suggestions I’ve seen raised that I might dress as a woman because my wife doesn’t; so I need the sexiness from somewhere. Plainly, my tv comes from way before that! Further, my wife of 36 years is very feminine. She has lovely clothes, and cart loads of high heels, and she spends 8 hours+ a day in them too. She never leaves the house without makeup and her hair done. She IS NOT the reason I’m a tranny!

Probably enough for 1 post!

Good post Sylvia and interesting to see one of my theories bombed out of the water as your wife does wear the heels and dresses and makeup etc but we're all different and I cant deny that I'd stop crossdressing if my wife suddenly wore stockings and heels and dresses etc but as I've blogged and discussed it is one of many driving factors for some tgirls / crossdressers, the compensation factor.

Early beginnings are similar for all of us thinking back and cringing that we wore our mothers lingerie and heels etc when younger. Its also weird how we know nothing at an early stage about others who may crossdress it just something we enjoy doing but we do instinctively hide it even when very young.... I was the same when I hit puberty id dress and "get off" remembering my first erection wearing lingerie thinking something was wrong with me especially when it wouldn't go down lol.

Davina

Great blog entries, Davina. I was fascinated with the self esteem one. How funny, but it seems the husbands are assuming the wives have low esteem issues which is why they don't dress up enough, while I'm here assuming my husband has low esteem issues for needing to dress up at all lol.

Personally, my self esteem is as high as it's ever been and I dress up hardly ever these days. Go figure. I actually think I got all dolled up in my youth because I was a typical insecure girl who didn't know how hot I was (and I was!) or how being myself would have made me feel more comfortable. Instead I did the whole short skirts and high heels and red lips and bloody hell, that's misery right there! I don't mind it occasionally, but every day to work? I thought that's what made me special, and worthy of male attention, yet it only got me harassment and more insecurity and I don't blame any woman for not doing it very often.

Having kids centres a woman, I think. We are finally surrounded by people (albeit, very little people lol) who worship us, warts and all, and suddenly it is irrelevant whether we wear heels or running shoes. People love us anyway! Very carthartic moment. I get that men are more visual, sexually driven creatures and if we want to keep you around and vaguely happy, we need to doll up occasionally lol. But it's not linked to my self esteem anymore, and doesn't make me feel pretty or better or whatever. My kids think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world anyway, awe. :-)

So, and this might be an 'aha' moment, I've just realised I really do see my husbands crossdressing as some sort of low esteem coping behaviour. It's no wonder I don't like it or find him attractive for it...low esteem is a huge turn off! I mean, you guys do tend to dress for stress relief and whatever...it's sort of medicinal, yes? A psychological or emotional tonic? Yeah, sorry, that's not very hot lol.

It's not bad though, as I think Davina is right and maybe most men have some sort of weird quirk. The longer I'm on this planet, married to a man, raising young boys, the more I realise you're aliens from another galaxy. Who are you people and what do you want with us?? lol.

Anyway, have a read of this chat thread I stumbled across some time back and thought I'd post here. It shares the angst of this issue, the pain crossdressing can cause for both the man and his partner, and the complicated psychology behind it. It does end on a happy note though, a true sign that most women will try to accommodate it as best they can. But the more you know, and we know, the easier that is. x


https://forums.digitalspy.com/discussion/1033172/depression-furstration-crossdressing

Sindy

Young boys grow into young men and one day you won't be the main woman in there life! My wife is dreading the moment that they fall head over heels with some young 'floozy'.

I think everyone likes to be complimented and loved so anything you can do to boost that must be good - yes?

I don't find dressing boosts my self-esteem - nobody see. I dress because it makes me feel good - why wouldn't you do something that makes you feel good?

I read through 'Wizards' thread. Nice to know even the worst case scenarios can be changed around.

Katie

Yes, I was happy to see a positive ending for Wizard after a rocky start. Gives us all hope! And don't worry, I'm fully aware that sons bring 'floozys' into our lives lol. But by then, I think most older women have themselves pretty well figured out and I'll hopefully be like other older ladies and enjoy the company of my old lady friends and we'll feel good about ourselves by hanging together and traveling or whatever.

My mom friends and I have these discussions quite often. Funny how few of us see ourselves traveling with our husbands when we're older but see it with each other. I see this of family friends now - the wives often travel together, sans husband. I guess as time has gone on, many of us have noticed our husbands are living in their own heads a lot more and content doing their own thing, and maybe we desire more of a connection with people. So it's clearly not just women married to crossdressers who feel left out and perplexed by the male species, lol.

Ah well, just taking it one day at a time.

It's late and we've just got back from a nice Husband and Wife night out with friends with funnily enough Crossdressing cropping up in conversation somehow totally unrelated to us and we gave nothing away bit I was a bit saddened to see my friend's attitude towards crossdressers but not aw ting to out ourselves as a couple in which one of us is a crossdresser and the other accepts it as just something he does we played dumb.

I read Davinas ten or so new blog entries and see I got a mention as a positive. Well it wasn't all positive but chatting here, talking to my other half and that's how we see us as a whole two halves which fit together perfectly we got through the worries and his guilt and I decided there are worse things in life.

I also read what Davina put about how women stop making an effort and this really hit home to me and made me feel like id broken something in the relationship like id changed something by making less of an effort like he'd broken something by crossdressing a touche moment and although I too wouldn't say I had a low self esteem I can confirm getting nice comments from work colleagues and friends when I decided to make more of an effort for myself and my other half was rewarding and my self esteem hightened.

I was out tonight my hair down, not tied back, makeup (red lips sorry Sindy) a dress, tights and heels and it felt good to be complimented on how I look by my husband and by friends.

On the points of travel with older lady friends in years to come and men living in their own heads I cannot think of anything worse if that's my fate (again sorry Sindy) as I like the odd girls night out but by far prefer spending time with my best friend (my husband) and that's if he's in male mode or occassionally Crossdressed.

I read a few post back something about sharing my secret and all I can say is it's talking and being open.

I couldn't have the situation where he wants to say something but won't and I want to say something but afraid to upset him so we've had some frank discussions and he has assured any fears I had and my conclusion is crossdressig is something he does, why should I try to change it as he's not tried to change me in any way and part of the frank discussion was around how I had for a time made less of an effort in my appearance and I did feel him saying that at first hurt and was selfish but no he was right and I do feel.better for knowing how this affected him not that he showed any malice he just got on with things but I do think we take our other halves feelings for granted.

We are more inclined to show our feelings where as men are more insular and bottle up their emotions and feelings and yea Davina it is seen as sexist if a man says something like you stopped dressing nice or stopped making an effort and that's bad isn't it as its not sexist its an opinion men are entitled to just as much as a woman telling her husband he's become a slob.

I think sometimes the chat in here loses sight of the word occasional as from what I see Davina, Katie, Sindys husband, my other half have this occasional urge to cross dress for a variety of reasons and the effect has a positive effect no matter how weird it seems to be a cure for stress in their male lives it works and they have fun doing it and as long as fun is clean healthy fun not dirty fun I see little harm in this occasional hobby as moat of the time he's him and maybe once a month he crossdressers' for a few hours sometimes alone if he works from home when I'm in work and sometimes he dresses when I'm around but never without talking to me about it still asking if it's ok for him to dress up which I take as he needs to unwind.

I'm ok with it and sure id probably prefer he didn't cross dress but then what else would he find to do to unwind which maybe hed do alone or I wouldn't be interested in as at least with crossdressing its something we can talk about in terms of makeup and fashion I'm rambling now but will admit a little drunk lol and tired as its 0145 and I must go to bed.

I will return in the morning and add more when sober lol.

I don't have a magic wand or formulae and part of the acceptance is as simple as I love him.

Em

The self esteem comes from what my wifes told me and how she feels about herself and I’ve had very similar self esteem comments from other wives related to why they have stopped making so much of an effort to always try to look their best and especially around the sexy lingerie thing which we like and cant figure out why wives done or wont.

As I’ve commented before I don’t get why women nn/ot want to wear heels and sexy lingerie as much as you cant work out why we do.

Maybe and we wont admit this we have low self esteem problems and that’s why we crossdress and maybe this low self esteem stems from sometimes being taken for granted in all the above questioning ourselves.. why will she get all dressed up for a night out with the girls but wont for me.. why wont she wear lingerie and as we’re frowned on for bringing it up we don/t bother and some of us Crossdress instead.

So, if Sinys husbands crossdressing is due to some sort of low esteem coping behaviour is Crossdressing a bad thing if it helps?

Low self esteem may be a turn off? I don’t quite understand this but surely you would look to help improve his self esteem just as I seek to raise my wifes self esteem.

Men aren’t aliens women are we’re far less complicated.

Katie hits the nail again as I too don’t really feel dressing boosts my self-esteem, but does help me unwind from stress and its a fun thing to do and it makes me feel good - why wouldn't you do something that makes you feel good?

I think me and my wife are the same as Emma and her husband in that we prefer to be together than out separately and like to do things together. I really dont get theses women only holidays away or mens trips away as would far prefer to spend the money on a family or husband and wife break away.

It is funny how readily crossdressing usually in jest comes up in conversations and yes I agree its a bit cringy seeing others slag off crossdressing not understanding it and thinking it perverted and weird.

It’s not nice to see al your hard work undone as your wife takes in her friends thought on crossdressing and the thoughts all being negative and Emma is right there are a lot worse things we could be doing instead of Crossdressing occasionally.

I think mens problems is we don’t feel we can let our feelings out as what if I was crying all the time my wife would think I’m a right pansy… and its so easy to upset a woman by talking about certain things .. I cant say why are you always in trousers why wont you wear a dress? As it would probably upset her for whatever womens reason. I’ve never got a real answer around sexy lingerie and heels and dressing up for a bit of sexy fun which really really frustrates me… infuriates me in fact and to be honest makes me feel like crap that she wouldnt just for my sake wear some sexy lingerie and heels without me begging.

I know this could lead back to “Why should we or why should I” in acceptance of crossdressing but why should we put up with women becoming content and making less effort to look their best is the thing I dont get…. It drives two things well three in fact as no men are the same.. 1) Makes a man feel like crap if his wife wont bother making an effort for him 2) As can be seen some of us crossdress as compensation and 3) Some men will find a bit on the side who will dress up for him…

Whats the worst part a man feeling down and depressed? Finding sexy fun elsewhere or crossdressing?

I don't know really, why it almost universally goes this way where women mostly stop dressing up and men still crave it. Clearly there's a fairly big social problem here that needs addressing.

My initial thought is, why do men like women wearing these things? They don't wear them in ancient tribal communities yet I don't hear those men complaining. Maybe there's an issue with what young boys, and consequently men, are exposed to in regards to how women dress. If you only ever saw women wearing comfortable clothing in the media and real life, would this still be a thing?

My second thought is that women clearly don't enjoy dressing the way men like. If we did, we wouldn't stop. But as so many men lament here and in other parts of my life, most women so stop with the heels etc at some point and are in no real hurry to get them back on. Even for a bit of 'sexy time'. Given that women will dress up for a girls night, perhaps this reluctance is linked to the way men perceive women when we're dressed up? I know Katie has mentioned that doesn't everyone want to be admired for looking good? I don't know about that. I think women would rather be seen in her natural state than all tarted up for a night out. That's a costume and not us. Women and men really do think differently.

And Em, don't apologise hon! We're allowed our different perspectives here as that's the point. I also assume, though correct me if I'm wrong, that we're in different decades of our lives. Trust me, in my twenties and even early thirties I couldn't imagine not spending every minute with my husband. Now I'll take my girlfriends company any day lol. But then parenting, while a team effort, does turn the focus from couple life into family life so having that intimacy and closeness really isn't easy. Most of the time I'd rather just have some time alone, or vent with another mom friend.

That's not to say this happens to every couple as there are the odd few in my circle who still seem very close. Priorities change, that's all, and at this point in my life I have more in common with other mothers than my husband, who still thinks like Davina and wants women to wear heels and red lippy. Well I'd prefer my husband had a compulsion to dress like a soldier but hey, we don't always get what we want lol.

Sorry, and that didn't translate properly - I think many women would rather be admired in their natural state than all dolled up. There's something about a man who finds a a natural women beautiful that is very hot. Such a shame that men are instead raised to prefer women in what is essentially a costume.

Hi Sindy

We all know that society dictate what is acceptable and what is not. In our western society women are expected to wear heels and dresses to be 'sexy'. That's just what fashion and conditioning dictates. So men are just instructed what they should find 'sexy'. Of course there are exceptions but as we all know if you fall out of line then you're considered 'weird'.

Ancient tribal communities also have dress codes, rituals and traditions. Just look at the Kayan tribe who wear those neck rings! If you look at Muslim women who wear burqa's. That's a tradition that dates back 1000's of years. I like long necks but I'm guessing the longer the neck the more desirable these women are to their potential partners.

We all preen and polish ourselves. Display is an important part of sexual attraction. Wearing heels elongates the legs and makes them more attractive. A low cut dress reveals the cleavage. Make up enhances and simulates a woman mid-orgasm - flushed cheeks and red lips.

There are plenty of examples of 'showy' displays in the animal kingdom to know that it is natural.

So what in your opinion what is our 'natural' state? No clothes?

Clothes send out all sorts of messages which is why they are so important. They signify status, job, gender, mood etc. If you want to attract a mate you know what you need to wear. It doesn't necessarily mean heels etc as not all men find that attractive. I find my wife attractive in her skinny jeans, t shirts and biker jacket. I also find her attractive in heels etc.

I think that the biggest shame is that somebody who took pride in their appearance lets themselves go. It shows to a partners that maybe they just can't be bothered with life anymore. Nobody likes to feel like part of the furniture and taken for granted and that is the message given out by people who just want to slob out all the time.

It's fine some of the time. I have my DIY gear which is ripped and covered in paint but I wouldn't go out for a meal wearing that. If I did my wife would be mortified not only because of what other people would think but because it would show disrespect to her.

Likewise I wouldn't want her to go out looking a mess. I think that complimenting someone on how they look isn't always about sex. It is an appreciation of the time and effort put in and believe me if your crossdressing husband compliments you he really understands the time and effort put in!

If someone puts in more efforts for a 'girls night' out but won't put in the same effort for a couples night out what does that say?

If I used the word 'admired' then maybe the way you interrupted it is different to the way I meant it. Admiration doesn't necessarily have to have sexual connotations which if how I think that you may interpret it. I can understand that you wouldn't want undue sexual attention because of how you dressed. Equally it would be nice to receive compliments from your peers about how you look. I think that that is a validation of how much effort you have put in. In that sense it is always good to be rewarded for effort.

I'm with Em on the separate holidays. Given the choice I'd always go away with my wife. We're in our 50's and I just can't ever imaging going on separate holidays. I have my 'lads' nights out and she goes out with her girlfriends but given the choice we'd both spend the together. Having kids makes the time together as a couple more important so I'm not going to spend that time wth a group of blokes.

It's horses for courses. We have friend who do exactly that but can never understand them.

Katie

The wife not dressing in a dress and heels certainly is a social problem and one men cant get their head around and crossdressers distress over and compensate lol.

It must be a conditioning thing in the western world where from a young age we’re brought up on sexy images of women, we stole our mums clothes catalogues and dribbled over the lingerie sections (oh the shame of it) then in Mens fitness magazines like Mens health or FHM they feature women in heels, makeup lingerie etc so we’re conditioned to be attracted to this.

So Sindy it’s true If we only ever saw women wearing comfortable clothing in the media and real life and high heels etc wasn’t broadcast as “This is sexy” then maybe we wouldn’t crave it.

Then the Crossdressers take a big inhale to read “Women clearly don't enjoy dressing the way men like” but

Crossdressers do lol but I don’t crossdress because that’s the way men like it I do it because I like it.

Myself and Sindys husband don’t expect our wives to wear heels and the red lippy all the time but once in a while would be nice. Is that really asking a lot? So its hard to read we dont always get what we want…. Once in a while pleeeaassseee! we’re begging you!!

I’m sure we’d dress up in anything our wives asked us to dress up in unless it was Sindys favourite Furry lol or a baby so Sindy mention to him you want him to dress as a Soldier and he’ll come in through the ceiling dressed as a Navy Seal….

I do find women in their natural state attractive but its an extra turn on to have our wives in sexy lingerie, stockings and heels or to see your wife in a dress and nice makeup and heels… we can’t help it..

Katie hits the nail on the head again with this one as the biggest shame is that “somebody who took pride in their appearance lets themselves go through choice or contentment, it shows to a partner that maybe they just can't be bothered anymore” and for men it makes us feel like our wives cant be bothered to make an effort for us we feel a little taken for granted although we hide this as we don’t show our feelings especially if we ask our wives to dress up and they say no then its a battle of wills which the woman wins as the man gives up on asking and feels a bit of resentment.

I’m sure my wife wouldn’t like it if I didn’t shave and grew a scruffy beard didn’t bother to get my hair cut and wore tracksuits everywhere and put on weight as I’m sure she prefers it when I cut and gell my hair, wear jeans and a shirt, lose a few lbs and have designer stubble etc.

Complimenting someone on how they look isn't about sex it is an appreciation of the time and effort put in and I’ve come so close on occasion to telling someone they look nice but it’s not the done thing. Can you imagine me telling a woman she looks great as I like how she’s dressed, done her hair and makeup she’d think a) I’m chatting her up b) I’m a creep lol and then my wife would say what are you playing at lol.
A great question - “If someone puts in more efforts for a 'girls night' out but won't put in the same effort for a couples night out what does that say to the husband or boyfriend?”

One wedding anniversary me and my wife went to Cardiff and she didn’t know why I was in such a bad mood but she’d been out with her mum shopping all day and got back late then said come on then lets get the train to Cardiff with me saying aren’t you getting changed and she said no.. I suppose I felt that I wanted her to get dolled up for our wedding anniversary and make a bit more of an effort for me and she didn’t and made me feel a bit disappointed so I sulked lol.

She will read this at some point and say “I never did” but she did lol.

Its something we just don’t understand :(

Hi Sindy thanks for the message and yep We are allowed our different perspectives here and it's good that Davina lets us have our say without editing anything and good that no matter the differences we all get along.

I'm in my mid 30's married for almost 10 years been with him for a lot longer lol.

I hope we continue to do everything together and hate to think we'd grow apart at some stage in life.

A girls night out is ok every now and then and a shpping trip but to be honest id rather be out with the other half and shopping trips with him lol.

I can't blame Davina for wanting his wife to wear heels and red lippy after all that's what men are brought up to desire in tv ads etc and it must be hard if wives stop as I did and we had that honest and frank discussion and he had a right go at me for not seeing it from his point of view and I thought ok i'll make more of an effort hence the change in how I did my makeup dressed etc for his initially but the compliments got to me and now I must look my best and that is red lippy and heels so my other halfs over the moon and I'm quite happy I made this change.

I'll be like Sylvias wife up the top of the page in my 60s rocking the high heels

Em

Oh, I totally plan on being a hot granny haha. No kids to chase after, no work to do - I'll dig out the six inch heels then and go and break a hip lol.

It's sad that family life can drive a wedge between couples, but so many of my female friends have forged closer bonds with each other of late. I hope there's a balance in the future where this hot granny can have holidays with friends and the hubby. Of course, I know a woman who's mother just recently retired, finally went on the dream trip with her husband, and died overseas one week in to the holiday. Heart breaking. Makes me realise we can't put time together off or doing the things we want to do.

In the end we're really all just venting here. It's a safe space to say the things we ponder and think that we can't say out loud anywhere else. Then off to our ordinary lives we go. Unless, of course, one of us here is a famous movie star or something...and then I want details please!! And an invite to your mansion lol.

I hope people really helped reading our rantings here. Even if they're reading and thinking we're all nuts, or wrong, or weird haha. That's better than not talking at all, because we all know that's why we're in this mess. xx

The older I get the 'hotter' grannies get!

A classy woman will always be sexy whatever her age.

It's always sad when somebody young dies and as Sindy says it is important that we all spend time with our loved ones and don't put things off.

I've been asked two questions in the past:

1) The doctor tells you that you have between 5 -10 years to live. You wouldn't be sick it would just happen one day. How would you live your life differently in the remaining years?

2) The doctor tells you that you've got days to live. What regrets would you have?

It helps you to work out the things you value in life such as your family. Enjoy life as much as you can as you only get on crack!

Katie

Thanks Sindy and Katie plus Emma you've just helped me create 10 new blogs on the latest topic.

Have a read through them and let me know what you think.

This has been great for me and I'm getting lots of positive emails from wives and girlfriends and other Crossdressers who have been reading our debates and chats and in amongs all this we all still have out concerns, doubts fears, worries and insecurities still about Crossdressing (Even Emma I bet).

I've seen a few messages in my wifes guestbook so will ask her to tune in catch up and see if she'll join in again.

Have a great weekend all

D

Keeping on with this sharing/acceptance theme, I often wonder what crossdressing boys and men expected and hoped for etc. Did you grow up believing most women liked crossdressers and never knew it would be an issue? Or did you always know it would one day cause you problems with women?

I ask because I'm curious whether you really, truly understand why many women have a problem with crossdressing. I sort of wonder how you can, if you never discussed it with a mother or sister or someone who might have given some early perspective. I assume it's a bit like how we feel about the dressing - we just don't get why or how it feels to have such a need, and it's highly unlikely we had a discussion with anyone about it either. Many of us didn't know heterosexual crossdressing existed before meeting our husbands.

I guess Katie got me thinking whether I truly understand why I don't like it, and the question that came to me was surprisingly not 'why can't I accept this' but rather 'why should I accept this.' That was quite a confronting thought. I always thought I was cross with myself for being open minded with everyone else yet not with my husband. Yet, looking deeper, I realise I have resentment for him expecting me to accept this when all I can think is, why should I?

I know all the rationalisations - he needs to dress. He can't help it. It's harmless. It makes him happy. He'll be stressed if he doesn't, He's still a man under the clothes. And yet, my gut response to these answers is still 'why should I.' Statistically, crossdressing is rare and I know I wouldn't have any trouble finding a husband who doesn't do it. So I suppose there's this lingering resentment that I have to accept and accommodate something that most men don't do. A bit like drawing the short straw - no one wants to be that person!

See, confronting.

Obviously, this situation is entirely avoidable by not marrying women who feel this way. Problem solved. But for the rest of us who find ourselves here, both husbands and wives, I'm curious how much we really understand the feelings of the other side, and whether this might affect how we react and behave. Do you TRULY understand how a wife might feel about your crossdressing, without being clouded with insecurities and bias? And can we wives ever truly understand the crossdressing need, without being clouded with 'why should I'?

Hmmm....

Actually, Emma, you're the perfect wife to add your thoughts here as you don't have the 'why should I' thoughts. I'd love to know why, and it's got to be more than love as we all love our hubbies. I wish I knew your secret!

I'd also love to hear any other confronting thoughts here. Y'all know you have them. Surely the men here think things about their unaccepting wives, or even their tolerant and accepting wives, that might hurt us to hear but would also be enlightening. The more we know how each other feels, the more we can enjoy each others company without all the dang resentment and worry!

Henry Ford once said 'Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right.'

We can all overcome our fears, prejudices and biases if we truly want to. Nobody should ever say how you should and shouldn't feel about something but if two people have different views it can be divisive - just look at Brexit.

We're all individuals and have been socially conditioned by our past experiences, even though we probably don't realise it. I can remember on evening before bedtime when I was really young that my sister and I swopped out nightclothes. We went downstairs, her in my PJs and me in her nightie. I got into so much trouble and was told to change immediately. I guess from then on I knew that it wasn't right for a boy to dress as a girl which is why I could never share this secret. Who knows how my life would have been if the reaction had been different.

I think most parents are more enlightened these days and so hopefully children won't grow up with so many hang ups. I read an article about a woman whose husband crossdressed (surprise). Anyway she discovered women's clothes in her sons room. Now the interesting fact is that he was their adopted son and had never seen his father crossdressed so there was no hereditary or outside influence that would make him want to crossdress. Her reaction was only supportive.

I think that most mothers would now react the same. They'd love and support there son offering any help they could knowing the difficulties he's likely to face. The love for your children is unconditional, it the love for a husband conditional?

I think that we all change overtime. The person you married is not necessarily the same person in 20 years time. It's something like 42% of marriages end in divorce so I guess that there a lot of short straws being drawn out there! My sister married someone who turned into an alcoholic gambler. All the money they earned went up the wall or on the horses. He couldn't control his addictions no matter what he tried. She stayed in an unhappy marriage for the kids but lost all her respect and love for him. She tried so hard to make it work but in the end it became too much after nearly 20 years. Had she drawn a short straw?

I think we all have annoying habits or things we'd like to change about our partners but we can gloss over them because of everything else they give us. Davina would like his wife to dress up a little more but he's not about to leave because she won't.

Interestingly Em did a positive thing for both herself and her husband. She grew at the same time as him and as her confidence grew so did her acceptance. Maybe her secret is that she boosted her own self-esteem at the same time as taking on the realisation that her husband crossdressed. If her increased self-esteem is linked to his crossdressing then that is a positive connection. His job is to keep her feeling like a sexy, desirable and beautiful woman!

If we look for positive connections then these will grow and strengthen overtime. If we look for negatives then the same will happen. The power of positive thinking is immense.

I don't think we'll ever truly understand how another person feels. We can empathise but we'll never have had the same upbringing or experiences so will never truly understand. Sometimes words can't express how we feel so it is always going to be difficult.

I hope from my posts that it is evident that I do try to understand my wife feelings. I should try because I'm the one bringing the crossdressing to the marriage. Equally if she wants to understand my feelings then she should try and understand my need to crossdress.

I think that crossdressers find it difficult to understand why a wife could accept a son or friend as a crossdresser but not their husband. We try so hard to make up for it in other aspects of our lives. I try my best to be a good father and husband, I try to control the temptations and I think I do a pretty good job. If that's not good enough then at least I tried my best.

I don't think that my wife feels she drew the short straw. I wonder if you made a list of worse things that a husband could do a part from crossdress it'd be a long list. If you made a list of things he could do instead it's probably just say 'not crossdress'.

Katie