The vanity of it and self loathing?

So just remembered also having done my makeup pretty immaculate and thinking i looked rather nice in a dress stockings and heels at 12:00 i turned back into boring male me and coming back from removing makeup to my laptop passed the mirror...

God i look crap... over weight and bland as a bloke how boring.

From feeling quite sexy and feeling nice in a dress to me in tracky bottoms and a t shirt do i self loath how i look as a bloke.. maybe.. do i have time to diet and get fit... no so on top of work stress theres no time for anything and i feel prety crap about myself as a bloke and pretty stupid for crossdressing..

Wife had a go about me working from home tonight too but she desnt realise the work i get done undisturbed at home compared to going into the office and getting people come in disturbing me asking for help and advice that their pay grade should see them doing themselves. I have no staff under me so i dont need to go into the office just need to be available on the phone or available to go to a meeting or to site etc..

Then she said if youre home you cant dress up as my mothers coming round as im off tomorrow.. ok well as it happened i wasnt going to dress anyway so up yours... getting to that stage again where i feel sod it i'll dress if i want and if you want to go back to ignoring it so what is my outlet... what else have i got as an outlet?

No time for anything life is pretty boring at the moment and is passing me by November next week where was Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, May, Jun, Jul, Aug, Sep, Oct??? something has to change.. fed up of everything and a bit depressed.. poor blog i know but its where i am right now.. night