If you do stress yourself out due to work heres a helpful way of unwinding

It really does work............. try it

Women - I dont know what to advise you you could try on mens clothes but you'd find it boring hence why we crossdress also

Carrying on from my last blog do we need to really understand why we crossdress and do we really need to explain it to others?

I know I'm a married Alpha male with a wife and 2 kids who has a stressful job.. not enough time spare and to unwind what used to be competitive sport is now more and more the transformation into a T-Girl / Crossdresser call it what you like.

I know who I am no one else needs to understand but would have opinions and wrong ones if they ever found out.. sad that isnt it.. guilty before proven innocent if anyone found out labelled a nut job more than likely.

Hey ho one day people may get it...

The Very Sexy Katy Perry sums this up.

My wifes been a little bitchy of late about my Crossdressing and although she says she was just teasing it hit a few nerves to the point of a bit of resentment from me... ie I've been through all this guilt about my Crossdressing to a point where I think she's ok with it and I feel better for that even though she doesnt want me crossdressing its good to know she kinda gets it... but it feels like a backward step and makes you feel guilty again when you get some catty comments about how many times you've been dressed.

I sometimes think sod it shes accepted it why do i bother worrying as Katy says "I dress for myself and it makes me happy"

So I had a chat in TVChix the other night and I usually stick to the chat lobby or girls only but strayed into another chat room and a guy propositions me on looking at my photos ignoring the sticker on my profile no male admirers and insists that he fancies me which is nice and also argues that i cannot be straight if i dress as a woman i obviously want men to admire me and want them sexually...

So I pointed out

I will admit even though I dont like the trans words I'm obviould Transgendered - i crossdress but I'm a man.. whatever but it has no effect on my sexuality.. LGB.....................T (T is way over here)

This next bit stumped him.. "What about Lesbians?".... what? he exclaimed.. "Lesbians...just because theyre women doesnt mean they fancy men".. this started a whole new conversation of all Lesbians are in denial about fancying men.. there was no winning formula so I chose to ignore him... he persisted so i said "Look I'm not dressed as a woman this evening I just popped on for a chat about football and I have a beard right now.."

Silence...... That puts them off every time

https://uk.pinterest.com/cdtra007/why-do-men-crossdress/

I've set up a pintrest page.

Had no idea what pintrest was but it's quite fun pictures and cartoons and captions and lots of advice on makeup tips etc and othing things which I may blog about .. go check it out

Next week I'm out on site all week so dressed twice this week to make up for it lol

The week after full of meetings and the one after that pretty packed with work so I could go three weeks no Davina time unless we get opportunity for a girls night in with the kids staying as grand parents (I can hope).

So two weeks over Christmas I let the facial hair grow and I think I look better as a bloke with stubble and a sorta beard

It got itchy lol

So letting it grow again for a bit until next dressing urge and opportunity arises...

I've said before I prefer being a man its nice to have this other side for escapism and I like how it makes me look and feel as a girl for a few hours.. My god bras get on your nerves... Firm believer tho that high heels are good for calf muscles.

Last week and this week I managed two days working from home Crossdressed.

I have my transformation down to 10 mins getting dressed shaved made up and the same getting undressed.. I'd give superman a run for his money changing from Clark Kent to Superman is a phone box.

Yesterday and today working from home en fem I got loads done but still no where nears where I want to be in control of my job and all it effects.

Reorgs have put us back years in where we could be and invisibly this delay is costing more money that what they saved in cutting the jobs and doubling the area I cover.. My New Years resolution to work my flat hours has fallen flat on its face as that's the completed finisher in me as an Engineer.. Got to get it done and to a high standard with facts and figures concise and professional which adds upto stress  and Crossdressing.. Good job I enjoy crossdressing.

If my boss tells me I can no longer work from home I'll possibly rip his head off.

It's strange to be an expert in a job where no one realises or knows the effort you put in that means things work better than clockwork but only so much of this you can give before you burn out.. My plan catch up with what I need to catch up with then New Years resolution kicks in and work flat hours...

Being dressed last two days has been nice it's strange to admit I feel sexy and relaxed tho the chair I'm sat in does my back no good so a nice soak in the bath now as I type this hoping not to drop the iPad in the water.. But it's over in the blink of an eye the day has gone so fast from starting work at 08:00 ish and switching the laptop off gone 21:00 they get their money's worth out of me..

So I got to be Davina 10:00 till 15:00 5 hours en fem but over so quick sat at the laptop working with a few mins break to do the wife a spit of lunch ... Then she was off back to work after reclaiming my red dress for herself which I washed and hung on her wardrobe door... We can share it she said. Lol mad is t it..

Alpha male macho nutcase me spent 10 hours this week fully dressed as a woman.. A request in the guestbook for a photo answered below pixelated and black and whites very arty isn't it..

Till next time...

I've been asked to post a photo

There you go not a clear pic as im not doing that here gives you an idea of how "Davina" looks

Taking a coffee break a sec working from home en fem so an apt time to update my blog as I had another dream last night.

So following on from the surprise that my wife in the dream asked me if i wanted a girls night in then introduced her best friend to the girls night which was a bit of a shock last night the dream continued as i was back on the setee en fem in between my wife and her best friend sipping wine laughing and chatting and another knock at the door so my wife gets up and answers it again quiet and in she comes folowed by her Sister.. i could vividly see her sister in a pair of black high heels, black tights and a black lacy dress she wore to her works christmas do the year before last..(So she must have looked nice in it when she asked us if she looked nice in it ohh err)

"Well i knew there was something odd about you 'Davina' if i may call you Davina, but I'd never have believed it unless I saw you like this, you do look good as a woman though what a surprise I would never have guessed unless my sister told me and then i thought she was joking until she invited me to see for myself" she sits on the setee also so 4 of us all in black tights or stockings and heels in little black dresses im in the blue one wife wore to a recent wedding drinking wine having a girl chat.. so surreal.. then another knock on the door.. its like the hobbit this but instead of Thoren oakenshield and his merry band arriving its women who are either friends or relatives and im crossdressed feeling as puzzled as Bilbo Baggins.

"You answer the door" my wife exclaims to which I say" who is it? your mother?" .."no" just answer the door so up i get them all looking at me walk perfectly in 5 inch high heels and sexy legs  to the front door and i open it and get an "Oh my God I never would have believed it without seeing it" my wifes female boss also in high heels, black tights little black dress.. it was then i woke up as she entered the house clutching a bottle of Champagne.

Is there something in these dreams lol am i about to get found out?

Any dream analysts out there let me know in my guestbook.

Right back to work

Maybe its an omen and My wifes going to tell her friend OMG!!!!!!!!

So my dream.. The wife says to me "We've got baby sitters tonight so lets both get dressed up wear what you want".. I'm stunned but very excited as we've not had a girls night in for ages...

So I say "Could I wear that dress you wore to the wedding we went to" and she said "of course"

The dream was a little hazy but I remember her saying "I'll take the kids to my sisters you Sissify yourself"

(A term shes never used to describe my crossdressing)

So she leaves I have a quick bath and shave all over and get on my lingerie, stockings and heels and the Blue dress she wore to a recent wedding and take my time over my makeup then place my blonde wig on and the wife returns and tells me i look very nice and quite convincing.

She goes for a bath and I take her a glass of wine and then I remember being in the living room flicking tv channels and in she comes in heels, nice makeup, hair up, black tights / stockings and a black lacy dress and sits next to me and kisses my cheek...

Here's the bit which eventually woke me up.. someone knocks the front door and she says "Stay here I'll get it"

No sound of her saying hello or talking to anyone I ignore it and continue watching TV then in she walks followed by her best friend....who remarks  "OMG I cant believe it... You look amazing stand up so I can see you"

I stand and she comments "Wow you look great and says to my wife you're right he's quite passable come and give me a hug" so I hug The best friend  with a look at my wife of "WTF" then we all sit down me in between them both as we begin to discuss my makeup and how well I did my eyes, my long girly eyelashes as we all drank wine the thing that woke me.... both of them put their hands on my knees and i woke thinking wow that was sureal... (I woke up quite lets say hot under the collar)

Would it suit me?

Can i justify spending Xmas money on a wig?

Would be cooler in the summer and a different look for me...

I'll ask the wife... See what she thinks

Back to work one Day and so much to catch up with so many deadlines and in the office got nothing done so worked from home and just had to Crossdress to help with the stress of the first day back.

I think of myself as a strong person and I am so why do i need to dress as a woman to help me unwind .. beats the hell outa me but it works..... Just a pity I have to work when I'm dressed and cant just relax and enjoy the feel of what I'm wearing and chillax as a Girl.. "Girls night in needed!!"

Christmas came and went.. it was a hectic 2 weeks off work..

My dream Christmas would have been just mu lil family opening christmas stockings and main presents before anyone else turned up but we didnt get that this year which put me in a mood all day ... just wanted time me the wife and the kids before family Christmas invasion... is that not asking a lot?

The kids had everything they wanted and more but as we had family visiting and a hectic schedule over christmas it was at least a full 5 days until they got to see their presents .. Christmas to new year and time off work was a blur.. and i dint find it very relaxing still contemplating work problems and wishing for time just the 4 of us. we did manage a few family days just us 4..

My wonderful wife bought me some of my Davina Christmas wish list some makeup and eye makeup remover a pair of stockings some blusher and Red lipstick which was nice..

Hope everyone had a good Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone......

Work = Uber stressful 

I've made time to work from home not to dress up but to catch up but things in work are hectic and beyond my control I've had to sort a lot of things out which otherwise would affect thousands of people.

So this week has been full of phone conferences and planning and contingency meetings and I've caught up with nothing with deadlines to hit in January and only 5 packed working days left and I intend turning my phone off.. Although I'm on call over some of the Christmas and new year period.. Can't even escape when on leave!! 

I've managed to dress twice this week but I can't say I've enjoyed it as although ive been dressed and made up working from home it's been so hectic even working from home juggling so much that days have come and gone..

My job has become ridiculous due to reorganisations designed to save money everyone is on edge snapping at one another it will end in tears. Yet people who instigated the reorganisation won't be to blame it will be the juggling managers and engineers.

So "Davina" has been packed away until 2015... Hoping for a better 2015 as 2014 has flown by like no other year..and been a horrible year to boot so good riddance to 2014

Me and the kids went shopping today as the wifes gone off for the day so we bought some items for her Christmas stocking.. So frustrating buying her things I'd like for my alter ego..

In fact as a bloke I have everything I need and dont want much for Christmas.. maybe the new ACDC and Foo Fighters albums.. I'd be more than happy with one of those sexy basques above from Peacocks, some sexy fashion tights or stockings I saw today at Primark or some high heels from Primark, some cheap makeup, foundation, red lippy, red lip gloss, blusher, brown shades of eye shaddow, make up set maybe and makeup remover and maybe a new wig a shorter one and one like I've got as I've had mine a good few years...

I wonder if "Davina" will get anything for Christmas... I will if I buy it for myself but as conversation about my fetish has been very positive lately will my wife surprise me with a hidden pile of girly presents for her very macho husband?? .. Maybe I should dress up and put my letter to Santa in the fireplace...

Seriously as I've mentioned a few times in the blog over the years Christmas is the perfect time for a crossdresser to go shopping for supplies lol .. easy excuse.. its for my wife... although I've answered more than once "Yes its for me"... wipes the smile off the faces of some people... leaves them thinking is he winding me up???

Following on from the facial hair episode and my wife picturing me dressed with a beard and red lippy
she phoned me on her way somewhere still picturing me dressed up with a beard laughing her head off...

I said I'd never dress up if i couldnt look the part clean shaven and made up when I dress and she said I know that

Then a compliment

Not that compliment

"You look good as a woman, you do your makeup really well and you could probably pass as a woman you have great legs youre just a little too muscular in your shoulders they're too broad but with your makeup you do it so well you could pass.. maybe hold your shoulders different pull them back or something and you'd pass as a woman"

I pointed out I have no sign of an Adams apple and I think my legs are sexy in stockings / tights and heels

"She remarked if you've not got an Adams apple maybe you're a woman..." then laughed and said I hope no one can hear this conversation.

So the very compliment a Crossdresser is over the moon with .. Ones wife proclaiming that you look passable as a woman...

The best albeit brief chat we've had about my crossdressing for a long time its good to talk.. hope we can talk about it more..

As i said I think I look better as a man with facial hair so I've put a picture of myself below

Day working from home to escape the nonsense of being in the office and to catch up with a few things.
I really do get shed loads of work done at home and realy do get distracted in work by people wanting
my help and advice even if they no longer work for me or even if its to do with something other than my
chosen field of Engineering as a I have a wider understanding of other Engineering requirements.

So wife pops home and does a double take as I'm still in the T Shirt and shorts I was in when she left for work.

She text me later and asked why I wasnt dressed up? my reasons:

- I was far too busy with phone confrences andprepping for phone confrences
- I've grown a bit of facial hair as I like to let it grow every now and then
   - I think I look better as a bloke with a bit of facial hair.
- I text I'd look stupid in a dress and high heels with red lipstick and a beard

She phoned me after this text back and said fair enough laughing her head off at the image of me crossdressed
Bright red lippy and a beard which she says she likes on me.... well it's not staying but will be on my face
a few days more...

She was still laughing later on about me dressed with a beard lol

I said as if... when i dress I try to look convincing as a woman

We shared a few more texts as I told her if I hadnt been bearded I would have tried one of her new dresses on
which i think looks really sexy on her in black tights and heels... mmmmmm

Is it a British thing where we have reorganisations, make people redundant then force the remaining staff to do extra work for no extra pay then blame them when it all goes wrong.. Say I told you so and you get a black mark, blame a reorg and you get a black mark, ask for a resources review as you can't cope and you get a black mark, go off on stress you're weak and get a black mark and probably don't survive the next reorg that your company who tells you they're transparent keeps from you until around Christmas time then bang you're redundant.. The same company who claims to be diverse and family caring yet the 35 hours we are contracted to work isn't enough so we work on voluntarily without overtime falsely thinking it will help us keep our jobs should another reorg come.. Pay rise time and there isn't a pay rise.. Unions say work to rule a few weeks the company says you're not allowed to as you've worked 40-60 hours that that's the norm and working less than the norm is industrial action even though they only pay you for 35 hours... 

Where is the working persons work life balance?

Where are unions powers gone?

This current Con Dem Government has done this to us not a recession? The pay rise of politicians is scandalous.

It's time we all took action and worked our paid hours and watch the UK fail... Even more than its failing now...

Can you tell I'm peed off... Maybe in need of some time Crossdressed to escape it all as I'm wound right up but so called senior management and directors and this government.

Ok I've definitely got a black tights thing...

My wife's in black tights and rocket dog black flat ugh type boots and I'm turned on.

I was dressed earlier and she wouldn't let me run my hands up her legs boo... So I ran them up my black stockings instead lol.

So back in man mode I've had my hands on her legs .. Such a turn on :)

Now she's sat on the setee still wearing black tights and a short black dress drinking wine and I'm ogling her legs... She won't put on high heels to titilate me tho!!... Cow lol

Man flu has struck!!!!!

So I worked from home today... Wife had black tights on earlier as she left for work pfwooor!!

By 10:00 I had the urge to dress up and with a very busy schedule packed into the next few weeks and little opportunity to Crossdress on the cards I thought sod it lets get dolled up.

Wife came home lunchtime told me I needed to adjust my dress as wasn't wearing it correctly lol. 

At 14:30 I decided it was time to return to man mode and now reflecting on it for the last year and a half we haven't had a girls night in so my only dressing has been working from home.. Dolled up sat there typing away.

It would be nice to have some free time Crossdressed, a girly night in just relaxing all dolled up.. Not much chance.

Dressing reduced my cold slightly for that 4.5 hours or was it the beechams.. No must have been being a Tgirl reducing the man flu to a mere cold as it is now back full force amend I feel rubbish... Bleuughhh

Shes been about today first real frost of the winter.

                I have a day off and walked the kids to school and bloomin ek its cold.

I also have a touch of the Man Flu

The real difference between men and women no matter how much you think you can look like a woman in  dress and a wig if you get man flu you're struck down and incapacitated like any other man there's no escaping it.

A day off why don't you dress up I hear you ask? Well see above I don't think pretending to be a woman will beat up the man flu I'm feeling and I've dressed a few times recently and dont have the urge ... lots to do in the house.. kids rooms need to be sorted and I need to think about some DIY.. I can't actually do the DIY today on account of the Man flu that may potentially hospitalise me... plus I feel winter coming and feeling manly so growing a bit of stubble as I feel I look better as a bloke with a bit of James Bond stubble.. rugged and all.

Thanks Karen Adler for making me reminice about my crossdressing  in the last few blogs..

If youre reading this go down to the start of my tales and work back up as theyre in order..Got to "Recalling how it all started and the nice picture of the lacy slip"

One thing my wife only said to me ther other night as shes said througout the last 10-11 years is

"No one would ever think you'd crossdress, you're so macho, and a mans man and sometimes an arsehole but you're so much nicer when you're dressed"

I'm not gonna say I'm a woman trapped in a mans body or any of that I just think I'm sadly shaped by society to act a certain way when I'm a man and maybe society shapes arseholes more than nice people lol not that I'm an arsehole all the time.. I just want things done right and maybe thats a bit of OCD.. I hate to leave something undone hence why i work so hard.. things need to change here as I'm stressing out and in the last few months have dressed at least once maybe twice per month probably since September.. it doesnt do any harm dressing up as in the questionaire a bit of fun and escapism ticks my boxes and wanting to try to look real...

HOw real I am in my looks as "Davina" only others can judge .. my wife just sees me dressed up as me as a man in a wig and makeup..

The last few blogs my whirlwind path as a Crossdresser from 6 to... how old I am now

I still find it hard to talk about it but I'm comfortable in my head with it and to the most extent so is my wife.. though after reading some of this and my early years as a serial crossdresser trying on my mothers things lol she may clip me round the ear and call me a perve

I hope we can have many more chats and many more girly nights in ...

Our next mission is get fit and diet so we both feel good about ourselves in our natural form.. being "Davina" helps me escape my own insecurities and allows me to escape into makeup, lingerie, heels and stockings and dresses to for a few hours seem like im someone else .. i prefer being a man but the escapism is an essential part of me and helps keep me sane... or mad one or the other.

I love my wife and kids more than anything and I'm so fortunate that I didnt get stuck in that wedding dress 13 years ago lol...

We've had a few girly nights in the first was after being at friends drinking in the evening and having baby sittrers we returned home and she said even thoough it was 21:00 go on then get dressed I'll open more wine i'll need it.

I nervously dressed and came down into the room and she was so nice about how i looked .. we put a film on but didnt watch it as we talked about makeup and how i did my eyes etc .. it was fab.

The next time we were home together she asked if she could watch me transform .. so i put on makeup and the lot in front of her even more nervous again we tlaked about crossdressing and makeup all night

The last time was a while ago and i even got her in a french maids outfit which was superb i was really horney and all dolled up myself but she is not into "Davina" so no touching but a good night in champagne and wine consumed which wrecked me the next day "WINE IS THE DEVISL JUICE" never again

Working from home I text her that I was dressed upstairs so she didnt have to see me..

she came home for lunch from work and she placed a sandwich on the landing which i retrieved when she was downstairs and i shouted what about a cuppa so up she came and came and kept on coming and there we were face to face .. ive recounted this many times in the blog as our eureka moment as not only wasnt she or i freaked out but she said i looked ok, complimented my legs and make up and called me a bitch for wearing her dress and told me my wife was tatty.. we talked after she came home from work and together ordered a new blonde wig which she picked off ebay... "Were you ok seeing me dressed up?"

"Yes you looked like a woman not like a freak it was ok"

"do you think you'd be ok seeing me again"

"Yes i suppose so"

"Could we have a girly night in"

"Maybe"

Moving it on a few years i did silly things like wearing lingerie in bed and shed come into bed and say take it off!!

I'd also before we had the kids be dresed and stay dressed with seconds to spare till she came home or be in our bedroom getting lingerie orr and scrubbing my panda eyes as shes coming through the front door lol madness

We eventually  had kids which complicated time for dressing but we talked on and off about it which was soo hard to do both clamming up but talking is good reassurance is good and she was reassured that i was straight, i loved her, its just a bit of fun and does no harm but she still wanted nothing to do with it albeit i'd ask if i found the courage for her to buy me some high heels or some new foundation etc..

I'd also take advantage of christmas and stock up on hosiery and makeup and lingerie and heels finding it exciting to buy womens things some for her and some for me and being asked if they were for me to which I always replaied YES.. no one believed me

Her main fear now is people might find out...

Whats pretty gutting is the CDRW I had save my early fully crossdressed photos onto became corrupted and I lost loads of photos.. I have one or two now taken in the last few years but it was gutting loosing them to a scratch or a miss burnt file...

I now had everything i needed my own lingerie, makeup and a wig so my crossdressing opportunity was spent perfecting makeup and trying to look convincing. I took photos of myself and saved them on a cdrw and one day asked if she would look at photos.

She did

"I dont get it ok you look like a woman but what do you get out of it"

I dont know.... Its exciting, fun , a turn on and its a stress buster but lonely...

Panda Eyes became a term i had to google as she said "Youve been dressed you've got panda eyes"

I didnt dress up like no panda i can tell you I was dressed like a right tart.. google oh right I'm crap at makeup removal....

Time went on and it was eating away at me it was dismissed to the back of her mind but at the very front of mine.

I took a gulp of air and asked if we could talk about it .. more tears but she said "If you have to dress up or whatever it is you do I dont want to be part of it, dont want to see it dont want to see the evidence"

This worked albeit back in the secret world of hiding it from her ... I'll time warp a bit forward... We talked more and the conditions stayed the same however one day she bought me a present as I'd confided in her i wanted to see if i could look convincing and a wig was required

she also bought me some stockings and some lingerie I was so greatful but also so eager to try it on and she allowed me to go up and do it I felt fab... onto the next step I now wanted to try to look like a woman and after makeup she'd given me a hand up to the next stage unwittingly not knowing...

I wrote down what I wanted her to know "I'm a Crossdresser I've worn womens clothes all my life"... and more weeks passed before I plucked up the courrage to give it to her leaving it where she could find it then removing it before she did .. finally in bed one night i gave it to her wanting to be there as she read it to explain things...

5 seconds into the letter tears flooded.. what does this mean? does it mean you're gay, it is me? do you want to be a woman?... wooooow noo slow down damn why didnt i research this better where did these questins come from ????.. NO IM NOT GAY! OK thats the first and then no I dont want to be a woman and no it's not your fault as I've dressed to some extent for a good few years... lots more tears she read on.. OMG you used to dress in your mothers things...

 it sounds bad doesnt it...

She wanted nothing to do with it so all that pent up guilt and fear and i'm back in the closet she is horrified

"No one would ever think you do something this weird youre so macho this isnt you!!"

I came back to bed and she was a little quiet damn i shouldnt have tried it on when I was dressed was I over eager or drooling at the mouth ... I hugged her in bed and said "It's not the first time I've dressed up in your things"

That went down like a lead baloon and i dont think she registered it.. gutted she hadnt sussed me as a crossdresser and asked me to wear makeup out of curiosity we went to sleep ... I didnt / couldnt sleep agonising over it in my head..

We talked the next day and she said I only wanted to see if you'd let me do it for a laugh..

In work I couldnt get it off my mind I needed to talk about it..

Weeks passed... how do i bring it up again...

We were happily married but one event caused stress in our life which I wont go into here and we had our first marital test and first problem in our relationship.. we got through it but this also started me chasing promotion in work which for the first time in my working life started getting me stressed with man management (and no training) and deadlines to meet which in my first role after Uni I didnt have to deal with..

I started dressing more.. just in lingerie stockings or tights knickers and high heels and sometimes a dress.

2 years into our marriage she asked if she could put makeup on me out of the blue.

No chance I said...

She persisted and after 2 weeks of her asking a few times I said ok.. So she put on foundation, lipstick and eye shaddow and mascara probably some eye liner and did my hair more girly and we had a laugh me secretly thinking omg shes sussed me dressing i must have put something back wrong but this is going the right way.. she suggested I try on a dress and I said why not knickers bra and stockings and heels so i left the room changed hands trembling and reentered the room wow she said look how sexy your legs are.. i checked myself in the mirror wow I look nice in makeup then the mistake i tried to initiate sex dressed and she went cold and told me to take it all off...

The big day came and it was brilliant but went way to fast my wife looked stunning in a beautiful dress but i was more interested in what she had on under the dress.. a lovely basque, knickers and cream stockings and cream heels... we got home and i was absolutely gutted that in shutting off the lights and locking doors etc on entering the bedroom she was naked... now theres nothing wrong with her naked but i've always been gutted that I wasn't allowed or able to see her strip out of her wedding dress which was discarded on the floor revealint her wedding lingerie which was also discarded on the floor .. we were so tired we didnt even consumate the marriage and fell asleep off on honey moon the next day..

She doesnt know this but I was soo soo gutted not having her in her wedding lingerie that whilst she was in the bath the next morning I quickly slipped on the stockings and basque knickers and heels and tried her wedding dress on.. imagine I'd got stuck in the dress and she'd caught me the mornig after the wedding.. Having tried it on and getting aroused i quickly took it off and we were soon on our way on our honeymoon

Decorating the house is boring... but had to be done.

Curiosity got the better of me I wonder what sexy lingerie she has and what dresses and heels, I was tempted.. I got the urge out of the blue for the first time in ages and I tried things on home alone tights knickers and a bra .. socks for tits.. and for the first time i tried on a dress and heels and looked in the mirror wow i look ok nice legs on me lol I was a little hooked..

The start of me as a crossdresser moved up a notch to dresses..

I'm in love for the first time in my life and shes the one..

Living at home with our parents squeeky beds were no good.. I will remember to install squeeky beds in my house.. I asked her to marry me and we told the world and had a brilliant party and she looked amazing in a maroon figure hugging dress and heels... but her sister beat us to getting wed...

My gf was a bridesmaid and wow she looked amazing i was turned on (i now knew what turned on meant and she definately turned me on) seeing her in a bridesmaid dress and heels.. i was staying at her parents place that night and couldnt wait to be alone with her.. now i mentioned stockings earlier and here was my first taste of stockings as under her bridesmaid dress she had on stockings mmm wow i loved running my hands up her legs and we got upto all sorts on the setee after everyone had gone to bed .. risky but fun..

We got engaged and moved in together and had a hell of a job on our hands with the house needing a top to bottom makeover.. friends and family helped and I took time off to do some painting and decorating so found myself home alone....

I was 19 and by chance I got invited to take someones place on a week away as one person pulled out (who happened to be a girlfriend for a week lol) so I paid her what she'd paid and was away for a week with friends some of who i knew well and some who i knew of..

So the next week off on holiday for a week with about £50 in my pocket.. we had a fab time and my friends got me singing in the caravan which got me one admirer looking at me stary eyed (as I do have a good singing voice) so off to a nightclub the next night and slow songs come on and there she is looking at me and another friend saying go dance with her so i did the slow hang on to someone dance (i hate dancing) then our friend is mouthing to me snog her so i did (I wanted to and she wanted to but I had to make the move and the prompt from our friend did it in the end lol) and that is history... we walked back to the caravan talking all the way and I wont go into the full tale but that was 22 years ago and shes now my wife. (The reason we walked was i had no money for a taxi lol)

Little did she know she was dating a crossdresser.. if thats what I was ... we were inseperable to the extent her mum told her she was seeing too much of me and my mother said the same perhaps they were worried we were having sex... Of course we were lol ... did i crossdress when dating my wife then girlfriend..I dont think i did why did i need to i had a sexy girlfriend in short skirts and tights and heels .... ok maybe i did but cant recall it but might have put something on once or twice..

Onto Uni to become an Engineer and this was quite stressful as I was in a massive auditorium studying with 250 others and struggling to learn .. a few of us would get together in the librabry and self teach eachother then a field trip and one of the girls fell for my singing voice and we dated for a bit.. I was living at home she was from Birmingham and staying in halls but I had a hectic sporting life still training, playing sport most nights of the week so I'd only see her at Uni or if we went on a field trip. I never invited her back home to meet my friends and she was a smoker and in the end smoking did it for me (yuck)  we split up.. Again I'm now 18 and cant recall dressing up.. I actually two timed her with a girl back home for a week and ened up ditching one and the other didnt want to know so single again lol.. There wasnt much time for crossdressing and stil naieve I didnt think i was a crossdresser I just wore certain items to get myself off in stockings heels and knickers and a basque no makeup or anything..I think it definately dimished for a few years maybe it was thekeeping fit and sport occupying my time

Finising comp and now in college I had more opportunity to be home alone and wow even more stunning girls in college but I was still shy although through girls coming to watch us play rugby and being good at it I got a bit of attention and some snogs at discos and we started going out on the town to nightclubs and pubs so there were a few snogs but nothing serious.

Apt time to mention sexuality and so far all i've mentined is girls and women and thats all i'm interested in so sexuality never entered my head and still at the age of 17/18 I had no idea I was a crossdresser .. Maybe I had negative connotations in my head myself about drag queens and the like but my dressing was just that dressing to feel what it would be like to have someone in stockings and it was some years before I had opportunity to feel stockings on someone else...

I still dont recall how often I did dress up but I definately did it.. in my late teenage years and still got myself off doing it.. OMG my wifes reading this thinking OMG.. I'm thinking OMG myself lol

I must have been 14 or 15 when I finally got a girlfriend and it just sort of happened down the park playing football girls would watch us and we'd hang out by the swings and talk although I was still pretty shy I remember stealing a kiss and that was that we were boyfriend and girlfriend holding hands and kissing nothing more.. meeting down the park and at dinner time in school if i wasnt doing any sport and in the end it was sport which split us up running, training, playing sport we just stopped and drifted no we're through or anything.. I still see her about and for whatever reason she ignores me but did introduce herself to my wife once as "I'm his Ex-girlfriend" so my wife obviously hates her even though it was just a kid thing.. Thinking back with sport and my first GF I cant recall much about crossdressing... Did I stop? I think I might have..

Sport took over my life, mainly running, sprinting, rugby, football and cricket from the age of 14 to about 17 / 18 I was so fit back then could run miles and fast and was in every sport team and captain of most I was becoming this Alpha Male and a bit of a big head, although I got on with anyone I think girls thought I was a big head and although some asked me out they weren't the ones I wanted to go out with.. Maybe I did still wear the occassional stockings and knickers back then..probably but cant remember much of it and still hd it but still didnt think i was being perverted, doing anything wrong other than feeling what I'd like to feel on a woman with new crushes in the Comp school more female teachers .. a thing for older women developed I felt intimidated by sexy older women when i was younger..

You finish Junior school and join a secondary or comprehensive school and suddenly the 10 girls in your class are now 40 girls and some are even prettier.. but I was still shy..

You also meet new people with different backgrounds and different upbringing and knowledge .. I found out swear words and what masterbations was.. ah thats what it is i do lol so naieve as a kid.

Crossdressing in lingerie and getting off continued, I'm not sure how often just opportunistic and I recall also going round friends houses and seeing their mothers lingerie, tights and stockings drying on radiators or on the washing lines OMG given the opportunity I'd probably try theirs on too that would be exciting was there no shame to my newly arrived fetish..

So I'm about 10 heavily into Sport and also heavy crushes on a few girls in school but I'm also shy, I dont recall much about crossdressing other than the feel of silky things still being nice nor wearing them but the catalogues and the effect they had on me did i even put one and one together and realise what my errection was about or that I wanted girls to touch it lol I dont think so but I thought Id love to see my teacher in some of these or the teaching assistant who I recall was a real cruch (Miss Brown... I wonder where she is now lol) then I thought "I wonder how it would feel to touch a woman wearing this sexy lingerie"... so for first time I checked out my mothers knicker draws..

The house to myself for a bit as my parents have just popped out so I'm in their room, I've located her draws and there are stockings, suspenders, french knickers matching bras, a basque and wow some high heels..Marshal Ward catalogue in 3D!!

I think i tried on some tights first and bingo electricity flowing through me the start of a possible nylon fetish then took them off and put on stockings suspecnders high heels the french knickers and a bra then tried on te basque and the effects were amazing i felt very turned on although that wasnt a term I knew then .. I guess I didnt know what I felt but it was nice and I suddenly thought wow this feels amazng it must feel out of this world to feel this on a girl it didnt dawn on me that what I was doing was sexual, perverted, weird or wrong, nor did I think "I wonder if anyone else does this" but one thing I did do was hide it .. why? I don't know I guess it was ingrained in me this is how men dress and behave and this is how women dress and behave but all I was doing was dressing up to feel how it would feel to touch a woman wearing these things.. I took opportunity by the hand and dressed whenever I could whenever I was home alone being careful to place things back where I'd found them.. did my parents suspect anything? they've never said anything so who knows?

I suppose as a little kid in junior school you first become aware of girls being different and I'm not going to say I envied them wearing dresses and skirts at the age of 9 or 10 but they were different, they were pretty and acted different to boys.

Back then all I wanted to do was play football in school and also at 9 started playing mini rugby but also you get aunties asking "Have you got a girlfriend?" and your reaction at 9 or 10 is "ewww no way i hate girls"... but secretly youre thinking "I have crushes on about 5 of them in school plus my teacher plus a supply teacher who's legs I cant stop looking at" you hide it and I'm sure I'm not the first kid girls included to think of someone whilst snogging a pillow lol.. 

I was probably about 10 in the last year of junior school (mid 80s) when I discovered marshal Ward and Janet Frazer catalogues flicking through and .. wow beautiful women in knickers and bras and stockings and high heels...

I do vividly remember my first full errection looking at those pages thinking what the hell is going on then touching it and thinking mmm this feels nice.. I'll spare the dirty detail but it seems as kids we learn thing pretty fast... and it got touched quite a lot after that and a wonder the catalogues didnt get worn out sneaking them upto my room ... I'll end the blog here a sec as I want to have short punch blogs in this little tale...

I guess I must have been 5 or 6 when I first recall the feel of silk nighties and the like.. back then it felt nice to walk through M&S touching the silky things and recall my mother teling me off for doing it, I also recall laying on her bed wrapped in silk nighties loving the cool feel on my skin and think I fell asleep like it many times when I was younger.

This sort of thing

No sexual connotations at this age just liked the feel and always remember liking a black silk one with lace on it the most.. I do wonder what my parents must have thought finding me wrapped up in silky things asleep back then.

I dont recall how often I'd do this but its my first memories and something which maybe was the start of my Crossdressing life / journey / hobby.. whatever it is..

Why am I recalling this? I've already stated some things here about my dressing somewhere in this blog but Karen adlers book now complete I thought I'd pen something myself on the subject.. from early days to now.

A cool picture depicting the many ways within it of communicating.

Communication is key if youre a crossdresser or the other half of a crossdreser and my communication with my wife is sometimes via text messages - which i tell her to delete as i wouldnt want the kids or anyone else reading my typical messages to her "hows your day going"..... " well was going ok working from home till i got this email then 10 phonecalls which did my head in so now im 'destressing'" .. now destressing is our unwritten code for me destressing in a dress and that means makeup stockings knickers high heels basque bra, full makeup and wig total en fem.

What I still find hard even though in reading my blog you'd think I've sussed it but i still find it very hard to talk to my wife in broaching the subject and then both of us clamming up not wanting to say something which may upset or offend the other.. so in bed this week my Karen Adler book Something about Her downloads to my samsung pad and ping sets off our shared email on her ipad .. "whats this book" so onto explaining who Karen was and the first book and this is the 2nd book so subject broached we spent about an hour in bed discussing my crossdressing laughing about some of it and talking seriously about other parts of it.. "I'm ok with it" she said "But i still dont get it you're a mans man and sometimes you're an arsehole (that was nice but probably true at times) and youre so competitive and confident and you dress up as a woman its weird well i dont mean weird (backtracking lol) but i dont know it just is I dunno but i'm ok with it"

Reassurance I suppose lol

Shes ok me dressing shes ok seeing me dressed then onwards " I dont get these wives who go out with their husbands crossdressed thats not something we'll ever do" - Ok no problem its something tentitavely I may think it may be fun to be out Crossdressed but I am quite happy being able to dress at home with her acceptance... Just a pity i'm usually working when i dress at home and the day goes by so fast and then i'm back in boring male mode... Maybe somehow we can have some more girly nights in where we can both get dressed up and tarted up ... might even try wine again (not a chance wine is the devil).

It also gave us a chance to discuss my wifes insecurities again and this is where men and women differ . i look in the mirror and think i look okish as a bloke.. i take the eye of some women and gain a smile so i cant be fugly, i look in the mirror at me as a T-Girl and think I look sexier than i do as a man but i am a man and i am attracted to women so ... Whereas women look in the mirror and all they see is faults in themselves.

I have some work to do with my wife still to get her self confidence back - health and diet and fitness beckons after Christmas to whip her arse in shape and get he mojo back.

Another good photo found on tinternet about communication.

Tgirls note this is not how to communicate with your other half... and remember not to take advantage of her acceptance..

We have a date night tonight staying in a hotel and seeing a concert so childless until saturday morning and looking to let our hair down.... I do hope she wears black tights and high heels.... wish i could lol

So the lovely Karen messaged me on TVChix to let me know shes had a 2nd book published Yay.

Her first book documenting how her husband Mark (Annie) came out to her as a Crossdresser, shock, tears, fear, realisation and love and acceptance.. All the things me an my wife went though over 8-10 years since I confessed "I've Crossdressed for years" but Karen went into some form of time machine and in a matter of weeks they were out together on the Trans Scene having fun as Wife and Husband(Wife) lol. A very good interesting read I reccomend it.

Now Karens 2nd book "Something about Her" is available on Amazon and so far 3/4 through it's a great read encapsulating the different aspects, habbits, history and outcomes of many trans people from Crossdressers to TS's even to Admirers of T-Girls in what showcases the trans spectrum to the full.. the " I started wearing my mums things, to the dare i go outside.. to the I'm out yipee lets do it again and the side which doesnt float my boat but needs to be noted the sexual side or rather the bi sexual side or whatever it is when a T-Girl "does stuff" with another T-Girl - It happens so has to be part of the book and the spectrum.. Another worthy read..

I'm hoping my wife will read the book but i will be wary of pointing out to her - What made me laugh, what is near my mark and whats whooooo waaaay over there nothing to do with why i Crossdress.

Well done Karen... If you need more stories I'm sure there are many more out there.. I may even revisit some of my tales in later blogs...

So a family weekend away celebrating a family menbers birthday which I wasnt really looking forward to to be honest but turned out ok..ish.

Now to the point .. I went to the venue early as there was football on so bath in the hotel, change and down to the venue to watch the match ..just after half time the wife and kids turn up with my wife in a nice flowery dress, black tights and high heels... I wish i wish i wish she would weare black tights or stockings and heels more often as it has an "ahem" effect on me and i couldnt take my eyes off her legs..

Into the evening and others arrive, her sister black tights and heels and her mum black tights and heels omg stop looking at their legs whats wrong with you thats you sister and mother i laws legs youre looking at get back on the wifes legs.. then her cousin comes in black tights and heels.. i have a problem.

So what is it i wear when I crossdress? Black tights / Stockings and heels... do i have a fetish?? lol

So yesterday in Primark some 5 inch black heels and tan heels with at least an inch platform really sexy angle to the shoes were £7 yes £7 and my wife tried one shoe on and commented "how on Earth do women walk in these they must be so uncomfortable" ... Going through my mind was two things .. Mmm try the other shoe on... Ok three things... You don't have to walk in them lying down would be ok with black stockings and those heels mm mm mm and lastly... Kept inside my head but screaming out... "Do they have a size 8?" And yes they did. 

Then today in Asda or George' party dresses

Again I was like mmm nice dresses like the above. I'd love to be able to try on.

But as I've said before I don't like spending money on my Crossdressing with he majority of my things being hand me downs from the wife as she's attempted to throw garments out.

Maybe this Christmas I will treat myself to some new Bright red lippy and some new foundation and powder and some new blusher and a new blonde wig or maybe a long one like the one I've got plus a shorter one for the summer and maybe a dress like the above in the Sales.. That is if I pluck up enough courage to say to the wife "I want that"

Bit awkward with the kids there and depends on what mood the wifes in lol.

She bought a nice dress yesterday can't wait to see her in it next weekend hopefully with some nice hosiery and heels.

Day working from home tomorrow to complete or rather sample a project and prep some briefings ... Will I endulge and crossdress.. No webex meetings planned so maybe lol 

https://livingwiththeotherwoman.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/things-i-have-learned-from-my-husband.html?zx=a68db5b811541149

Follow the link to an online friends Blog.

She's the wife of a Crossdresser and this Article is very good and also on the ball

D

Had a day working from home to finish a project and got 95% of it done one or two more checks in the morning and its ready to upload.

Wifes away on a course today so she came home and asked me to run her back to work. So i had to take off my wig and makeup down to my lingerie.... and thought chuck on some jeans and a hoody and stay in the Lingerie ... Not sure if my wife knew or not lol so ran her back to work with lingerie and stockings under my clothes (felt quite exciting).

Came home and after about 10 mins of working thought lets get dressed again so put my slap back on and spent a few more hours crossdressed.

I don't like my wife being away the only advantage is i've got sport on the TV not some crap cooking program or dieting lark and the like oh or one of those building and decorating shows especially the one where they take a water tower and turn it into a house... "Just buy a house!!!"

So she's miles away from my protection and I dont like it. Cant wait for her to get back home Wednesday.

Books I've downloaded and read ... well read some of them to a point and stopped ....why?

They all sound and the write up read like a wife getting involved in crossdressing her other half which interested me and some of them started off ok but why oh why do the authors have to near the end of the book "Teach the Crossdresser a lesson" by involving a scenario of "oh youre such a sissy youre gonna get is this is chuck and youre gonna have to give him oral pleasures and let him bang you!" why?

Why does the crossdresser always have to be humiliated involving a man and sex with a man at that.. does this happen in real life?

Why cant the wife get involved in a nice way, dominant way or sexy way in these books... I can't see me downloading any more ... what would my wife think reading what I've downloaded?

All 4 books ended with the crossdresser getting involved with a man as his wifes orders and thats where i stopped reading... good job they were free.. Maybe i should write my own with better endings?

So is getting cold and that means women are wearing tights again "Yipee for the leg lovers out there!"

So today with a collegue we get off a train on our way to a meeting and an attractive woman gets off the train in high heels and black tights short dress and we both gave the blokey look to eachother "wow shes hot"

I said she had amazing legs and he replied i didnt get past the high heels they were nice.... Hmmmm maybe he has a high heel fetish?

A thing for high heels he didnt get to see that her legs were really sexy and she was also really attractive flawless makeup... may well have been a T-Girl making so much effort lol... but she wasn't and no i didnt check I just know.

So as I noted in 2013 as winter arrives so does black or fasion tights and heels which is refreshing for the leg and high heels lovers out there from bare legs and flat shoes... euugh.

- So good news for me people think my ramblings and the blog is pretty useful and i've had some nice emails and messages on here too which is pretty cool.

- The majority of people checking out the site are other "Trans" people (sorry for using Trans but it does cover all) but nice to see 44% are women looking for answers - like i said i've had some nice emails off wives and some want to hear off my wife.

- 97% want their partners to know they crossdress and honesty is the best policy. Hopefully some of the info in my Help and Advice can arm people with some tools to "come out" as a crossdresser sucessfully and I hope the help and advice helps those affected by the surprise news also.

- Almost 50-50 on the term for what we do or what we'd like to be known or labelled as with Crossdresser closely followed by the more modern T-Girl. I'm happy with either.

- Why do you crossdress is picking up speed as the latest question set with the majority the same as myself Enjoyment and Escapism for male lives. Nice to see similarities out there connecting with others with similar reasons for dressing to myself

- Sexuality 76% straight and 23% Bisexual so more or less 76 out of 100 Crossdressers straight and 24 out of 100 may be Bisexual as a ratio. I guess this is a guide for women who have just found out their partner crossdresses and I expect they hope their partner is in the majority...

- Looks like its quite varied how often peope on here crossdress with the slight majority having a once per month bit of escapism which is similar to me although this year it's been more like once every 2 months..

- 45% of you have accepting wives who are ok you dressing but not entirely - i'd say my wifes here sometimes too and sometimes total acceptance.

- Also seems a lot of you are like me dressing up fully as a woman and just being at home but how many want to make the next step and go out dressed? maybe another questionaire.

So the last blog was pretty desperate and nagative.. work is the problem too many reliant on me and too many dont know their jobs as i've covered for them for so long (including people senior to me) then you give people a heads up that something could go wrong... then it goes wrong and guess what? they ask you to help put it right and that is frustrating... then you get the feeling that something went wrong and some people think its your fault even though its far from your problem as youve highlighted soething may go wrong if something else isnt done and if they keep making cut backs and having pointless reorganisations instead of having a period of calm to let people learn and undertake their roles basically even Davina has been like this this week....

Usually I dress up and during my time as "Davina" i'm pretty stress free and for a few hours after dressing the same stress dissipates... but ths week monday was ok but a lot going on in work and i didnt switch off work emails etc till late then wednesday i dressed but only till mid day as the stress relief wasnt working.. i say stress most of it is anger that people rely on me so much in work and there just isnt enough time in the week to do the job and cover everything particularly after multiple senseless reorgs so frustrating we're now hanging from a string which one lottery win would evacuate the office and they'd be u a creek without a paddle... £100 millionplus on the lottery tonight fingers crossed.

Long weekend away from work phone and laptop off and in isolation with the wife and kids and a friend visiting this weekend plus Rugby to go to tonight just a pity about the weather no work till tuesday and hopefully the brain refuled and raring to go again... hate admitting stress but its there and needs a kick in the balls..

So just remembered also having done my makeup pretty immaculate and thinking i looked rather nice in a dress stockings and heels at 12:00 i turned back into boring male me and coming back from removing makeup to my laptop passed the mirror...

God i look crap... over weight and bland as a bloke how boring.

From feeling quite sexy and feeling nice in a dress to me in tracky bottoms and a t shirt do i self loath how i look as a bloke.. maybe.. do i have time to diet and get fit... no so on top of work stress theres no time for anything and i feel prety crap about myself as a bloke and pretty stupid for crossdressing..

Wife had a go about me working from home tonight too but she desnt realise the work i get done undisturbed at home compared to going into the office and getting people come in disturbing me asking for help and advice that their pay grade should see them doing themselves. I have no staff under me so i dont need to go into the office just need to be available on the phone or available to go to a meeting or to site etc..

Then she said if youre home you cant dress up as my mothers coming round as im off tomorrow.. ok well as it happened i wasnt going to dress anyway so up yours... getting to that stage again where i feel sod it i'll dress if i want and if you want to go back to ignoring it so what is my outlet... what else have i got as an outlet?

No time for anything life is pretty boring at the moment and is passing me by November next week where was Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, May, Jun, Jul, Aug, Sep, Oct??? something has to change.. fed up of everything and a bit depressed.. poor blog i know but its where i am right now.. night

So i've moaned about going cold turkey and no time to dress... then dress twice in one week..

Worked from home monday and spent 09:00 till around 14:00 dressed up nice n relaxing but my bra dug into me but i got through a lod of work on the laptop... tuesday was a long day away in a meeting with work with 2 hours travel each way.. a relative wasted day

So today (wednesday) as i have some time off next week and no meetings for the rest of this week decided wed and thurs im working from home to catch up with some projects and decided around 10:00 lets get dolled up as i wont get opportunity for a few weeks... no urge just opportunity.. by 12:00 i was back in male mode not really in the mood to be dressed as a girl.. strange isnt it... got a load of work done again and tomorrow should cap off two projects tho just realised im supposed to be in a meeting 2.5 hours travel each way ill have to blag out of it in the morning or i'll have to be on the road at 05:30 to be there.. the geography of my new role for no extra pay is rediculous.. heres where webex comes to the fore as long as you dont have the webcam on and youre crossdressed... wont make that mistake again..

Au Eden perfume love it or hate it or never heard of it?

My Sister in law uses it and here's the "It smells different on different people"... i'm not being nasty but on her it smells like vinegar and gives me a headache if we're out with them and she's splashed it on... surely her husband should say or her kids "That smells bad on you"

Anyway she left a bottle in our house years ago and being a "Crossdresser" i thought spray in the lid and sniff it and mmm it actually smells nice and I'd say full of feromones ... but I hate it on the sis in law.

So when I dress ... when i get opportunity and urge I give myself a lil spray of au Eden and it smells nice on me.. maybe I'll ask my wife if she likes the smell of it on me compared to on her sister? She's not having it back it's mine now lol.

The other effect it has is although i hate it on my sis in law it does something to me when i smell it in the lid of the spray or on me which makes me feel very sexy and a little aroused hence the thought it has some sort of feromones in it... weird or what?

Work sucks at the moment ... Especially being called an expert as being called an expert is the sort of person you promote forward if something goes wrong to represent you in explaining why something went wrong..

Promote is the wrong word present maybe or throw to the wolves maybe better as I've had lots of promotions but for no pay rise.. So the last two weeks I've been working the proverbial off advising on UK national matters of things I won't go on about here and I did manage to Crossdress once last week for a few hours but even though stress levels were reduced for a bit they're back up again..

Most of it is self pressure as I hate leaving things undone and at the moment I'm juggling several high importance projects which only I alone can complete or know what to do which is not good for the company if I win the lottery and leave lol.. I wish..

So next week I have a meeting away one day maybe two so have shown my calendar as being away in meetings all week to avoid having to go to the office so I can work from home and complete some of the projects without being bothered.. I will probably take the opportunity also to unwind crossdressed whilst working from home having a chill out week whilst completing a shed load of work..

Don't know why but I'm struggling to broach the crossdressing subject with my wife again and still haven't shown her this blog.. Chicken mode or protection mode or guilt mode for putting her through coming home dinner time to find me as a leggy blonde tapping away on my laptop... 

I need to grow some balls and talk to her about my crossdressing again as every now and then I need to talk about it reassuring her or maybe reassuring me? Or both... No chance to dress this week looking forward to next week and hopefully less stressful in work..

Work has been ultra stressful due to events that have happened which I cant comment on here and 2 months of not being able to crossdress to unwind i think i was making myself ill to be honest with bad stomach and bad heads. I thrive on a little bit of stress but it was getting a bit silly and my head was banging.

Last night I thought sod it I'll work from home tomorrow... house free from 08:00 i started working on my laptop and got into emails and some reports and thought sod it I wont dress I've got too much to do... but 09:00 I thought sod this when will I get opportunity to crossdress next so a quick bath and shave and got dolled up ... talked to my bosses bosses boss and a phone confrence whilst dolled up good job it wasn't webex with web cams his time - They'd never believe in work that I crossdress... so relaxing instant relief which is weird isnt it..

Wife came home she'd booked 1/2 day i worked another hour then got changed and we went out  for some food before picking kids up from school... phone didnt stop - in my job im an expert and no one knows what I know so hard to escape and switch off.. finally stopped working 17:30ish and stress levels raised again.. but in a better mood having crossdressed 09:00-13:30........

What can my wife do to ease her stress? answers in the guestbook please :) 

Isnt it funny when in macho male mode that crossdressing will crop up in conversation..

Yesterday in amongst a group of men crossdressing came up in conversation at first as a bit of a joke but out of the blue in the chat but then persisted and turned into a conversation about why people crossdress and what they thought of it then one guy mentions "theres this place called pink punters where they all go..." my ears pricked up ah maybe a fellow crossdresser acting the macho male like myself but then at that moment slipped up with too much knowlegde some insider information leaked up about a t-girl haunt in MK.

So heres me looking at said bloke thinking I wonder if you're on tvchix lol..... Still going cold turkey no crossdressing coming up to 2 months...

Seems like ages since I last had urge and opportunity to Crossdress... Can't in fact remember the last time I was all dolled up..

Work and personal life getting in the way but also feeling a bit of stress and a bit of depression linked to work life and personal life at the moment..

Looking at next week demands on my time and expertise for the latest work crisis means a another week where a) I can't catch up with workload and b) needed in the office or on site plus two days away in meetings so no chance of a day working from home crossdressed..

Meetings about meetings and meetings for meetings sake.. My job is becoming impossible.

I need to find an escape route be that playing football and finding time to get fit and back in shape or the miracle relaxation provided by my crossdressing transformation... The wife has enough on her mind at the moment without me going on about my trivial crossdressing needs...

Ah well at least another week going cold turkey and hope I can find a way to dress up the week after maybe.. :(

I've found endless websites and blogs from other T-girls / Crossdressers / Transvestites a lable whatever floats your boat in a similar vane to my own which is a reassurance that i'm not mad..

I'll post here something from another website written by 3 separate T-Girls:

T-Girl 1 - “A man dressed up like a woman?? Why… he MUST be mad! He needs help! He should be institutionalized! Hurry – get him off the street before anyone else catches this terrible mental disease!”
Oh please. Get with the times please this attitude is so pre-1950’s.

   "Crossdressing is a mental illness, babies come from storks, and the world is flat, right?"

       "Crossdressers are mentally ill and that is why they have a compulsion to crossdress?"

it is possible for a mentally ill person to also be a crossdresser, but crossdressing is not the result of a mental illness, but rather one of many personal traits that some people have genetically woven into them. This particular trait just happens to be widely misunderstood and have a social stigma attached to it.

    Crossdressing falls outside of what is currently "SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE"

What is socially accepted and what is not, does not draw the line between sane and crazy.

It pains me to no avail that much of society thinks terrible things about Crossdressers, but we're most certainly not crazy or mentally ill.

Crossdressing is not a mental illness. It is not a sickness, perversion, disease, affliction, condition, the work of the devil, or any of that other garbage many people seem to associate it with. It is simply who we are, and the only real problem with that is in how we’re treated by much of society.

Some forum posts from some T-Girls from the US of A

T-Girl 2 - It comes and goes with me,... but it's always there, regardless of the fact that I have not been active in a few years now. Its not a compulsion as if it was I'd have done it and not been inactive.
I've just learned to accept it as part of me in the same way that I accept my height, my vision problems and my need to always have a joke at the ready (except right now of course, cos this is serious business here isnt it....)

T-Girl3 - How does it make you feel when I tell you that gender is purely a social construct? There is no "gender" in biology.

(There IS the male and female sex which has nothing to do with clothing).

 It is by pure chance and by societal expectations that women dress as they do and men dress as they do.

This must'nt be confused with an illness as if society decided men wore dresses then problem solved right?

It is absolutely fine to dress as you want to dress, but I personally don't think it is healthy to be "consumed" (or attached) to anything...especially things of such low importance and so impermanent as clothing.

I could give you some reasons I think some may feel a compulsion to do what they do.

There is nothing wrong in dressing in the attire that you want to wear, but there IS something wrong with something so physical and impermanent being the highlight of your life because usually these types of things aren't what will find you true happiness. (In my opinion, of course).

So, again, I'd say wear what you want, but if you feel some compelled/consumed, I do not think that is healthy and I think you should look around you and determine what it is of this social construct that has totally consumed you.

I can see that I would get on with all 3 tgirls as we seem to be on the same wavelength which as i said makes me feel better after recent discussion via correspondence.

Thank god i have some correspondance saying thankyou for your blog, its helped and i agree and i could have written this myself its so familiar but sometimes i have negative correspondance as ive had this week..

I still strive to understand what drives me to want to dress like what society says is how a woman dresses.

I still feel guilty for putting my wife through this.. :(

The thoughts again aroused by my interaction via emails this week with others who believe I am wrong in my theory  They also stated i was an "amature" and Who am I to give advice?

I'd say i'm a current thinker ... and as i've said all along its nothing to do with sexuality so why put T on the end of LGB"T" and this blog is about me and T-Girls like me and accepting women like my wife... its not about full time transvestites or transexuals and sorry to use labels. (I cant stand being labelled a Transvestite)

Amaure who has Crossdressed through phases of the trans spectrum for 30 years+ if you count my early and teen years... and confessed I crossdress to an unsuspecting wife and worked through it to the point my wonderful woman has come to terms with me dressing for fun and relaxation and its not taken too seriously.

Ive researched extensively reading books, internet articles some of which ring true and some of which bark up the wrong tree - i was shown a US article yesterday which was partly ok and partly way off the mark for my liking and also in chatting to other t girls and Signiicant others honestly and openly. so i'm an amature....

I also work in an environment where people have worked there a long time with a lot of experiance but the biggest health and safety risk is complatiency and not moving with the times.

I've discussed my email correspondance on TVchix and had a variety of thought on crossdressing being called a "compulsion and called a medical condition" - some very negative to these two theories as i was negative myself - but people are entitled to their own views and beliefs - what ever works for you to be happy in yourself go for it.

.... But dont disrespect me for being different as we're all different!

Maybe their thoughts cover differerent types of transvestite not the occassional straight married crossdresser happy to dress at home etc etc ...

I am sure there are thousands of other crossdressers / t-girls / transvestites who ponder this question
"Why do we do it?" and perhaps just as many wives and girlfriends.

No matter what someone tells you "There is no true answer" as it varies so much fron one person to the next.

I dont like it being called a mental disorder or medical condition as im perfectly sane and  if dressing as a woman makes me mad - does dressing like a robot make me a "Transformer - Robots in disguise"

You are all welcome to join me on my quest for understanding and all entitled to your own opinion and theory.

There seem to be very few scientists, psyciatrists, DRs or experts who find crossdressing interesting enough to study or to find some conclusion as the reasons are too far reaching and different for everyone.

Does it even matter if you are happy and comfortable in why you crossdress?

Chatting last night i was asked if i take on a female persona - my wife says i act different but i dont think she means to the extent that i behave like a woman or take on a female persona.

I don't feel like a woman when I'm cross-dressed nor do I want to take on a female identity or persona - maybe i do unintentially in the way i walk, sit and feel but i dont all of a sudden turn camp.

I feel there is a continuum of "affliction" across the whole spectrum from "normality" (whatever that is) through
many degrees of crossdressing throughout the trans spectrum to full-blown transsexualism.
I suspect that this would be normally distributed so the majority of crossdresserss are more or less the same in how they feel and that extremely mild transvestitism or extremely strong transvestitism are relatively rare.

My guess would be that most transvestites you see on the Web are a standard deviation or more above the mean while I am maybe a standard deviation below it as an occassional straight married crossdresser who has a wife who has come to terms with my crossdressing.
This maybe is the drive behind some tgirls who take crossdressing far more serious than myself to dislike my theory.
However my blog does state its my thoughts and experiances as a straight married occassional crossdresser and that its aimed at other crossdressers like me and their Significant others.
 - im being scientific arent i? far too serious

The situation of feeling attractive without actually probably being attractive when crossdressed
 (the mirror from Harry Potter that makes me see what i want to see is in my house) reminds me of something else.
I have worked with highly feminist women and I have listened to their views and some of them do not prevent them from dressing as attractively or sexily as any other woman.
They will wear short, tight skirts and high heels,push-up bras and low-cut tops while at the same time slagging off another woman similarly dressed as dressing like it to titillate men.

"Who does she think she is?"
 
When I and others have interjected and pointed out the "pot called kettle black" inconsistency, invariably the answer will be "I don't dress to please men. I dress to please myself."

Aha thnks I, something similar sounding here - we have the two separate cases of dressing women dressing for their own pleasure and me - a crossdresser - doing exactly the same.

Feeling attractive and happy with their dressing up and both sincerely denying that they are trying to titillate anybody!
The apparent inconsistency can be seen as part of the same phenomenon no matter if its a woman dressing to please herself in any attire and / or a man?

Does that make sense?

Focusing on this feeling of attractiveness, since I think it may be the key to understanding part of why i crossdress.
As I said previously, when I cross-dress I feel sexy.

I know compared to real women that I find attractive, I do not look anywhere near as attractive as I feel.
Yet there is a warm and happy feeling of looking good and feeling attractive which i dont feel as a man,
 indeed, of being sexy and desirable.

I do not at all enjoy the idea that a man would find me attractive but it is nice for someone to
message you to tell you you look attractive its sort of attaining a goal to try to look real.

What will my wife think of me fancying my alter ego?

Maybe I'll add a new section in my blog for her to blog... watch this space

Discussion I've had concerning the thought crossdressing or transvestism is a medical condition and a compulsion.

I disagree as that doesnt sit with me and why i crossdress but its a point of view and has made me think more about why i crossdress:

It is a complex feeling and everyone feels different and will provide a different answer but everyones views must be acknowledged and obliged:

- A feeling of relief / escapism and relaxation from male me - as if I had been tense or anxious and now I could relax.
-Its not a sense of naturalness - as if being cross-dressed was my proper state as i still feel some guilt and prefer to be a man
- A feeling of being attractive and sexy  - This is perhaps the strongest feeling - it begs the question; "attractive to whom?" as, I am strongly heterosexual but find my alter ego attractive and i feel sexy as "Davina" which I don't feel as male me.
- A feeling of sensuality - Tied to feeling attractive but it is enhanced by feeling satin or lace or other
flimsy and sensuous fabrics against my skin
-Sexual arousal - my stockinged legs, high heels, my red lips and eyes - all cues that would arouse me if I saw them on a woman.

- Its a fun pastime or hobby - Its fun putting on makeup like an art in fact to try to look as convincing as possible.

It seems some people dont like that the above are among my reasons for crossdressing thats upto them.

I was even called "hardly a crossdresser for only dressing a handfull of times per year" ah well everyone entitled to an opinion and freedom of speech in the UK.

Some clippings from articles and posts on the internet by other t girls i think ring true and prove a trans spectrum exists:

Tgirl 1 writes > Let me first state I'm a straight T-girl.

I feel there are lots of theories covering reasonswhy men crossdress and why some have a sexual connection for cross-dressing.
After months experimenting dressing, sexual pleasuring while dressed and satisfaction for
being able to be, feel and act as a girl, I am tempted to come to the following conclusion regarding this:

 Deep inside us cross dressers want peace and freedom - thus the good feeling that we obtained while
being a girl in a calm and subtle way while dressed.
Other feelings such as erotic ones, lust and exaggeration  is inherited by our "higher level of testosterone",
which by default is part of our genes and alpha maleness. 
Now, I am talking from a straight cross dresser's point of view.

At these moments, if we feel sexual desire, it is not our female side, it is our male side that it is being blinded
by the lust and desire which takes over the girl in you.

T-Girl 2 > I too, am a stright male crossdresser.

I pretty much feel the same way you do on this.
When I first get dressed up, I am aroused at the thought and feeling of being in women's clothing,
along with looking like one. 

As such, like you after the initial dressing up, I start to feel, act, behave, as if I were a female, and any
sexual thoughts, or impulses are purely from the male part of me wanting to satisfy the woman in me.

T-Girl 3>There must be something to your thoughts on testosterone.

I don't relate to a "female side" at all - Its still male me just dressed up and when i've had my fill I undress wash and become male me again.
I agree being an Alpha Male Crossdresser on the "testosterone" part!

Invariably, when I see that hotie in the mirror, I get EXCITED! and touch myself and get off on how i look and feel as a t-girl.

Combine that with the sexy tactile feeling of stockings, corset, and/or girdle, heels, forms, etc.
 And, the erotic though that she is ME, and,------ well------!

T-Girl 4>I don't ever get aroused by my dressing.

Never did. CDing brings me an intense felling of peace, femininity,  self-expression, happiness.

It's much more about expressing part of me and my feelings, than seeking sexual pleasure.

Its pure escapism from my male persona and lifestyle and aloows me to show the softr feminie side which i hide in my male life. My wife has declared that this softer side needs to be shown more especially towards her as her husband not just her "pretend female friend"

T-Girl 5> I never really looked thought about my testosterone, but now that you've brought this to light, I do believe subconsciously I am somehow lusting for and ultimately ravishing that woman inside me.

 You've hit on something that until now was buried inside the dark recesses.
 I have much to ponder, and that's a good thing. I love trying to figure out what motivates me to crossdress.

 I also have a bondage fetish which is heightened dramatically when I'm en femme.

T-Girl 6>I'm not heterosexual, and I was in touch with my sexuality before I got in touch with & accepted my desire to crossdress. The sexuality has no tie to whether or not I'm in femme mode.

My boyfriend hates to see me dressed as a woman so i guess i'm the inverse of you straight married guys who dress up with your wives wondering what they've gotten themselves into. Its harmless and has nothing to do with sexuality.

T-Girl 7>I am older now - don't know how I might have responded to Testosterone and arousal twenty years ago, but I do think that as young CDs we may tend to associate dressing with sex (seems like everything is
associated with sex at 15-24). I suspect that at some point in life, many of us realize that the
two impulses are not connected. We can have sex (gay, bi or hetero) dressed or not, and we
can dress and enjoy that experience without having sex.

T-Girl 8> Being an older t girl who used to be turned on by dressing but now dress as part of a pastime in my retirement I think it would help those who think they dress for sexual gratificaion to just try to forego that for a while - and see if they still enjoy dressing. It might help them sort out their motivations.

T-Girl 9> I think it important for everyone to explore their motives for doing the things they do. Two people can do the exact same thing.
 But, due to differing motives, it can be a very damaging thing for one person, but a very positive thing for the other. Motives are of key importance in our lives. So many reasons why us straight married men crossdress but i feel a lot of us use it to escape the role society put on us.

Davina - Some good insights from 9 different Crossdressers of differing ages and sexuality some of it quite enlightening. I get the urge every now and then and i have high testosterone levels too and initially its a huge turn on for me getting dressed up then remains a turn on when dressed up. Eventually working from home as Davina it lessens and i start to relax in what i'm wearing how i look ... but every now and then i'll cat walk in front of the mirror and become aroused again lol... bloomin testosterone!!

So I dressed up today and wife came home lunch time. Red dress, sexy lingerie, high heels, makeup, red lips, long blonde hair and stockings...

Again my wife mentioned me being nicer as "Davina"

Later we discussed it in the car in code as kids were there and i said you'll have me thinking I've got a split personality as I don't think I'm any different around her as a Man or as a T-Girl but i must be as she said it is like I do have a split personality..

One minute Macho man the next sassy blonde with long legs.

She may be right as 09:00 - 16:00 crossdressed and relaxed then in the evening as a MAN guilty of loosing my temper at least 3 times in an hour... Bloomin ek I have a split Personality lol

Perhaps this is how I can explain crossdressing?

And wouldnt this be nice....

So there I was working away at home seen wife when i was wearing my red head wig and she said i looked better as a blonde so after lunch she went back to work and I put on the blonde wig and yes i agree i look much better as a blonde... touched up my makeup and back to work on the laptop.

An email webex invite comes through to dial into a national meeting to help review a project I've been involved in back and forth London they finally take my advice and try webex instead of asking us all to travel length and bredth of the UK for a few hours meeting.

Dial in say hellos then open up Webex... look up at the screen and can see me ME!!! as in ME CROSSDRESSED!!! and two other people from work who I know from these meetings.. thumb over the laptop cam pronto then work out quickly how to turn it off whilst in the background "Hello Miss? can we help you? I think you've dialed into our confrence by mistake?" i ended the cam and removed my thumb.. "Helo Miss? hello?" ... "Shes gone must have dialed in by mistake"

"How do we turn these cams off I cant see the powerpoint fully" so i explained how to turn off the cams not one said a word or blinked an eye then one guy said "Has that blonde gone? Helloooo, Yes shes gone.. she was a bit of alright wasnt she ... coor... bet she works in HR or IT"

Lol i was wetting myself laughing and my heart doing the grand national close call and also chuffed someone thought i looked convincing enough to remark in a very male chauvanist way "she was a bit of alright"

I mean what if she (I) was still on the line lol

so let that be a lesson if you dial into a web call from home make sure youre web cam is off!!!! lol

Worked from home twice this week.

Monday as a man and today as Davina. Decided on a red wig today which wife didn't like saying I looked better blonde and I agree Davina I'd definitely a blonde. - Had a shock in the afternoon as a Blonde see the next blog ... the one above...

We had a chat the other day about me dressing and wifey passed comment again on how I'm nicer to her when I'm crossdressed.. I enquired why and she said because she thinks I feel guilty being crossdressed in front of her so I'm nicer to her... I in turn don't see I'm any different but she's noticed something so must be.

I asked if she liked that I feel guilty and so am nicer and if it made her felt more dom towards me when I'm in a dress and she said maybe. So maybe she can boss Davina about and get her in a French maids outfit cleaning the house lol sounds ok to me.

So i't  been a few weeks since I've Crossdressed.

I've worked from home a few times and had opportunity which as I've mentioned before is my only chance to Crossdress and unwind at the moment, but I haven't got "dolled up" as it's been unbearably hot as a bloke working from home and I've had to have the windows and back door open to get some cooler air in the house.

Being Crossdressed working from home still has it's caveats especially as it's summer holidays.

The kids are only a few miles down the road at my parents so could easily want something from the house so I have to pretend I'm going to work so they don't know I'm home... If they did visit the park and see the windows open they'd know I was home so a bit dodgy, but the urge to Crossdress has grown and I'm working from home tomorrow and sod it I think I'll get dolled up behind closed doors, windows and blinds and get my relaxing fix and finish off a project on the computer which I've been working on for the best part of 12 months (Some of it done as "Davina")

Autumn / Winter is far better for the private crossdresser... 

Hopefully my new job will become less stressful as i get into it ... whenever i catch up

No one to cover my role when i'm on leave or away in meetings.. i worked out I've been in meetings or travelling or on leave 87% of the time since starting y new job just leaving 13% of my hours to do actual work.. oh thats in an average 50 hours per week that i'm working minus the annual leave and I'm only supposed to work 35 hours... hmmm something not adding up maybe they made a mistake in the last reorg and we need more people not less.

What would happen to the UK if we all worked our flat hours and not a minute more ... unless we got paid overtime.. chance would be a fine thing.

Last week i had a day working from home to catch up and two 1/2 days working from home and managed a day as Davina which was nice but too hectic and too much to do to dress for 1/2 a day and far to muggy and warm.

Would love a girls night in or out some time but theres no time for that as would be nice just to get some husband and wife time out alone.. ahhh the life of a 30something married man in a stressful job no time to do anything work work work and a penchant for crossdressing.. need to win the lottery :)

I asked for permission to post this from the Fab GF of a T-Girl on TV Chix who posted the following in the Significant Others Forum on TV Chix..

"I want to post this because I can't talk about this with any of my friends and really want to show off a bit"  

"I absolutely adore being with a TV/CD and I feel like I have made an excellent decision in looking for love on tvchix".   "So, I want to compile a list of why every woman should seek a TV/CD"
1. Sensitivity and understanding!!

Not sure if this is because I am lucky to find someone with these personality traits, but it seems that the feminine qualities present in TVs/CDs make it much easier for me to talk about relationship/emotiomal issues without hearing sexist comments like 'bitches be crazy' etc.  Gotta love emotional intelligence. 
2. Having the most versatile companion ever: 

Not just a boyfriend you can watch movies, play games with etc but a girlfriend you can go for shopping trips with!  And they don't hang around looking pissed off that ur taking ages in the changing rooms cause they are probably taking just as long trying on clothes too.
3. If you have forgotten make-up, they are bound to have it on them.

And they will have crazy-awesome concealer that doesn't just cover up acne but give me a whole new face if I wanted it.
4. Someone who can paint my nails when I am too tipsy/lazy to do it right.
5. They always smell wonderful. Even in male mode.
6. I am soo lucky in that I have found a TV/CD who is my clothing and shoe size and who has similar tastes in clothing. 

I can borrow their clothes and learn new styles, especially useful if I have broken my clothes the night before in a fit of lust...
7. They 'know' your tastes, and so can give more thoughtful gifts.
8. They are more open-minded and less sexist when it comes to gender roles.

Me chugging beer, weight training and eating food like a savage is tolerated,  accepted, and sometimes makes them aroused.

Makes a welcome change from 'can you be a bit more ladylike please?' from annoying regular guys.
9. They express themselves.

There is no pressure to be manly and be 'tough' anymore so they can actually tell me what is on their minds and feel less afraid to be vulnerable.

This makes it way more easy for me to know what to expect, know what to say and exactly when to pass the wine bottle and hugs. Or just offer that 99% of the time.
10. Saved best til last eh? :p

The variety and excitement of bedroom activities. Seriously,  its never dull.

So many combinations, toys, roles, clothing, lingerie, positions, transitions and fantasies. I don't know where to begin, where/what to put in, what they want, what I want, how?!

What is that, a sex toy or torture device or both?

How are any of these toys legal and how do I use them and when? 

And wow! 

The adventure has only just begun and I realise they know how to use sex toys better than I do. It's madness, crazy awesome and amazingly erotic madness! 
Best decision of my life to date a tgirl. I only wish I could tell more women, but I have sworn a promise of secrecy and discretion. 

 If I talk, I know that the punishment will be finding out that the torture device/sex toy is not a device for pleasure at all...
P.s. I totally forgot:
10a)  MAID'S OUTFIT!!! OMG WOW!

A fab posting from a RG Girlfriend "Tho number 10 is a bit OMG but 10a is cool :)" - There are accepting Women out there and if you've just found out someone you love crossdresses does the above seem OK..Fun even??

For the occasional Crossdresser spending money on girly things and false tits isnt really something I feel I can justify so with the help of google "How to make false tits" I found a way to replace my "foam bals and sponges" with something i can shape...

Take one packet of 500g rice and some Knee high stockings

Double them up on your hand one inside another then pour the rice into the stockings and tie the top (The tied top stops rice coming out - obvious and also makes a nipple)

Et Voilla a pair of Rice Tits which are easy to shape and put in your bra and feel quite substancial.

 Ok they dont look much like this but feel nice and look great in the right bra and with some jiggery pokery you can make some nice cleavage.

Nice Nipples :)                                                                         Nice cleavage which can be accentuated with makeup which ill do in a new pic some time.

So there you have it £1 Tilda Rice and 4 x knee high stockigs and you've got nice shapely tits.... My wife will think I'm barking mad....

Well al good plans laid to waste and all that.. having had a busy time of it back in work Today was a day planned to catch up with things and I thought I'd get to dress up working from home but like a dick I left my laptop power lead in the office so had to go into work.. arrghhh ... and they did my head in in work bothering me every 5 mins for advice or just a chat... I need to branch out to my new Area and keep away from the office for a bit and let them think for themselves..

Anyway on telling my wife I had to go into the office she said so you should you work from home too often... err actually since January in 6 months I've worked from home about 5 times and she said and you don't have to dress up every time you work from home either

1. I've been Crossdressed 4-5 times since January (6 months)

2. I dont always dress up when working from home

3. Its my one and only opportunity to unwind dressed up as we havent had a girls night in for over a year and no other opportunity to crossdress

4. Does this mean she is trying to constrict my dressing and isn't really ok with me dressing up as a woman

Ah well I'm really past caring ... I crossdres, I enjoy doing it and after doing it I'm relaxed so who cares..

And now for something completely different see thenext post how to make tits from rice lol

Well 2014 is flying by we're already at the halfway point and how many times have I been Crossdressed?

4 - 5  times whilst working from home in 6 months which doesnt feel enough as my job has changed again for the better or worse I'm yet to realise as its a big change but no pay rise :(

Its still as stressful but I'm hoping not as stressful as my old job.

The new role takes me national also so I'll be in meetings al over the UK and having to stay a night or two away from home :( which I hate doing.

I've been considering what to blog about and have some ideas as I've found a nice positive post from a T-Girls partner on TV Chix I'd like to post here (Awaiting her blessing), how to make false boobs with rice and knee high stockings lol :) Yes I'vr made some and it's quite effective.. I'll post my how to with photos soon.. maybe tomorrow.

The Summer is here and its quite hot, just as hot at times as it was on my hols back in May on the Balerics... Fab family holiday and a nice tan which has long faded..

Working from home tomorrow and intend getting dolled up "Davina" is quite the productive Engineer..

Oh by the way worked from home Monday and didnt dress but wanted to ... Lunch time the wife says how come you're not dressed I expected to come home and find the other person you know the other you!! lol I wanted to but didnt get round to it which proved a good job with deliveries of items ordered on line coming.. Imagine opening the door to DHL as Davina... no no no...

Yesterday worked in the office got hardly anything done between my employees coming in my office asking for advice, other sections staff coming into my office asking for advice and 1/2 day spent with my boss who was asking for advice...

The mandening thing is all these people who work for me and with me earn more money than me for a number of reasons mainly to do with take it or leave it jobs due to reorganisations I've had to take.... so the result is a backlog of work..

So i worked from home today - told my wife yesterday and she said what are you asking me for? i wasnt asking i was giving common courtesy to say im going to work from home and will be dolled up.... and my employees rang me net 20 times for advice..!!!!

So today i did get dolled up and as usual felt immediately relaxed and sexy (my wife will laugh at that last bit -  but i do feel sexy when im dressed and a little turned on... sometimes a lot turned on)

She came home lunch time with a headache but wont let me hug her or anything as she doesnt like the feel of my "tits" against hers lol. i've not told her yet that I've made some boobs from rice a bit harder against her than the foam balls i had lol...

I'm afraid i teased her a bit which i shouldnt do as she had on tights and heels which is rare (getting better once a week maybe) and i was dying to run my hands up her legs) i do love seeing her in tights and heels although the topic of stockings came up and she said she'd never wear them as theyre uncomfortable which is a kick in the proverbial for me as one of my main turn ons in stockings suspenders and heels.

Ah well another day over and I got a lot of what i wanted to get done completed and back in man mode by 1430... Roll on the next time

44% in sort of accepting I suppose some agreement around dressing to a comfortable evolving level of acceptance – This can fluctuate in my experience in and out of acceptance – a Crossdresser should not take liberties in this chunk of the pie chart.

22% lucky crossdressers with totally accepting wives or girlfriends.

I’ve chatted to a few in the 22% and their wives and i have found that their wives enjoy their partners company more when crossdressed and actually ask them to dress up.. (My wifes told me she prefers me as "Davina" but hasnt asked me to dress up yet"

18% want nothing to do with it – a form of acceptance having been told but want nothing to do with it “If you must dress up I don’t want to know about it… don’t leave evidence and don’t involve me”... Been here worn the T-shirt

7% upset – A tricky slice of the pie chart usually just having found out their partner crossdresses.

You have passed on your secret and want to talk about it but its hard as you now feel guilty for upsetting her and don’t want to upset her further but compelled to talk about crossdressing a pretty hard place for both of you but talking about it is the cure.

Other I suppose haven’t told their other half about dressing and stuck hiding in the crossdressing closet?

The most varying pie chart with the highest chunk 23% who crossdress once per week

12 % dress full time and 10 % when they get the urge and may also be covered by a few times per year..

18% once per month opportunity limited? (This is where I fall although recent years I've not dressed to this extent due to opportunity mainly)

14% a few times per week must really have the urge… sometimes I wish I could but on the occasion I do the urge wears off…

60% have told their wives which is good but 40% in the closet wondering how their partner will react?

It is such a hard predicament to be in with the majority from the other pie chart (97%) stating they want their partners to know so I guess a number of crossdressers in this 40% are in a quandary about telling their other half not knowing what reaction they will get.

People generally don’t like labels in the Trans world but Crossdresser is winning in this blog.

Given the other stats I’d say out of the 100 not all the stats came from the same 100 viewers of the blog as I would think Transvestite may be higher as in other pie charts there are clearly some full time dressed as women.

Tgirl the more modern term 14% behind the traditional crossdresser….

An interesting one with > 50% dressing up at home as women “Presenting as Women” and probably “Acting like a woman when dressed” – Escapism?

14 % Out on the Crossdressing social scene…

13% Dressing fully in clothes makeup and wig …I suppose could also come under Presenting as a woman at home pushing this Percentage up?

A small Percentage spending all their time as a woman which is beyond my blog really but nice to see this group of people on the trans spectrum taking part in the survey and checking out the blog

10% lingerie only – for the turn on I’m supposing?

For a partner maybe you can ask your Crossdressing partner “where are you on these stats?”

I wonder how this would look if the survey was for non Crossdressers?

Is it a reflection of society?

Well I assume some would say Gay in society also in general but it seems the “Gay because you Crossdress” out of 100 votes shows this is a myth.

However 1/3 admit they are Bisexual … so Wives and girlfriends have some cause for concern ie you could take this to mean 1 in 3 Crossdressers are Bisexual… or become bisexual?

I cant answer that fully as I’m in the 73% “Straight” - Maybe someone will add a comment and enlighten us from the 27%

come out in work

Got up this morning da da da dada singing some blues da d a da d a da..

Nah not really all is good and i'm in a fantastic mood..

Beautiful lovely wife, great kids, good job and things looking up for a change .... Oh and i thought sod it I've not dressed up for WEEEeeeeks so I'm working from home "En-Fem"

Felt nice getting dressed up and being Crossdressed from 09:00 till 15:00 and just ensured (I hope) that my eyes arent a give away that my wife always talks about when I've dressed up.

she popped in to change her shoes then rushed off to a meeting then popped back to change her shoes again and fill me in on her meeting then came home dinner time and we had a cuppa together.

So nice that me being there dressed as a Woman is now taken in her stride. She knows its still me and there is no alterior motive apart from a bit of escapism and something I for whatever reason like to do.

Might show her this blog tonight and see if she will put her 10pence into it and use the blog also.

I've had some nice messages again telling me that reading my blog has helped others in a similar position but this is all from me so would be nice to get my wifes perspective interwoven... will have to see what she thinks :)

Parents evening tonight then a nice evening with the wife and kids... soooo relaxed right now Crossdressing is my medication lol

Kids have inflicted me with a stomach bug so working from home.

I suppose i could have been Crossdressed all day but bad stomach and lots to get on with and I didnt bother.

I'll regret it later.

Still in my mind the thought of dissapointing my wife by being dressed when she comes home for dinner.

I keep wanting to reassure her but cant even reassure myself.

She will probably say you should have got dressed up if you felt the urge to do it.

Bloody guilt....

Will have to plan another day working from home and just do it to satisfy my urge or see if we can have a girly night in soon :)

Work is so stressful again for one reason or another (re-org…again).

Why don’t you get out of there is its so stressful I hear you say… company car, 15 mins from the house to the office, able to take time off if needed or work flexible nights or days, Enjoy the camaraderie and the respect and the pays OK… id struggle to match the job for the benefits it gives me that’s why.. so I have to cope with the stress..

However I’ve not Crossdressed since the first week of January so that’s 6 weeks gone no dressing and dressing would probably relax me.. I don’t know why it just does.

When will I get a chance to work from home next? My main opportunity to be dressed up.

Should I ask my wife if we can get baby sitters to have a girls night in or should I leave deciding to have a girls night in to her as I don’t want to push it too much…

Last girls night in was in June so we may be due one and this time not drinking wine… well maybe one glass

Ah well I’ll get an opportunity soon I hope to be glammed up….

I wish I could get into my wife’s head. She’s soooo sexy but she doesn’t think she is. Not only is she sexy but shes such a nice person and thinks of others before her self..

Today I’m getting ready for work.. to be fair to her she does the lot in the morning, gets the kids ready, irons my work clothes, gets herself ready and gets them off to school.

I need to intervene and do something to help maybe the night before would be a good idea... starting from now.

Anyway I come into the room as she walks in from upstairs getting changed to find her in a nice new black dress, fashion tights and high heels..

OMG immediate effect of drooling and follow her to the kitchen where I have to kiss her and tell her how sexy she looks.

In work and I cant stop thinking of her legs and those sexy fashion tights and high heels and how hot she looked (i sent her several texts ref to her sexy legs through the day)… Come home pick up kids and decide we’ll eat out.

Walking behind her on purpose ogling her legs… sit down whilst she orders again ogling her legs… watch her walk to our table ogling her legs… I bet the men in work were also ogling her legs all day which I told her but she said I doubt it… listen im a man I know what men do they were ogling her walking round the office in sexy fashion tights heels and a nice dress and probably had the same effect on them as it did on me.

How can I get her to see how sexy she is??

I couldn’t take my hands off her all evening … even under the table where we were having food and made it known how turned on I was seeing her in tights and heels instead of leggings and flats.

Here’s hoping for more ogling of my wife and hope she got the message that she really turns me on and shes sooo sexy… :)

So we have baby sitters Saturday night to go out as a couple.

Something for you TGirls dont neglect your partners you need to go out as man and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend and keep the romance and friendship going.

Anyway enough of the lecture...The day is going on and she says “Can you be bothered to go out shall we stay in and have a girls night in?”

Her saying that had an immediate effect stirring my manhood with the exciting thought of a night in with her both dressed up nice.

Alas, We decided to go out and had a nice evening out, nice breakfast together before getting the kids from our baby sitters and then took them out for the day.

Bloody tease tho suggesting a girly night in...

I think we may have more girls nights in than 2013 in 2014… I hope we can anyway even though getting baby sitters is a rarity.

My wife mentioned that my eyes give me away so I’m always conscious not to overdo my eye makeup and always overdo trying to ensure all trace of eye makeup is removed.

I usually only dab with a thin brush darker eye shadow over my base eyeshaddow instead of eye liner then flick it through my long eyelashes top and bottom instead of mascara which gives a smokey eye look.

Removing it I use makeup wipes and put eye makeup remover on the wipes and dab it onto my eye lids top and bottom and wipe to the side.. never down as that results in “Panda Eyes”

I then ensure ital all removed including pulling my eyelashes with the wipe and more eyemakeup remover then take off all the foundation lippy and blusher.

Then I wash my eyes with a flannel and after all that put on nivea face moisturiser.

I think maybe I’m rubbing my eyes and around my eyes too much maybe.. I’ll have to google it.. not that my wife minds but if she can read I’ve been dressed via my eyes maybe others will… not that others would suspect I crossdress…

So we got to talking in bed about me Crossdressing as again I’m working from home tomorrow to complete the project I’ve been bleating about on here.

I think my wifes worried I’ll be dressed again twice in a week seeing shes brought crossdressing up and saying I should go into the office not work from home twice in a week… I get 10 times more work done at home of my own.. if I go into work I end up helping everyone else do their jobs .. they can do without me for a few days I’m sure as I need to get this work done.

Anyway she mentioned again that I’m “nicer when I’m dressed”

We didn’t talk a lot Tuesday when I was dressed so what am I doing different apart from dressing different? Do I act more fem when I’m dressed and she likes that in me or what?

She hasn’t explained what she means by me being nicer when I’m dressed .. I don’t think I act fem.. god it would really freak her out if I did act fem lol

Incidentally i didnt crossdress but got that project done!! :)

As I said Friday Tuesday maybe I can work from home well 08:30 kids in school wife on her way to work I have the house to myself.

Quick bath, lingerie and stockings (A nice bar of my wifes which helps me get a bit of cleavage with my padding) and a body shaping basque then a dress wife tried to black bag with the labels on!!!

Makeup not too heavy trying to look natural not tarty with minimal blush but smokey eyes …

The dress looks nice on don’t know why the wife binned it.

So boring as hell spreadsheet making 3 spreadsheets of data to merge and sort and check once completed.

Despite the boring work a very enjoyable day as a “Girl” it felt fab in my high heels and stockings working in the dining room with the curtains drawn. Nice to be able to work at home just a pity I have to close the curtains and hide “Davina” from prying eyes.

Wife came home for her lunch I was nervous her seeing me dressed but she didn’t bat an eyelid but was pretty quiet so I didn’t know if to take this as a bad sign as we’ve not really discussed me dressing up for ages. She said she just black bagged the dress not realising the tags were still on “Well its mine now you will have to borrow it if you want to wear it” I said lol

I had till 1930 to remain dressed until her evening plans with the kids were cancelled so by 14:30 I was back in man mode as I didn’t want to leave it too late to change back and wanted to finish my work.

Nice to be back in a dress the urge gone for now….

I’ve had a fair bit of correspondence recently from some nice wives and girlfriends about my blog saying its interesting and nice to see the perspective I’m giving and also had some nice emails and messages from T girls saying they’ve enjoyed reading my blog.

So this typing down being some form of therapy for myself and also hopefully useful to others is coming to fruition.

I get asked a lot to lend advice by t girls and wives and girlfriends and I always say if its to a wife or girlfriend I can only give my perspective as inevitably I don’t know their bf / husband and their reasons for crossdressing or why they’re taking advantage of and understanding partner the same as I cant tell a t girl why his wife hasn’t accepted crossdressing like my wife has.. bearing in mind it took my wife 8 years to come to terms with my crossdressing before she even saw me face to face.

I try to lend advice but always say its best to talk or write it all down and to the t girls be honest with your partner about why you dress, how far you want it to go and to partners be honest about your acceptance.. if you don’t like it say you don’t like it but at least try seeing it from another angle and to the t girls don’t take advantage and take a step back and look at what you have and don’t overstep that acceptance..

Back in work and really really busy, lots of meetings and some training in my diary and some deadlines I’ve given myself to get some projects done.

So today I have a chance to work from home… up at 06:45 and the littlest one comes into our room saying shes dizzy..shes really pale and full up with the flu. We’ve had a nightmare few months with both the kids being ill with one virus or another.

So still 2 months since I last crossdressed and today working from home and baby sitting the littlest the drought continues and the urge is getting stronger to dress up.

Never mind I may have another opportunity to dress up next Tuesday which will hopefully mean I can finish this project if I get the bulk of the base data sourced today.

A bit of shopping £50 christmas money to spend and nothing male me really wants.

Maybe FIFA 14 for the Xbox but I’m not paying £30+ for a game.. wait for it to be £15 in Tesco…by which time Fifa 15 will be out.

Saw some really nice high heels today in two shops one pair £7.50 from £25 and another pair £6 from £20, also saw a nice Lingerie set balcony padded bra and knickers and a nice fitted basque but was too embarrassed to say to my wife I want to buy them… also hard as the kids were with us.

Also Ebay recommended out of the blue the wig below….

Looks nice and only £17.99 I may show it to my wife see what she thinks.. wonder if a shorter wig would suit me, it would certainly be better in the summer far cooler.

I still feel guilty spending any money on “Davina” I guess the £50 I had for Christmas is mine so wouldn’t hurt my guilt by spending some money on girly things.

Why do I get so embarrassed or is it im afraid of what my wife will think as its been ages since weve talked about my dressing up….