Ask an Agony Aunt?

Dear Concerned,

You ask some very interesting questions, many of which don't have clear-cut answers.

(D - Then don't answer them then if you cant answer them!!)

First things first, for a variety of reasons, there's not a great deal of reputable research or statistics about people who cross-dress, nor is there much research about folks who identify as transgender (an umbrella term that
applies to a broad range of people who express or experience gender differently than what most people expect - including those who cross-dress).

So, where to go from here?

Lets break down your questions one-by-one:

What causes a heterosexual male to cross-dress?

People who cross-dress wear the clothing and/or adornments, such as makeup and accessories, of the opposite sex."

(D - deemed by society as belonging to the opposite sex get it right Alice!)

That is, a biological male may dress in what is generally considered to be "female clothing" and a biological female may dress in what is typically considered "male clothing." Why is this, you ask?

In most parts of the world, gender is traditionally represented as male or female.

(D - Gender is male or female theres no generalisation about it! That's biology 101)

Many people unconsciously accept this binary and don't give gender a second thought; however, gender
is much more complex than male or female.

As is demonstrated by the rich and unique experiences of humans over time, gender is more akin to a broad spectrum that is as unique to an individual as a fingerprint.

A heterosexual male may cross-dress because s/he doesn't feel her/his gender identity matches the gender s/he was assigned at birth.

(D - Not me Alice I was born a boy now I'm a man and I enjoy crossdressing so youre off on that tangent honey!)

In some cases the individual may just enjoy the fashion and related options available in society, regardless of the typical gender associations of the items.

Do cross-dressers share any characteristics other than the desire to cross-dress and the guilt that usually accompanies such desire?

Again, there's not much research on the topic of shared characteristics between those who cross-dress.

(D - I've read oodles of articles, stats and research / questionnaire results on crossdressing and have my own polls in my blog its becoming more mainstream and understood slowly)

In terms of guilt, this isn't necessarily a universal feeling shared by everyone who has a desire to cross-dress.

(D - It depends on if you are hiding crossdressing or not and if you've told someone and had a bad reaction guilt for putting them in this position and for being something not deemed normal by society having an effect egatively on another person such as a wife or girlfriend)

In fact, people experience a broad range of emotions and feelings when it comes to realizing, expressing, and disclosing their gender identity

(D - arrgghh society deems it a gender identity .. I'm a man for gods sake that's my gender identity just cos I look ok as a woman and enjoy crossdressing has no bearing on my gender whatso ever... unless shes now talking in broader trans spectrum terms which is now going beyond crossdressing and more towards transexuality.. see how its annoyed me as shes rolled up crossdressing to encompass the whole spectrum)

Feelings - from fear and despair to relief and excitement.

Think about a historical example here.

In the United States, it was once the case that women wearing pants was a radical and non-conforming idea.

(D - women can wear anything they like its accepted by society as women fought for their rights and overtook men.. if we say that's a mans coat youre wearing we're sexist?)

Rarely would you see the term guilt tied to the idea of women in pants.

While social gender expectations and associated feelings have shifted over time, the acceptance of gender nonconforming clothing choices may not have been as equally accepted in all segments of society.

The lack of broad acceptance may influence the feelings of a cross-dressing individual.

(D - there is no answer in that statement)

Are there any reliable therapies to help the cross-dresser resist and overcome his cross-dressing urges?

Cross-dressing isn't something that needs to be "overcome" or "resisted."

(horaaaaa)

In fact, many in the therapeutic community discourage people from suppressing their true gender identity.

(horrraaa turned to arrgghhh again as shes gone from saying something positive to back to science and gender identity!! Now if shed gone onto say surpressing it can lead to stress and depression but letting crossdressing thrive as escapism from the pressures of male life seen as a good thing a way of relieving stress id have horrraa'd again but she went back to gender identity arrggg im a man so is every other crossdresser it has more to do with image and feel than gender identity)

There may be some situations in which a person may need to understand the expectation of gender-based attire, though this will vary greatly in one's experience.

(D - not even sure what this means)

Will the urge to cross-dress dissipate with age?

Gender identity isn't fully understood. (D - so you keep saying)

Because a person has the desire to use non-gender conforming methods of self-expression
(D - including clothing choices), you should not think of this as something to dissipate.

(D - However for some it does dissipate, I myself feel that once I can no longer look convincing as "Davina" there is a probability that I may stop crossdressing)

For each individual it is a personal choice.

Some may choose to experiment with gender non-conforming choices

(D - what a horrible expression gender non conforming! Just because someone says a woman should wear
dresses and a man should not does not make it a gender non conformance if a man does wear a dress!)

Some may see it as one life stage and move on, while others may see it as part of a life-long expression of individuality.

Are there any good books or articles that explain the cross-dressing urge in a sympathetic way, such that a wife may come to understand this phenomenon?

Absolutely - there are quite a few resources for those who have transgender family members (including family members who cross-dress) or for those who identify as transgender.

Here are a few to check out:

·                                
Resources
for People With Transgender Family Members (Human Rights Watch)

·                                
Transgender Visibility Guide (Human Rights Watch)

·                                
The Center: the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center (New York City)

In addition, Columbia students can visit the Gay Health Advocacy Program, or Counseling and Psychological
Services (Morningside), or the Mental Health Service (CUMC) for additional support.

(D - I don't swear in my blog but abbrivate For Fs sake have you seen what shes referencing Gay health
advocacy program? Mental Health Service, Transgender visibility guide Councelling and Psycological Services WTF!!!! And a link to LGBT)

Think about it this way, we all have very personal aspects of ourselves that we share with those closest to us.

This may be just one element that an individual will share with a partner.

It might be difficult for some to understand, but it also an opportunity to respect the trust placed in the person and a chance to celebrate her/his uniqueness.